Month: September 2004

I love the look on the cat’s face. How many women look like that during sex? Like “just get it over with you dirty dog!”

Nice of you to write me, wishing me luck on getting rid of this cold. NO, I am NOT a Hypochondriac; I have ‘Viral Labyrinthitis’ come to find out. Since 11 days or so, I thought it was just a horrible cold and was given a prescription for Antibiotics over the phone, without my Doctor even seeing me. He was out of town and had his fill in ask me my symptoms.

I have had Tinnitus  for the last few years anyways, just like Pete Townshend has, but the last week I have become what seems to most as a DEAF pain in the ASS. My good pal Matt

 Matt (The ‘Back door man’ )

said something to me the other night and not sure if I heard him right, I said “did you just say David Hasslehoff?” He laughed his ass off, that wasn’t even close to what he said. He said  “I have to go wack off”. So now, every time we speak, and I can’t hear him, he says “DAVID HASSELHOFF DOT!”. Hours later I SWORE he said “Do you want a crack whore?” ( I mean really, it sounded just like that, but I was puzzled by the question, why would I need a crack whore?) Apparently he said  ” I wanted to put it in her back door”.

This virus I have makes you tired as HELL, effects your balance, and makes you dizzy and most of all, makes you deaf for a while, they say, most of the time you get back to normal, but sometimes you stay deaf 🙁    That would SUCK royally. No wonder karaoke sounded so bad on Thursday night, I couldn’t hear anything except the little voices in my head humming along to the Beatles tune I was singing!

If you click on VIRAL LABYRINTHITIS you will see what I am going through. I should be working my ass off and also, singing my ass off before my dreaded trip across the ocean to warm, friendly and happy Berlin (as if) but NO, I have to hang around my flat in my pajamas (yes, they are satin and red and dead sexy) and just try to chill (big chore for me to chill). I know it SOUNDS like I have been ill a lot lately, but really, it was just the Sciatic Nerve thing which started in March, then recently my too much to drink puke festival and now this. Maybe the drinking thing triggered this, I am such a wimp when it comes to drink. BUT I think it started two Wednesdays ago, when I was caught in a massive rain storm and got soaked to the bone, the went into a grocery store and since they like to keep them BELOW FUCKING ZERO here in the USA, I FROZE. Why do they keep them so cold? My guess is there are so many FAT people around, including most employees at the store, and we all know, fat insulates and makes one sweat. So they are all fat and sweating and have to keep it so cold. What about us thin folks? Should we carry a friggin sleeping bag around with us and wear UGG boots in case we have to shop?

Since that night, I felt ill. First sore throat, coughing binges, fever and dizzy spells and LOUD chirping/ringing in my ears and kind of a muffled pounding sound which makes my friends sound like they are constantly talking about David Hasselhoff (not just my German friends who talk about him every day anyways) .Listen, I don’t want any sappy emails wishing me well, I don’t deserve them as I am bitchy as hell right now. I am only telling you this crap so you know why I haven’t been out to karaoke. I am so tired I almost fell asleep driving Alexandra (at 80 miles an hour) to the Newark Airport tonight.

That picture above is Alexandra, Joy and I in Hoboken. Alexandra wanted a view of NYC from across the water, and I’ll be dammed if I am going to Brooklyn ever again. (Don’t write me hate mail about bashing Brooklyn either as I don’t care. If you stop too long at some lights, your hub caps will be stolen!). A lot of people have written me and asked me why there are no pictures of Joy. Good Question, but freaky answer. Joy is so deep, I swear she has some freaky Indian soul that hates it’s picture being taken. It sabotages almost every photo I take of her! I do have a nice one of her on my www.drdot.com web site, in the Assistants section though. She is from New Zealand in case you didn’t know yet and has become my best friend in America. I love her madly. Alexandra got to see the famous Hoboken (where Frank Sinatra was hatched) and loved it, in fact, her exact words were “If I moved to the US, I will move here. I like it much better than NYC. It is so quiet and clean and so close to Manhattan!”. So there you go.

I don’t know where this picture below has been for so long, but is it me on a killer Harley a while back showing off my rump. If you look hard enough, you can see Satu on the right laughing.

That would be us trying to wake up a DULL Berliner VIP party. Not going to those boring things anymore, if there is no karaoke, count me out.

“When I wake up early in the morning
Lift my head, I’m still yawning
When I’m in the middle of a dream
Stay in bed, float up stream (float up stream)

Please, don’t spoil my day, I’m miles away
And after all I’m only sleeping”  BEATLES

Hi all,
 
I am so excited to let you know that I am featured in the new book, ‘The
Experts’ Guide to 100 Things Everyone Should Know How To Do’, which
hits shelves today!  The author, Samantha Ettus, compiled brief how-to
essays from 100 of the world’s leading experts and I was invited to
contribute a chapter on How to Massage.
 
Here are just a few of my fellow Experts: Donald Trump (on how to
negotiate), Jennifer Capriati (on how to hit a tennis ball), Debbie
Fields (on baking a chocolate chip cookie), Bikram Choudhury (on
breathing), Howie Mandel (on how to tell a joke), and Bobbi Brown (on
how to apply lipstick).  From how to flirt to how to speed read, how to
remove a stain to how to swing a golf club, this book is like a Cliffs
Notes on life.
 
Publisher’s Weekly calls it “a coffee table book of the most practical
sort.”  Tastemakers have raved, “Required reading for anyone aiming to
ace real life.” 
 
Booklist writes, “We need this book.”
 
Before it is touted on The Today Show, CNN, etc, I wanted to give you a
heads up so you can pick up a copy.  It’s poised to make a splash! For a
preview of the book and a listing of all 100 experts check out
http://www.theexpertsguideto.com <http://www.theexpertsguideto.com> 
 
Also be sure to sign up the for the mailing list because Samantha is
headed on a 23 city book tour and throwing a bunch of great parties
along the way which she would love to invite you to.
 
Let me know what you think and, feel free to forward this on to your
friends! 
  
Dr. Dot
 
If you want to pre-order a copy today online (or get some holiday
shopping done early) click below:
 
http://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksearch/isbnInquiry.asp?userid=DJ5PC
yp9CC
<http://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksearch/isbnInquiry.asp?userid=DJ5P
Cyp9CC&isbn=1400052564&itm=1> &isbn=1400052564&itm=1

Well, it took them a while to complain, but they did. I was the first (and probably the last) person to sell their “eggs” on E-Bay. Here is them slapping my hands:

Dear Dr Dot   (drdot@drdot.com), We regret to inform you that your eBay auction:

“Dr. Dot sells her eggs, yes, those eggs ” has been ended. All fees associated with this auction have been credited to your account.

You may not be aware of this, but eBay does not permit human body parts to be
listed on our site. Examples of prohibited items include, but are not limited
to: organs, bone, blood, waste, sperm, and eggs. You may not include such items
as a gift, prize or giveaway in connection with an item listed on eBay. Items
that contain human hair (e.g., lockets) as well as skulls and skeletons that are
used for medical purposes may be listed on eBay.

Dr. Dot

Click HERE to see the story in the German press

(tranlasted, it’s a SCANDAL and the churches are upset. The gyno pictured in the article says it’s normal in the US but forbidden in Germany. They say it’s the first time someone has done this on E-bay, auction style)

I say, be a leader not a sheep/follower

😉

Dr. Dot,
Do you have any use for a cleaning boy who works for free? I’d do great work for you, and I expect nothing at all in return. I actually do better work than paid workers do. Several people who have used me offered me paid jobs. I even have references.
I scrub floors, wash dishes, and do whatever other chores you need done. No job is too big or too disgusting.
I live in Brooklyn, and I have pics available if you’re interested.
Peter

 click on picture to see tribute.

I took this picture of Johnny in a hotel in Providence, R.I in 1984!! (Which means I was WAY too young to be in the Ramones hotel room). Please, by the way, do NOT steal/post this picture anywhere else without my permission. I want to share this with fans but do NOT want to see it sold anywhere or posted without my credit. I was on tour with them, as Joey’s gal and Johnny had the room next to Joey’s. There was a door separating the two rooms and for a while they had it open. Johnny came in to hang for a while and ate a doughnut and drank some milk.

I am sad that he died like he did and that he is gone but I have to say he wasn’t Mr. Friendly and every one who knew the Ramones knows this. Maybe now he is in peace up in Rock and Roll heaven and he and Joey can finally get along.

I am sure Arturo is going mad right now, freaking out. Here is what the press wrote about Johnny’s passing:

“Ramone, who had been fighting a five-year battle with prostate cancer, died in his sleep Wednesday afternoon at his Los Angeles home surrounded by friends and family, said the band’s longtime artistic director Arturo Vega.

“He was the guy with a strategy. He was the guy who not only looked after the band’s interest but he also was their defender,” Vega said in a telephone interview from New York.

Ramone, whose birth name is John Cummings, had been hospitalized in June at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center.

Along with his wife, Linda Cummings, Johnny Ramone was surrounded at his death by friends, including Pearl Jam rocker Eddie Vedder, singer Rob Zombie and others. Other friends who gathered at his Los Angeles home included Lisa Marie Presley, Pete Yorn, Vincent Gallo and Talia Shire.

He is survived by his wife and his mother, Estelle Cummings. He will be cremated during a private ceremony.” Associated Press.

Dear dr dot,

So I”m totally down with this eggs thing but i’m more intested in doing a bit of fertilization my self? How long do I get with Dr. Dot, and how many times do we get to do it to ensure she gets fertilized?

Just for shits and grins, I thought it would be interesting to see how much I can get per egg, yes, those eggs, on EBAY: