Jokes from Dot’s Dad


 10. He can open your blouse by himself, with one hand.   

9.  While suckling at one breast, he caresses the other.   

8.  He has developed a bad habit of flicking his tongue.   

7.  He keeps slipping dollar bills in your belt.   

6.  He uses your milk as creamer for his coffee.   

5.  Your birth control pills interfere with his acne   


4.  After each feeding, he has a smoke.   

3.  He frequently invites his friends over for dinner.   

2.  You feel an uncontrollable urge to listen to   

    "Dueling Banjos."   

And the number one sign your child is too old to breastfeed:   

 1.  Beard abrasions on areola.   

Eight sure-fire ways to tell if you are gay...      

1. If you are over thirty and you have a washboard stomach, you   

are gay. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the   

boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups,   

aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet.   


2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is like   

a dog, but gay - it grooms itself constantly but never scratches   

itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and   

whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog...   

"Killer, come here! I said get your ass over here, Killer!" Now   

think about how you call a cat..."Bun-bun, come to daddy,   

snookums!" Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed, you're so gay.   


3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any   

such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man   

only sucks on bar-b-que ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish   

guts, pickled pigs feet, or tits. Anything else and you are in   

training to suck El Dicko and undeniably a fag.   


4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in   

a parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's   

world is his bathroom; he defecates and urinates where he   



5. If you drink decaf coffee with skim milk, you like a high   

hard one in the poop chute. Coffee is to be had strong, black,   

and full aroma. A straight man will never be heard ordering a   

"Decaf Cafe Latte with Skim" and he will never, ever know what   

artificial sweetener tastes like. If you've had NutraSweet   

in your mouth, you've had a man there, too.   


6. If you know more than six names of colors or four different   

types of dessert, you might as well be handing out free passes   

to your ass. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain   

to remember all of that crap as well as all the names of all  

the players in the Major league, NFL, NBA, college ball, PGA   

and NASCAR. If you can pick out chartreuse or you know what a   

"fressier" is you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of   

textile other than denim, you are faggadocious.   


7. If
 you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're   

dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the   

wheel to honk at a slow-ass driver or to cut the punk off. The   

rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station,   

eat a hamburger, hold his beer, or play with his bitch in the   

passenger seat.   


8. If you enjoy romantic comedies or French films, mon-frere,   

vous le Gay, oui? The only time it is acceptable to watch one of   

those is with a woman who knows how to reward her man. Watching   

any of the above films by yourself or with another man is likely   

to result in SHC (spontaneous homosexual combustion), which is   

what happens to fags when they flame out too quickly.