Q.
I am a 29 year old living in NYC (gonna be 30 soon); I have had a fair amount of boyfriends, flings, etc. My previous obsession broke my heart, played me, and I held on for egoist reasons I realize now – he pumped me up and then dropped me – and he had a girlfriend, but I still stuck around for longer than I shoulda.. anyway, I am over that dude and I feel free and good – really, without too much baggage – I have done a lot of inner work.
NOW I meet this 24 year old – cute, very driven, old soul, young in other ways, BUT has money and lots of goals…. the problem is, that although I am having great sex and fun talking and chilling with him, he is definitely still hung up on a girl (20 years old) who he thought he would marry – she just broke up with him because he’s not Jewish and she is.
Well, he likes me; I know that – he is honest and forthright. He said ‘she has a claw in me’, which makes me cautious, but I am still drawn to him. He is a pot head and still hung up on her. He had her picture hanging in his apt. until I asked him to take it down.
Usually I am all or nothing –I am the initiator here, but he wants it… he is just passive, and maybe not healed or resolved yet. Should I let it play out, or should I jump ship?
Polythene Pam
A.
You little masochist. Falling for “unavailable” men will turn your life into a living HELL. He is not just “passive” he is high and apathetic, which means getting over HER will take even longer than it should. How much time do you have to burn? Perhaps you are bored and these difficult relationships are entertaining for you but I think they’re a waste of time. One of the first things you should find out about a perspective partner is if they are taken or how long has it been since the last relationship (anything less than 6 months is skating on thin ice). Dating someone else’s man is ignorant and a freshly wounded person is in no state of mind to put full effort into a new relationship. They have to snap out of it and then find themselves again, shag around and THEN maybe put their heart on their sleeve again. I understand it may be hard to find a single, decent man in a big city but if you are going to be 30 soon you should know by now that dating a pot head or even a drunk, is like throwing flames onto the relationship hell fire. Then you admit to being “the initiator”…omg..The only good thing you’ve said about this guy is he is cute, driven and has money…boooo, hissss… I’m gonna give this whole fucking idea big thumbs down. Time to jump ship, ya think?!
Q.
My girlfriend and I are in our early thirties and have been together for 5 years. I forgave her for an affair she had a couple years ago because the thought of losing her almost killed me. We got over that hump and now a problem has arrived that I am not sure how to handle. She hasn’t worked for the last 18 months. She does NOTHING except sit on her ass and surf the net. She says she can’t find a job but I know she isn’t looking hard enough. Meanwhile I am working my balls off, paying all the bills and wondering why. We have no kids so it’s not like that is the reason she isn’t working, she just got too comfortable and I guess I was so scared of her having another affair I kind of spoiled her too much. I was thinking of asking her to move back home to her parents, is that wrong? I feel like I’m going to snap soon.
Fool on the Hill
A.
You have every right to be pissed off. She is taking advantage of you. You give them an inch; they take a mile every time. You forgave an affair and she took advantage of the situation, not good. If it is hard for you to say it to her face, then write her a letter and tell her you are neither her Father nor ATM machine, she needs to pull her weight or move out, tell her it’s turning you off. I can’t stand lazy fucks like that.
Q.
My new boyfriend changes positions in bed so fast and so often that it makes me dizzy. He’s on top, then he throws me on top, he gets bored (I guess) and they wants it doggy style. How can I stop this jack rabbit behavior without hurting his feelings?
Lovely Rita
< Sexual A.d.d
A.
Start to suck his cock and just when he starts to get into it, spin around so he knows you want it from behind. If he whines (he probably will) tell him “Oh I guess that A.D.D sex doesn’t work for you either”. You have to speak up, people can’t mind read. Tell him in a nice, sexy way, you can’t get off if he changes positions so often. You could get an egg timer and tell him he shouldn’t let up until the bell rings. Let me know if that works.
Q.
My ex, who I’ve been apart from for 2 years, recently told me I give the best head he’s ever had. He has asked me a few times now for a favor, which is to blow him again for “old time sake”. I said no, but wonder why men think they will get away with that? Should I tell my current boyfriend? Should I just take it as a compliment?
Sexy Sadie
Yes, take it as a compliment, but most men say that to get head, play into your ego you know? I ‘m not doubting your oral capabilities, I am just saying it’s a popular ploy.
No point in telling your hubby, it will only make him jealous, nervous and maybe even violent, just keep those warm fuzzy thoughts to yourself and smile knowing he still yearns for you. Oh, and trying to get head and/or sex is what men are biologically supposed to do, so he’s just doing his manly duty, no harm in asking is there?