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Ask Dr. Dot

Dear Dr.,

I want to be a good boy and have safe sex, but 9 out of 10 times that I do the dirty deed, the condom breaks anyways, so why bother? Any ideas on how to prevent this nightmare from reoccurring?

Seth A.  NYC

 

Seth,

That has happened to most of us. I think condoms make a woman dry down there; they seem to rob us of our female lube. First of all, make sure you have enough foreplay to get her moist, and once you are at it, have some K.Y Jelly at hand to make sure the situation stays wet enough to avoid rips but not so wet that the condom slides off. Like Frank Zappa said “Keep it greasy!”

Dr. Dot

 

Dear Dot,

I am a single white male and will soon inherit A LOT of money. I want to know your opinion on pre-nups. I don’t want to be taken for a ride or be rejected for protecting my future fortune.

Clint  WeeHawken, NJ

 

Hi Clint,

First of all, why MUST you get married? You can live with a woman and not mention the big bucks. If it is such a huge amount, you can keep it in a Swiss account and it can not be touched. If you insist on marrying, definitely do the pre-nup route and make it VERY fool proof. I personally would avoid mentioning big assets, as you could end up attracting a vulture type lover. “Would you walk away from a fool and his money?” most answer “no”. Good Luck.

Dr.

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Man Smart (Woman Smarter)

Man Smart (Woman Smarter)

Lyrics: Norman Span
Music: Norman Spana

Let us put men and women together
See which one is smarter
Some say men, but I say no
The women got the men like a puppet show

Believe me, it’s the people that say
That the men are leading the women astray
But I say that the women today
Are smarter than the men in every way

Chorus
That’s right, the women are smarter
That’s right, the women are smarter
That’s right, the women are smarter
The women are smarter than the men today

Little boy sit on the corner and cry
Big man come and he ask him why
Says I can’t do what the big boys do
Man sat down and he cried too

It ain’t me, but the people who say
That the men are leading the women astray
But I say that the women today
Are smarter than the men in every way

Ever since the world began
Women been imitating the ways of men
But listen cause I’ve got a plan
Give it up, just don’t try to understand

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Ask Dr. Dot (to cream or not to cream?)

Dear Dr. Dot,

Is there any harm in me spraying whipped cream all over my girl during sex? She claims it is unhealthy, but I am dying to try that.

Doug C.  Hoboken, NJ

Hey Doug,

She is correct. Yeast is present in every one of us. It thrives on sugar, so, put whipped cream or any other sweet stuff down there in her love nest and she will be so itchy the next day, she will want to sit naked on a carpet and drag it to L.A and back. You will also suffer, not only from the itch, but lack of sex during the treatment. Use plain yogurt instead my good man.

Dr.

Hi Dr. Dot,

I am 29 and have fallen madly in love with a 20 year old. Looking at the Hollywood trend nowadays, it seems ok, but I am afraid of what it will be like down the road.

Amy M.  South Hackensack, NJ

Amy,

There are no guarantees in love no matter what the age. Concentrate on making a living for yourself and being happy and it shouldn’t matter so much if a man comes or goes.  A young guy will have tons of energy but no money. You may find it fun to teach a younger guy, but they may want to take all that knowledge and try it out elsewhere. As long as he treats you good, just enjoy him and relax with your toy boy.

Dr. Dot

 

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Boycott KFC (Kentucky Fried Cruelty) watch this video of chicken abuse :(

KFC Video: PETA Announces Press

Conference Downtown

Video tape shows chickens being slammed and stomped!!!!    Disgusting 

LOUISVILLE — People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals has scheduled a press conference for Wednesday at the Seelbach Hotel in downtown Louisville to discuss a plan of action against Kentucky Fried Chicken.

The organization is reacting to a video that surfaced of alleged animal cruelty at a West Virginia chicken plant, WLKY NewsChannel 32’s John Charlton reported.

Workers were seen throwing, slamming, kicking and stomping on chickens at the Pilgrim’s Pride plant, which is a major supplier of KFC.
click HERE to see the video

PETA said what its investigator, who posed as a worker, saw violates federal law, Charlton reported.

“Our investigator said that a lot of these birds ended up dying as a result of their injuries, and their abuse did end up back on the slaughter line, which is a violation of USDA policy,” PETA spokesman Dan Shannon said. “So we’re calling for a federal investigation into this plant for food safety concerns.”

KFC and Pilgrim’s Pride claim that appropriate action against the workers involved is being taken.

Please follow WLKY NewsChannel 32 and TheLouisvilleChannel.com for updates to this story as they become available.
I just saw the video of workers slamming chickens against the wall and laughing and then running through a room of chickens and stomping all over them. I am appalled. If you want to write what you think to the Pilgrim’s Pride company, that lets their workers behave so cruely, click on the link below:
 
Not only that, but they showed how KFC cuts off the chickens beaks at birth so they don’t hurt each other is such tight cages. They are all deformed, most have one wing or one leg, no wonder they can’t call it ‘Kentucky fried Chicken” anymore, they can only call it KFC now.

Boston — PETA’s brand-new anti-KFC billboard, which shows Pamela Anderson next to the tagline “Boycott KFC—Live Scalding, Painful Debeaking, Crippled Chickens” and steers motorists to KentuckyFriedCruelty.com, has just gone up near the FleetCenter, along I-93 South at Exit 22B. The national billboard blitz is the latest salvo in PETA’s international campaign to pressure KFC to crack down on cruel treatment of chickens by KFC suppliers, including a slaughterhouse in Moorefield, W.Va., where workers were caught kicking, throwing, and stomping live birds in a widely distributed video.

Anderson, who also recently wrote to NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr., asking that he use his position as KFC pitchman to pressure the company into curbing the worst abuses of its chickens, joins PETA in calling on KFC to make basic improvements based on the best available scientific research and the recommendations of members of KFC’s own animal-welfare advisory panel. Other undercover investigations like the one in Moorefield have turned up exactly the same abuses that KFC denies having to address—including crippled chickens’ being kept in crowded, filthy conditions and sadistically tortured. The widely read British newspaper The Sunday Mirror led a report on an investigation into a U.K. KFC supplier with the headline “Distressed and Dying in a Cramped Shed … Nobody Does Chicken Like KFC.”

Seinfeld star and ex-KFC pitchman Jason Alexander had his contract with KFC canceled after PETA enlisted him to speak to company execs about the suffering of chickens. PETA has had additional high-profile support from hip-hop mogul Russell Simmons, comedian Richard Pryor, rock icons Sir Paul McCartney and Chrissie Hynde, and civil-rights leader Dick Gregory.

“KFC stands for cruelty,” says Anderson, who is a vegan and promotes PETA’s boycott of KFC on her wildly popular Web site. “If KFC executives treated cats or dogs the way they treat chickens, they could go to prison on felony cruelty-to-animals charges.”

For more information, please visit PETA’s Web site KentuckyFriedCruelty.com. A copy of the billboard follows.

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Ask Dr. Dot

Dear Dot,

I am tired of failed relationships. I try everything to keep them around, but it never works out, what do I have to do to keep them from leaving!?

Sandy R.  Weepy 

Englewood, NJ

Dear Sandy,

you won’t believe me if I tell you, but the answer is NOTHING. Don’t do anything you wouldn’t normally do, be yourself. If they still come and stay, it will last longer. Some people put up a false front when they meet someone new. This is unwise, as sooner or later the real you will come through and the change may be shocking to some.

I say, just be yourself and sooner or later, some one will adore that and it is much less work by the way. Also, as I have written before, lots of oral sex and laughter will keep anyone around longer.

Dr. Dot   Sexy 

Yo Dr.,

It is summer and I am still to fat for the beach. I hate the Atkins diet and all that crap, give me some slim down fast tips

Chubby in Saddle Brook

Dear Chubby,  Fat Man 4 

What works for me is always eating breakfast (sample: Meat and or eggs, but no bread) then a couple hours later Granny Smith apples and nuts.Drink loads of water and exercise everyday if you can. No need to join a gym, just make your life more active (jog, walk, skate, push ups, sit ups, more sex etc).

Eat every couple of hours to keep your metabolism burning fast.It’s  bad to eat only once a day, this puts you in starvation mode and everything you eat will get stored as fat as a protective measure.

 A good dinner would be fish or chicken and some veggies. Save the heavy pasta meals for winter.You can eat what ever you want if you only eat half the portion, just KEEP moving to burn it off.

Skip any sodas and limit alcohol, and always keep in mind, you are eating to live, not living to eat.

Email me for more tips, I have plenty!

Dr. Dot   Nurse 

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New York City Rules of Tourism

Dear Fellow New Yorkers!

Summer seems to be passing by rather quickly – it’s August already.

Frankly, I can’t wait for fall – and here’s why: Those goddamn tourists!

Those of you especially who work in midtown or within the vicinity of any

tourist destination know what I mean when I propose that the following “NYC

Rules of Tourism” be handed to every yokel who sets foot on the island of

Manhattan:

NYC Rules of Tourism

It has been called to the attention of the NY Tourism Authority that rules

need to be implemented in order to protect tourists from NY natives. If you

follow the following guidelines you will enjoy your stay in NY, and you will

remain alive.

1) WALKING

It has become painfully obvious that as a tourist, walking somehow escapes

you. Your entire family/school/group needn’t walk at a snail’s pace in a

skirmish line, thereby effectively blocking anyone else’s passage. This

makes New Yorkers extremely unpleasant. “Move, you fuck!” is not a standard

complimentary greeting, but you should expect to hear it often. NY Law now

allows its natives to eat the youngest child in your group if you are found

in violation of this law.

2) SUBWAY

We know. You don’t have these new-fangled train systems in Alabama. If it’s

not a Ford F150, you are totally confused. However, you must be aware of the

following procedures when riding the subway, otherwise you could find

yourself checked into the Rain-Man Suite of the Hotel Smackdown. Escalators

– Yes, they are stairs and yes they move. It’s called technology. However,

it’s not Disney World or Opryland. You must stand on the right and walk on

the left. Standing on the left could result in serious bodily injury. You

don’t belong there. Your children don’t belong there. Your smell-hound Geech

(unless he is a seeing-eye smellhound) does not belong there. Walk on the

left. NY Law now allows residents to eliminate tourists by any means

necessary in order to keep the left moving. When you reach the top/bottom of

the escalator, MOVE! Don’t debate where the Empire State Building is. Don’t

decide to do a headcount. Since the stairs move, chances are that people

will be behind you. Platforms – Generally when the doors open on a train,

people are going to get off. It’s not an invitation to weasel on for that

choice seat near the map(don’t worry, we’ll get to the map.)NY residents are

allowed to push you and all your children onto the tracks for violating this

one. Subway Cars – The pole is not the one you dance on at the nudie bar

back in your white trash trailer existence at home. Don’t hug it, lick it or

hump it. Other people may want to use it for holding on. You can be legally

groped if you are humping the pole. Maps – The trains are color-coded. It’s

not rocket science. No matter how many times you look at the map, you cannot

change the direction of the train. Look once, maybe ask someone. But don’t

stay there staring at the map for 8 hours. The Law currently allows NY

natives to pee on map gawkers. Your Two Cents – No one asked you to butt

into a conversation. So don’t. Your children’s eyes can be removed legally

for this offense. Also staring and smiling. Don’t do it, or someone is

allowed to pop a cap in your ass.

3) EXTERNAL BEHAVIOR

Lunch – NY natives have the uncanny knack of going out between the hours of

12 and 2 PM on weekdays and buying themselves some food for consumption.

Yes, we know its a whole lot to ask since you must be so hungry from doing

nothing all day, but BRING YOUR OWN FUCKING LUNCH! Nothing is more

disheartening than standing in line at your favorite lunch place while 50

foul-mouthed urchins debate pepperoni vs. regular/thin vs. thick crust. NY

law allows natives to disembowel tourists if the lines are too long. Dinner

– “Hey this bar looks good. Let’s bring all of our children to this

authentic NY watering hole. It’s smoky and full of New Yorkers blowing off

steam from a hard day. There are college kids everywhere attempting to get

into each others’ pants.” So of course, there is no better place for your

children and you to get a bite. Stick to Planet Hollywood and Hard Rock. We

don’t go there, so don’t go into our bars. NY Law forces violating tourists

to pay everyone else’s bar tab for the remainder of the night. Hope you

brought your AMEX.

4) DRESS CODE

We had no choice but to implement a dress code in NY. You people are just

too nasty. Do you watch what your children are wearing? If your daughter

is 14 and weighs 200 lbs, chances are she should not be wearing a cut-off

T-shirt and pants so tight her gut has a gut. Stupid hats, visors,

sunglasses and those shirts that your entire group has made just for this

trip must be left at your hotels. People who violate the dress code of the

district, which just requests that you dress reasonably, will be deported.

 

(shout out to Joanne for the joke)

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Send another life line to Sea turtles

  Click on the Turtle picture to help

The Marine Turtle Conservation Act is an important opportunity to support international conservation of threatened sea turtles abroad and to ensure that successes in sea turtle conservation here in the United States are not lost when the animals travel overseas.

Click on the Turtle picture to help- Thanks!