Ask Dr. Dot

“You give advice don’t you Doctor?” my last massage client asked me. “Yes”, I told him. He then showed me many Shiny bumps all over his skin between his belly button and penis. “My wife likes a clean shaven genital area, so I have been getting brazilian waxes for her, to encourage her to spend more time down there, but when the hair grows back in, I break out and it is itchy and looks nasty”. Yes, I agreed, it looks unflattering. Well, I gave the guy a sample of this lotion you can get at most beauty supply outlets, called “Tend Skin”. Apply at night and again after shaving, this will help. Let me just comment on this whole metro-sexual trend, that queer eye for the straight guy has started. Women usually like the natural look, and if you have too much hair down there, trim it with scissors, but going through all that pain and trouble to make it look nice for her/him, well, I just don’t see the point.

 First of all, men’s genital are not the prettiest things on earth, so the hair kind of camouflages it which is a good thing. Second, most women orgasm better when they are on top by rubbing their clit on the aforementioned area, between the navel and penis. If it is hairy, put some KY lube on there so she can slide better, but by shaving, well, you are bound to have SOME stubble there and this will hurt her clit like a cheese grater would. I personally like a guy to look like a GUY, hairy and all, not plucked, waxed and dyed (unless you are a porn star, why bother?)But if you insist on dragging your hairy ass down to Heidi the German bikini wax pro, then pick up some astringent for your bald jewels while you are at it.

 Dr. Dot

Dear Dr. Dot,

I partied all night long and need to look gorgeous tomorrow, help!”.

Puky Pam

Dear PP,

That is an easy one. After your drinking binge, go home and eat something, say a piece of pizza ( hey, if you drink all that a few carbs won’t matter anymore) or a baked potato to absorb some of the poison heading towards your poor liver. Swallow a couple aspirins and sleep as much as you can ( with window open for fresh air).Morning: For an immediate face lift and zit killer, take a couple aspirins and one alka seltzer tablet and crush them with the bottom of a glass into powder form. Add a half teaspoon of water and mix to form a paste. Quickly take paste rub it over face in circular motion, avoiding eyes. You should feel a tingly sensation that slightly burns. Leave on for 5 minutes or more, preferably lying on your back with legs straight up against the wall to kill two birds with one stone.

 You could even lie there for 10 or 20 minutes letting the blood leave your legs and head towards your face, making you feel and look rested. Wash off and take an ice cube, get it wet and smooth all over face, including under eyes. Then moisturize face with sun block and under eyes with a dab of vaseline. Take some vitamin C tablets, a cup of strong coffee. If you are a woman, use minimal eye make up, but darker lip shade than normal ( distract em from your tired eyes) and tie hair back for instant face lift.Visine to top off the routine and you should look as good as new for the day, then go home and sleep your ass off and don’t do that again ( until next week).

Dr. Dot

Dear DD,

Sometimes when my girlfriend is having a hard time, be it with work, family or even with me, I try to cheer her up and ask her what’s wrong, as I feel talking about it will help. She clams up and won’t tell me why she is mad or upset. If I keep asking her she’ll say something like “its not like I’m going to tell you” and then if I say “please don’t do this to us, just tell me babe”  she gets either mad and tells me to stop bothering her about it or she ignores me. I want to know how in the hell do you talk to someone who feels bad but wont tell you about it. Thank you so much

Sappy Sam

Dear Sam,

It’s her loss if she doesn’t take up your offer to vent. Females play this game fairly often. You ask them “Honey, what’s wrong?” and they say “Nothing Fuck Face”. Well, you could swallow your pride and keep begging her and when it finally comes out, it will usually be something like “You don’t do what I want you to do when I want you to do it, and/or I need attention!” Be a man and tell her once:  “Honey, if you’d like to chat, I am all ears”. If she doesn’t, then forget about it and let her stew in her own dark secret juices. Life is too short to get upset over thoughts someone has in their head. It’s almost trespassing if you force her to talk when she doesn’t want to. The mind is a private space. If she acts snotty to you, that’s a different story. Say to her “speak now or forever hold your peace”. You are a boyfriend/husband not her shrink. Sounds to me like she doesn’t like to speak on demand, so why waste your time? H ave a wank instead.

Dr. Dot


 Dear Dr. Dot,

Last year about this time, I started speaking with one of my exes again.He’s one of the “ones that got away” and I can’t stop my initial feelingsfor him….you know, the PERFECT GUY. Well, what happens is, we’ll starttalking for a few days for hours upon hours, then one day he’ll stopreturning my calls for months. He’ll call me a few months later and say hewants to marry me, and then drop off the face of the earth again.As you well know, there’s only so much a girl can take, but he really isthat perfect guy. My friends haven’t been much help in the advicedepartment, and I’m at the point where I’m utterly confused.What’s a girl to do? Should I call him, make a move?

 Lovely Rita

Dear Rita,

I am almost positive he has a girlfriend. I am sure he can’t forget you, but is in a relationship and is afraid leaving her for you is a mistake, so he can’t decide. Many people do that, they are afraid to change waterfalls but often take a dip to see how it feels. Calling him and chasing him is like the egg chasing the sperm “here I am, don’t forget me, don’t you want me?” sounds unnatural right? Don’t wait around, perfect or not, time is ticking and life is short. If a man can live without you, LET HIM!

Dr. Dot