Ask Dr. Dot December 21 2008 (Happy Birthday Frank Zappa :)


I have a question on etiquette for casual-sex pals. By "pals" I mean that the
only kind of interaction I have with this person is purely sexual (aside from
the pleasantries of "how are you" on the way in and "have a good day" on the way
out. Even though I'm sure to be equipped with the appropriate prophylactic, my
pal brings over condoms. He throws the four or five condoms on the floor near
where we're getting it on. If we happen to just use one condom, he's always sure
to grab the three or four unused condoms on the way out. Now, something about
that act seems almost rude. It's like when you bring over a cake or a bottle of
wine to Simeon's house for dinner: you don't take the leftovers home with you.
Do you think it's rude to take home the unused party favors, even if they're
Condom Snob
  < Don't be a cheap bastard

It is tacky to take the unused condoms with you. It's like saying "I will
definitely need these between now and the next time I will be in you, and I am
definitely too cheap to buy new ones for my new conquests." The only thing worse
would be for him to come empty handed and expect you to supply the condoms, then
take a few with him.
Aaah, the perks of casual sex.

Hi Dr. Dot,
Your column rocks!
I've been dating my girlfriend for almost a year. I'm 45, she's 33, both in
great health. I came close to breaking up with her a few times within the
first four months, as she did not want to become intimate. She convinced me to
stay, and we've been having sex for several months now, and we're monogamous.
However, she's the least sexual person I've ever been with- she does not like
me to touch or kiss her vagina (even the lightest touch is met with "it hurts,
please don't touch down there"). She has a very methodical system of having
sex; first she masturbates to orgasm, and then allows me entry. This is the
only way she'll allow it. No oral either way, and not even any kissing. This
is barely acceptable to me, but the frequency which she allows (I want it
every day, she allows it once a week) is not acceptable at all. Also, she
never uses her tongue to kiss, keeps her mouth closed, and our kissing never
lasts more than a few seconds. When I bring any of this up, she says I a
m calling her an "ice princess", calling her frigid, which she gets very
defensive about. She claims there has never been any molestation in her past,
and that she's normal and I'm oversexed. I've had long-term, very sexual
relationships in the past without complaint, but I don't know how to handle
this, other than breaking it off. She's a wonderful girl and very much
marriage material, other than this issue.
Do you have any advice?
At Arms Length Larry

You want it "every day"? Good luck finding someone who wants it every day for
ever and ever. Anything less than once a week is bullshit but every day could
turn into a chore. A dull routine.
In my opinion, you will have to leave her OR marry her and cheat to get your
fill. Imagine a whole life of no head, no French kissing etc.

I still live with my parents, even though I am 23. I am a very horny girl,
compared to my friends. I like to have random sex (always safe sex!) with men
I just met at a party or bar. I have fucked a few guys in public and it turns
me on more than in a bed. Any ideas or tips on how to make things run
smoother? I always end up getting disturbed when I jam out with my clam out.
Spanish Fly-girl

Lead your prey into the ladies room and bring him into a stall. Lock the door
and in the doggy style position, have one hand on the flusher and one on back
of toilet. Every time someone
knocks or gets nosey, make really loud vomiting sounds, like you are puking
your guts out and flush periodically. This yakking sound usually sends people
running. If he can keep shagging you through all that, he is a keeper.
Construction sites, stair ways of hotels and malls are usually empty, just aim
for the top floor so there is no traffic. I still haven't joined the Mile High
club yet but I can imagine that would be the hottest, riskiest place ever.

I am a flaming gay, hot 20 year old guy. I live in an area that is plagued by
straight college guys, which make me Horney but confused. How do I tell if
they can be swayed to take a walk on the wild side? I don't want to get
punched out but I have to get laid or my blue balls will start dragging on the
fucking ground. Send help fast.
Dainty Danny

Eye contact has got to be the best way to tell if a guy likes to pack
chocolate or not. When you gaze into their eyes and they get pissed off,
bingo, not gay. Posting ad's online will save you time as well as telling
waiters who you KNOW are gay that you are going home to have a pull should get
you laid in no time. Embrace your sexuality, if you are gay, let it be known
and word will get out and hopefully the guys who are curious or also queer
will gravitate towards you. Straight guys know that buying lots of drinks for
their date increases their chances of getting in there, so why not try it on

How can I tell if a guy has a big dick? Gawking at their hands and feet has
let me down in the past.
Desperately Seeking Big Dick

  < Big Nose; Big hose

"Wie die Nase des Mannes, so sein Johannes; An der Nase des Mannes erkennt man seinen Johannes"

The Germans say you can tell by how big/small the man’s nose is. If you have a
chance, just make out with them, clothes on, just bumping, grinding, feeling
around. If he doesn’t measure up to your cock standard, stop kissing and tell
him “I am sorry, we are moving too fast” and politely end the date/face
sucking session and move on. My girlfriends and I have concluded that most men
with giant dicks are usually GIANT DICKS. Sadly.


Here's my story
I’m 32 and find myself in my first relationship ever – I’ve never felt too comfortable,
 nor turned on, by sex….and now I have a boyfriend that I like but I am not turned on
when we have sex…and needless to say, I do not cum….I’m somewhat self-conscious
 when it comes to broaching this up with him, but I would like to enjoy sex with him but
 am not sure if this is possible-how do I find out what turns me on (and no, I
do not have an active imagination.I’ve tried.I do not even care to masturbate.
waiting and Wanting

^ Don't wait, Masturbate

If you are on the birth control pill, overweight or depressed, that could be the reason
for your lack of sex drive. If none of those apply,
it could be that you are just not a sexual person, in this case, my
heart goes out to you.
Just like a smoker can't quit unless he wants to, a non sexual person can't cum
 unless they want to. Only you can an swer that question.
You are right not to tell him your dilemma, as no man wants to hear that their
 Girlfriend doesn't like to fuck. However, if you are screwing and
there is a spot that you want to him rub/lick/reach, then make sure you tell him.
 Communication is the key to good sex. Maybe you don't like to masturbate because
you haven't done it correctly. Soooo, start practicing asap.

I am finally single again after 6 long years of HELL with my ex girlfriend who loathed sex.
Now I am dating a married mother of 2, yes, I know I'm a mother fucker. She said she will never
leave her rich but boring husband but loves to fuck me. Problem is, she is super jealous. She
has been bitching about my female friends and even trying to read my text messages etc.
I find the attention flattering as my ex didn't give a shit but I am starting to feel smothered.
How can I improve this otherwise perfect set up?
Backdoor Man

The best way to stop jealousy is to stop it right away. Show your new partner their boundaries as soon
as they start to over step them. Telling a woman "I find jealous very unattractive; a complete
TURN OFF!". This should end it, if not she is stubborn or dumb, both traits are worse than jealousy.
Remind her gently that she is sleeping with another man every night, then kiss her to shut her up.

Is it bad to not really wanna date guys with no money anymore?  Been there done that, the whole
 broke guy thing, and I just feel like I am going backwards when I start dating guys with little
funds. I am not superficial like it sounds, and I know guys with bucks can be dicks, too.
Anyway, I have a lot of guys asking me out these days, but none that really really have their
shit together, and I feel that going out with them is a waste of time since I know that I really
don't want them.  I would rather be alone honestly than do a sympathy date or fuck. And I don't
think I am shutting myself out to some great guys because I dated so many from all over the world
that I feel my weeding out factor is strong now. I just wonder if now my standards are ridiculous.
high, that is.

Classy Kate

Men leave their old wives for young, fertile women all the time. Men stare at young, perky tits on a
daily basis, not only because they look gorgeous, but because it's natures way of drawing them to a
fertile partner. The same goes for women being drawn to strong, secure men, which used to be just
a muscular thing centuries ago, but now, a bank account has replaced the muscle attraction for most
women. Just like animals, the female chooses the most eligible partner to breed with, so do modern
ladies. It doesn't mean they are gold digger's, it means they are looking for a secure man to have
kids with and/or to settle down with. Making sure he can take care of you and your possible offspring
is normal. Some men actually respect and yearn for a woman who expects a lot from them. It somehow
motivates them,it challenges them and most men LOVE a challenge! (Sports, wars, competitions, gambling).
Nothing wrong in falling for a man who can also support you. "Would you walk away from a fool and his money?”


Please forgive my English, I am French. For four months, I lived with my girlfriend and
 her 4-year-old daughter. My girlfriend is always stressed … I did everything possible
 to help her; I take good care of the child. She moved in with me because she lived in
a far away town. Since she moved in, she seems always under stress and the result is
that she is angry for no reason and talks to me like crap. Plus, she is always so tired
and we have sex only two to four times a month (at the beginning it was a least everyday,
 sometimes twice a day)! The point is, when we do, sex is always very wild and good.
I love sex, maybe too much, and I feel I don't have enough. The more I ask my girlfriend,
 the less I have. She tells me it’s not about me, that it’s only because her work is
 bothering her, that she is not used to the stress of living in a big city, plus the
fact that my flat is too small (one room for the two of us plus her daughter). I can
understand her reasons, but the point is I really feel like starving for sex.

—Crazy Horse

Now you know why I frown upon living with a lover. If you love sex, don’t live together.
 I know, it’s too late and most folks aim for it their whole life, but that is my personal
 opinion. If you have to live with someone, having your own room could keep things hot,
 so save up and get a bigger place—it will be worth every penny if you are getting your
leg over more often. Now, moving onto your cold shrew. She may be drinking too much coffee,
 this makes everyone stress out! Try to buy some decaffeinated coffee and sneak it into
her real coffee without her knowing. Also, massage her feet every night, each foot 10
minutes or more. Then her legs and back, this should make her want sex, maybe even ask
you for it. Candlelit massage and a glass of red wine and some cow-tongue oral sex should
bring on the taming of the shrew.

Happy Holidays,

Love Dr. Dot