When push comes to shove (penny pinchin’ in Berlin)

You almost have to feel sorry for Berlin when you realize how broke it is. I’ve only been back here a week and at first I thought people were exaggerating about how minus they are on their bank accounts. Not only that, none of them can call out on their cell phones. You can call them, but their phones have been shut off long ago. Land lines? No fucking way, no one I know even has a land line anymore. What the hell is going on here? In 1989 when I moved here, it was thriving,money was everywhere.

Now, it’s “who’s gonna give in and call who first” to save money. Unreal. So this is how a recession looks? The women are furious. German men are already tight wads who refuse to buy a gal a drink, but now it’s hard-core. The women are supporting the men. Feeding them, inviting them out to eat and as my gal pals complained tonight , the men want “gratis muschi” ahem, how do I put this lightly, the men want it for free, as in, free trim without even the dinner/movie let alone pay their bills. Times are TOUGH here! Aggravated at first, now I feel sympathy for the people here. Where is it going now? Will another war have to break out to make enough jobs for the Germans? My older intelligent German female pals told me it will be this bad and worse for the next 10 years, and then maybe it will get better.

No wonder they can’t afford a smile. My good friend Jaquline was in tears tonight when she picked me up to go to the b-day party. She is crying cause she has too many bills and no man to support her. She is a Dentist, not a Dental Hygienist, a DENTIST and she can’t even make ends meet here. I told her to cheer up, she is beautiful, qualified/educated, healthy and loved and she has an apartment in the hottest part of Berlin with a gorgeous daughter. I told her if she can’t cure the problem at this very moment, she should at least try to enjoy the present time, the here and now.

Jaquline and I went to the cult bar called ‘White Trash Fast Food’ in the east of Berlin. The twins, Iris and Petra were throwing their b-day bash there. I met the owner, ‘Wally’ tonight for the first time. He is from L.A and told me he hates L.A as much as I do. (I doubt that is possible). I let him know his bar is the coolest in Berlin except for the cig smoke; I could barely see across the room, but that’s how it is all over Berlin.


 (above left: Petra and Wally/ above right: Jaquline and Iris at ‘White Trash Fast Food’)

I am now at home, sitting here naked, as my clothing is hanging outside on the balcony to air out from all of the friggin SMOKE it absorbed during my night out here in smokey ass Berlin. All of you cig smokers have no idea what I mean, it is so smokey here, you don’t even have to buy cigs, all you have to do is go out and breath in, you will get your fill of nicotine/tar for the night.

 (Martina, Frodo(?) and me)

No wonder I get ill from the cig smoke, look how wide I have my big yapper open the whole time (feel free to hog all the oxygen Dot!)

The HUGE guy in the back ground there, with the nose ring, is called Frodo, or Bodo, or Hodo, I couldn’t quite get the name with this Viral Labrinyth thing going on, yes, still deaf in one ear, can’t hear out the other. Plus he is a few feet taller then I so he had to shout down at me in his German banter. Gentle Giant I call him. Nice dude, let me know if you need a body guard. He is like my dogs, they look vicious, but they would never bite. (Dangerous people don’t know that so don’t tell ’em).

I dragged Martina and Jaquline to my old watering hole after the b-day bash, the ol’ Oscar Wilde. As usual it was packed with drunk Irish dudes. Some were aching to get slapped. They all had tried their best to impress me and my mates with really stupid pick up lines: “it’s me birthday, can I have eh birthday kiss eh?” I said, “show me your ID then.” He didn’t have it and oozed “liar”.

Another got pissed off that he ‘wasn’t my type’, and then told me I have a big arse (sour grapes laddy!) I said, “yes, look at my huge ass, the bigger then cushion, the better the pushin'”. This place is rough, especially after midnight. The lads would never speak to a female like that back home in Ireland, but here in Berlin, they behave badly, really badly. I don’t mind reminding them of their manners though. It was fun going there again and Terry, the owner was very pleased to have my there again, haven’t seen him for ages!

I have gotten mixed reviews about that huge ‘selling of my eggs on E Bay’ story (It made the cover of the news papers here) it brought out hate, envy, laughs and encouragement. Those who are easily shocked, should be shocked more often.

I often feel like the dog in this cartoon, you know, running against the wind:

WHEW! One good thing, my pal, the reporter, Alexandra, wrote a two page story about my life in NYC and I was sweatin’ it, wondering what she would write. It’s all good, no back stabbing or scandal. If you can read some German, you can see it HERE