Another one bites the dust (YET another Frank Zappa alumni leaves Zappa plays Zappa)

Napi and the rest quit after an insulting offer of getting half of what they were being paid for on their 2nd tour, so they left and I guess that is what is happening again? The Zappa Family Trust simply must learn, you can not fight all the fans, alumni and Zappa tribute bands/ festivals and do well. Like they say “if you can't beat em, join em”. Why not have Zappa Plays Zappa headline a touring Zappa festival in which all Frank Zappa

Zappa plays Zappa news (I have a weak spot for Dweezil ;)

"Hello Friends,

As you may or may not be aware, we here in "Zappaland" are busily preparing for
another exciting Zappa Plays Zappa tour filled with new material as well as some
old favorites. Before we hit the road again we will be releasing the Zappa Plays
Zappa DVD from the 06 inaugural tour. The DVD is available at last in stores
now and will be available as a 2 disc set and as a special fan pack that
includes both DVD discs plus audio (3) CDs of the same material. A single
compilation audio CD will also be available separately. It’s in stores now!

Another exciting development is the fact that public television affiliates will
be airing a special One Hour show from the ZPZ DVD as one of their highly
acclaimed pledge shows in dozens of markets across the US. The first market to
take the leap will be Southern California. On May 3rd I will be going to San
Diego to premiere the DVD on KPBS. Ironically, back in the mid 70’s Frank
created a program for television at the KCET studios in Los Angeles with the
goal of a public television broadcast but unfortunately programmers found
reasons not to air the show at that time.

All these years later, audiences will catch a glimpse of various eras of my
father’s music played by ZPZ with the utmost respect. To get this material on
the airwaves is a small but very important victory for all fans of Frank’s
music. Hopefully one day Frank’s actual KCET show will be aired on public
television as he designed it.

As always, ZPZ’s goal is to capture the attention of a new audience and inspire
them to discover the intricate musical landscape of Frank’s vast catalog of
albums for themselves.

As the public television broadcast is a pledge show, viewer support is highly
encouraged and this is no exception. There are different pledge levels
beginning with the new single CD from the ZPZ show, the ZPZ DVD (2 discs), a
special fan pack that includes the DVD as well as the entire program on CD (5
discs total) and an exciting opportunity to pledge your best support of your
local public station in exchange for the deluxe version that includes
Trance-Fusion (FZ’s final Guitar Recording) as well as "One Shot Deal", the
Exciting and New (and Official 83) Frank Zappa release available on CD here for
the first time anywhere – through the local public television pledge programs’
call-in number. (It will also become available on the ZPZ Tour de Frank and
eventually online at Barfko-Swill.)

I’m grateful for the opportunity to present Frank’s music to a wider audience. I
hope that all you within range of a TV (in San Diego this week ) will
participate in the program by donating what you can to your local public
televsion stations (while they last!!!) Please call in. The response from this
premiere will likely dictate how many other affiliates decide to air the show.

Your help is much appreciated. I look forward to talking with some of you on the
phone during the broadcast and I especially look forward to seeing you at the
concerts this year.

Regards, Dweezil Zappa"

 

Zappa Plays Zappa tour dates (and me venting about Anti-American Berlin)

I am hanging my head in shame here as I have not blogged properly in so long. So much going on, I don't even know where to start. I am in Berlin, it's fucking freezing and everyone here still hates Americans and lets me know about it on a daily basis. I am getting pretty fucking tired of defending myself every time I leave the house. It's bad enough the Germans LOATHE American's entirely, but to hear it from the English here as well is sometimes too much to handle.

I was in an Irish pub the other night, showing a friend around and there were some English guys (from Yorkshire) at the bar and as soon as they heard my American accent they all started in on me. Asking me, as if I was a dumb American (aren't we all?)  "So, where in Canada is NYC exactly?" and "I would rather fucking DIE than go to America. They're all cunts!". Yeah yeah yeah, we fucking suck, now get over it.

I am a walking whipping post here. 99.9% of the people here HATE AMERICANS and when they meet one (me for example) they spit their verbal venom at me (I try to imagine this is aimed at George Bush and let it go in one ear and out the other) but after 18 years of this shit, I am ready to fucking snap. I am not a Patriotic Yank. I don't wear the American flag on my body or brag about being from the USA, but when people ask me where I am from, am I supposed to fucking lie? I should maybe tell them I am from Canada so they get off my ass. AND if they happen to be apathetic about where I am from, they have a go at me when I answer their next question (it's like a fucking interview every time I leave the house)  "so what do you do for a living?" MASSAGE (insert lame joke here) "oh, with happy endings?". Just fucking bite me. From now on, I'm from Toronto and I am a  waitress. End of story. Hostile? Yeah, I am, but you would be too if you got as much shit throw your way as I do being an (GOD FORBID) American.  Thanks Mr. Bush, everyone hates us now, hope you're happy. I didn't vote for the cunt, nor did anyone I know. 

Something about being a foreigner, hard to put my finger on it, lets see, it SUCKS. You have to walk on eggshells. Your accent gives you away. So just keep your mouth shut and you'll be fine. But what about in shops? Restaurants? Bars? You have to speak. I feel SO confident in NYC. Like a fish in water. The ambition, the energy, the anything-goes vibe is a constant turn on. Plus, I am from there (well, born 2 hours drive North) so NO ONE gives me shit about being American on my own turf. HUGE chip on my shoulder right now. One more person gives me hell about being a Yank, I'm gonna snap. Go postal. Can you or anyone you know relate? The song CREEP from Radio Head comes to mind.

 That and the miserable weather (FREEZING, rain, gray skies) and the fact that Jasmine left on a tour all around Europe again for the next 5 months or so, makes me want to get on the next plane back to NYC. Having lived in Europe since 1989 though, makes me also feel a tad out of place there too (I've turned into a bread snob). Going mad. Turning into an eccentric freak. The more success you have in your career the less you fit in. Losers at bars who have no or little money seem to have a million friends and lots of time to spend with them. If you work and love your work and speak about it (when asked) you get glared at as if you just told them you shit tooth paste. "EH? You like to work? I avoid those kind, as it may be contagious!". 

Friends my age are all married and/or are just having kids and have NO time. Single friends are either super rich and have no time or super poor and have NO money but lots of time. Good thing I don't mind being alone. Lately I have been really busy- had a tiny operation, no big deal.. and then helping Jasmine get ready for her trip and showing a lovely friend-


– around Berlin has all taken up so much of my time I haven't even began to answer all of the piled up emails. Another thing, if you are straight (not fucked up) in Berlin and are a foreigner, it's hard to deal with. I go into the Irish pubs of Berlin from time to time for some karaoke and see the English speaking crowds, some of which have been here as long, if not longer than myself and most of they are high and/or drunk as fuck every time I see them. Some of them have actually gone crazy. I know a couple Americans here that have turned into massive alcoholics and put heads; you can barely understand them anymore. You ask them "why?". They say it's cold here, the people are cold here. You wonder "why not go back to your country?" but many have been here so long, they would have to start all over again back "home". 

 

Really odd situation. Not looking to start a pity party, just telling the truth. One American man here wrote a book called the  Zoo station  years ago. Directly after it's release, he killed himself. The Spring and Summer are better; people smile. Winter is hell on earth here. They will simply NOT obey the smoking ban yet. Most places are still extremely smoky and the one's that do enforce the smoking ban, allow smoking after 11pm anyways. So I stay at home most of the time organizing massages for touring rock bands. Super fucking exciting. Party On Garth. 

 

On a lighter note, I am off to France early April to perform a Hot Chocolate massage on a certain someone (can't reveal their name yet). Then I will take a train over to Italy and meet Jasmine for a week of fun in the sun. Then later in April, back to NYC. I do LOVE my flat in Berlin, as it's all mine and I can do whatever the fuck I want in it whenever the fuck I want….but big deal, the folks here in Europe have already made up their minds to hate Americans, so why stay here?  So much hate here, it's insane. Lighten up people will ya?

 


"I care not what others think of what I do, but I care very much about what I think of what I do! That is character!" – Theodore Roosevelt

Zappa Plays Zappa tour dates ^

 Yes I support Zappa tribute bands and Zappa alumni and the Zappanale, but just to show Gail and Dweezil that I am mutual, here are their dates. All things involving Zappa music are good things.

Zappa plays Zappa tour dates

Sep 25 2007 8:00P
Shepherds Bush Empire London, London and South East
Sep 26 2007 8:00P
013 Tilburg
Sep 27 2007 8:00P
Melkweg Amsterdam
Sep 29 2007 8:00P
Le Fri-Son Fribourg
Sep 30 2007 8:00P
Circus Krone Munich
Oct 1 2007 8:00P
Jahrhunderthalle Frankfurt
Oct 3 2007 8:00P
KKL Beethovensaal Stuttgart
Oct 4 2007 8:00P
Messehalle Erfurt
Oct 5 2007 8:00P
Grand Rex Paris
Oct 6 2007 8:00P
Elisabeth Hall Antwerp
Oct 8 2007 8:00P
The Music House Arhus
Oct 9 2007 8:00P
Konserthus Hovedsalen Stavanger
Oct 10 2007 8:00P
Peer Gynt Bergen
Oct 12 2007 8:00P
Sentrum Scene Oslo
Oct 13 2007 8:00P
Olympen Lund
Oct 14 2007 8:00P
Cirkus Stockholm
Oct 31 2007 8:00P
Beacon Theatre New York, New York
Nov 1 2007 8:00P
Chevy Theatre Wallingford, Connecticut
Nov 2 2007 8:00P
Broadway Theatre @ UPAC Kingston, New York
Nov 3 2007 8:00P
House of Blues Atlantic City, New Jersey
Nov 4 2007 8:00P
Providence Performing Arts Center Providence, Rhode Island
Nov 6 2007 8:00P
Town Ballroom Buffalo, New York
Nov 7 2007 8:00P
Warner Theatre Washington, Washington DC
Nov 8 2007 8:00P
Toads Place Richmond, Virginia
Nov 10 2007 8:00P
Ameristar Casino Kansas City, Missouri
Nov 12 2007 8:00P
Verizon Wireless Theatre Houston, Texas
Nov 13 2007 8:00P
Hogg Auditorium Austin, Texas
Nov 14 2007 8:00P
Palladium Dallas, Texas
Nov 16 2007 8:00P
Fillmore Denver, Colorado
Nov 18 2007 8:00P
Roseland Portland, Oregon
Nov 19 2007 8:00P
Paramount Seattle, Washington
Nov 20 2007 8:00P
Orpheum Vancouver, British Columbia
Nov 22 2007 8:00P
Southern Jubilee Auditorium Calgary, Alberta
Nov 23 2007 8:00P
Northern Jubilee Auditorium Edmonton, Alberta
Nov 27 2007 8:00P
Concert Hall Brisbane, Queensland
Nov 29 2007 8:00P
Hamer Hall Melbourne, Victoria
Nov 30 2007 8:00P
Hamer Hall Melbourne, Victoria
Dec 2 2007 8:00P
Thebarton Theatre Adelaide, South Australia
Dec 3 2007 8:00P
Enmore Theatre Sydney, New South Wales
Dec 4 2007 8:00P
Enmore Theatre Sydney, New South Wales

Zappa Plays Zappa (and how!)

 

Pic I took of Frank and his son Ahmet during sound check in Long Island 1988 ^

(note: Ahmet is sadly not on the tour)

Monday  ( May 22nd) was one of the best days I have had in years. I saw the ZAPPA PLAYS ZAPPA  show . You must know by now that I am pretty much obsessed with Frank Zappa’s music, so seeing Frank’s son, Dweezil, play his fathers music with perfection was pretty much heaven on earth. My obsession started LONG ago when I was a child. My Father (well, he adopted me when I was 1 year old, so he is my Father) is to this day a huge Zappa fan. Chet raised me on Zappa music,  and my Mom constantly played the Beatles when he was out. My hippie aunts (both really young, in fact, my Mom was 16 when she was preggy with me and my Dad was 17 when he adopted me) always played Janis Joplin and Zeppelin when I was around. The house was pretty much a hippie flop house ( “every town must have a place where phony hippies meet, psychedelic dungeons popping up on every street” Frank Zappa). So, out of all that music, I really hung onto the Zappa and Beatles the most, as you can see.

Zappa was not only the best musician I know of, but his lyrics are so funny, they make me literally roll on the floor with laughter when I hear them. What a great combo, what a RARE combo. My Dad brought me to several Zappa concerts when I was a young whipper snapper, and I am grateful for this, thank you Dad! At one of the shows he got me a Zappa t-shirt that said ” Tittie’s and Beer”, which is the name of one of his songs. I wore it to school the next day (I was in the 7th grade) and the teachers were “not amused” and I was sent home. Frank has never been mainstream. I mean, how many times have YOU heard Frank on the radio? Seen him on TV? Not often. People who are into Frank were usually turned onto him by someone who cares. It’s mostly through word of mouth that you hear of Frank, that’s why I spend so much time preaching him, I want to turn as many folks onto Zappa’s music as possible, it’s that amazing.

In 1988, I went on Zappa’s “Broadway the Hardway” tour and never asked for a penny for massaging Frank and the rest of his giant band. I made it clear, I wasn’t “only in it for the money”. I told Frank and co. that I would massage them for free and my payment would be the honor to see every sound check and show for free. Sooo , I got to see their sometimes 3 hour long sound checks and shows every night, it was PARADISE. Yes, I was missing classes and pissing off parental units but I didn’t give a fuck. This was much more important. Hey, I even got to eat their catering, so it was all good. Frank was very fun to be around, I was in awe the whole time, but tried my best to hide it. Me and about 4 other Zappa freaks got to sit in the empty hall during sound check and during their Portland Maine sound check, I accidentally let out one of my MONSTER BURPS. When I drink Diet Coke, all hell breaks loose. AnyWHO, I let one rip and Frank (who had his back to the empty venue while he was conducting his band)  turned around, leered at us, and said “which one of you did that?”. Naturally the other Zappa fans who were somehow connected and lucky enough to be watching the masters sound check turned on me and all pointed at me. I turned NEON RED and raised my hand sheepishly and said with a , squeaky, cracking voice “it was me”.

Frank motioned to me and said “come here, come up here” and pointed to the stairs on the side of the stage. I reluctantly went to him, like I was going to lay my neck down on a wooden block, waiting for the blade. The whole band was watching impatiently and Frank had me come right up to him and said “could you do that again into the sampler?”. I exhaled so strongly I almost fainted. I thought for sure I was about to get my face ripped off and expelled from the Zappa sphere. But no, it was time to perform. I said “I need another Diet Coke though”. Frank said to a stage hand “get her a Coke!”. I said, “um, it has to be Diet Coke, more bubbles”. “Ok, he said, get her a DIET Coke, and make it snappy”. So  finally my burps were recorded into a sampler and they used it for the rest of the tour to make fun of the TV Evangelists at the time, and now you can hear it on the Zappa live Album called “the Best band you’ve NEVER heard in your life”.. or simply click on the banner below..

The tour was amazing and I got to meet Dweezil and Ahmet, Frank’s sons and Frank affectionately crowned me “Dr. Dot”. I was just DOT before, as Dot is short for Dorothy. My Granny was named Dorothy and most called her Dot. I was named after her and so most called me Dot. Frank would say “go get the Doctor” or “hi Doctor Dot” and so it stuck. I am honored. When Frank died of prostrate cancer in 1993, I was in tears for days. I have never gotten over it and preaching his music is my way of thanking him for his music and allowing me to see his sound checks and shows. I was estatic to hear that Dweezil is touring with an amazing band, playing his Father’s music. Even though I knew I would probably get in for free and end up massaging them all, I still bought a ticket, just in case.

 Napoleon Murphy Brock  (< click on link to read about him) and I have been buddies for years. < Napi and I

He has been touring with a Frank Zappa tribute band called Project Object, keeping the faith. Now he is on tour with Zappa plays Zappa. He does most of the vocals in the show. He usually steals the show, he is so talented; sings and dances like no other. He knows Frank’s music inside and out as he played with Frank for YEARS. Anyways, Napoleon and I have kept in touch and he called me from the Zappa plays Zappa Norwegian show, telling me the whole band is excited about getting the Dr. Dot rub down on Monday in Berlin. I was so excited, I think I didn’t sleep for a few days after that. Monday finally came and I arrived with my guitar player (for my band Bitchfest) Eno, who is one of the biggest Zappa fans I know. Napoleon, or Napi as everyone calls him, was outside to greet me personally. He gave me a giant bear hug and then shook Eno’s hand. Eno handed him 10 Finish marks (on one live Zappa recording, it was said, if one handed Frank 10 Finish marks, they would play whatever they were asked to play). Sadly, it didn’t work heh heh.

Napi proudly introduced me to the band. I already knew Steve Vai, but never met Terri Bozzio before, so I was star struck, yes, even I get star struck! I got to watch the sound check *sigh*

  <Dweezil at sound check

 

Sheila,Terri, Jamie, Joe , Aaron  (part of the Zappa plays Zappa band) ^

Terri Bozzio warming up before his AMAZING performance ^

(how my camera SUCKS!! Note to self, get a fucking new camera!!!)

 

 

 I chatted with Dweezil (haven’t seen him for years). He was more gorgeous then I remembered. I tell you, all he would have had to do is say “I want you” and it would have been done. BUT, contrary to the rumors I heard (I heard he was single), I was let down to hear he was married and is expecting his first child next month. BOOOOO! Well, I am happy he is spreading those genes, but gutted that it’s not with me. heh heh.

 I first massaged Sheila Gonzalez (sax, keyboards, vocals). She loved it and did good PR for me which made everyone else in the band fight over who was next. YAY! Next on the slab was Steve Vai (one of the best guitarist in the world)

Sorry Ladies, Steve has been happily married for 28 years to his college sweet heart.

 

Steve is so polite and friendly, I have been massaging him over the years and have yet to see him in a bad mood. He said this tour was like a tiny vacation for him as he didn’t have to play during the whole show. He just showed up for the last 30 minutes or so and kicked ASS! He was busy in his dressing room writing/composing the whole time.  The papers he was writing on were so big, they covered all the tables, like plans for a house, but covered in musical notes that would confuse Beethoven . I introduced him to my daughter, Jasmine (who also plays guitar) and he was super nice, Jasmine kept saying to me”as a guitar player, I have to say, I’m not worthy”.

One of the funniest parts of the night for me was when Steve Vai picked up one of my BITCHFEST flyers, which were laying around all over the backstage area and he read the GROUPIE APPLICATION out loud to everyone, he LOVED our Bitchfest flyer. He then asked me to explain the whole thing to him and was laughing his ass off.

Jasmine and Steve Vai (my little cutie turned Red upon first meeting the guitar hero) ^

The show was amazing, but the venue had shitty acoustics. I stood next to the sound man most of the show. I asked him about the sound and he was furious. He was cursing the venue the whole show. He couldn’t turn it up louder as the shape of the Tempodrom was so strange, the sound merely got fuzzy when he turned it up. They played wonderfully, words escape me, but I like it loud and this joint couldn’t accommodate. Keep that in mind if you are ever touring you are about to play the Tempodrom in Berlin. Tell the booking agent/promoters, NO THANKS!

During the encore , some Frank Zappa fans held up a BIG yellow banner that read “You may have the genes, but we keep the spirit alive: ZAPPANALE 2006!”. This was like a big FUCK YOU to Dweezil. He told me how much it pissed him off and why during his 90 minute massage. Zappanale  (please click the link to read all about it). It’s an unofficial, annual festival that celebrates Frank Zappa. There are two sides to the Zappa story. Well, you see, there are millions of Zappa fans that are starving to hear someone play live Zappa music and to hear unreleased Zappa tunes, and they satisfy their desire by seeing Zappa tribute bands and going to the Zappanale etc. But the Zappa family frowns upon such things because they want his music done EXACTLY how Frank made it, and preferably by his sons, Dweezil and Ahmet. So some Zappa fans resent the Zappa family because they know the Zappa family doesn’t support these festivals etc. Frank’s sister, Candy Zappa makes special appearances at the Zappanale and Frank wasn’t even close to her at all. Kind of like what Pete Best does at Beatles conventions. This pisses off the Zappa family, so it’s complicated. I think it was fucking RUDE of those idiots to hold up that bitter banner right in front of Dweezil, he is trying his best to play his father’s music exactly how it is meant to be played and has hired incredible musicians to help spread the music around the world. Dweezil says he really hopes more young people get into Zappa music and was happy to see my daughter wearing an official Zappa t-shirt at the gig. Dweezil said so far the best audience was in Sweden. He was amazed to see what appeared to be three 15 year old GIRLS in the front row singing to every song, he said they knew every single word to every song and was very impressed.

I told him that people write to me every day and ask me what is a good starter kit to get into Zappa, as in, what albums should one buy to get into Frank. I usually tell them Joe’s Garage; We’re only in it for the Money and Tinseltown Rebellion. Dweezil said “really? I always suggest Apostrophe and Overnite sensation as a starter kit”. I usually don’t speak during a massage, but Dweezil was very chatty and hello, I wanted him to be chatty, I couldn’t get enough of his insight and comments about his father and the music. Dweezil is so relaxed and cool, so down to earth and friendly. I mentioned is amazing blue eyes and he said he is the only one in the whole family with blues eyes. I also asked him why doesn’t he sport his dad’s signature stash and tiny beard. He said he grew it once but it looked ridiculous on him and shaved it off.

This man is extremely talented, his guitar playing rivals his Dad’s, but yet it’s different. If you are on your way to see a Zappa plays Zappa show, please, show the band how much you LOVE the music, give big time applause, show the love, make Dweezil understand how grateful we are that he is taking this show on the road and let him know we support him 100%.

 Dweezil and I *SIGH*   ^
 Dweezil and Jasmine  ^ (she was in heaven ok?)
Jasmine and Terri  Bozzio ^
 
 Jasmine, Terri and Me ^  (no, im not a midget, they are sitting on a table)