Ask Dr. Dot

Hey Dr. Dot,

My guy and I have been together 8 years. We are both 26 and very happy. He has a male “friend” at work who claims is hetro but I know he is in love with my guy. He even had his name tattooed on his leg in Arabic (so not many could read it) along with a bear, as he knows that is my guy’s favorite animal. In other words, he sticks to him like glue and my guy doesn’t seem to mind, but it PISSES me off! SOS!


Dear Elsa,

This ‘buddy love’ is a popular but annoying problem, especially in big cities, the Gay thing seems to be contagious.  It’s almost as if some puppies haven’t left the pack yet, they are too afraid to. His admirer would like nothing more than to drive you away, so try avoid showing he bothers you. Don’t talk to or about him at all. If this becomes unbearable and your man starts slacking off when it comes to you, either start hanging out with one of your girl friends  and spend most of your time with her, and be extreme about it to show him how it feels OR if that isn’t your style, just tell him you feel that you are interfering with his intense “friendship”  and it’s best that you part ways. Put your love to the test and don’t take any crap, life is too short.

Dr. Dot

Dear Dr.

I met a hot woman 3 weeks ago and we got along perfectly. On the second date, we played pool then went to my place and had great sex. It was so good we even went commando for a while, as in, unsafe sex. So I feel we had a big connection and trust each other. I sent her a text message a week later, no reply. I sent a second one three days after that, still no reply. I don’t want to appear desperate but want to see her again, what can I do?


Dear Peter,

You sent her a text a week later? No wonder she is ignoring you! When will you men learn to be grateful for a good ride? The unsafe part wasn’t too bright! What if you got her pregnant? Pulling out is not safe like most want to believe. In fact, there are enough sperm in pre-cum to populate a small country or spread a nasty dose.  If you plan on ever seeing a chick again, you MUST do the “thank you” call at least 48 hours after the date/sex. Any longer and it is a huge insult to the female. Notice I said call ? Texting is lazy and not good enough for the ‘Thank You’ that great sex deserves. Texting is for casual banter after you know each other or to change a time/date, NOT for the important things. You should learn from this and move on; I think it is too late to win her back. Unless you have a Doctors note saying all of your fingers were broken, forget her. Live and Learn.

Dr. Dot

Dr. Dot in December Issue of Rolling Stone (Italy)

Dear Dr.Dot,
a big and warm CIAO from Italy.
I hope you are ok and everything is fine.
Just to let you know that the December issue of Rolling Stone is currently in the shops.
Your pages are smashing and you look, as always, very good!
If you give me your adress, I will post you a copy of the magazine.
It’s been a pleasure to interview you,
Long Live Rock

Rolling Stone Italy

Ask Dr. Dot

Dear Dr. Dot,

My new boy friend Paul is rather inexperienced in bed but has great equipment. I enjoy giving him oral pleasure, but when I do, he keeps his eyes tightly closed and doesn’t seem to enjoy it. He says he finds it “too dirty”. I know I do it well, as every guy in the past has loved it. Do some men dislike oral sex? Also he runs to the shower right after sex. Could this be his Catholic upbringing or am I losing it?

Tammy    The Bronx

 Dear Tammy,

I have never ever met or heard of a man who dislikes getting oral. Maybe he is gay and doesn’t know it yet. Try pasting a fake mustache on when you go down on him, see if he prefers it like that. His religious upbringing could have a lot to do with it, especially since he showers after. The washing off his ‘sin’ routine may make him feel redeemed. If everything else about him if fine, then just skip the oral; it’s less work for you after all. If he makes you feel dirty doing things you enjoy, tell him you are off to find a naughtier man who will enjoy your eager mouth.

Dr. Dot

Hey Dr. Dot,

I am starting to explore the dreaded anal sex situation with my boy friend. What is the best lubrication and how can we lessen the pain?

Cindy per email


I bet he is a happy camper. Having a gay uncle, I asked him about this and he said, try it in the missionary position first, as in you on the bottom. For some reason this is how beginners usually start out in their chocolate starfish journey. It seems entry in this position is the least painful and keep your hand on his manhood to guide him at the pace you find best. Oh, about the lube, I prefer K-Y Ultra Gel, but as my hero Frank Zappa says: “A girl don’t need No fancy grease,To get herself Some rump release
Any kind Of lube’ll do,Maybe from another Part of you- Lube from the north,
Lube from the south, Take a little slobber, From the side of Your mouth..
Roll it over and Grease it down.. Here come that crazy Screamin’ sound…”

Dr. Dot

Frank Zappa song “Holiday in Berlin”

I guess Frank had a similar opinion about Berlin. I will print the lyrics to his song titled ‘Holiday in Berlin’

(below, band members at the time)

Artist Lyrics: Frank Zappa
Song Lyrics: Holiday In Berlin
Frank Zappa (guitar, vocals)
Ian Underwood (alto saxophone, piano)
Bunk Gardner (tenor saxophone, clarinet)
Motorhead Sherwood (baritone saxophone, tambourine)
Roy Estrada (bass, vocals)
Don Preston (electric piano)
Arthur Tripp (drums, percussion)
Jimmy Carl Black (drums)
Members of The BBC Symphony Orchestra

(directly below, lyrics to the song)

(Roy sings melody)



yes, that’s it, those are the lyrics, just a big long “BOOOOOOOH”. He took the words right out of my mouth. 

Marylin Manson and SLUNT take over NJ

Even though I have met Marylin Manson many times before in Germany; bringing him and his band out to eat at ‘MUTTER’ in Berlin (with Bush and Silver Chair in tow) and I massaged his band many times before, last night was the first time he himself needed a massage.

First things first. The venue, the Starland Ballroom is operated by a good pal of mine Toni who is adored by all of the employees there. It’s like one big family there and I felt at home there with my massage chair. I massaged several people who work there, like caterers, accountants, a couple local roadie guys and then had a break and went out to the audience to have a look at what the Manson crowd looked like in the states. They weren’t as Goth as they are in Germany that’s for sure. They have more color in their faces for one and well, I guess most shop at Hot Topic so it is hard for them to Goth out like the freaky Goth Germans.

I met a group of girls in the Ladies room, who are in a band called “Wicked Little Dolls”. If you click HERE you can check out their site and maybe catch one of their shows. The young guy above with the wild hair had trouble finding a spot to stand in the crowd without poking someone’s eye out. I asked him to come out to the hall to pose.

THEN there is the opening act, SLUNT. I asked Abby, the lead singer unknowingly, “what is the name? huh? Is that like Slut with an N in the middle?” She said, “no, it’s more like Slut and Cunt in one word”. I can imagine, some one was too drunk one night and wanted to scream out “SLUT!” but SLUNT came out instead.

Slunt is from NYC and have been playing together since 2002. Abby plays guitar and sings, she is fucking AWESOME! Massaging her was no trouble at all, her skin was like silk and “her body is a wonderland” as John Mayer would say. Also, she is a big tipper, non-smoker and eats pop tarts backstage. The shirt she is wearing in the shots above is self made! I told her she should sell them off their web site I think many chicks would wear them, they look HOT and are unique. All of their songs were original except Romeo Void’s “I might like you better if we slept together”. The crowd LOVED Slunt!

The female bass player is super hot. She goes over and uses one hand to play Abby’s guitar while abby sings, while it is still around Abby’s neck, hard to explain. NO one was allowed to take pictures inside the gig. A fire marshal even had his digital camera taken away by Manson’s big body guard, Pete (whom I also rubbed down). Fireman or not, rules are rules apparently.

Marylin’s band came on stage about 9:45 pm and were so loud, the whole buidling was vibrating. He had on black ruffled shorts and a long black cape, but changed outfits several times. the line up is new, Johnny 5 (former guitarist) wasn’t there anymore and the drummer Ginger who I used to massage had also been replaced, but Marylin fans don’t give a shit who plays what, they come to see Marylin. He had his fiance’ Dita

in tow and she is pure eye candy, hello! I remember seeing an interview with MM and Dita on TV and they said to keep things hot, Dita wears heels ALL the time, even in the house. When I massaged Marylin, Dita sat a few feet away on the couch busy on her Apple Lap Top. She had a tiny old fashioned hat on and the dress had a corset on it and she looked like a picture. I told her I think she is gorgeous. Marylin said they will spend the whole month of January in Berlin filming and I am there, he wants more massages for me. He would have posed for a picture before the show, but wasn’t up for it after the massage. I think he had a slight case of whip lash from all the head banging he does on stage, his neck was really hurtin’.

I asked for an autograph and none of us had paper, so he ripped the song/set list right of  his dressing room mirror and signed it for me, so now you know what songs they did. I was so excited, I never asked for payment for his massage. I made enough with all the other folks anyways and for me, the experience and thrill is usually better than any cash. Priceless Rock and Roll. It was never about the money when I was 15 and massaging Def Lepp and with rock stars, it still isn’t, it’s about the music and the people who make it. Finding out, what they are really like, and hey, I get all the free food and drink I want in catering  😉

 < speaking of catering, Nick does everything at the Ballroom! Roadie, cook, rigger, but he loves it all!

You didn’t think I forgot to say Happy Thanksgiving did you?    

           ps. I am NOT baking Turkey or having all the traditional stuff, I am making pizza from scratch and salad. Eat and be merry, but eat what you want, that is my motto. “I did it my way” will be the theme this year in my place.

Karaoke WHORE

The November 5th blog entree I did called “Whole Lotta Pictures” has been altered. Apparently, one of Jasmine’s most influential ‘friends’ teased her about her school picture being on there and well, when you are Jasmine’s age, friends opinions rule. I didn’t like my 10th grade school portrait much, the only good thing about it was the cool Stones pin on my white jacket. I had tweezed my brows Mae West thin and had an irritated look on my face (probably because I am not a morning person, even back then).

When Jasmine demanded I remove her picture from the blog, I refused at first. That blog took me 3 hours, and I found it rather sweet, cute indeed. She then threatened to get a lawyer to sue me if I don’t remove it and/or hire a hacker to break in and destroy my blog. I then had an idea, I said, “if you promise to never smoke cig’s again, I will remove it”. She said she can’t do that. So I said, then I can’t remove the picture. We are both super stubborn. After days of thinking about it and having certain bitchy relatives tell me it is her right to have it removed, I thought, well, there is no fucking point making a sweet/cute blog to show how gorgeous and cute Jasmine is, if she hates me for it now is there? So, there you go, photo deleted. 

Blog city was down for couple days and I was not in the mood to blog while under the threat of being sued by my own daughter. Somehow the mood to blog just wasn’t there. I was walking around in a daze, thinking too deep (but hey, still singing when I got the chance to blow off steam). I have chaos going on all over the place as usual. I will soon get rid of my flat in Berlin and just find a tiny room to rent, a place to crash when I go to Berlin to see Jasmine. No need to have an expensive as HELL flat there when I only go every fourth month. If she wasn’t there, I doubt I would ever go there again. I would beg my good pals to come visit me. The place depresses the hell out of me, it seems it is 99.9% Homo-sexual now and that means paradise for the guys and hell for the hetro ladies (just ask Andrea or any other gal pals of mine). Chivalry? Not in Berlin. It doesn’t even exist in the German dictionary (they DON’T have a word for it!).

Since my last real blog, I have started making and selling my very own massage oils/cream. More on that stuff later. I also tested and hired a new assistant named Maggie. She brought her best pal Katie with her for the test and not only did she give me a kick ass massage but all three of us got along great, they are into rock and have the ‘don’t take no shit’ attitude’ that I adore. Maggie runs a famous shop with her guy called FILTH MART. Even Jay-Z mentions it his song ‘I just wanna luv ya’ he goes: “take off your Filth mart Jeans” . Many stars get their vintage jeans and rock t-shirts there, and that is how we met. Remember when I was banished to Berlin in October? And how Jasmine and Benjamin (her father/my ex) had the bright idea to go to NYC while I was in Berlin to visit Jasmine-yeah, you remember now.

(Get to the freakin’ point Dot) WELL, Jasmine’s pal Rachel told her about this cool shop (Filth Mart) that buys vintage rock t-shirts for $100 a pop. Jasmine usually wears my vintage Stones shirts as pajamas (I do too) so she had two of them with her. She brought them to the shop and sure enough, she got $200 cash. KA-CHING. One shirt was actually one of my favorites, from the European 1982 Stones tour, but what the hell, you can’t take them with you when you go, know what I mean? So she had some spending $$ in NYC. She told them about her Rockin’ Mom who has tons of them and the owner said he definitely wants to meet me and have a look at the shirts. I went there last weekend and sold 6 more vintage shirts and met Maggie. She said she has done massage most of her life and her guy attested to the fact, that she gives an AWESOME massage. Since they are moving very soon, we thought the best idea is to get the Dr. Dot test over and done with, to see what she’s got.

She passed the test with flying colors and we got on so well, two nights later, we all went out for some, yah, you guessed, KARAOKE. Jonesy and my pal Mike and his gal and a cute couple they know all came along as well. Jonesy was in awe of the fact both maggie and Katie are about 6 feet tall. He came up to their uh, breasts basically. Hey, he isn’t the tallest bloke, but he is charming, cute, funny and can sing his little Bostonian ass off.

Above: Katie, Maggie, Me                                   Katie singing Pat Benetar’s Hit me with your best shot

< Katie Jonesy and Maggie

Mike and his lovely Berliner Woman~I”m bad with names  Hmm                                

Mike’s pals Max and his lovely gal Megan

Katie is awesome at karaoke. She TORE up that Pat Benetar song at the first karaoke place we went to and she told me when she first walked in, I was singing “Piece of my heart” by Janis and she went “DOH! That’s my song dammit!!”. So, when we got to the next place, she did that song and did a dam good job at it, I have to say, we are neck and neck at that song. WOW! Maggie, however, has never tried karaoke until this night! Katie convinced her to sing a song with her. They sang ZZ Top’s “Thank you”. It is a rockin’ number and holy shit, the place went crazy when these two chicks got up there. They were dancing and singing like pro’s and Maggie did NOT look shy, no stage fright for her, she was shaking her ass/hips/head like she has been a rock star for 10 years already. Jaws dropped, to say the least.

Max’s girl (above with brown hair and glasses, had never even witnessed karaoke until this night). I hope she gets hooked and turns in to a KARAOKE WHORE like myself. No, this doesn’t mean I am a whore, it means I am a karaoke whore. I found this web site that sells karaoke crap and they even have T-SHIRTS that say Karaoke WHORE on them. (click on the word WHORE to view shirt). Try it, you’ll like it, it’s intoxicating, addicting, challengnig and fun beyond belief. I am just NOT into Asian karaoke, I can’t stand hearing people sing karaoke in Japanese or Korean, etc. It hurts my ears  Perturbed 

I was driving the other night (Jonesy in passenger seat) on our way to a karaoke place on 85th and 2nd ave and I thought I was getting pulled over by the Police Van because I was speeding, but turns out, it was because my right head light was out. Funny thing is, I have two bumper stickers ( I am sure I mentioned this to you before) but one says “Ass, Gas or Grass, no one rides for free” and one of Home Simpson showing his ass and pointing to it, as in, Kiss my ass. Well, the Police Van was parked RIGHT behind us with their giant spot lights shining on my car. two cops got out and both had flash lights, they were flashing them in my back seat, then the front and in our eyes etc. I rolled down the window and I asked what the problem was, while Jonesy remained cool and kept flipping through my karaoke cd case as if nothing was going on. He asked me “Who’s the Doctor?” I was like “I am why?” he aimed his flash light into my back seat onto my stethoscope, that lie there on the back seat since Halloween LOL He then asked me which Hospital I work at, I said I only treat private patients. Then he demanded my license and registration and that is when I coyly pulled out my PBA card, which is a card and badge that shows you are friends with someone high up on the police force. He asked me my friends name, I told him, they took everything into their van and came back 5 minutes later and told us to have my light fixed and to have a good night. So, a PBA card basically saves your ASS.

Joy, Jonesy and I decided to venture out to the Burbs for a night of karaoke. We drove about 20 minutes to get to Wayne, NJ to a bar called the Grasshopper. We thought it would be cool to sing in a new place, check out the small towns, you know. Well, it reminded us why we love the city so much. It is SMOKEY as hell there.   Smoking  Some of the people there recognized me as Dr. Dot from my column in Steppin’ Out which was sweet, that means someone is actually reading it. The wait is SUPER long to sing there and everyone seemed to be in a click, the kind that doesn’t take to kindly to strangers. So we sang once each and ripped that joint. Across the street, the center of ALL suburb towns in the usa, was a Dunkin’ Doughnuts, full of young folks with nothing to do, cause there is NOTHING to do. One guy said he parks there in the parking lot all the time and to make it comfortable, he has a chair in the back of his pick up truck   I totally feel for bored people in the burbs. I get bored in the burbs and never fit in, I moved every freakin’ year, sometimes twice, so suburban people don’t accept new folks into their fucking clicks so easily, which is why I went to so many concerts. Until you are 21, there is not much to do in the burbs but eat, fuck, work, sleep, work out, drink alcohol secretly in someone’s car or the woods and oh, not to forget, the all so popular hangin’ at the  MALL. I have to be near the city now, NYC to be more accurate. It has the pulse I love. People are sarcastic, but funny. Ambitious and impatient (just like me) and there is always something to do 24/7. You have the feeling, in this city, everyone voted for KERRY. The suburbs of America must have voted for Bush. I still haven’t even met ONE person who voted for that idiot. Where are these assholes? Not here.

Ok, I’m getting snotty again, time for bed (5:40am)

Here is Frank Zappa’s song “when the lie’s so big”

Just who do they really
Suppose that they are?
And how did they manage to travel as far
As they seem to have come?
Were we really that dumb?

People, wake up
Figure it out
Religious fanatics
Around and about
The Court House, The State House,
The Congress, The White House
Criminal saints
With a “Heavenly Mission” —
A nation enraptured
By pure superstition
When the lie’s so big
And the fog gets so thick
And the facts disappear
The Republican Trick
Can be played out again
People, please tell me when
We’ll be rid of these men!

“Dr. Dot, please define DICK CHEESE for me” ….

(welcome to my world folks)

Dick Cheese is that cheesey kind of build up around the head of a man’s dick when he doesn’t wash (ingredients: dried up pre-cum, cumm, piss, fuzz balls, toilet paper, hairs, etc). Mostly happens with un-cut men.

With that in mind, it’s no wonder you guys have to plead to get oral sex.

Anti War

Sammy started his own clothing line in Berlin called ‘Barrio Chino’ and it is very rebellious and questions authority. He sent me this recently, which is NOT a sample of how his clothing looks, just a eye catching add for the label.

Even the turtles insist “Make Love, Not WAR!”