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Posted on

Forget it, old people. No more TV for you starting in 2009.

Funniest video I have seen in a couple weeks at least:

 

CLICK HERE to have a good laugh

 

Oh, someone told me you can't view that video outside the USA. so here it is

on youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iTSS8E7bKXg

 

ps. I have a few blogs cooking, just trying to find the time. Today I awoke to 739 unread emails. I am going nuts, I can't take this much longer. ugh!! I was the MC (host) for THE live karaoke band last night in Redbank, NJ. That is a lot of work. 2nd week in a row I did that for them. Hey, they pay well and I love the band, so it's all good. The night before, I went backstage to the COHEED AND CAMBRIA show at Terminal 5 to see my friend (their production manager). I had never heard of that band, but HELLO, it was sold out (all 5 of their shows there are sold out) as fuck. Packed with insane fans- they were all around 18-25 years old, and knew ever FUCKING WORD to every song. WOW. I will get into that more when I do a proper blog about it. So much going on.. I miss Europe, don't get to see Jasmine enough and wonder what will happen if Obama doesn't win. sigh. 

It's 6:27 am and I still have loads of work to do,

x

Posted on

Governor Sarah Palin: A Champion for Brutal Aerial Hunting

As Governor, Sarah Palin has championed aerial hunting of wolves and bears.

Please watch our new video, learn more about Palin's record and help us spread the word about her awful record…

 

Who the FUCK did she blow to get that much power? Evil cunt. 

 

Click HERE to read more about this

 

REGISTER TO VOTE

Speak up for wildlife and make sure your voice is heard!
Register to Vote Now! 

 Click HERE to register to vote!!! We can not allow the Republicans to keep destroying American and our reputation around the world!

Listen to Frank Zappa asking you to VOTE:

Posted on

My favorite web site: www.freerice.com (get smarter & feed the world simultaneously)

Click HERE to discover "Free Rice" my favorite web site, that challenges your intelligence, teaches you and  simultaneously feeds the world. 

< Free Rice 🙂

 

No, this is not spam, no, I was not hacked (this week),

x

Dr. Dot 

 

Warning, it's addictive! 

 

About FreeRice

"FreeRice is a sister site of the world poverty site, Poverty.com.

FreeRice has two goals:

  1. Provide English vocabulary to everyone for free.
  2. Help end world hunger by providing rice to hungry people for free.

This is made possible by the sponsors who advertise on this site.

Whether you are CEO of a large corporation or a street child in a poor country, improving your vocabulary can improve your life. It is a great investment in yourself.

Perhaps even greater is the investment your donated rice makes in hungry human beings, enabling them to function and be productive. Somewhere in the world, a person is eating rice that you helped provide. Thank you."

 

Posted on

Preparing for a Tonsillectomy

Day 8 after surgery and it still feels like I gargled razor blades and drank lemon juice and tobasco sauce directly after.  Catherine went home 3 days ago, then I had Danny (anal ring toss) stay with me for 2 days in case I needed help. Danny and I raise too much hell; we laugh too much, so I asked him to leave me alone to suffer again. Which make me think of a list of things to warn people who are preparing to get a tonsillectomy. A check list for them; things I have learned that could maybe make things easier for someone else. 

1) Go shopping before and get baby food but NOT applesauce, as it has citric acid and burns like hell. Plums went down the best. Get soft bread, chicken soup and baby wipes. Baby wipes are helpful the first week as we are not supposed to shower, so they are good for wiping the offensive areas. Get vitamin water (I am guessing they only have those in the USA) and "Power-c" is the best one as the others have too much citric acid. You need to drink more than just water to keep up your electrolytes. Get a min chalk board or scetch pad to write on so you don't have to speak the first few days at ALL. But some Cloreseptic Throat Spray as it's s good to numb the pain, but only after like 5 days, as the first few days it's too sensitive for such a spray. Get anti-nausea tablets ahead of time, as your Doctor could be a slacker like mine and not write you a prescription. These pills help when you can't eat but need pain pills. Trust me. 

2) Avoid ice cream that is dairy based the first 3 days as it clings to the wounds and makes  a mucus and it's already difficult to sleep as it is. Pear sorbet is good as the others (strawberry or orange ) burn like HELL.

3) Tell everyone you know that you are having the operation and ask them NOT to call you for a week as speaking hurts. The dumbest thing in the world is CALLING a tonsillectomy patient after their operation. They can't speak as it hurts like HELL!!!!!!!!!! Have people text your or email you and get back to them when and if you feel like it. 

4) Find a serious friend to look after you, post OP. We all have goofy friends and serious friends. Choose the serious one to look after you as they will understand that laughing and talking is not an option and will have their head on straight and hopefully be dependable for you, like Catherine was for me.

5) After a few days, gut a piece of bread (discard crust to the birdies) and zap some chicken soup broth (mushed carrots that come in chicken soup are great too) in the microwave for 20 seconds and take it out and tear up the soft bread and let it absorb the soup. Once it is completely cooled, slowly chew it and swallow. This was the best meal I had so far since this whole thing started. It is hard to slowly chew as I am so fucking hungry my body wants to wolf it down, sigh. That reminds me, I lost 10 pounds already but am starting to feel soft in the middle, like my Pooh bear. I can't work out so I'm getting soft. ugh! Which brings me to number 6..

6) Work out as much as possible before the operation as you can't exercise for WEEKS after. Eat really healthy (well, always anyways) the last few days before the OP as you won't be eating well for ages. 

7)  Gargle with salt water every couple of hours after the surgery to help my throat heal faster, and it seemed to work real well. Just take plain old table salt, preferably the iodiized kind, mix it with warm water, and gargle with it for at least a minute every couple of hours, or as often as you possibly can. It tastes like shit, but it really does help your throat heal up faster. And be sure to drink as much water as you possibly can so that you keep yourself hydrated

8) Those Slim Fast shakes or any protein shake that you like help after a few days, as they keep you loaded with vitamins and liquid and taste great.  Like drinking a meal.

 9)Shower right before you check into the Hospital. You won't be able to wash for a few days.

10) Honey dew and  Cantaloupe melons seem to go down just fine (at day 7). I am sure they would go down earlier too. It is hard to get enough vitamin C during this whole ordeal, so this is the fruit I found to be the easiest to eat

 

Well, that's all for now, but when/if I think of something else,  I will slide it on in here asap.

x 

 

 

 

< Schwing!

Posted on

Ask Dr. Dot

Q.

 I started dating a younger guy, he is 26 and I am 30. We decided to see each other occasional for only sexual activities. I really like him because he is a very handsome man. The first time we made love, it took only 2 minutes for him to cum. The second time the same thing and his penis is only about 5 inches long. Why he does cum so quickly??? This doesn't give me a chance to cum too….please answer! but he becomes erect so quickly with me…no problem on that side. PS: It is because his penis is not bigger or he doesn't like me?

 

A.

Sounds like he cums so quickly because he doesn't care about you, just his little cock. The size of his penis has nothing to do with his stamina. Obviously he likes you a little bit otherwise he wouldn't be dogging you. He is young and selfish. Make him lick you until you cum, then let him fuck you, get your priorities straight.

Q.

 My wife and i have been together since 1989. we were having wild hot sex almost every night . She would always cum a couple of times before i'd fill her up.Then last year i found that i did not feel as horny around her (she looks great and has a firm body) . seems that i always have to be the one to make the first move and if i don't initiate sex then there probably wont be any. I am becoming flustered by always having to be the ONE start the ball rolling and sometimes when were having sex its like ho-hum didely dum .but whats worse is that now my cock hardly ever gets real hard and alot of the time it goes soft long before either of us are pleasured . and the more i thing about the fact that it may go soft … the faster it happens . this has become an obsession with me now . I ve got Viagra from my Doctor but with a small dose my cock still went soft … any ideas on how help me regain my stiffness would be greatly appreciated 

Big Softie

 A.

 Notice how the sperm race towards the egg? They fight to be the first one to the egg. In my opinion, sex is always best when the man initiates the sex. Sure it's hot once in a while when your lady shows you she is hot and ready, but if she was the one usually starting the romp, wouldn't you feel more feminine? How strange would it be for the egg to suddenly chase after the sperm? I doubt your problem has to do with the fact that she isn't asking for sex, I think it's more that you are getting bored and worrying that a mid-life crisis/dry spell is heading your way. I am against pill popping, even though I am aware millions make a living cramming pills down peoples throats. You have two separate problems, the first being your sex life has become tedious and boring. This happens to most couples, sadly. I feel that sleeping apart keeps passion alive. Sleeping next to your partner makes them so familiar it can be hard to lust after them. All the tossing and turning and smelling each others farts can turn any hot romance into a predictable hell. Try sleeping separately once in a while (I prefer ALWAYS sleeping apart, but that's just my twisted mind). Make sure you are having alone time with you and your best friend: your cock. Make sure you two have naughty sessions to remind you who's really in charge. As far as getting soft, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but it does come with age. You can try to prevent it by avoiding fluoride ( tap water/tooth paste) because I think it's a hard-on killer (it can't just be a coincidence that men born and raised in places that have fluoride in their drinking water have trouble with erections but have nice teeth, where as in Europe, etc, they have crappy teeth because there is no fluoride in their water, but have NO problem getting and staying hard). You two could also try a change of scenery, fucking in the same old bed time after time will make fantasy and passion difficult.

Q.

 Even though it's over between me and my long term boyfriend (7 years) I am still obsessing about him. I always imagine how it looks when he fucks another girl. I put them into every position and worry if she is better in bed than I was for him. I always worry if he still loves me or if we will ever get back together. I wonder about him so much that I can't even sleep anymore. My girlfriends are tired of hearing it, so I am all alone with this problem. If you could just tell me how to get over someone, how to stop thinking about someone, maybe that would help.

Not over him Nat

A.

Sounds like someone has too much free time on their hands. Get busy, get your life back, in other words, get a life.What will be, will be. You can't make someone love you or come back to you. If it's meant to be that you two reconcile, it will happen, but sitting around sweating him will not change anything, it will simply waste time. Before my Grandmother, DOT senior died, she told me "if you have one foot in the past and one in the future, your legs will be wide apart shitting all over today." Stressing over what was or what will be is actually ruining your present life and that's all we really have so cheer up, this isn't a rehearsal, it's the real deal, we only live once.

Posted on

Ask Dr. Dot

Q.

 I never cease to wonder at the constant chorus of females hammering home how important non penetrative clitoral stimulation is with the implication that straight copulation is totally uninteresting. I've even had a girlfriend memorably not bother to hide her own total ennuis when she deigned to consider normal coitus after she'd been serviced. I was grateful that your own contribution to this endless refrain was leavened by a reluctant quote from L'il Kim (If you ain't lickin' it, you ain't stickin' it). Why oh why then do vibrators exist? Where do they fit into the equation and could we not work out how to arrange for men to get their satisfaction at the same time as saving batteries?

 A.

 Ennius? Coitus? No wonder your girl wants to use a vibrator, she can't fucking understand you. Vibrators make you feel like you replaceable? That's how porn and a pet dog make most women feel now a days (men getting their unconditional love from their four legged friend and their sex from wanking off to porn). As far as I am concerned, dildos and vibrators are made for Lesbians who crave cock but loathe having sex with men and for 'visual pleasure' (she bends over, legs apart naked and inserts vibrator repeatedly while he watches from the side of the bed, slightly drooling, pleasuring himself). Well, that's all I use them for anyways…NOTHING beats the real thing my good man.

Another good use for Vibrators ^

 Q.

 I am dating a guy since 9 months and I really want out of the relationship. It has always been very stormy, but the sex is always hot. I want to leave him because he drinks and is unstable but every time I talk about wanting a change, he threatens to kill himself. How will I ever get out of this mess? I have the feeling he would really do it!!

In a rut with a nut

 A.

 Reminds me of a book I read called "If you can't live without me, why aren't you dead yet?".

 

You should write aletter to him telling him it would be worse for him if you stayed out of fear and sympathy than to end your love affair. Tell him you will be there for him as a friend, but you must move on as you have lost interest in being his lover. Make a couple copies of this letter and give one to his Mom, Dad or best friend, so he gets support and the others know what's going on. If he is too weak to handle that, it's not your fault or problem, sadly life is really survival of the fittest and you can't save everyone (that's my job) heh heh.

 Q.

 I'd like to know what constitutes big. My cock is 6 inches long when it's hard and pretty thick, no girl has complained, but I want your opinion please. Thick Nick

A. I am pretty sure that every man on earth has measured his cock at least once, but I have never gotten a ruler out to find out exactly how big a guys schlong is. Some may argue with my opinion, but if it reaches the navel button when it's hard, that's big enough, anything longer and it will be poking our delicate belongings. If you can't touch your index finger to your thumb when you have them around your cock, that my friend, is called paradise. That nasty rumor that size doesn't matter was made up by a man with a tiny cock. Size does matter, but what you lack in size you can make up for with your tongue and fingers. I wish I had enough free time to measure my body parts.

  < Measure your Cock the correct way

Posted on

Ask Dr. Dot

Q.

 I have been dating this chick for over 6 months now, and she is always talking about having my baby, but I am only 26 and she is 24, I told her it's too soon for me, I want to sew my wild oats. I do care for her and love fucking her, but never wanted her to get pregnant. She always told me she takes her birth control pills, so I never used a condom with her, now she is 4 months pregnant and refuses to get rid of it. I told her I will NOT marry her or even live with her. I feel trapped and angry as hell. She tries to make me feel guilty and wants me to be only with her. Pulling my hairs out here Dr. Dot, please help, give me advice.

 Balls in a vice, Vinnie

A.

Lets get one thing straight, if you don't want offspring and/or diseases, always use condoms.

 

You can't blame it ALL on her. But now you have this situation on your hands, so "should've, would've, could've's" are useless. You did the right thing by telling her where you stand, you shouldn't marry or co-habitate out of pressure and guilt. Be as kind to her as possible without leading her on and tell her you will be a good father, friend and support her and your child the best you can, that's all you can do. You live and learn, you screw and reproduce.. Try to see the positive side of it, she is bearing your child, a gift that lasts forever. Just try not to piss her off.

Q.

 Dr. Dot,

This weekend I am planning on driving up to my boyfriend's house to see him.  I want to surprise him with something new in bed, but don't know what to do……do you have any suggestions that won't cost me an arm and a leg??? (I am a poor college chick.)  I am willing to do almost anything in bed, but have no idea what "new" thing  to do to him.

Clueless in Jersey

 A.

Dear Clueless,

 First, your shopping list: A cheesy, inexpensive table cloth made of soft plastic, the 99 cent ones you can get at Walmart for picnic tables. Then you need a few bananas, sugar free whipped cream, sugar free chocolate syrup (both can be found in the diabetic section of your grocery store) and some cherry's (either fresh ones or those freaky neon red ones), and some chocolate or rainbow sprinkles/shots/jimmy's whatever the hell you call them in your area for the finishing touch.

If you haven't guessed by now, YOU will be HIS Banana Split.

For a dramatic effect, shave your pussy nice and smooth for him and walk into the room wearing just a long coat, belted tightly so he can't see what's under (and sexy shoes/boots). With a very confident and sexy look on your face, hand him the bag of goodies and tell him to look inside for his surprise.

 

He will no doubt be like "eh?", that's when you take off your coat and say "Make me into a Banana Split". He should slice the bananas in half first of all, while you lay out the plastic "sheet". Lie down naked let him decorate you with the goodies.

Don't worry about the mess, just let him go wild and decorate you and then lick it off of you, don't spoil the mood by whining about your hair, etc. The reason the sweets have to be sugar free, is to avoid the worst yeast infection known to man-kind. In fact, the most expensive part of this surprise, may be the cream you will need for your snatch if any sugar gets in there, hence the sugar-free grub. This is a surprise that he shall never forget and it makes a great conversation piece the next day/week at work.