“This city is even too gay for me!”

I haven’t blogged because I have a slight slipped disc and fever since I got here to Berlin. I can not stay in bed though, so I went to KaDeWe, which is Berlin’s answer to Macy’s to stock up on my favorite cosmetics and say hi to all of my cosmetic counter friends.

One of my favorites is Sophia. She looks like Demi Moore and was with me when I celebrated Bruce Willis’s 47th birthday in 1999.

(this is Bruce, Sophia and I, March 1999 at my favorite Italian to celebrate his 47th b-day. Sophia REALLY looks like Demi, but not so in this particular photo. Bruce was busy picking his nose but we shot the photo anyhow)

( which is why I am puzzled at the last US magazine, as they showed photos of Bruce’s latest b-day bash in Hollywood his “49th birthday bash”. Hmmmmm, doesn’t add up. Anyways, when Bruce laid eyes on Sophia, he started to drool and begged us to give him a 4 handed massage together. Sophia does make up, not massage, but he didn’t care. She said “no thanks, I don’t care who you are, I have a boyfriend” which only made Bruce want her more. 

WAAAY off the subject as usual. I got super deals from Sophia this time at her Christian Dior counter and we caught up on what’s new.She told me she moved recently, I asked her “where to” she told me her address, and HELLO! She lives RIGHT next door to me! Super sweet. We joked that I will leave my curtains open and let her watch me undress every night 🙂

I then went around KaDeWe and saw Marcus; I flipped out as I hadn’t seen his queer ass in over a year! He has Latino blood and an American passport and German passport, shaved head, LONG black lashes which I think he has permed and colored and super waxed eyebrows. He is SO GAY. He has worked for Versace and Mac cosmetics and has done my make up for some shoots in the past here in Berlin. We were chatting about the differences about Berlin and NYC and of course had to compare the man scene.

I told him I can NOT believe how fucking GAY Berlin is, even the mayor is a flaming fag who openly french kisses his lover in public for the press. Hetro women are bored as hell here and starving for sex and love BECAUSE 90% of the men (and boys) are queer.

Marcus even told me ” Yes, it is unreal here, it is even too gay for me!!” he went on to say “I feel like a hetro woman in this town and I am a gay MAN!” .  Well, in NYC the gay men hang out in Chelsea and don’t give dirty “I hate you bitch” looks to the women. In Berlin, you have to put an add in the paper to find a hetro man, or date 18 year olds who don’t know they are gay yet, then at least you can have some sex for a year or two with them before they find out they are really into hairy balls instead.

If they aren’t gay, they have at least tried sex with a man. Oh so open minded. “Well, I have gotten a blow job from a guy before, but I prefer women now” is a very popular sentence you hear in bars here. In NYC it is really RAINING men, straight and gay. No shortage there!! No wonder the women in NYC walk around smiling, they are satisfied, like they should be. A GIANT selection and the competition there makes the men behave ( polite, generous, ambitious, clean, talented, funny). Here in Berlin, the hetro men KNOW they have the market cornered and act like fucking snotty British pop stars. They MAKE the women pay their taxis, rent, meals, etc. They are running the show. But Berliner women don’t know any better, so they pay and pay and PAY. The black American dudes here, left over from the Army, are in HEAVEN, they are juggling 4 or 5 women at a time. I know some of them and I wind them up about it, we joke about it and they tell me they call the brothers back home and tell them to get their asses over here, as it is raining women for them (German women LOVE, and I mean LOVE Black American men!!!!).

I have loads of ‘grumpy Berliner’ stories to tell you about, getting screamed at on a regular basis here, you know, the usual day to day shit you encounter here, but I decided, ill or not, I have to go out and karaoke with my strictly karaoke friend, Fricky.

Jasmine is fine, gorgeous and talented.It is so fun to be with her and witness her chaos. She learned Imagine on the guitar, even though it is a piano piece, she can play it on guitar.

If there is spelling mistakes in my blogs, it is because there is still no spell check yet, so excuse me.

It is grey, FREEZING and expensive here- don’t even bother coming unless it is june, july or august.

-missing the US

Dr. Dot