Someone saved my life tonight…..

Well, not tonight, but last night. Anyone who knows me, knows I am not a big drinker. I have never tried a beer or Vodka, Gin etc. But I do like wine, and lately I have been enjoying Margaritas. I was turned onto them a few months ago and like them as I don’t get a head-ache off them the next day. I am such a light weight when it comes to drinking, it’s pathetic.

Last night I went to try out a karaoke bar I have never been to before called The Palour.An Irish bar on the upper West side. The bar tenders are all from Ireland and very good looking, especially the male ones. Anyhow, I went out on an empty stomach, mistake number one. I had only eaten a salad when I woke up and a banana while I was getting dressed to go out.

I met a girl in the bar who looked to me, just like JLO, or maybe it was just the tequila. Seriously,  NYC is packed with gorgeous people, you can’t swing a cat without hitting a hottie. This girl (forgot her name) had the right idea, she was out with 6 guys and her being the only chick among them. Said it once, I’ll say it again, it’s raining men in this town. After I sang some Janis, my turn came up again to sing Black Dog by Led Zepp and by then I was steamin’ drunk. I only had 3 Margaritas but for me, that was WAY too much. A pal of mine came with me to the ladies room and watched me puke my guts out  Vomit Into The Toilet  And the bad part is, every time I vomit, I faint and get massively sweaty, I mean wet all over, it’s HELL! Don’t know why, but I insisted on having my white pants down around my knees the whole time and remember fighting my friend about this matter. Pants up, NO, pants down dammit, I’m PUKING! First time in my life I have ever been that drunk and it was nasty. I am so fucking loud when I vomit, I am sure the crowd outside were getting ill just listening to me. Guess I was in there about an hour when I was dragged out to my friends car, face down in the back seat, throwing up and fainting over and over again on the way to the Hospital emergency room. I do slightly remember getting thrown onto a stretcher and asked questions to which I replied “AHHHHGGGRRGGGG”  

I was just begging God to just let me die, as that seemed like the easy way out of this irritating mess, but he wasn’t havin it, he said I still have people to annoy and entertain here on earth. I was given an IV to rehydrate me and I heard I got 1.5 liters of something pumped into me. ALSO, I was given this ANAL suppositories, to prevent further vomiting. How fun was it having those shoved in my ass? You know my views on anal action. Stuff should come out, not in.

I was dragged out of there and delivered home by my trusty friend around 8am and crawled into bed. When I got up at 5pm I read the paper work that was stuffed into my purse. It has only my first and last name, they didn’t even get my address, so they rescued me for free. I owe them big time, and my friend too. The paper says, in capital letters “PLEASE STOP DRINKING ALCOHOL” I was laughing my ass off. It isn’t funny really, I guess I can not handle alcohol and have never been a drinker, I am a fucking wimp. They also gave me the number to the local AA chapter! Hello! This was a one off, I will never do that again. I will eat before I go out and limit myself to one or the max, 2 drinks. I see here, that my Dr’s name was “Dr. Lowenstein” So, thanks Dr.

I can’t imagine how many folks saw my naked ass in that bar bathroom, I don’t even want to know. But I do want to know what the hell happened to my white thong! Pants never came off, but thong is missing? Odd. I do need one or two drinks in order to get the balls to sing karaoke, but I think everyone does. I only did karaoke one time without any drink at all, and my whole body was fine, except my right lower leg and foot. They were shaking like Elvis on speed, like a horney dog. I couldn’t stop it from shaking, it was outrageous. Too much adrenaline I suppose and alcohol, be it wine or tequila, slows it all down. Alcohol is some evil shit. I am sure most Americans were hung over and tired today, er yesterday (Labor Day) it was a LONG wild weekend. I suppose I can’t be a control freak always, sometimes I let loose and need someone to take care of me, so thank God for friends.

Someone Saved My Life Tonight
Elton John

“Sweet freedom whispered in my ear
You’re a butterfly
And butterflies are free to fly
Fly away
High away, bye, bye
Someone saved my life tonight…..”

I forgot to post these cute shots I took of Jonesy and Miriam. Miriam is about 70 years old and a regular on the karaoke circuit in NYC. She doesn’t sing, she just likes young men. She REALLY likes Jonesy, follows him around like a shadow and yells “JONESY” in the heaviest NYC accent you have ever heard in your life.

Awww, they look so cute from behind. The look on Jonesy’s face in the first picture is saying “FUCK YOU DOT” hee hee.