Ask Dr. Dot

I met this great guy on an online dating site & we really hit it off.
We are just dating and it’s fresh, we both still have our profiles up,
and I know he goes on it everyday (the site shows when you last logged in).
I guess I can’t blame him if I am doing the same, right? I should leave it up,
mine, or take it down? I don’t want him to think I am that type of girl
(scanning around- even though, I do!). I am practicing self-protection b/c
I sense that he might still be ‘shopping’, even though we really do connect.
I hate that I can see that he checks it everyday! It makes me more cautious.
I have dated and chatted up some, but he is the one I like. I have been a
player and been played, so I know what we are all capable of.. sometimes
I think it’s a blessing and a curse at the same time, ya know.

< Keep your options open

Definitely keep your profile up until he suggests that you both delete your
pages and date exclusively. Until then, do like they did in the old days and
"play the field".



I’ve recently got in to a relationship with someone I met at school and even though I’m
not a fan of committed relationships, (only because most of the time they start off great
and then seem forced after a while, like a task of some sort) for whatever reason I
thought he and I would get along lovely. Well, as it turns out… he is very similar
to a few of my ex boyfriends…he’s moody, and a bit insecure….a big turn off for me.

We’ve been dating for a little over a month and recently after a few drinks
he wanted to let me in on a few things….basically through out the night he had bitten
my lips, and even bit my cheek MUCH harder than usual….so hard I got really pissed off
for a minute or two…there have been times when he’s pulled my hair and shit like that,
which is cool sometimes…but something was different last night.

We were getting into bed and he said that he was a bit of a "pervert" and needed to have
 a different kind of sex and he needs me to be rougher with him for him to get off. His
 exact words:  “choke me, bite me, slap me, and degrade me” he was afraid I would think
 he’s weird. I assured him I didn’t think he was "weird" and that it was just his thing
 but not mine. Usually I’m the "kinky" one in a relationship and I do enjoy the occasional
 pulling of the hair or some love bites, but the stuff he’s talking about scares me.
Our romps often leaves me with painful bruises that I’m not sure if I like or not. He
 really freaked me out when he
 said he wanted me to curl up my fingers into a fist and just literally punch him
as hard as I could. I don’t know what to do DD, you have to help me, I don’t know if this
 is something to end a relationship over but if we’re not compatible in bed…I don’t know
 if  there’s a point to go any further than just friends.

Fear of Fisting

< Some people love pain

He was probably sexually and physically abused as a child, and this abuse makes
him feel "at home" and so he needs/wants it.
I would be afraid, you never know what he may do to you, and he may take it too far
one night and wanting to be punched in the face, especially during sex, is sick.
You say he is moody and insecure, which turns you off, so it won’t last forever
Forget about hurting his feelings, you need to think of yours first.
This guy needs therapy, not pussy or a punch. I would cautiously get out of that
relationship before you start needing therapy too.

I met this guy and we immediately hit it off.  We spent a great first date having
 lunch.  We talked and laughed for hours.  Then it was off the city for
 dessert. We kissed and it was perfect!  I didn’t want this date to ever end.  The
 following weekend we went out then again and spent
 the night together (simply magical) and the following day together.  He suddenly
 became a bit standoffish.  I didn’t hear from him for a few days.  I figured the
 guy gets what he wants, and I don’t hear from him.  Finally, he tells me that the
 day after we spent the night together, he had found that the ID in his wallet was
not where or in the same direction he usually puts it. He was accusing me of
going in his wallet to check his ID.  I was devastated that he would even think
that of me.  What ever happened to innocent until proven guilty? I told him I never
 went near his wallet, nor would ever think of doing so and maybe he put it back that
 way not realizing it and that it will happen again someday, and when it does he
will owe me an apology.  Nothing I could say would change his mind.  He said he
couldn’t trust me.  NO ONE has EVER said that to me. I know he reads your column
religiously, so I thought I’d write you for your thoughts on this.

It sounds to me like one of two things happened. He used this wallet escapade as a
quick get away, like a lot of city men do (as they don’t have the balls to say "I’m
 just not into you") or someone else, maybe even he, put the ID in his wallet the
wrong way. Nevertheless, he did you a big fucking favor by showing you how anal and
suspicious he is. Did you ever notice that thieves are always afraid someone is
stealing from them and how players are always afraid of being played? He should have
at least given you another chance, that’s why I find him
hard to believe. You should feel sorry for him, as he is clearly confused and paranoid,
but not so sorry that you take his arrogant ass back for another round.

I’m not sure how to handle this situation.  I am engaged to a woman who
used to have a 4 year relationship with another woman.  Everything
couldn’t be better with her accept I have a small concern which I have to
say does not affect how I feel about her I love her dearly.  I fully
satisfy her sexually, whether it be through intercourse, oral sex or a
good ol masturbation.  The intercourse is Great!!  She on the other hand
has given me maybe three blow jobs which she did not finish off, and one
hand job, during the span of almost 2 years. I don’t want to sound like I
am complaining and being selfish.  That is furthest from the truth.  I
THINK I could live without those things it’s just like missing out on a
bit of fun.  Now, we have agreed no intercourse until we are married which
is about three months away.  Again, I have satisfied her sexual hunger in
every other way, and she has not even put her hand on my member, so
needless to say, I am experiencing a bit of sexual frustration.  How do I
handle this other that coming right out with it.  "Why don’t you suck my
dick!?"  I don’t see that working to well.  I don’t doubt her love for me
at all, I just think she may still be a bit repulsed with the thought of
putting my dick in her mouth or jerking me off.  How do I tactfully deal
with this?


Blue Balls

You confuse me; you say "The intercourse is great" then you say "we
have agreed to no intercourse before marriage". Wtf? She was fucking you
but now suddenly, no sex (apart from you licking her out on a regular basis)
until you walk down aisle with her?
What we have here is a woman who doesn’t appreciate your cock enough to do
to it what a cock loves the most, getting head. Asking "Why don’t you suck my
dick?" is a perfect question, it hits the nail right on the head, but maybe
you have to rephrase it a bit. I have said this before, but maybe you missed it, just stop
going down on her and when she asks why, say "good question, I was going to
ask you the same thing, why the lack of oral sex?".
3 unfinished blow jobs in 4 years, now no hot beef injections until marriage
  and you STILL want to marry her? Her pussy must
be lined with velvet my friend…..

…..Be a man and speak up about your normal,
healthy oral sex
craving and find out before you take the leap if you are in for a life time of
this one sided oral sex routine BULLSHIT. Sounds to me like you are settling.
If you marry her you may end up cheating to get your cock sucked elsewhere, so think hard
about this, you need to step up to the plate before it’s too late.

Marijuana has proven to be the best aphrodisiac for my spouse. I’ve had to
give it up due to random testing with my new job. Can you suggest any over the counter
products that would have the same affect? When we’re high, she’s also receptive to
experimenting with anal sex. Without cannabis, there is no experimentation.
Can you suggest any
other ice breakers?
Saucy Sam

< Dark Chocolate boosts arousal


One should be able to get turned on and wet without having to smoke something
or pop any kind of pills. I am all for the good old fashioned aphrodisiacs, like getting a
nice, firm foot massage while I sip red wine and listen to some Jimi Hendrix (best music to fuck to).
And according to all of my girlfriends, a lengthily pussy licking always does the trick.

 I’m dating this girl and last night on my way home from a business meeting and I drove by her
 house (it’s on the way to my house from that part of town, I’m not a stalker) our subdivisions
 are close to each other. Anyway her long term ex-boyfriend was at her house. It was like 10 PM.
 That made me kinda nervous because I spoke to her an hour before that and she said she was in
bed and getting ready to go to sleep. So now I’m kinda bummed out. She called me a little while
ago this morning and she said she was tired and I asked her what time she went to sleep and she
said like 9 ish. I was trying to quiz her hoping that she wouldn’t lie to me and didn’t mention
that I drove by her house. I’m mostly bothered because I feel like she’s lying to me. It doesn’t
 bother me that she was hanging out, even though the ex bf thing makes me skeptical. 
How do I handle a situation like this?
You are my hero,
Pissed off Paul


If she was in bed with him, sleeping, then she isn’t a liar, just a two timing cunt. Heh heh.
No, seriously it could be she is just dating more than one guy.
Since you are only "dating" I would keep my options wide open, (pun intended) like she is, and
 instead of wasting energy on someone you now know you can’t trust, take that energy and go out
and meet other girls. Is she really worth all the hassle?
If you DO decide to confront her, make sure it’s in person, so you can see her face and watch for
 tell tale signs of lying (pathetic shocked look on red face; going into extreme details and
having your questions mainly answered with questions). Be prepared for her to say she is seeing
other men but there is still no excuse for her lying to you and if you tell her how you know, she
will think you have been stalking her. I would just move on and play the field, but if you do shag
her again, make sure you have condoms with you.

I have made a foe par on quiet a large scale. I was on the phone to my girlfriend of 6 months,
 as the conversation came to the end I blurted out ‘I love ya’… it wasn’t even ‘I love you’ but
 ‘ya’ . She promptly squeaked and we both hung up! I feel like such a fuck face, it’s such a
silly way to say those words for the first time, but it just happened.  It’s not the kind of
thing I say lightly at all; I really do feel it for her. I just thought when I told her if would
 be  a) a little bit later on b) in a much better way.
 My wonderful male intuition doesn’t give me much of an idea if she feels the same, or how I can
 come back from this situation with my head held high. What’s the best course of action?
Terrible Call Terry

Be grateful she didn’t say it first, as that would be even more difficult. It would be best not
 to mention your slip up, just say it again the next time you two are doing the dirty. Rolling
 around on top of each other is a great atmosphere for professing one’s love. If she doesn’t
say it back but keeps dating you and everything else is fine, it could mean she is just the
type who takes her time with that. I know people who never say it and who could blame them?
 Actions are always more important than words in a relationship.

My wife reads you religiously and I need some help, I have a great wife who loves me to no
end and I have a relationship most would be jealous of, my problem is I am a porn junkie
dating back to before I knew her, She just found a bunch of adds that I printed from,
 I never act on them or call any of the girls but I do email back and forth to them and she has
seen this. I love her with all my heart, we have a very active sex life 3-4 times a week and she
is always willing to experiment with me in the bedroom, we have been married for 18 years and I
am still very much attracted to her, I just don’t know why I am so curious to go back to this site.
Junk Junkie

< Many men dream it, but only a few make the harem thing work

Because you’re a man.

You didn’t mention her reaction. I think looking at porn is fine; communicating
with these girls from your past is rude to your wife. How would you like her keeping in touch with
 hot men from her past, just to be "friends"? Always turn the situation around and put yourself in
the other person’s shoes. Watching is fine, actively keeping in touch while married is pushing the envelope.

I want to try talking dirty to my boyfriend, as I like it when a guy talks dirty to me in bed. We have
slept together a few times already and unfortunately, he hasn’t even come close to dirty talk. He is 24
 and I am 21, and he is rather shy but great in bed. How do I introduce dirty talk in bed without
coming across as, well, a pushy, dirty whore.
Dirty Dana

Get him to mount you, doggy style, as there is less pressure when you are not eye to eye and say
 "fuck me harder", see his reaction, if he goes with it, then toss in a few other lines
like "my pussy LOVES you in there" etc, and hopefully after a few rounds of you being vocal, he will
know it’s safe to try it as well. You may have to ask him to talk dirty to you, as some men respect
women so much that are hesitant to blurt out "you like that you dirty bitch?" to a girl. Say it
over drinks one night that it would really turn you on if he spoke dirty to you in bed, this will
give him a chance to tell you if he likes it or not as asking him during sex may make him feel
obligated and/or cornered if he really doesn’t like it.

< Inspires Dirty Talk