Dr. Dot's Blog

March 13, 2004 Friday I drove 3 hours south to a dangerous part of Philly to massage Sir Sting at the Tower Theater. I was 15 minutes late, (it was a dam miracle I wasn’t an HOUR late as there seems to be only ONE winding road through this town “Upper Darby” to get to the Venue and it was bumper to bumper for an hour and I was FLAPPIN’ (British word for FREAKING OUT) in my car as I knew I was going to be late.

Everyone told me “Oh, it is only 90 minutes to Philly from NYC” What a bunch of BULLSHIT that is. It took me a full 3 hours and I drove 85 miles per hour 90% of the time like a bat out of hell. 

Anyways, as soon as I got into the backstage area, I saw Sting standing at the top of the stairs and I was rushed up there. Sting was happy to see me and ready for his rub down. 

We went into his dressing room, which always looks and smells and looks gorgeous from candles burning to the inviting warm lighting. Sting was in a great mood and during the 2 hour massage he told me I give “the best massage”, more than once. Those words coming from Sting make my career really worthwhile. 

Sometimes during such a long massage, I look around the room and notice things, like what tea they have out, what vitamins are on the table etc, but one thing that caught my eye that made me smile was a bottle of “Singer’s Saving Grace” from ‘Herbs etc’ in extra Strength. Funny, because I always have a bottle of that nasty tasting/smelling spray in my purse at all times in case of a Karaoke situation.  

You can get it at any health food shop and just the other night when I brought Stings manager, William ( also known as Billy the Basher) out to karaoke, I sprayed some of that in my mouth, and William was curious and wanted to try it to, so I sprayed it into his mouth and he turned a shade of green cause it taste so bad. BUT it really perks up those vocal cords and I need that when I sing Janis Joplin or AC/DC, and apparently it is so good, Sting uses the same shit! I told Sting I write a blog almost every night and he said he was going to read what I write about him in my blog as soon as he got home. Well, wouldn’t you FUCKING know it, my Blogs server was DOWN for 24 hours and the next day when I showed up to massage Sting he said ” I went to read your blog and it was down, bloody hell!”. So. Cheers Blog-City for letting down Sir Sting. Nice one!

Anyways, after two hours of deep tissue massage on the most gorgeous body in rock and roll, I started packing up my stuff and Sting asked if I could massage him the next night as well in Atlantic City ( New Jerseys version of Las Vegas) and I agreed to be there again at 5:30. He said I should check out some of the show before driving back to NYC.

I was wearing black timberland boots (clunky hiking boots) as it was cold. These boots make my feet feel bigger and clumsy, but warm. I was in the backstage hallway, and saw Sting and the rest of his band go down the stairs that were 12 inches away from me. They must have been going to a secret passage way to the stage, as from where I was standing, I had one foot kind of on the stage and one in the hallway. So they went under the stage to get there. (Hard to explain). The manager and roadies all wanted me to get more onto the stage, to have a closer look at the show that was about to begin. So I went a bit onto the stage (audience couldn’t see the roadies and I behind the huge speakers).

(this is where broke the electical plug, right near that bald roadie)

A guy holding a guitar yells to me “when was the last time I saw yoooo?” in a heavy Glasgow accent. I said loudly ” probably Berlin”. He wasn’t Stings guitarist, he was the guitar tech. He said “Oh yee, I remember, it was the Cranberries, Aye?” Yes, we met at the Cranberries show two Octobers ago when I massaged Delores, the singer.

I moved closer to the guy so we wouldn’t have to scream across the stage, and as I turned around and walked back towards the side ( to be further out of the way) I felt and heard something go *SNAP* under my left foot and at that same exact split second, ALL of the lights on stage went out ( it was already dark in the audience) and there I saw Sting, standing in the freakin DARK, holding his huge upright bass in the middle of the stage. Naturally the roadies and sound techs went APE shit trying to find the plug to plug back in and find out what the hell went on and I kind of slinked back into the hallway, horrified beyond belief, I UNPLUGGED Sting 🙁  !!!!!!

 ( This is my view of the Sting show in Atlantic City.His back up singers are so HOT!)

The audience thought it was part of the show and was all “Whoooow, wooow!! ” yelling and shit and the roadies got it all back on within a minute, but I tell you I was sweating bullets and wanted to crawl away and DIE.

I said to one of the old roadies in the hallway, “Holy SHIT that was me!! I did that!! Fuckin hell, did you see that!!” and he said “Oh, no, it wasn’t you, it was the big black guy who does the house lights, he stepped on something and broke it”.

All of the roadies came out into the hall and said the same thing to me, and I wasn’t sure anymore myself if it was me or not, but I FELT something snap and break and I heard it break the same time the lights went out, so I was sure it was me.

I was NOW not sure if the roadies were all just trying to make me feel better or telling the truth, but it sure as hell made me freak out and then laugh my ass off about it later on the ride home as I told my Uncle Jack. He could barely breathe when I told him- he was laughing that hard.

—————————————————————————————————————————————————-

The next day, Saturday the 13th, I drove another 3 hours to get to Atlantic city ( again, always 80 miles per hour or more) as I did NOT want to be even one minute late this time, and I got there 30 minutes early and this venue was MUCH cleaner and nicer than the night before.

This place was called the ‘Music Box at Borgata Casino”. It was a big concert hall and when I entered I heard Sting playing, so I went in to look and he was doing the sound check and I sat and watched that for a while. I love seeing the sound check, everyone is so relaxed and you get the feeling you are experiencing a private show, it is the BEST!

I then went to his dressing room and set up my table. Sting walked in and as always, is pleasant, polite and friendly. Gordon aka Gordy who has a VERY cockney accent (the wardrobe assistant) came in and said before the massage, Sting has to do 2 radio interviews and to have a seat. I was waiting for them to ask me to wait outside, but they said, “no, stay in here”.

So I sat as quiet as a church mouse, about 5 feet away from Sting and watched him get interviewed by the first radio station.

He answers the questions in such a nice and friendly way and makes everyone laugh. When asked “Why are you still so approachable, I mean, you are already famous and rich enough, why are you so nice to the press” and then he answers ” Well, I have nothing to hide and you should always look the people right in the eye, it’s good karma” etc.

I couldn’t remember every word, just some incredible things like when they asked him what his favorite Sting song, he said ” My songs are like children to me, you can’t love one more than the other one”.

(Sting allowed me to photograph him sitting on my massage table. I shall never wash it again 😉

The next team came in (each radio station got 5 minutes each). Sting was goofing around and laid down on his back on my massage table for this interview,

So the Disc Jockeys stood up and held the microphones to his mouth while he lay there on my table. They asked him basically the same freaking questions, and Sting answered them with the same courtesy and enthusiasm as he did the first time around.

When asked if he listens to rap, he said he does like NAS and Black Eyed Peas. The female Disc Jockey asked him ” Can I feel your ABS?” as he lie there on my table, and everyone in the room thought she said ” ASS” not “ABS” so Sting was like ” Pardon?” and she asked again and he just laughed, she touched his stomach through his suit and she looked like she was melting.

I felt like saying, “hey lady, you think his abs are nice? You should feel his BUTT” !!!

(Sting LAYING on my table *sigh* )

 

He then did radio sound bites, you know, station I.D for each station, and said everything they wanted him to say like ” Hi, this is Sting and my favorite morning show is Jack and Diane on WWAV” or something like that. They took loads of photos of him, got many autographs and all that, he is REALLY nice to everyone and it seemed they took a bit advantage of him, but he didn’t seem to mind one bit.

After a very silent 2 hour massage, he showered and then went out and did a meet and greet, where about 50 people, some of which are press, get to meet him and photograph him etc. He is so tolerant and generous with his time.

He does this every time he does a show too! I have been backstage to so many concerts and some stars (not mentioning any names- sorry) are snotty as hell and would never do that. Some won’t even pose for a photo or meet fans.

But you know, what goes around, comes around, most of the bands that act like that are now history. ( wait, I have to mention two bands: a German band called “Echt” was so hot at one point and so fucking SNOTTY, “beam me up snotty” and Blur is also extremely snotty to their fans, and Papa Roach, where are you now??.)

I know I know, get my claws back in. Ok, where was I. Stings Butt? No, the show. When it was show time, Gordon asked me do I want to watch the show from the stage (by the way, I asked Sting if he noticed the black out on stage the night before, and he didn’t. I told him I thought it was me and he laughed about it, so at least I got that off my freakin’ chest! ) .

The band all headed in parade like formation to the stage, me being the last one in line, VERY humble and grateful to be in tow.

They all headed up the stairs and onto the stage. Waiting behind the curtain to go out there. I stood to the side and absorbed one of my favorite concert scene moments, I love it to see the band RIGHT before they perform, some pray, some hold hands, all are excited and antsy, it is such a BUZZ to witness that.

I usually photograph that moment, but I refrained this time as I wasn’t sure if it was cool. I never ask, just photograph that moment and most bands love to see that later. On my web site, you can see the photo of aforementioned Papa Roach in a group hand shake before they go on.  It is awesome. Anyhow, this is my view from that show:

I stayed and watched a few songs and didn’t bump into anything or break anything, so all went well. I drove home another 2 and half hours to rest up for the next day.

Sunday the 14th, I went to massage William first. William is one of my favorite guys in the business. He doesn’t take shit from ANYONE and is very direct. Some think he is bossy and “always right” but he is usually right AND Stings right hand man. He won’t put up with any bullshit and doesn’t trust anyone, so we have a lot in common! When he is in a good mood, he giggles a lot. He cracks me up. I love his dry sense of humor and he keeps me on my toes as he knows I work best under pressure. Anyhow, I massaged William for two hours then went to massage Sting at his gorgeous mansion like house in Manhattan. I would NEVER say where it is, all I can say is he has the best view of Central Park you can get.

 

His wife Trudie is definitely the luckiest woman alive (well, she AND Heather, Paul McCartney’s wife). Sting is madly in love with her and speaks so highly of her. She decorated the huge place and it looks majestic. It is overwhelming. Red velvet couches, huge Helmut Newton photographs, antique paintings, a grand piano overlooking the park. He is the coolest fucking rock star in the world ok?

 ( Mr. Sting ( as Frank Zappa called him) took this photo of us with his left hand in his NYC home.

 

He is so majestic and calm. He told me I should quit jogging as it “shortens your muscles Dot” and I should practice Yoga, Asthanga Yoga like he does. I will now buy a “How to do Asthanga Yoga video” ( but first I better learn how to spell it!!!

I massaged him for another two hours and Sting was trying to pay me and I said “are you serious? You know you don’t have to pay me. My team is So grateful you utilize them this is the least I can do! One hand washes the other, innit Sting?” He says “you’re mad Dot”.

After I massaged Sting, I went to pick up Mick Jagger’s assistant (and the Stones logistics manager) Alan Dunn. He was at Elaine’s, an Upper East Side celebrity hang out that had a party that night. When I picked him up, he told me who was there earlier at the party (Mick only stayed 5 minutes) but Bruce Springsteen was there, Kid Rock and I forget who else. Alan told me on his flight over from London, he stood in line at the airport with his good pal Paul McCartney, who was just standing there in line, with no bodyguards, holding his newborn baby. Heather was checking the luggage in while Paul chatted with Alan. Alan said Paul was in good spirits and looked very happy and content.

There are SO many stars right now in NYC because today (Monday) is the Rock and Roll hall of Fame ceremony. Mick will take part in it as a presenter that is why Alan is in town. Alan and I had a nice meal and now I am beyond exhausted. I need SLEEP. AND I need Blog-City to fix the photo upload so I can show you the great new photos I have of Sting and co.

“You could say I lost my faith in science and progress
You could say I lost my belief in the holy church
You could say I lost my sense of direction
You could say all of this and worse, but
If I ever lose my faith in you
There’d be nothing left for me to do

Some would say I was a lost man in a lost world
You could say I lost my faith in the people on TV
You could say I’d lost my belief in our politicians
They all seemed like game show hosts to me
If I ever lose my faith in you
There’d be nothing left for me to do
I could be lost inside their lies without a trace
But every time I close my eyes I see your face

I never saw no miracle of science
That didn’t go from a blessing to a curse
I never saw no military solution
That didn’t always end up as something worse, but
Let me say this first
If I ever lose my faith in you
There’d be nothing left for me to do”  by  STING

That for sure is my favorite song by Sting

Dr. Dot

Blog city was down again for 24 hours. Now I can not add photos again. I have great things to write, all about how GREAT Sting was in concert and in person and nice photos to share, but Blog City is not working again.

I will blog again when I can add photos- when ever Blog City works properly again-

Dot

The photo above is Chris Botti, Sir Sting’s trumpet player who now opens for Sting at all of his concerts. This is his flat in Manhattan, almost as big and gorgeous as he is. He just had a two hour massage, that is why he looks so relaxed and is glowing. This was taken 90 minutes before show time last week when they played the Beacon Theater.

This photo above is Jasmine learning to play “Purple Haze” by Jimi Hendrix. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree in this case. I can’t play the guitar, but I was a dam good drummer back in school. Jasmine’s guitar teacher in Berlin wonders where she gets such cool guitar picks like one from Keith Richards, Johnny 5 ( Marylin Manson) and my old Ramones pick. I give them all to her, but the one she got from the Stones was given to her personally last June when Alan Dunn brought her on stage before the show and back stage to eat in the Stones catering room. She got to say hello to the Stones again; it wasn’t her first time, she met them when she was a toddler too, but probably forgot. See my Pooh bear in the background? (you can just see his head) Everyone uses him for everything: a foot stool, to hold their guitar in place, a pillow, etc. Poor Pooh.

The picture above is my voluptuous cousin Rachel. ‘Baby’s got back’  and is proud of it. We look nothing alike, her Mom Irene is my (late) Mom’s sister. Rachel looks like her Father, Jasper. I look like my Italian father, Salvatore ( and a bit like my mom too). I wish Rachel would quit smoking cigg’s. It bothered the HELL out of me when we were hanging out.

I am SO happy that I can add photos again to my blog. What a relief. Now if I can only take care of the rest of the symptoms that were making me cranky 😉

Dr. Dot

Ok, which one of you has my ” How to spot a Bastard by his star sign” book? See, here I am being all nice and lending shit out to people and what happens? I forgot who I lent it to, and no one is cool enough to just think ” oh, I am finished reading Dot’s favorite book, perhaps I should return it to her as I promised her when she reluctantly lent it to me” .

Apart from Cigarettes and Fish, my pet peeve is lending something to someone and then they don’t return it. Normally I write it down somewhere, what was lent to whom, but this time I slipped and forgot and now *poof* the book is gone. I am also cranky because 1) I can’t add photos to my blog  2) I haven’t had sex lately  3) Now I can’t even add smileys from Smiley Central to the new Blog layout. CRANKY!

I learned my lesson LONG ago not to lend shit out, I lent Robert Plant some of my blues tapes, Chess Box collection tapes, and he swore he would mail them back to me after the tour. That was 1993 and I still haven’t received them. But he is coming to town Sunday and if I massage him, I will take them out of his ass. ( not literally you freak!).

In 1997 ( or was it 1998?) I lent a 5 month pregnant Lauryn Hill a copy of ” the womanly art of breast feeding” and I haven’t gotten that back, but I forgive her, she is so frickin’ COOL!

I can not count how many tapes. cds, videos etc I have lent out and never gotten back. Why do people do that! It is ignorant. If someone lends you something, enjoy it and give it back, keep the good vibe of generosity and trust going on dammit!

I am thinking, I don’t let THAT many people in my flat, and I have asked most females I know if they have it, they all say no 🙁

Then I started asking the guys I know, thinking, well, some could possibly be gay and not know it yet, and perhaps they wanted to read ” How to spot a bastard by his star sign” but so far, even the guys have said no. You have GOT to read this book, it is hysterical!

Thank god for Amazon.com I will just order a new copy and never lend anything out again- “I am a rock, I am an island” ( Simon/Garfunkle)

Not 100% sure yet, but I may drive to Philly to massage Sir Sting this Friday. I am not looking forward to the drive, I don’t know how to get there and the last time I went to Philly, I saw the Grateful Dead there in like 1988 and did NOT like the scene there. But who knows, perhaps it is clean and safe and friendly now. (As if).

I am filming with A&E TV on Tuesday; they want to interview me for a show “It also airs
on A&E’s Biography Channel. The show features profiles of people who work with
celebrities or who provide services for celebrities, and we’d love to profile
Dorothy Stein ( aka Dr. Dot).”

So that should be fun. I am thinking of who I can make over that day. I don’t just want to have the usual boring interview in which I bite someone’s ass and then massage them, I want to do a make over, take a plain Jane and turn her into a sexy vamp right in front of rolling cameras. Then I will bite her back/butt area and massage her.

Any plain Jane in the NYC  area who wants a free make over and massage from me, and has free time on Tuesday, email me and send me a small jpeg ( no bigger then your hand as not to clog my freakin mail box).

Even though my endless tales of karaoke are pissing you off, I wanted to say, I brought Stings tour manager, William out tonight and dragged him  AGAIN to my favorite karaoke spot and thank GOD the DJ was there and not ill like last Sunday. Anyhoooo, He saw me do an awesome rendition of ” Down on me” by Janis Joplin and said it was great. I then tried “Ramble on” by Led Zepp and tore that up too, I can do Zepp pretty good. Sometimes I SUCK royally, like when I did “Tumblin Dice” but the Stones, jeez, I will never do that again! In  fact, I can only do a few Stones songs, Mick’s shoes are hard to fill. I know the words  by heart, but he is hard to copy! I also destroyed the Beatles ” We can work it out”!! Although it is one of my all time favorite songs, I just sucked at it big time! I know my ranges, James Brown, Tina, Janis, Rod Stewart, Zepp and Ac/DC but forget anything like Mariah or Celine ( but who the fuck wants to hear that at a bar anyways!?)

Ok, I better get my cranky celibate self in bed now, it is 5:30 am.

“Live your loving life,
Live it all the best you can
And if you pay no attention darling
To what you might ever hear from your man,
I think you’re just like a servant
And try to keep it all to yourself.
Don’t you know it makes the world go round,
You gotta go and honey share everywhere else.
Come on, come on, come on!

As good as you’ve been to this world
So good i wanna be right back to you.
As good as you’ve been now,
As good as you’ve been to this whole wide world,
So good i wanna be.
As good as you’ve been now, say,
As good as you’ve been to this whole wide world,
As good as you’ve been, babe,
So good i wanna be here.

Ain’t no use in being faithful,
I see you look at the sky.
I know what’s in it make you happy there,
But it only make you cry.
I think you got good intentions too,
They don’t manage to show through.
Whatever you give to the world outside,
I wanna give it right back to you, yes i am!
Come on, come on, come on!

So you meet somebody on the street,
You know you treat him mighty fine,

Or you meet somebody on the street
And you give him a real hard time.
It’s gonna come on home baby,
I said it’s gonna come right back home to you.
I said it’s gonna visit you now,
Yes it is, oh yes it is.

As good as you’ve been to this whole wide world,
As good as you’ve been, babe,
So good i wanna be here.
Oh, good as you’ve been to this whole wide world,
As good as you’ve been, babe,
So good i wanna be here.
Ah, the way you love your mother,
The way you love your sister, your brother,
The way you love your aunt, your uncle,
Anybody now, everybody now.

Good as you’ve been babe
’cause i’m just gonna show you now
And i’m just gonna make you want it now
’cause i ‘m just gonna give you a thrill
Say, good as you been babe,
Hurrah, good as you been babe,
Come on, good as you been babe,
I say, good as you been babe,
Oh daddy, good as you been babe,
My man, good as you been babe,
All right, yeah hey.”

Janis Joplin  “As Good As You’ve Been To This World”

xx Dottie

I have surfed around for hours in the new layout of the Blog and can not find any way to upload a photo or as Blog City suggested, a photo album, as in, “in order for me to show you one photo, you  have to create a new photo album for each new photo.”

They tell me if I am so unhappy with the Blog lay out to just get refund and leave it at that, but what they don’t understand is, I am happy when it is running correctly. I just want to be able to write and share my almost daily photos- 

That is not  possible right now, I have searched high and low for HOURS  to see any button or so that says ” upload photo” and there is nothing. Can someone out there in Blog City land tell me how to add a photo or photo album ( which I think is silly just for one photo) as I have so many new photos to show you but can not until it becomes possible on Blog City to add a photo.

Ho hum. I am off to Berlin next week for 19 days or so to visit Jasmine. I am sure I will feel some left over hate thanks to the Jew Bashing experience I had. The journalists there had a field day making the German guy who knocked me out to be the poor victim,  and me the bad one who wore the Star of David etc- I get hate mail from Germans every day about this bad press and hate crime case. They should get over it and see the light.

Oh, I gave up on the 5th Wheel, I called them and now they say ” Oh, your episode will for sure air on May 27th!” Hello?! Forget it, if you accidentally see me on the show, tell me how it was, otherwise ( to quote Eminem) ” I just don’t give a fuck!”.

(NOTE: I NEED “spell CHECK in my blog!”)

Going to show Marylin Manson’s tour manager around tonight, probably bring him to a HUGE karaoke birthday party and make him sing some KISS or something hard rock. I spoke to Arturo again finally and asked him “why the HELL do you dissapear like that?” and he said he is busy working on his book with Johnny Ramone. It is a book about the technical/buisness side of the Ramones career, not a peronal one. Like I told you, the further down south one lives in Manhattan, the more you have to go to them ( even call them).

I wanted to post a HOT photo I took of Sting’s trumpet player, Chris Botti, but like I said, I can’t do this now, and it is making me crazy!

This meeting I have next week on the 16th is so important and I am dying to tell you about it, but I have to keep it a secret until it happens, then I will purge in the blog and either celebrate the good news or whine and moan about the let down, but it is a BIG DEAL. Basically what I have been waiting for, say for YEARS! Cross yer fingers for ol’ Dottie would you?

I am off to jog, 6 miles or so,

” I don’t know but I’ve been told, if you never slow down, you never grow old”  Tom Petty

Dr. Feakin’ Dot

Another wonderful night out in Manhattan. Excuse the non-photo blog again, but I got alot on my plate right at the moment, what with showing Rachel around etc. She had a falafel for the first time of her life today and bought a baby pink New York Yankees cap tonight. We tore up karaoke again and are up WAY  to late as usual.

A shout out of joy to Blog City administration for the now more modern version of Blog City and sorry for being impatient. For a while there was around 100 people per hour reading my blog so I felt a bit of pressure to write and a few days without writing feels like months to me. Rachel goes back to CT tomorrow, she should bring a few men with her, they seem to love her! She said ” it’s raining men here!”. A note to CT men, be nice, she said CT men don’t have the manners like NYC men. She didn’t have to buy one drink the whole time she was here and was being chatted up frequently. I told her, well, in CT or in any suburb kind of place, the men know there isn’t much competition and the women get used to being treated only “fair” but in the big cities, there is ALL kinds of competition and you have to be nice, friendly and fit to make it there, so people try harder at everything, and that is a good thing in my eyes. Don’t get me wrong, every area has its good and bad points, the city for example is not so nice for big dogs, jogging ( unless you are directly next to a park) blah blah, we all know what I mean. I just love it here in NYC, it ROCKS!

and now, a few lyrics from my hero, Mr. Frank Zappa:

“Hey Hey Hey all you girls in these
Industrial towns
I know you’re prob’ly gettin’ tired
Of all the local clowns
They never give you no respect
They never treat you nice
So perhaps you oughta try
A little friendly advice
And be a CREW SLUT
Hey, you’ll love it
Be a CREW SLUT
It’s a way of life
Be a CREW SLUT
See the world
Don’t make a fuss, just get on the bus
CREW SLUT
Add water makes its own sauce
Be a CREW SLUT
So you don’t forget, call before midnite tonite
The boys in the crew
Are just waiting for you
You never to get move around
You never go nowhere
I know yer prob’ly gettin’ tired
Of all the guys out there
You always wondered what it’s like
To go from place to place
So, darlin’, take a little ride
On the mixer’s face
Be a CREW SLUT
Just follow the magic footprints
Be a CREW SLUT
Hey, you’ll love it!
Be a CREW SLUT
It’s a way of life
I ain’t gonna squash it
And you don’t need to wash it!
CREW SLUT
Hey, I’ll buy you a pizza
CREW SLUT
Of course I’ll introduce you to Warren
The boys in the crew
Are only waiting for you

At this point, the road crew, as all road crews must from time to time, borrow some of the big rock group’s equipment and have a blues jam session, indicating to the kneeling maidens that they are endowed with a great deal of raw talent, as well as massive meat. Obviously impressed with LARRY’S ability to suck so hard on his harmonica that screeching little noises come out of it, MARY kneels again and reaches upward in gestures of supplication, listening intently as LARRY continues to sing…

Larry:
Well you been to Alabama, girl,
‘N’ Georgia too
‘N’ all the boys in the crew
Is bein’ good to you
I know yer sayin’ to yourself
‘This is the way to go’
‘Cause when you need a little extra
They will give you some mo’
`Cause you’re the CREW SLUT

Mary:
Eh, hah ha, I’m into leather…

Larry:
That’s good! A lot of the boys in the crew Love leather…

Mary:
And rubber…

Larry:
Yeh, they like rubber too…shrink-tubing
With a hair dryer…

Road Crew Chorus:
Trade your spot on the bench
For a guy with a wrench
And be a…

Mary:
Ha ha ha…

Larry:
You like that, huh?
I told you you’d love it…
It’s a way of life!

Road Crew Chorus:
The guys in the crew
Have got a present for you!
Ren nah naaah
Ren nah naaah
Ren nah naaah

Mary:
A present for me?

Road Crew Chorus:
Ren nah naaah
Ren nah naaah
Ren nah naaah

Larry:
Hmmm, we got a present for you!

Road Crew Chorus:
Ren nah naaah
Ren nah naaah
Ren nah naaah

Mary:
Whaddya got?

Road Crew Chorus:
Ren nah naaah

Mary:
Whaddya gonna give me?

Road Crew Chorus:
Ren nah naaah
Ren nah naaah

Larry:
It looks just like a Telefunken U-47
You’ll love it…

Mary:
With Leather?

Central Scrutinizer:
Eh errr, eh eh…This is,eh, the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER again…
And so Mary was enticed away from Joe
By an evil barbarian with a wrench in his pocket
Lured into a life of SLEAZERY
With the entire road crew of some
Famous Rock Group
(I don’t know whether it was really Toad-O or not
…I don’t know… I’ll check it out)
Again we see
MUSIC
Causing
BIG TROUBLE!”

I now believe the 5th Wheel tells the contestants several false air dates just to get more people to tune in to watch their stupid show. I was told so many different times when it would air, now I don’t believe them no matter what. Oh well, no big deal. If you are really curious as to when it will air, call the 5th Wheel wankers and ask them: 1-323-954-9424 ask them when is the ‘5th Wheel episode number 537’ going to air.  They piss me off, tell them I said that.

My cousin Rachel is here visiting from CT, she has never been out on the town in NYC, so even though I am massaging Sting’s entourage and I am on call, I am still taking her around the city and showing her a good time. She is also a karaoke queen, in fact, she was into it way before I was, she is the one who got me into it, so it’s all her fault 😉

Gotta rest up for another day of touring the city with Rachel

xx Dot

Don’t even get me started about the vanishing of ‘Blog City’ for days at a time without a reason or apology. Don’t they know we NEED to blog?
If you are awake tonight at 1am ( NYC time) turn on the newtwork station near you that shows “the Fifth Wheel” show, as I was told tonight is the night they air my episode. They said that last night to, but didn’t pull through. I called today and whined about it and they said “sorry for the mix up, but for sure it will be on tonight” .

Hope it’s good.
Glad the blog is back-

Dr. Dot

I know she can afford underwear. I have to say, Lil’ Kim is by far my least favorite celebrity, hands down. I would rather stare at Michael Jackson’s face then hers. She has had so much plastic surgery that she doesn’t even look similar to her first album cover. She is, like Michael, also getting whiter. Lipo, new teeth, fake hair, fake eye colors, tit job, nose job, cheek implants, eyes lifted etc, she was so creepy to see at the Grammy’s. All that is nothing compared to her nasty choice of clothing, or lack of it.

Sure, we all dress hot sometimes, but shoving your FURRY Beaver in the crowds face while you are singing on stage is down right lewd. Why doesn’t she just do porn? I guess since Janet let her tit flop out at the Super Bowl, the shock bar has been raised, so in order to shock now, you really have to let it ALL hang out.