Clapton and Earth Wind and Fire ?

Last night I went out to eat with my ol’ pal Tim Carmon -check him out:


Keyboards player Tim was trained at the USA’s Duke Ellington School of Arts, and is also a drummer and vocalist.   He has performed live with, among many others, Babyface, Gladys Knight, Lalah Hathaway, Jon B., Shai and Wayman Tisdale, and acted as musical director for artist including Eric Benet, Kenny Lattimore, II D’Extreme and Something For The People.  On television he has backed many of the above-named artist as well as Mary J. Blige, Gerald Albright, Mavis Staples, Ron Isley and others.  Tim’s recording credits include playing on Peter Andre’s “Owe It All To You”, Vybe’s “Knock Me Off My Feet”, Gerald Albright’s “About Last Night”, Eric Benet’s “Smile”, II D’Extreme’s “You Can Have My Love” and the Solid Rock Christian Choir’s “Live in D.C.”

As a songwriter or producer Tim has worked on many recordings, including Something For The People’s “There I Go/ You Don’t Have To Be Alone”, nine songs on II D’Extreme’s From One Extreme to Another,  Lalah Hathaway’s remixed “Let Me Love You” and Beverly Crawford’s “If I Can Dream”.

He brought a friend of his along, Vadim, a funny  Russian guy (with a Southern accent) who is currently on tour playing guitar for Earth, Wind and Fire. Knowing that I would be massaging musicians from two of the best bands in the world made my meal taste better. Vadim even plays with Chicago when the two bands play “If you leave me now” together. Imagine that, Earth, Wind and Fire playing with Chicago. Oh god, I would watch and dance to every song- no pee breaks! Tim is wicked funny and tried to beat me once at table soccer, but lost sadly- but then Eric gave me the ass-whoopin’ of my life and that humbled me. I am sure he (Eric) can beat anyone at that game.     Here is a photo I took of Tim a few years ago, he is smiling because we hadn’t started yet.He thought he would win, tsk tsk. 🙂

Time for another rematch.

Tim has invited me out to LA to his studio to have me sing some tracks.I love to sing but could never tour like the rock stars do, it’s HELL! Different place everyday, never know where the good food is and freaks like me with a sleeping disorder, well, forgettaboutit.

I will go there and sing, record some tracks, but who the hell knows when.Tim says LA is great, but he will have to convince me, because from what I have seen of LA, it SUCKS. I hated it with a passion. Sure the weather is gorgeous and the palm trees too, but there is no culture and everyone is full of SHIT.”Who do you know!?” Is the first question people ask you. FUCK OFF! The men, even the straight ones, have groomed eye brows and wear make up, everyday. And of course, I have to quote my hero, Mr. Frank Zappa, as his opinion of LA hits the nail on the head, this is “Tinsel town Rebellion”

From madam wong’s to starwood
To the whiskey on the strip
You can hear the crashing, blasting strum
Of bands that come to be real hip
And get a record contract
From a talent scout some day
They’ll sell their ass, their cocks and balls
They’ll take the check ‘n’ walk away
If they’re lucky they’ll get famous
For a week or two perhaps
They’ll buy some ugly clothes to wear
And hope the business don’t collapse
Before some stupid magazine
Decides they’re really good
They’re a tinsel town rebellion band
From downtown hollywood

Tinsel town rebellion, tinsel town rebellion band
It’s a little bitty tinsel town rebellion
A tinsel town rebellion band

They used to play all kinds of stuff
And some of it was nice
Some of it was musical
But then they took some guy’s advice
To get a record deal, he said,
They would have to be more punk
Forget their chops and play real dumb
Or else they would be sunk
So off they go to s.i.r. to learn some stupid riffs
And practice all their poses
In between their powder sniffs

Chop a line now, snort it up now
And when they think they’ve got it
They launch a new career
Who gives a fuck if what they play
Is somewhat insincere

Tinsel town rebellion, tinsel town rebellion band
A tinsel town rebellion,
A tinsel town rebellion band
Did you know that in tinsel town the people down there
Think that substance is a bore
And if your new wave group looks good
They’ll hurry on back for more
Of leather groups and plastic groups
And groups that look real queer
The tinsel town aficionados
Come to see and not to hear
But then again this system works
As perfect as a dream
It works for all of those record company pricks
Who come to skim the cream
From the cesspools of excitement
Where jim morrison once stood
It’s the tinsel town rebellion
From downtown hollywood

Is everybody happy?
Oh never mind!
No problem!

And one more, his song FLAKES is also the fucking bomb, from the

” Sheik Yerbouti” album:

Flakes! flakes!
Flakes! flakes!
They don’t do no good
They never be workin’
When they oughta should
They waste your time
They’re wastin’ mine
California’s got the most of them
Boy, they got a host of them

Swear t’god they got the most
At every business on the coast
Swear t’god they got the most
At every business on the coast
They got the flakes

Flakes! flakes!

They can’t fix yer brakes
You ask ’em, “where’s my motor?”
“well, it was eaten by snakes…”
You can stab ‘n’ shoot ‘n’ spit
But they won’t be fixin’ it
They’re lyin’ an’ lazy
They can be drivin’ you crazy

Swear t’god they got the most
At every business on the coast
Swear t’god they got the most
At every business on the coast
Take it away, bob…

I asked as nice as i could
If my job would
Somehow be finished by friday
Well, them whole damn weekend
Came ‘n’ went, frankie
Wanna buy some mandies, bob?
‘n’ they didn’t do nothin’
But they charged me double for sunday

You know, no matter what you do,
They gonna cheat ‘n’ rob you
Then they’ll send you a bill
That’ll get your senses reelin’
And if you do not pay
They got computer collectors
That’ll get you so crazy
’til your head’ll go through th’ ceilin’
Yes it will!

I’m a moron, ‘n’ this is my wife
She’s frosting a cake
With a paper knife
All what we got here’s
American made
It’s a little bit cheesey,
But it’s nicely displayed
Well we don’t get excited when it
Crumbles ‘n’ breaks
We just get on the phone
And call up some flakes
They rush on over
‘n’ wreck it some more
‘n’ we are so dumb
They’re linin’ up at our door
Well, the toilet went crazy
Yersterday afternoon
The plumber he says
Never flush a tampoon!
This great information
Cost me half a week’s pay
And the toilet blew up
Later on the next day-ay-eee-ay
Blew up the next day

We are millions ‘n’ millions,
We’re coming to get you
We’re protected by unions
So don’t let it upset you
Can’t escape the conclusion
It’s probably god’s will
That civilization
Will grind to a standstill
And we are the people
Who will make it all happen
While yer children is sleepin’,
Yer puppy is crappin’
You might call us flakes
Or something else you might coin us
But we know you’re so greedy
That you’ll probably join us

We’re coming to get you, we’re coming to get you

Tomorrow and Sunday I will be massaging Sting and his tour manager, William again, they are my most frequent customers at this point. They are also a blast to hang with, so it doesn’t feel like work. 

Obviously I am a music junkie, no way around it.

Gotta hit the sack