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Dog Malfunction (with a touch of Bruce Almighty)
Massage in Orange County ( OC California)
Hello! I’m Lauren, Dr. Dot’s Assistant for Orange County, California! I’m originally from Philadelphia, PA, but when I graduated college I had to move somewhere with nicer weather! So here I am, in sunny Southern California and I don’t know if I’ll ever leave (except for tours!).
For as long as I can remember I have loved giving massages. Whether it was my dad making me work out the knots in his shoulders, or my grandfather having me “tickle” his arm, I have always known the power of touch. Naturally, I became a Licensed Massage Therapist and couldn’t be happier that I get to help hundreds of people heal their bodies.
I went to massage school at the National Institute of Technology in Long Beach, CA. I was lucky to have amazing, extremely knowledgeable teachers who helped me grow, not only as a therapist, but as a person too. I specialize in Deep Tissue, Therapeutic, and Swedish massage. I am also trained in Hot Stone Massage, Craniosacral Therapy, Pre-natal Massage, Reflexology, and Chakra Clearing/Balancing. Here’s what some of my clients have said about my work:
“Greatest massage ever. Thanks for fixing my back after I fell down the stairs (oops!)”
-Sarah Bos
“Lauren is more than a Massage Therapist. She is a natural healer, bringing love and positive energy into the lives of everyone she meets. Getting a massage from Lauren is truly a magical experience!”
-Lauren Silvi
“Best ever.”
-Tucker Stewart of Cowalker
I am very excited to have the opportunity to work with Dr. Dot. She is an inspiration for all therapists in that she has significantly touched the lives of so many wonderful, talented people. I look forward to working with you and helping you release the tension and stresses of your everyday life. If you are in or heading to the OC, email me: info@drdot.com and write "Lauren/OC" in the subject line.
Peace, Love, and Rock N Roll!
Ask Dr. Dot January 2009
This is my Sex/relationship column. I have been writing it for over 6 years. It appears in the Exberliner magazine , Penthouse forum and NY Rock as well. I always change the names around, so feel free to ask me anything and I will answer you personally and it may even make the column
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Q.
I cheated on my bf while I was on holiday and he found out. I don’t know why I did it.
My man has been exceptionally good to me. When I was exposed he just called me a slut
and walked off. The next day he came round and demanded to know the details, saying he
could not make up his mind about me till he knew everything. I could not say anything
because I was crying so much I couldn’t talk. He is glad I admitted to it. Should I tell
him all about how it happened? How can I get him to stay with me? I need him in my life.
How long will it take for us to work this over? Should I buy him a present or something
similar……right now he will not even kiss me.
Beaver Deceiver
A.
For some reason Men love to know the exact details when they catch their woman cheating
(seen the movie "CLOSER" yet?). It's best not to give him the details, as if he does
forgive you, which it sounds like he will (if he was really done with you, you wouldn't
have heard back from him) then he will always have that scene running through his mind".
Just write him an email or text and tell him you were drunk,
missed him and that you regret it with every bone in your body; you are SORRY. That's all
you can do. Giving him a gift or apologizing too much just makes you look even guiltier.
You didn't LOVE this guy you fucked around with; it was just a physical thing, so it
shouldn't get blown out of proportion. It's not like you were seeing him for months and
fell in love, it was just a tryst. Men understand as they can usually separate love and lust.
Tell him going into details is difficult as you were so drunk and you don't even want to
relive such a mistake. Assure him it won't happen again and sit back, be patient and give him
some space to think. Let HIM make the first move! Otherwise you will appear desperate and it
will remind him that you are feeling guilty; not good. Ease your mind by knowing life will
go on & what's meant to be will be.
Q.
My guy keeps bugging me for anal sex. I have heard from ALL of my friends that it hurts and
it’s unpleasant. He practically begs me, says “If you love me you’ll allow it at least once”.
I do love him but his dick is already too big for my vagina. I need help, fast.
Exit Only Alice
A.
Men always think we LOVE having a hard cock rammed up our poop shoot because they see porn
stars begging for it in their “movies”. Fact is, it hurts; especially if the man is well hung.
His begging for your tighter hole is similar to you begging for him to have a wider cock.
If you let him try it once, he is bound to love your tight ass and will be gagging for it
all the time. If you’re against it, don’t open Pandora’s Box or it will be a major pain in the ass.
Q.
I've been dating this girl for almost 7 months. Most of her guy friends
are guys that she has slept with in the past. She says that she has
only been with a few guys like 8 or something but she still hangs out
with half of them. Like going out to lunch and sometimes dinner. Always
exclusively and never with her friends while I'm at work. Is this good
girlfriend behavior? She says they are all just her friends and I believe
her but it makes me uncomfortable…I don't hang out with anybody that
I slept with in the past except one of my ex girlfriends who I dated
and calls my girlfriend more than she calls me so that’s a lot different.
Anyway one guy that she went to lunch with a week ago and also slept
with in the past. Sent her a text message at like 10 or 11 at night
asking her to hang out. She said she was watching a movie with me but
then he replied that he would try harder when she was single. That
really upset me and she was really upset when I brought it up she said
that he was drunk and isn't like that normally. She didn't reply to the
text message after he said that. She also talks to her ex boyfriend of 4
years a lot. Sending myspace comments back and forth and texting. He
even brought her over a gift last week. She's pregnant.. with my baby.
It's important to that I work these things out with her. What
am I supposed to do here? Is it wrong for me to tell her that she
needs to cease relationships with past flings? How do I tell her that?
Nervously Neil
A.
Ok, she has all the power now. So you can not tell her what to do,
or even suggest it at this point. Do NOT mention them again!
Once the baby is born, she won't have any extra time for these
clingy fools. Just concentrate on her and put the blinders on to the
Ex boyfriends. They are her ex's; you are her guy and father to the baby.
You need to be more mature (I know they are aggravating and irritating
but do not let them win). Offer her foot rubs, lower back rubs and
just be fun to be with. She will want to be with you rather than them.
Like I said, when the baby comes, those wankers will just blend into the
Past; they will be history as her baby and you will keep her more than
busy and hopefully, content.
How to win ANY woman over ^
Q.
Why do all the best men end up with bitches? My husband and I have a male friend
who is the perfect guy; he’s handsome, has money, is smart, ambitious & treats
women perfectly. Over the last 5 years I’ve seen him be screwed over repeatedly.
He attracts moody, selfish women; of course in the beginning they’re nice.
Quickly the worm turns & they mistreat him. This guy is a very confident,
successful business man. It pains me to see such a great man wasted. All these
bitches use him like a credit card. Double dates kill me! It’s not fair because
some of my girls swoon over him but he’s always taken by some slut and of course
being the man he is he is very loyal, doesn’t flirt. Should I intervene?
Meddling Mary
A.
Ever heard the term "Treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen"? A lot of men LOVE to be treated
like that. It turns them on. It's a challenge. I am not defending the woman you are
moaning about, I am being neutral. You say they are usually "sluts". Hmm, I wonder
what could possibly keep him around? Dirty, hot sex perhaps? Women who have the upper
hand are usually very confident, and that’s a huge turn on for most men. Not all
men want an agreeable, good girl. As hard as it may be for you to witness, that is
what he chooses and one can not change a man. Maybe someday he will get tired of
the demanding divas and snap up one of your "girls" but I wouldn't hold your breath
or get involved. Count your blessings you have a blissful marriage and that
you’re out of the dating game.
New Years Day 2009 Central Park and Belvedere Castle
I am sure you had more fun than I did on New Years Eve. I laid down around 5pm and didn't get up until 2pm on New Years Day. Thing is, my belly has been in turmoil the whole time I was in Key West and it still is. Didn't find out until too late, that the drinking water in Key West is full of bacteria "fecal e-coli bacteria " ew!!!!!!!!! My own fault for drinking tap water. I won't do it again. UGH!
So, after almost 20 hours in bed, with pooh and my MAC (watching some Survivor episodes- my new favorite show), I decided to take a walk and get some fresh (and fucking FREEZING) air in Central Park. It was pretty much empty apart from some brave German tourists (I could hear them chatting away in German) as they are used to strolling around on Holidays and Sundays, regardless of the weather.
A new book I came across called "NFT " (Not for Tourist) lead me to this Castle called "Belvedere Castle". I had never knew it even existed before.
BIG difference in clothing compared to just the other day when I was just wearing a bikini in FLA. brrrrrrrrr. I feel like the Michelin Man in all of these layers.
Oh well, I do indeed miss Florida already. I miss the sun and the warmth badly. I will have to lick my wounds a few more days and get up and at 'em though again, as you do. It felt good NOT being hung over on New Years Day though.
Cold or not, I still LOVE NYC.
I may have had a boring New Years eve, but I had one of the best Christmas eve's I have ever had.
Happy New Year
"Give me my freedom for as long as I be.
All I ask of living is to have no chains on me.
All I ask of living is to have no chains on me,
And all I ask of dying is to go naturally.
Oh I want to go naturally."
Blood Sweat and Tears
Key West Florida winter 2008 ( Dr. Dot’s blog- continued)
This is a continuation of my Key West winter 2008 blog. Part one is HERE
(and I wrote about Key West a couple years ago too, if you want to see that BLOG )
Video I made of this trip ^
So, I am staying at one of the Heron House hotels in Key West. GORGEOUS and expensive (the whole area is super pricey). I asked for the quietest room they have and I got the loudest room you can possibly have the first night. If you like quiet, do NOT stay in room 42 of the Heron House. It is directly over the office and the gate and doors are slammed every few seconds. AND it smells of serious mold. They moved me the next morning into another room which is extremely silent, no smells at all and is heaven on earth (squeaky wheel always gets the oil). This above is room 42. Awesome location, but as I said, smelly and loud (but very clean). Manager said most places smell of mold down here as it's so humid.
My feet are loving the sunshine and fresh air. If I could only find a massage here..
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I can't believe how big the tits are in the store mannequins here. wtf? The times they are a changin' |
Above ^ Duvall street, which is said to be the longest street in the usa (but I heard that about a street in Manchester, NH too.. hmmmm.
I've been here pretty much every night since I have been here. Creature of habit, microphone whore. This place has karaoke every night and the sound and crowd, are kickin'. If you like seafood, you will love it here, but I hate it and stick to the salad.
Brian is the Karaoke DJ, originally from Connecticut (one of the many that "escape" to Key West and start a new life). The dark haired guy got nuts singing "touch me" by the Doors and ripped his shirt off (amazing abs) but the bouncer made him get his top back on right away, booo! hissssss! He is from Ohio and came with his two female buddies (below). I hung out with them but I forget everyone's names.
Originally from Ohio, these cuties now live in Ft. Meyers Florida (they came together with the dark haired fellow up above). I will give them nick names and choose characters from Sex and the City that most suit their personalities. The girl on the left in the brown top would be Carrie, girl on the right (who can sing her ASS off) would be Charlotte for sure. Dark haired bloke, well, he would be Smith. Me? Samantha, of course (apart from the fact I HATE fashion).
Look how sweet Charlotte's feet are.
Even though Charlotte (and Carrie) is a school teacher and dresses really prim and proper, she was whipping that games ASS. Seems like she is no stranger to the rifle. Her voice by the way, is like butter.
Continuing along with the Sex and the city name game, this would be Mr. Big (aka Roderick easier to remember a GIANTS name) sitting on the biggest tree I have ever seen. He joined us. He is from Holland and is about 6' 4" so he towered over us, like this tree. LOTS of Europeans in Key West. LOADS. You would think it would be predominantly Latinos because Key West is closer to Cuba than it is to Miami, but it's not. In fact, Miami is loaded with Spanish speaking folks; not so in Key West. The music scene is really different too. I HATED Miami (lots of disco/techno/house music) and well, I was in on South Beach and it was just a heaving meat market which is fine for some, but I didn't like the vibe. Everyone is too perfect, too on display, too competitive. In Key West, people chill and the music, well, old time rock and roll rules. A bit too much Jimmy Buffet but it comes with the territory. In NYC you hear too much Sinatra; in Key West it's Mr. Buffet. (not a fan of either, although I do respect them).
Me looking like a snotty Fag Hag ^ shopping with Mr. Big (who looks a LOT like a German friend I know named Tarzan).
Typical sight on Duvall street. Anything for a buck. Naked Cowboy, look out, you have competition.
Actually, now that I think about it, I am SURE the real Naked Cowboy goes South for the winter (can't imagine him standing in Times Square at this time of year). THIS picture of the real Naked Cowboy actually looks like he is standing on Duvall street..
Duvall street ^
Duvall street has LOADS of performers, beggars, tarot card readers, body painters, tourist, BARS, shops and homeless folks who left their lives behind to live in which most people call Paradise. The homeless are kind of a drag as if you don't give them spare change, they snap at you and give you shit (try loudly to make you feel guilty). If you are here for a week, you can't give everyone on Duvall street spare change that asks you, or you will soon be on Duvall street begging for spare change too (same thing with Haight street in San Fran)
Most every bar down here has live music all day and all night, 7 days a week and this band was taking a break but their mascot was keeping the guitar case warm. CUTE!
There are free roaming roosters/chickens every where you look and listen here. They are protected by the law and some hate them and some love them. They crow all the time and I think it's sweet, but the locals seem to consider them irritating pests. You will also see several Geckos, Lizards and Cats walking around. This place is like a little zoo. purrrrrrrrrrrr.
A few blocks from my hotel is one of the beaches (Key West is an island, but some areas only have boats- no beach). Anyways, I walked here thinking I could have a swim, but instead I felt I was invading the homeless folks private beach. You can see them napping and hanging around and the men were trying their best to chat me up and get me to hang out and give them money and/or food but I had neither of those on me and just kept walking. They look really weathered and smell of alcohol, I feel really bad for them and wonder what each one's story is. Where they are originally from? How long have they been here? I read in a book I bought called "Quit your job and move to Key West" by Christopher Shulz that the "homeless get around $100 per day so don't feel bad for them as they earn as much as most bartenders do"
Lots of rich people come to play here. They spend their winters here and park their yachts in this area. Big contrast going on. Wealth and homeless. It HAS to get you thinking. If not you are surely numb.
Salt water, I love thee.
I met lots of people here so far and this cutie ^ is one of the hottest women I have ever seen. She is from Russia and a bartender at Ricks. GORGEOUS.
I think Rick's is where all the pretty ^ people hang out (Key West attracts lots of Gay men- I wonder if he is or not?) "How does it feel to be one of the beautiful people?" The Beatles
Lori, a native (aka Conch) loves karaoke too and she and I have been singing together almost nightly since I have been here. I had originally planned to come with a few girlfriends (co-workers too) but no one could get time off or cough up the dough for hotel/flights so I followed through and came alone. BEST way to meet people is to go alone. It doesn't bother me one bit to be alone. I recently told one of my closest friends that I am never lonely or bored and he said "that sounds so cold!". What the fuck ever. If you are happy in your own skin, love your life and have enough to keep you busy, you shouldn't have time to get bored or lonely. Clingy, dependent and lonely does not suit me. Am I a freak? If so, oh well, I am a freak. I don't get lonely or bored. PERIOD. This doesn't mean I don't miss certain loved ones when I am not with them, it just means I enjoy the moment. If that is wrong, then I guess I am wrong. But I can't/won't change.
The bouncer at Two Friends is from Georgia (the country). I showed him the pic of me and his President and since then he has been spoiling me. He asked me to pose with him and also wanted a copy of the pic of his President and I to show his friends back home. Super nice guy.
The DJ at Rick's took this picture of me singing TNT (ac/dc) and just emailed it to me ^
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| Will work for food? | "there may come a time you can even take your clothes off when you dance" FZ |
Exit Only.
Remember how I said no one really notices Christmas down here? Guess I was wrong ^
But overall, this is the best place EVER to avoid Christmas stress. There are LOADS of Jews down here too by the way (they don't do Christmas either! :).. Straight from Israel too. Most of the shops are owned by them. Great time to get deals as no one is spending. I got a great pair of shorts for $5!
My two favorite places to eat here are The Cafe (amazing healthy, mostly Vegetarian place) and "915" which has the best wine in Key West and the food is DELISH. BUT it is pricey.
After reading more of "Quit your job and move to Key West" I thought about it but one thing would prevent me from ever moving there.. NO CONCERTS! There are tiny cover bands in every bar on every corner, but Ac/Dc or Steve Vai, etc, would never come play there as there is simply no venue for that. Closest would be Miami and I wouldn't want to drive 3 hours or catch a flight each time a band I love or have to work on comes to Miami. Pffft. See how much trouble music can cause? ha ha. Just kidding.
I made a few videos and will string them together once I get back to NYC..
Anyways, gotta run, literally- great place for jogging. OH, this place is perfect for rollerblading and bicycling too (you can rent bikes every where as well as mopeds). NO need to rent a car, the island is only 2 miles by 4 miles. Walk it baby.
UPDATE:
I am back home in NYC now and my stomach is still feeling uneasy. UNFORTUNATELY I didn't get to the part of that book I bought until too late, that explains "All drinking water flows into the Florida Keys within a single 36-inch diameter pipe. Kind of like a giant garden hose". It also explains that the water is tainted with Fecal e-coli bacteria, etc.. hello!! I was drinking the tap water most of the time and my belly felt like there was a war going on inside. NOW I know why. SO if you are heading to Key West, please do NOT drink the tap water.
I decided there are 3 reasons I would/could never move there:
1) No rock stars: NO big concerts- the Who or the Stones would/could never play there. No space.
2) Drinking water is dirty. I drink so much water, I would have to get another full time job just to quence my never ending thirst
3) It is over 90 degrees Fahrenheit every day from May – September and the humidity will make you sweat like a pig the second you leave your house- some say without an air conditioner, you would die.
Oh well, guess I will be one of those winter visitors from now on
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Merry Christmas
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Greetings from Key West, Florida. I am enjoying myself thoroughly here, baking in the sun all day, working out and singing karaoke every night. It's wonderful here. Met some Danish folks last night- WHOLE lotta fun. Found a karaoke bar called Two Friends and they have a live web cam where people from all over the world can tune in online and watch the singers, so last night I had a couple friends texting me telling me they could see/hear me each time I sang and Uncle Jack too. I even sang "Joy to the World" (three dog night) for his baby, Jeremiah and he loved it. WICKED funny- every time a hot guy got on stage, my friends would text me "schwing!!". Karaoke live cam is HERE
They start every night at 8:30pm to around midnight (Florida time). THEN if you haven't gotten your fill, you can drag your add to Rick's , as they start karaoke every night at midnight. I need a break now though, my voice is shot from so much singing (lots of rage against the machine and ac/dc, audioslave, etc) ha ha. So I am just chillin like Bob Dylan on Christmas here, heading to the beach again, yay! Jasmine is in Germany, having a blast, all is well. I have taken a few pictures, but mostly with my blackberry; keep forgetting to bring camera out. Will do so though next time..
Christmas in the sun, with no shopping stress, tacky lights or awkward dinners with relatives you hardly know, in other words, paradise
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Self Portrait on Christmas. That bathing suit top is a bit too small and it makes my boobs look like I'm hanging upside down. Slightly sun burned already.
Santa collecting some spare change before he takes off in his sleigh, I mean, jet ski
Ho ho ho in Key West (literally) heh heh
I hate how pics come out on my Blackberry, but I always have it on me, and so it goes..
Happy Holidays
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Dr. Dot
Swamped
Snowed in thanks to yesterday’s storm and trying to catch up on the hundreds of unanswered emails, helping Jasmine get ready for her trip and my trip to Florida is also coming up next week (one week in the sun, oh hells yeah!). I choose to escape the stress and boredom called Christmas. Lying on the beach finally getting some daylight (haven’t seen it in weeks) and relaxing – well I am sure I will have crackberry in hand or at least close by.
Can’t help but scoff at the news that the little girl Caylee Anthony’s body was found and her Mom is just busy ordering Pork rinds in jail. Psycho bitch definitely killed her own child. OMG. Why should tax payers pay to keep this scoundrel alive? Killing your own child? Buh Bye. UGH.This story makes me sick.
Gotta turn the TV off before I puke. Anyways, Catherine, my buddy and massage assistant was in NYC for a few days and we traded massages over and over again, pure bliss. prrrrrrrrrrr. If I had my way, I would get 4 hours of massage a day. I LOVE it.
Blogs I have in front of me are still my Italy blog (loads of pictures), Ac/Dc, Project Object, Flogging Molly and Joe (guitar GOD) Satriani. As well as a few “Ask Dr. Dot” blogs. Maybe I will get more down done in FLA where I will have peace and quiet (going alone!).
Frank Zappa shred video
People have done this to Steve Vai too. They play to the video (erasing the artists audio). Hopefully everyone will get the joke and KNOW it is not Frank playing ( I worry some people will watch it and think it's really him). I did NOT make this video by the way lol.