Crappy Massages- I’ve had ENOUGH!!

I am ill, some sort of evil cold or I don’t know what it is, but I think it must have come from massaging almost 20 people Sunday night at the Bloodhound Gang show. I have paid 3 different people to come to my place and massage me here in Berlin and each massage SUCKED!

It is so fucking hard to get a good massage!!! My team is busy so I hire random massage therapists, thinking the next one HAS to be better, but they aren’t. They talk too much, do too much voo-doo bullshit like hold their arms in the air to "feel the vibe of the room" for 15 minutes (hello, you’re on the clock fuck face, let’s get moving and rub my ass down!) or they insist on their new-age sappy music which they bring with them (sorry but I prefer to get massaged to Janice, the Beatles or the Moody Blues, hell, sometimes even AC/DC!) Their "muzak" only makes aggressive. The most popular problem is I can’t FEEL THEM! Hello, I need pain. I am willing to dish out a lot of cash for a brutal massage but no one has the balls or cares enough to put some elbow grease into it, SO I just have to wait until I get back to NYC and have my FAVORITE massage therapist come and beat me up. ‘CATHERINE  the GREAT’  I LOVE YOU!!!!!!  (this is why she is my US representative! She ROCKS!)

"sometimes a RUB don’t feel like it should, you make it hurt so good.. come on baby make it hurt so good!"  LMFAO!