Ask Dr. Dot

Dear Dr. Dot,
My boyfriend left me, broke my heart to pieces. This happened 5 months ago and I’m still not over him. Other guys and alcohol seem to help for a night or two, but then I am in tears again. How long will this go on?
Dying in Brooklyn

Dear Dying,
In order for us to appreciate love, we all must (1) Break someone’s heart (2) Have our heart broke. After both of those events have happened, you should be tough enough to continue the game of love, cautiously and gratefully. If you are feeling sorry for yourself, listen to some Frank Zappa, he always shines a humorous light on things: “Some of you might not agree ’cause you probably likes a lot of misery, but think a while and you will see…Broken hearts are for assholes. You say you can’t live with what you been through, well, ladies you can be an asshole too”. This way of thinking (humor) puts things in perspective. Try to love only those who love you and you can’t go wrong.
Dr. Dot


Hey Dr,
My chick always wears big cotton underwear, like my granny used to wear. She says she hates thongs, but I really would love her to wear one for me, at least once in a while. How can you force your babe into a thong?

Dear Frank,
How about bringing her to Victoria’s Secret and show her the semi-thong first. They are wider then the dental floss thong and once you get her into it, you can “accidentally” stuff the material into her crack and presto, thong time. Note: sleeping in a thong is never a good idea, as it spreads nasty germs from the back hole to the front hole, very unhygienic. You can lead a girl to thong, but you can’t make her crack.
Dr. Dot