Month: July 2006

Q. My husband has been asking me for a "titty-fuck" lately, I wonder where he came up with this all of the sudden. I am too shy to rent pornographic movies, being a mom and all. How does one do this correctly? My breasts are only 36 B.

Timid Tara

A. Sit him on the corner of your bed (doesn’t work if mattress is on the floor) or put him in a chair. Kneel in front of him, with lubrication gel close at hand. Blow him a bit first to make sure he is up for the occasion, then lube your cleavage a bit, stick his knob in between your breasts and squeeze them together as hard as you can, then slide your tits up and down his shaft in a nice, slow rhythm. It’s rather difficult (they make it look so easy in the "movies"). Smile and make eye contact to let him know you are having a blast. It may be difficult/impossible to get him to cum like that, so don’t take it personally; the titty fuck is mainly for wank-bank footage.

Q. My girlfriends vagina has a fishy smell could she have some kind of infection if so what could it be?

 Wondering William

 A. Bacterial vaginosis (BV) causes a fishy smell and some itching/burning (oh so fun). It’s not 100% clear how BV is related to sexual activity, although there may be a link with having a new sexual partner and/or a large number of sexual partners. The coil seems to increase the risk of BV. Sometimes the "fishy" smell comes from the sperm, after all, sperm is like a fish, a tiny Tadpole. If there is any sperm lingering around in her snatch, it could start to smell like dead fish after a while, so don’t be so quick to blame the chicks for smelling like fish when you guys are the ones who produce it.

^ Looks FISHY to me

 Q. I have tried everything to please my boyfriend (we are an item since 2 years). Even though he keeps getting fired, I still treat him like a king, I fuck him constantly and cook for him too. He is always in a bad mood and snaps at me all the time. I even started to use your massage tips to pamper him but it only seems to make him worse. He is super good looking and has a giant dick, so it’s hard to leave him. What can I do to cheer him up and make him happier.

Hopeless Heidi

 A. If a man hates his job or feels inadequate, it is difficult for him to be nice to his girlfriend. He probably resents you for loving him and treating him so well, as subconsciously he feels he doesn’t deserve it and gets pissed off that you put him on such a high pedestal when he knows he hasn’t earned the privilege. If they have a tiny dick, no car or hate their job, they may take it out on their loved ones. Sooo, the nicer you are, the meaner he will get. Stop putting so much effort into things, just BE. Make him swoon over you, it’s his turn to be the fucking cheer leader. You will see an immediate change. Not for all, but for some it’s : Treat ’em mean, keep ’em keen.

Click and Watch 🙂

Q.
I am LIVID. I caught my fiance’ cheating on me a week after he proposed to me.
Is it unethical to ask you for advice on how to get revenge? I need it bad.
Hell Bent Halle

A.

There is one web site out there that you can post naked pictures of your ex boyfriend,
 have a look:  http://www.nakedpicturesofmyexboyfriend.com/  

My current flame always says "revenge is best served cold", as in, if you
tried to get back at him too fast, he would know it was you, so take your time
planning your revenge and let it rip when it’s ready to serve.

You could do what Samantha from Sex and the City did and photo copy the naked
pictures and post them all around his work building and neighborhood, etc, and
write something on the photo copy like "BOB is  a Shit Sticker" (gay) or
something else clever like that. However, the best response is no response, try to
find something constructive to do with your rage, like blow his best friend, or
his Dad ( have a heart: only if Dad is single).

< tilt head to the right to read

Q.
I need sexual tips that will make my husband happy in bed. I am fat and this makes me very unhappy,
but i still want to make my husband happy in bed.

Chubby Cher

A.
If you’re unhappy about being "fat" then you should find time to go for fast walks as often
as you can. But that’s a whole different story. If you are heavy, the best position for sex
is doggy style or the old fashioned missionary position. You should make him sit on the corner
of the bed, with you kneeling in front of him. You can give titty fuck him and blow him, both
of which will please him and he won’t be looking at your chubby body, just your face and breasts.
Many men like big women, but if it is making YOU unhappy, then get moving and get in shape. You will
have more energy and it will increase your sexual appetite and most importantly, you won’t be limited
in sexual posistions any longer. If you can’t be bothered losing weight, keep in mind "the Bigger the cushion,
the better the pushin’". Frank Zappa.

Q.
Is there a way to shave your pussy and not get little red, painful/itchy bumps everywhere?
It’s always nice and smooth the day I shave but the next day it looks like I have the chicken pox
 on my pussy.Please help me.I have tried everything I can think of.

A.
If you know someone will be viewing/touching your nicely shaved areas, then wait until that day to shave,
 as the second day is when the hairs start to poke through again and if they get irritated with sweat,
 perfume or heat, they can cause red bumps. There is a lotion called Tend Skin that you can put on the
freshly shaved areas AFTER the skin dries. If you can’t find Tend Skin  you can soak some cotton balls with
 alcohol and aloe Vera gel and saturate the shaved area, then let air dry. Also, change your razor blades
as often as you can afford to and avoid cheap razors, this is one area you shouldn’t try to cut corners.

Q.
The other day my boyfriend and myself were having sex and he urinated inside of me. I was wondering what,
 if anything it would do to me.

A.
What a sick bastard. Was he too lazy to get up and piss in the toilet? It’s unhygienic and disgusting to piss
inside of someone else. If you start itching, you may want to drag it to the Gynecologists office, have fun
explaining that one.

Q.

I have been with a girl now for 8 months. We’re not legitimately going out but essentially we are.
 I’m a very sexual person and she also seems to be, but I am her first "boyfriend" and the first person she has done anything sexual with. Yet throughout our sexual relationship, she has never reached orgasm!
This bothers me mainly because I would think of myself as very good at giving pleasure, due to my past experiences with girls, always getting them to climax in obvious gratification. The problem is I can get her moaning and squirming but she gets to a point that seems like unbearable pleasure and she can’t go any further! I’ve never encountered a girl who can’t bear to go on and I often wonder if it’s psychological as opposed to physical, yet she seems completely and utterly comfortable with me so I can’t imagine why it would be a problem in her mind. Excuse the frustrated rant, I would appreciate any help you could give!

Thank you,    – Thwarted Tom

Faking it is easy ^

A.
"Always getting them to climax". Ha ha. Sorry to be the one to drop the bomb, but A LOT of women fake it just to get it over with, so, using the term "always" is just naive. MANY women have a problem climaxing. I personally know a large number of females who can’t cum with a partner, only with themselves and I know a few who can’t cum at all. I think she is just being honest, she moans and squirms when it feels good, but she doesn’t fake it. Many would. Try giving her oral sex, takes patients and time, but ask her where is the right spot and stick with it for at least 20 minutes. Don’t change and move around, or you will have to start from scratch. You should also ask her OUTSIDE of the bed room, if she masturbates and if so, how long does it take for her to cum. Since she seems so comfortable with you, talking about these things will make things in bed much easier. One more thing, just because a woman doesn’t have an orgasm, doesn’t mean she didn’t enjoy you banging her. Women can have just as much fun without the big O. It’s nice, but not mandatory, we don’t have a stiff cock and bursting balls distracting us constantly. Amen.
 

Syd Barrett   January 6, 1946 – July 2006

He joined Pink Floyd in 1965 but left three years later after one album. He went on to live as a recluse, with his mental deterioration blamed on drugs.

 "He died very peacefully a couple of days ago," the band’s spokeswoman said.

SHINE ON YOU CRAZY DIAMOND

 "Nobody knows where you are, how near or how far. Shine on you crazy diamond. Pile on many more layers and I’ll be joining you there. Shine on you crazy diamond. And we’ll bask in the shadow of yesterday’s triumph, sail on the steel breeze. Come on you boy child, you winner and loser, come on you miner for truth and delusion, and shine"