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18th Annual Zappanale

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     ^ Napi warming for his performance

 Finally, a street named after Frank Zappa. I asked myself, “why, why Marzahn?” In case you didn’t know, Marzahn is on outskirts of Berlin and well, I would normally never go there. Sort of far from my house. I found out though, why Frank Zappa street was born in Marzahn. 

The Orwo Haus is the reason. The Orwo Haus is the biggest recording studio in Europe and (some are sure) the whole world. 150 bands at a time can (and do) rehearse there daily. From the out side, it doesn’t look like much, no one would imagine what is going on inside. Well, you can read more about it HERE  if you want. 

< Harry

Napoleon (Napi) steals the show wherever he is. You gotta love Napi.

Around 3,000 people came from all over the place, on July 28th ( I know, this blog is long over due) to celebrate the unveiling of Frank Zappa street. Many bands played and headlining was Germany’s best Frank Zappa tribute band “Sheik Yerbouti” . Napoleon Murphy Brock joined them as their special guest. Nappi gets around 🙂

 

You can see many more pics from that event if you click HERE 

 

 

I was asked to join them for their Encore, a hot version of “I am the slime”. I was freezing my tits off. When I left my flat, it was steaming hot, so I wore open toed shoes, a skirt and t-shirt and even after 18 years living in Berlin, you would think I would KNOW by now you have to literally drag a bag of clothes around with you as you never know how the weather will be/change. 

 

I was literally shaking from being so cold that by the time I was asked to come on stage and read a letter from From Frank Zappa’s brother, Bobby to the crowd, my lips were purple. But, like a trooper, nothing keeps  me from spreading the love and music  of Frank Zappa. Nothing.  

My good friend Tina (Debutante Daisy) and I. She knows the words to ALL Zappa songs

Tina Growhowski

^ Robyn & Dot

 Another HUGE Frank Zappa fan ^

She flew all the way from the USA along with a tour run by a man named Scott.

They all came together for the street naming and the Zappanale.  

 

 

Like I was saying, NOTHING prevents me from preaching Zappa music. In Germany I am often invited onto talk shows and written about, as they find my career fascinating (so do I ). And every single interview I have ever done, since 1997, I have mentioned Frank Zappa. He crowned me “Dr. Dot” long ago, so that is usually how his name is mentioned “How did you come up with that name?” they ask. Then I tell them about Frank, how my Dad is a massive Zappa fan and how much his music means to me. His music is the BEST (well, I am also insanely into the Beatles, so it’s a tie). 

 

This is my new Zappa shirt ^ My pal Mark drew it and made it for me.

 

That man ^  in the above picture with me, is Thomas, the President of the Arf Society. What is the Arf Society you ask?

“Founded on the 20 March 1993, the Arf-Society is a
Frank Zappa fan club based in Northern Germany
with an international membership.”

It’s best you just click HERE to read all about them.  

 

Wolfhard K. actually founded the Arf Society but Thomas is the pres. since a few years (Wolfhard is a busy man). Wolfhard and Thomas are extreme Zappa fans and have been putting on the annual Frank Zappa music fest which they call the Zappanale. This year was the 18th annual Zappanale and they invited me to help out a bit and to join Project Object on stage for some fun. So I accepted and I will try to find the words to explain how happy I am that I went. 

 

Project Object (my favorite Zappa tribute band) ^

What’s missing from this picture? Sadly it’s Ike WILLIS, that’s what. Where was Ike? His name was on the posters, the tickets, the press releases. A driver was sent to pick him up in Berlin, all the way from Bad Doberan, which is a 3 hour drive. He did not get off the plane as planned. In fact, he never even bothered to get in touch to tell them he missed his plane.

Why would Ike miss his plane? Because he is having an unfortunate struggle with cocaine addiction. I am not leaking any private information here. Everyone who is hip to the scene knows this. In fact, just about everyone who has met Ike in the last few years, has lent him $50. Ike owes EVERYONE $50. It’s rather ironic that Ike, who was Frank’s right hand man for YEARS and his best friend, ends up a crack addict. Frank was shrewdly against drugs (well, cigarettes are indeed a drug too, but anyways..).

In my opinion, drugs suck. I have never tried cocaine and can’t stand being around people who take it or even talk about it. BUT I can imagine why Ike does this drug. Not making excuses for him, but imagine your best friend dying, how horrible that must be and then on top of it, having to sing his songs almost daily to a crowd of his fans. Frank’s shoes are impossible to fill, and being on the front line,  almost daily (well, nightly) singing the lyrics your best mate wrote must do your head in. It must be hell. Hell in paradise.

Making a living doing something you love is paradise, but in such a circumstance, it can be difficult. If you are sensitive (most artist are overly sensitive) then falling into such a trap, is understandable. Not good by all means, but I can see why it happens.

Fame, drugs, money, (“or was it the music?” ). I just hope Ike gets help and fast. He could end up dying, like other artists have done, thanks to that pesky, overwhelming, addiction People should plan a huge intervention and toss him into Rehab. SO MANY famous artist are having trouble now a days. Amy Winehouse is throwing her fucking career in the toilet too, just like Ike is. It’s so sad. 

But anyways, with or without Ike, the Zappanale party went on. 

The first night ( Thursday) everyone meets and greets in preparation for the Zappanale party following the next day.

I LOVE that sweatshirt I have on. I got it in 1988 in Boston. It’s held up pretty well. It says “Broadway the Hard way” on the  sleeve.

So this was night 1. I was a tad tired, but knew I could handle the up coming 3 nights of partying. It was so fun to meet some of the Zappa-teers (huge Zappa fan organization) and see Nappi, Andre’ and the guys again.. 

Andre’, guitarist/vocalist and founder of Project Object with his sweet heart, Cheri. ^ (his OTHER sweetheart Robyn, pictured way up in this blog) put Andre in the hot seat. Juggling two ladies at the same time. Typical musician 🙂

Andre’ preaches Frank big time. He doesn’t earn jack shit touring with his band, he does it for the love of Frank’s music.  

This is the list of all the bands that played at the Zappanale ^

 

 

My hotel ^   it is really strange. There is no one at the desk all night, you could have a massive party in the living room they have off to the side of the lobby  and you could drag that party into your fucking hotel room and no one would care; completely the opposite of the uptight rules they have in Dublin where you can’t even have someone come up to your room to help you with your bags. You have to give it to the Germans, they are tolerant when it comes to fun.

   

The Park across from my hotel. I heard this is where the first ever Zappanale took place. But it got too big for it’s britches and moved to a huge field.. 

 

The town of Bad Doberan is clean, quaint, gorgeous and very tolerant of the annual Zappa festival.  

< Dressed for my “Mary” skit

I finally got to meet my pen pal. Andrew ^ and I have been corresponding online for years. He runs a UK Zappa news/fan web site called “Idiot Bastard Son”. He has intervied many of Zappa’s alumni and I did one for him too a while ago. He was as funny in person as he is online. But then again, most Zappa fans are intelligent, special  and funny, just like Frank’s music. 

  < Bass extraordinaire

 

Project Object were one guitarist and vocalist short ( Ike) but you would have never known it! They were fantastic! 

Don Preston , the man in the purple velvet jacket on key boards, was one of the high lights of the whole Zappanale. He plays with Project Object on tour most of the time, but is busy with many solo projects. I am sure he is over 70 as he is one of the original members of the Mothers of Invention.  

Project Object doing their thing ^ 

One of the few females at the festival was serving beer. I brought that plastic urinal with me, thinking they may not have anything to throw water on me when I play Mary. I got this urinal in a bar in Berlin called  Cafe’ Klo (Klo is a nick name for Toilet in German). Everyone drinks out of these urinals in that bar and you can buy them as well.  I don’t drink beer, but they do hold a lot of beer, so I made good use of it and kept my pals well watered with all of those unwanted beer tickets I was given..

This is Andrew’s pal Ian ^                    Andrew wore this ^ shirt, thinking Ike would be there.  

 Andre’ is a master on guitar ^  

 

This is not the first time I have played “Mary” on stage with Project Object. I like participating anyway I can. I asked them to learn “Valley Girl” so I can sing that with them next time our paths cross.

Here are the lyrics to the song “Fembot in a Wet T-shirt” in case you are one of those people who don’t know the album Joe’s Garage by Frank Zappa..

  Act I

SCENE FIVE
THE WET T-SHIRT CONTEST

After a few weeks on the bus, being porked by
Toad-O’s road crew, and being too exhausted to do
their laundry on a regular basis, MARY is dumped in Miami.
With no money (and no other famous rock groups due into
the area for at least three weeks), she tries to pick up a few bucks
by entering the Wet T-Shirt contest at The Brasserie…

IKE:
Looks to me like something funny
Is going on around here
People laughin’ ‘n’ dancin’ ‘n’ payin’
Entirely too much for their beer
And they all think they are
Clean outa-site
And they’re ready to party
“Cause the sign outside says it’s WET T-SHIRT NITE
‘N’ they all crave some Hot delight
Well the girls are excited
Because in a minute
They’re gonna get wet
‘N’ the boys are delighted
Because all the titties
Will get ’em upset
‘N’ they all think they are Reety-awright
‘N’ they’re ready to boogie
‘Cause the sign outside says it’s WET T-SHIRT NITE
‘N’ they all crave some Pink delight
When the water gets on’em
Their ninnies get rigid
‘N’ look pretty bold
It’s a common reaction
That makes an attraction
Whenever it’s cold
‘N’all of the fellas
They wish they could bite
On the cute little nuggets
The local girls are showin’ off tonite
You know I think it serves ’em right
You know I think it serves ’em right
You know I think it serves ’em right
You know I think it serves ’em right
And it’s WET T-SHIRT TIME AGAIN
I know you want someone to show you some tit!
BIG ONES! WET ONES! BIG WET ONES!

At this point, FATHER RILEY (who had been recently de-frocked
for not meeting his quota, and has grown his hair out and
bought a groovy sport coot and moved to Miami and changed
his name to BUDDY JONES) steps onto the crowded bandstand
in his exciting new role as a WET T-SHIRT CONTEST EMCEE…

BUDDY JONES:
Ah, thanks, IKE…
Yes, it’s WET T-SHIRT TIME AGAIN
Here at The Brasserie… Home of THE TITS… huh huh…
And it’s the charming Mary from Canoga Park
Up next in her bid for the semi-finals…
Hi,Mary…howya doin?

Having been fucked senseless by the boys in the crew, MARY does
not recognize the former religious personage from her nights in the
rectory basement during which she acquired her basic manual skills…
confounded by his sport coat, she replies…

MARY: Hi!

Realizing that she no longer recognizes him… or even appreciates
the patient religious training he had given her in the past, BUDDY JONES,
like a true WET T-SHIRT EMCEE type person, proceeds to say various
stupid things to waste time, making the contest itself take longer, thereby
giving the mongoloids squatting on the dance floor an opportunity to buy
more exciting beverages. . . liquid products that will expand their
consciousnesses to the point whereby they might more fully enjoy the ambiance
of Miami By Night…

BUDDY JONES:
Where ya from?

MARY:
Ah, the bus…

BUDDY JONES:
Which one?

MARY:
You know…the last tour…
You know…
Leather

BUDDY JONES:
Oh.. .you were the girl that was stuck to seat 38 on Phydeaux III…
why don’t you get in position now and take a deep breath, because
this water is very, very cold, but it’s goin’ to be so stimulating. And
Mary’s the kind of Red-Blooded American Girl who’ll do anything…

MARY:
Anything…

BUDDY JONES:
I said anything… for fifty bucks
That’s right!

MARY:
I really need the fifty bucks you know I gotta get home!

BUDDY JONES:
Yeh, I know, your father is waiting for you in the tool shed… that’s right,you
heard right… our big prize tonite is fifty American Dollars to the girl with
the most exciting mammalian protruberances…

MARY: Here I am!

BUDDY JONES: …
as viewed through a thoroughly soaked, stupid looking white sort of male
person’s conservative kind of middle-of-the-road COTTON UNDER-GARMENT!
Whoopee! And here comes THE WATER!

MARY:
EEEK!

BUDDY JONES:
No, you’d squeak more if the water got on you …sounds like you just got an
ice pick in the forehead… AND HERE COMES THE ICE PICK IN THE FOREHEAD…
a million laughs, Mary! Anyway; good golly, what a mess…she’s totally soaked..
totally committed to the fifty bucks.. .That’s it just step into the spotlight.. let the guys
get a good look at ya honey!

MARY:
Here I am!

BUDDY JONES:
Whaddya say, fellas?
Nice setta jugs?
Now Mary, how’s about shakin’ it around a little…

BUDDY JONES:
Oh my goodness, look at her go!

MARY:
Oooh! I’m dancing!
I’m dancing!

BUDDY JONES:
Ain’t this what living is really all about!
Here’s your fifty bucks, Mary…

MARY:
Oh great! Now I can go home!

BUDDY JONES:
Home is where the heart is.

MARY: “On the bus!”

 

That water was fucking freezing, so the look of shock/horror is authentic. heh heh.  

  “ Oh great! Now I can go home!”

“with leather?”

The headliners of the whole Zappanale ^.

I haven’t seen Chad since 1988!! He is so shy, so soft spoken. SO SWEET!!! His whole band is sweet in fact. I loved hanging out with these guys. They played an all instrumental set. No Zappa tunes at all, although at certain points you could hear a tad of a Zappa riff, like they were teasing us. They were brilliant. I suppose everyone was expecting them to whip out at least one Zappa tune, but they didn’t. 

Perhaps Chat wants to stay on Dweezil and Gail’s good side. At least now they can’t bitch at them for playing any Zappa music! 

 

Oooh they sounded like butter. Lovely! x 

 

^ you can see from his smile how sweet and genuine he is

 

Eric Slick ^ plays drums with Project Object. He is a genius (started playing drums at age 2 🙂

His Mom, Robin Slick, is a famous writer. Check out her blog HERE  

 

The English band, Monty and the Butchers ^ were soooooo fun to hang out with. A million laughs indeed.  

 

Jorg, the film director, who happens to be holding the mic, films each Zappanale. They make a dvd of each Zappanale. They interviewed me for the dvd. I was lively as usual.  

I was lacking sleep, which I really really need right now, as I am literally running on fumes. My tonsils are beyond infected and I was told a year ago they have to be removed but I never find the time, so I have been living on antibiotics and feeling like shit for about two years. I know, it’s stupid. A vicious cycle, but I just never find the time. So if I get less than like 7 hours of sleep, I feel dizzy, sore throat, all that wimpy shit. I was devastated when I was told I had to be up and ready for an interview on stage Saturday at noon. I know this sounds like a diva talking but it’s not. I am just a night person and seldom fall asleep before 7am. Hard habit to break at such short notice 🙂

Jim Cohen, who has been the host for a few years at the Zappanale, was to interview me Saturday at noon. He does a representation each year on the Saturday of the Zappanale  (the Zappanale always takes place in the first week of every August fyi) . He interviews guests and talks in great detail about Frank Zappa. He is a walking encyclopedia of Frank Zappa trivia/facts/info. 

I was there, on time, and went through with the interview. I did most of it in German as it takes place in Germany, but said somethings in English too for the English speaking audience. What I am getting at, is this weekend is a marathon. You won’t be resting, you will be ON the whole time, partying, talking, laughing, dancing and by the end of the weekend, you won’t have a voice anymore. I swear I am still hoarse from the festival and it was a few weeks ago. Found that out the hard way last night at karaoke.  

 

 

Eric Svalgård  ^

The other Eric of Project Object and I signing the symbol for the Arf Society.  

 

Monty and the Butchers hamin’ it up during the grand finale’  ^

 

The crowd (above) and the sound men ( are nice guys, but have to work while everyone else is raising hell, hence the glum faces) 

 

 Chad and Andre’ ^

Don and I discussing his amazing threads his wife sews for him. What a sweet heart! ^ 

 

 

Christian ^ was my driver for the whole festival. His Father Wolfhard is the founder of the whole Zappanale.  The Arf Society was obviously trying extra hard to please me 🙂

 

 Musician soup ^ …………. backstage at the Zappanale was heaven on earth

Hasi ^  a Zappateers member, from Austria and I in the Zappateer tent. This tent is out in the camping area at the Zappanale festival. Everyone in the camping area pretty much parties straight through, with no sleep, from Thursday to Monday morning. It is a non-stop Zappa themed party. The Zappateers tent is the center of it all. I was welcomed with open arms and even knew a few of the people hanging out in the tent.. It was super fun, but I had to hang backstage most of the time, as they had tiny tasks for me to do. 

 

What are the Zappateers? ” The Zappateers are dedicated collectors of Zappa live shows.”

It’s best to click HERE to read more about the Zappateers.. 

 

These two lovely gals ^  know every word to every Zappa song and I love them. They were a fixture in the Zappateers tent and later on stage for the Grand finale too. They are seriously dedicated Zappa fans.

 

Sunday when I woke up, I thought:  I am too tired to go to the Zappanale grounds again. I thought I would just sleep all day and hide until my ride took me back to Berlin. WRONG ANSWER. Thomas, the president of the Arf Society called and said “where are you hiding!?? We need you on stage at 9pm!”  Eh? I thought my work was done. Guess not. So I dragged my ass out of bed, well, off the floor as I always sleep on the floor in hotels, as I am a walking sleeping disorder. 

Painted my face a bit and tried to get motivated for yet another night of partying. I am only used to going out like once a week, sometimes once a month. Contrary to popular belief, I don’t go out much at all. I am a hermit. It looks like I go out a lot because I blog about it every time I go out. I can only handle two drinks and hate smoking so I am a light weight and need a day to recover when I party (I have always been that way, so don’t laugh to yourself as you say  “it’s called getting old” under your breath). I have always been a light weight. sigh. ANYHOW, where the hell was I?

Oh yes, my lovely driver came and basically had to pry me out of my room as I was really dragging my ass by Sunday. But like magic, once I set foot on the Zappanale grounds, I woke up like a freshly watered flower.  

 

So, I was wondering, what was my chore of the day? Why was I needed on stage at 9pm? Another Wet T-shirt thingy? A massage for Chad? Was I entered into the Zappa trivia game without my knowledge?  

 

  Napi  and Um, I know he works for the Zappanale, I think he is the director of transportation but don’t quote me on that, but at any rate, that is Napi posing with a man I think may be Hendrik.  Surprised  (Lets play “name that German!”)

 

Chad & Andre’  ^

 

 Kurz, Italian Frank Zappa fan and musician (he let me draw that stache on his face 🙂
   

 

 

I was attacked by a sharpie pen ^ 

 

Naturally after 3 nights of camping, the Zappanale guests, artist, campers and workers started to smell a bit. I mean, it is hot, humid, dusty.. everyone is sweating and drinking.. you get the picture. I had a close wiff of Matthews (bassist/vocalist/founder of Monty and the Butchers)  underarm. Me likey. I LOVE the smell of a man’s sweat. Fuck deo and perfume and show gels. I want to smell the MAN, not the fucking brand. Nothing I hate more than a man wearing perfume, cologne, aftershave, deo etc. I want to smell the truth baby!

Well, it’s only fair…    ^ 

Sunday night, we were ALL TOAST. I couldn’t believe that Monty and the Butchers hadn’t seen the Zappa statue of Bad Doberan yet!

The drivers brought us there and we had a little photo shoot. The one with the glasses (passed out) is Joe. he plays horns some times for Project Object. What a laugh that night was! 

 

 

Me posing with the Zappa statue. There was a LOT of controversy surrounding the statue. Gail Zappa didn’t approve it and is still not happy about it. The Arf Society had to fight tooth and nail to convince the town of bad Doberan to even allow the statue to be erected there. All the drama!! It’s so sad how everyone  behaves after an icon dies (James Brown, Zappa, Elvis, John Lennon, etc).I hope to fuck the dead idols are looking down, watching the behavior, keeping tabs….

I want to close this now and mention once more, how AMAZING the Zappanale was. I will be there for sure next year. This festival has been going on 18 years, and I hope it keeps going on for many more years. It has a special vibe to it, so much love for Frank, so many cool people, so much fun!!!!!!!!!!! The area is amazing too, it’s magical, in fact I couldn’t think of a better place to have such a wonderful meeting of minds. Thank you Arf Society for the lovely time, I will never forget it.

x 

ps. If you haven’t seen them yet, I made 3 videos (well, one long one, broken up into 3 bits) of my Zappanale experience.

Click the links to see the videos:

 

Video 1

Video 2

Video 3 

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Steve Vai & Dublin (great combo)

 

Been beyond busy, hence the delay….

Ryan Air has extremely cheap flights to Ireland so I decided to pop over to Dublin to have a look, meet my two girlfriends from Boston, Christin and Nicole (who brought another gal pal with them named Christy). The main focus of the trip was the Steve Vai show  on July 24th. I arrived a few days early to really get to know Dublin. It didn't take long as it's very small. I was surprised already on the plane that the pilot and flight attendants were all Polish. Then I took a cab to my hotel, and my cabbie was Polish.

Checked into my hotel (I stayed at the Harding Hotel in Dublin, which was pretty cheap and very central) and the staff was 90% Polish (the rest were Turkish). The only Irish person in the whole hotel was the bar tender. This may sound normal to you but I thought I would meet lots of Irish people there, but I didn't. I love Polish people.. I know a few and one even works for me, so I have nothing against Polish people what so ever. If anything, we bond in Germany when we are fed up with the Berliners sometimes. 

But I could not get over how Dublin is predominantly Polish. Holy fucking Kielbasa! 

Knowing I have a massive sleep disorder (have to have the room pitch black with a fan running to drown out any noise and it has to be cool; almost cold for me to sleep AND I have to have ear plugs too) I rang the hotel ahead of time and pleaded with them to give me a very quiet room. Imagine the surprise when I looked out my window and saw this church ^ which has an hourly church bell habit as well as the busy street below that hosts a nightly parade of drunks shouting at each other. 

Oh well, the bed was fucking amazing. It is the first time ever that I actually slept in the bed at a hotel. I always drag all the bedding onto the floor and sleep there. The bed was the fucking bomb. I like my bed the same way I like my guy, big and hard.  

Not sure if you saw the two videos I made about my Dublin trip, if not, click HERE for part 1

and HERE for part 2.  

That building above is the Dublin Castle. When I saw it I asked people in the parking lot, who looked equally confused if that was the castle. I suppose good things come in small packages, but is that also true when it comes to men and castles? 

 ^ That is the Dublin Police head quarters. They still use the Irish language, Gaelic, hence the word, Garda, instead of Police. All the cops wear vests and shirts etc, that say "Garda" NOT "Police". Garda looks rather Spanish to me, but then again weren't they conquered ages ago by the Spanish? Don't quote me on that.. but still, many Irish people have dark brown eyes, dark hair and look a tad Spanish… Then there's the other lot, with ginger or fair hair and light eyes, which are probably products left by the Vikings when they took over. If the Irish would stop fucking drinking so much, maybe people who stop kicking their asses. heh heh.

My favorite look would be the really dark hair and light eyed combo. They are to die for. They usually have naturally blood red lips and pale skin to go with the dark hair and light eyes, like Cillian Murphy (SCHWING!)

or like my ex boyfriend Alister Matthews from Northern Ireland (been there many times but this was my first trip to the South). 

Sorry, I can't be bothered to get up, dig for a picture of Alister to scan in and post on here, but he looks a lot like Cillian. sigh.

Oh I really played the tourist in Dublin. I basically had my camera in my hand at all times. Even in the rain. By the way, it was fucking FREEZING and wet 99.9% of the time I was there. Bring WARM rain proof clothes no matter what time of year you visit Ireland, K?

That picture ^ is of the back court yard of the Castle. It is gorgeous there. Must be even more so when the fucking sun shines. 

More of the court yard ^

These Ducks were chillin' in the Castle courtyard, getting hand outs from the tourists. If I was a duck, I would probably live there too. Free food, gorgeous castle, etc . Cute…………… 

My foot, on tour as usual ^ 

My first night there was spent at the Purdy Kitchen, a popular bar at Temple Bar (area of Dublin where people drink until they vomit on a daily basis).

The two karaoke DJ's above have the biggest

 

song list I have ever seen. The one on the left with the facial hair, is Wez. He also sings for a U2 cover band, so it was a treat when he grabbed the mic and belted out a few U2 songs. They both sang 4 songs EACH before they started letting karaoke whores like me grab the mic. I told them if they pulled that in NYC they would be smacked around. We don't like the DJ's to sing too often know what I mean? The place is packed every night but Thursday is karaoke night if you are heading there and love to sing and/or watch people sing.  

I know, I KNOW, I have to learn about "Red Eye Reduction". I can't hear that anymore. I am trying to work that out.. DOH!

< Real Irish peoople!

Holy FUCK! These were the first Irish people I met in Dublin. To meet a real Irish person in Dublin is like meeting a rock star. Can I have your fucking autograph? There are so few of them, you quiver when you finally meet one. I suppose Dublin is like any major city. It's a melting pot. I get it now. Dublin happens to be the most expensive melting pot I have ever come across and I am not a penny pincher, believe me. Save up baby if you want to go to Dublin. Oh, the two DJ's are Irish too…. 

oh, my hotel has karaoke every Friday night, and it fucking ROCKED! 

A view from the tour bus I jumped on.. All the smokers have to stand out side. Boo fucking hooooo. Cool

 

 

The Guinness family has to be the richest family in Ireland. EVERYONE drinks the dark brew. I have never even tried it, so I didn't bother taking the tour of the brewery. I once stayed over at Miranda Guinness's house in like 1993. Her sister is currently dating Paul McCartney (lucky betch). My pal Alan Dunn of the Rolling Stones (logistics manager and Mick's right hand) is very good friends with Miranda and she used to be Mick's personal assistant for years… long story, but Alan brought me there once to hang with Miranda and her then beau Keith. She had a gorgeous house, almost as big as the Dublin castle. Where am I going with all this trivia? No idea. It's 4:20am. inhale. exhale. 4:20. 

Random statue in Pheonix Park (the largest enclosed park in Europe). The tour bus driver was telling everyone what each statue was blah blah blah, but he spoke so fast and with such a heavy accent, I only caught like 50% of the info.. 

 

Maybe it sounds dumb, but somehow Dublin reminded me a bit of Venice. Lots of water ways, cute bridges and Italians. 

I gave him 1 euro. Hope he called his mom like he said he would.

 Colors galore. American's galore. Temple bar, is PACKED with yanks. I met and heard more Americans in Dublin then I do in NYC. 

The street performers (buskers) were extremely entertaining. There is always a party brewing on the streets of Dublin. I asked everyone around if it is just like this in the summer and they insisted it is like that all year round.  

 

 

 

 

 

These ladies caught my eye for obvious reasons. They are so friendly and sweet. They are in a group for ladies over 50 called the

Red Hat Society . Hey! Madonna can join now. Her birthday is today. Happy Birthday Madge. x

Look at what was wandering the streets of Dublin ^     *sigh*  Kiss

My FAVORITE hang out in Dublin ^

If you love rock and roll, go there. They have two floors of ROCK. The bottom floor has two rooms, one with death metal and one with classic rock. It is of course, smoke free and packed with cool folks. Oh yeah, I eventually found more Irish people. They all hang North of Dame street, like Trinity street, Grafton street. AWAY from Temple bar, where all the tourist are.. 

< Thin Lizzy ROCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NO, I am not pounding a beer. I have never even tried a beer. That is cider. I discovered it is hard to find decent wine in Dublin, as they love their beer, so I went for cider instead. My favorite, Bulmers light. Yummy as fucking, no hang over head ache and it's not filling. I was not paid to write that, I swear. 

Local Rock fan.. think his name was John. Any fan of AC/DC is a friend of mine. Hell yeah.

 

That ^ is U2's hotel. Not the hotel they stay in, the hotel they OWN. I didn't stay there as I think the rooms start at 500 euro a night. Guess they need the money. Speaking of hotels, if you didn't see my youtube Dublin videos, you didn't hear me say that you are NOT allowed to have guests in your hotel room in Ireland. Not even for a minute to help with your bags. Not even to get, or give a massage. If you book a double room, you can naturally have that person that is also registered in your room, but ONLY registered guest can go in your room. I am not kidding or exaggerating for fun. I called many hotels and asked about this, thinking mine was prude. They all have this rules. A few years ago a man brought a woman to his hotel room (gasp) and he passed out and she robbed him blind. He then sued the hotel (the Jury hotel to be exact) for over 50,000 euro. That is maybe a factor. At any rate, if you want get a massage or make out, you will have to do it outside, in the rain. The observation cameras attached to most walls outside will just add to the excitement. 

Two New Englander Rock chicks at  your service ^

Christin and I weathering the erm, weather.  

 

I couldn't get enough of the sights

The night before the Steve Vai show was a blast. A lot of the Vai fans met and partied, as you can see ^

You can see me hiding behind the big mouthed insane fucker from Spain. He was mental. Fun! But mental.  

Steve gives a little talk and Q & A with his fans before each show. He calls this intimate meeting the "Evo ". Naturally not everyone gets to attend the Evo, it cost a bit, but it's worth it. I luckily got to see it for free as I was there to massage him and his band. I felt guilty getting in there for free, as I think it cost like 200 euro to enjoy an Evo. He has two guitars, I heard, one called Evo and one called Flo.  

'

We met a hard core Vai fan at the Evo called John. Christin and Nicole were front and center of the Evo, as usual. If you google "Dedicated Fan" you will probably see a picture of these two "crazy red heads" as Steve adoringly calls them. 

Steve treats his fans better than any artist,r ockor pop star I have ever met. He really takes care of them. Takes lots of time answering their questions (even if they don't go to the Evo,  and they just meet him after the show outside, etc).

He is so fucking cool. Love the Vai! 

'

I had my Dublin massage assistant, Bernice, who is originally from Spain, join me at the gig to massage. Her sister, Wanda, also works for me in Kilkenny, Ireland. Bernice ROCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!

< Michelle

 Another hard core Vai fan, Michelle, from Belfast. She drove down for the show and showed us her new Steve Vai tattoo. Oh, I forgot to mention, if you pay to go to the Evo, you get to witness the sound check too. You also get an autograph and to pose with Steve for a picture. What a man. x

Christin in her element ^ 

 

 Roger is a special sound man. He has worked with everyone. He has produced a few Little Feat albums as well.. His resume' is overwhelming. Steve begged him to do the tour. Now that is the ultimate stamp of approval. Yes. 

 

Steve was insanely ill that day. He had the flu, big time. He was shaking, sweating, feverish, fucking ILL! He was very hoarse too. He explained that to everyone at the Evo, but still put on an amazing show and was very pleasant. He said he even remembered the guy who gave him that virus. It was a fan in London. He was too close to him and the guy breathed on him so heavy, he could feel the virus leap down into his lungs. lol. Well, after massaging him, I felt kinda of ill, and Christin and Nicole said I must have caught the "Steve Vairus" har har har. I then passed the Steve Vairus around at the Zappanale (Frank Zappa festival- blog coming soon).

Sound checks RULE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

'

I am very proud of this shot ^ 

Bryan plays a mean fucking bass. His girlfriend, Kira Small  was there too. She is a singer and they both live in Tennessee. Great couple. I even bought her cd. She sings like a black woman, nice and smooth, with soul. 

No one could take their eyes off the sexy violinis. Ann Marie is pretty hot too. heh heh.

Seriously, these two are fierce. Was a pleasant addition to the show.  I asked Alex could he play "The Devil went down to Georgia" on his fiddle. He said he can not only play it, but has played it with the Charlie Daniels band together. Niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice. 

John, like I mentioned before, is a hard core Vai fan. And nice to look at. Tongue out

The man, the legend ^ Dave Weiner

One of the wildest drummers I have ever seen or hear ^ Jeremy Colson is INSANE on the drums. 

He reminds me of the Tazmanian Devil for some reason. 

 

Ok, you may be wondering why I posted an old pic of Steve and I. I did get a new pic of us together, but it came out crappy and I mean really blurry/shit. So I am recycling instead. 

Jeremy has some local friends in Dublin who are tattoo freaks and apparently did a few of his tattoos and they are making a dvd about tattoos etc. and Steve was nice enough to allow them to interview him along with Jeremy. It was great to sit there and listen/witness the whole interview. Fun to hear Steve tell private stories and explain his tattoo (that he drew himself). 

 

 

The show was fucking incredible. Steve is one of the best guitarist  in the world.  His shows are so exciting and watching him play is  hypnotic.  I can't wait  for the next shows (sept in Long Island and NJ, yea  baby)…

No, I didn't take this shot ^ I nabbed it from Steve's site. I am sure he won't mind 😉

Another thing, Steve's son, Julian is 18 and in massage school right now. He wants to join my massage team. Steve said he will fly him out to where ever I am when he graduates to take the Dr. Dot massage test. I am excited. Imagine that, to have some rock and roll royal blood on my team. You can book your massage from Mr. Vai through me Laughing  yay! x

Nicole, me and Christin spreadin' the love. 

 

Why would I take a picture of the post office in Dublin? Because it's a special land mark. Read:

" Built in 1818, the General Post Office in O'Connell Street was designed by Francis Johnston.

In 1916 an Irish republic was proclaimed from the General Post Office by Padraig Pearse and James Connolly who were leaders of the Easter Rising.

A fire broke out, destroying most of the interior and the General Post Office was  closed until it was renovated in 1929. At the front of the building visitors can still see the shell marks of 1916."

If shell marks impress you, Berlin will make you cream your jeans.  

'

 Christy is a sweety. Her eyes are so pretty in person, like  a husky dog. A horny husky dog. Tongue out

Finally some color in Dublin. A pleasant change to the gray skies. Oh, before I forget, my favorite restaurant in Dublin hands down is Thai Orchid on Westmorland street. OMG, the food and service is out of this world. I ate there almost every day. I am a creature of habit. I also found a 24 hour a day internet cafe, along the river on Wellington Quay. Bring hand sanitizer and baby wipes, it's dirty and greasy as fuck, but hey, it's open 24/7.

x 

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Stop the Latest Assault on Our Wolves

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Stop the Latest Assault on Our Wolves

The Bush/Cheney Administration has announced two proposals to jumpstart the killing of hundreds of wolves in the Yellowstone area and elsewhere in the Northern Rockies.

Officials in the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service are now seeking public comment on the agency’s proposal to accept Wyoming’s disastrous wolf management plan and to give Idaho and Wyoming vast new powers to kill wolves — even while these magnificent animals remain listed under the Endangered Species Act.

The deadline for comments on these two flawed proposals is Monday, August 6th. Please fill out the form below to send your message to the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service right now.
 


Posted on

Kanye West has a new fan

 Tonight was a busy night. I just wanted to chill but I helped Jasmine get ready for her prom -she wore a cute hippie looking wine colored dress that hung above the knees and she rejected the sueded flip flops I bought her, instead, she wanted to go barefoot. Her dread locks were tied up and some of her hair stayed down, you know, half up, half down, like Angelina Jolie always wears hers. I guess this hippie attitude comes from me seeing the Grateful Dead about 50 times while I was pregnant with her.

 

I am happy she is a rock chick; I'm not complaining, I just wish she would have worn shoes and maybe let me buy her a dress. The other kids and parents must think "That Dr. Dot must spend all her money on rock and roll t-shirts and globe trotting as Jasmine wears all these hippie rags and converse high tops that have more holes in them then the streets of Blackburn!" But that's not true. Jasmine is not a consumer. She loathes getting presents and being given money etc. Very practical and frugal. Like me. I do love me a new lap top and my iPod though 🙂

 

ANYWAYS, after that hectic whirlwind, I went home and massaged Joe Jackson (who lives in Berlin now, and is recording his new album) from 11pm until 1am when my phone rang. Kanye West was in Berlin (on a promo tour) and wanted a massage. I could have sent one of my assistants, but I was curious to meet this man that Perez Hilton and the press always talk about. They usually mention this "He stormed out of an award ceremony, angry, because his video didn't win the Video of the Year award!".

 

They scathe him and I wanted to see if he was really like they described. In fact, I have never even heard his music, the only reason I knew of him was because of this nasty rumor. That and I know he did a song with Jamie Foxx, who I LOVE since seeing (and buying) the film RAY. 

I was expecting a WHOLE lotta attitude. I got NONE.  I was lead to his room and was kept waiting for a few minutes, along with his assistant. He opened the door and I yapped "Avon Calling!". heh heh. His room smelt like he had been burning a stack of rubber tires! He was holding what was left of some plug adapter, which was now half black from the flames and melted. LMFAO!!!!!!!!

Apparently the hotel gave him a plug adapter and what he needed was an electricity converter, like a mini transformer or so. It was their fault, not his. Thank God it didn't fry his lap top! Anyways, we got that sorted, I told the front desk in German to sort it out. I massaged him for about 2 hours and the music he chose to play from his lap top was mostly Maroon 5, then later, Modest Mouse. He said he is friends with Adam, the singer of Maroon 5 (I told him he was a client of mine too) and that they did a song together. I never head much Maroon 5 up until tonight. I only knew the two popular tunes "She will be loved" and "This love has taken it's toll", you know those catchy tunes..

 

Anyways, then we heard Modest Mouse, who he said is one of his favorites. I told him how I met Modest Mouse one night at one of my karaoke hang outs in NYC: Cassidys Pub, W 55th street. They have karaoke every Friday night (no they didn't pay me to write this). Modest Mouse was in there, acting like wankers. Showing off, hogging the mic, being really obnoxious and the singer was snotty to me and my friends. Once we said "aren't you Modest Mouse?" then suddenly they were all sweet and polite and they bounced right after that. As in, "oh shit, we can't act like cunts anymore, they know who we are". Whatever. The band is tight, but have a listen, the singer sucks ass. He must purposely sing out of tune and all over the place. Have a listen, then you will know what I mean. He's a pretentious twat. 

Oh LORD I am totally off the subject now, which is HOW WONDERFUL Mr. West is! I asked him about this rumor, about him storming out of the award show in a sour grapes mood. He said "It's true" but then told me the whole story, the part the press so conveniently over looks when taking the piss out of him, you know, slagging him off. Ok, for you yanks, when they are being really mean and writing bad about him. (see why British/Irish slang is so useful? It gets to the point faster).


The missing part of the story is that his management and record company told him his video had won Video of the Year, and insisted that he attend this ceremony. 

Here is what you find when you google this crap:

Kanye West, you may remember, stormed the stage at the MTV Europe Music Awards in Denmark last week, interrupting the winners' speech, claiming his video deserved the "Best Video" Award for "Touch the Sky," which lost to Justice vs. Simian's project "We Are Your Friends."

 No fucking WONDER he was pissed off! He was lied to. He was told his video had won. So he was lead there under false pretenses. I just think it's unfair how the press leaves shit out. So you can't say they are lying, because they just leave shit out. Guys all over can relate with that method, as they use it all the time when explaining to their better half where they fuck they have been, etc.

 

I think he's cool. He was calm, friendly, intelligent, generous, very funny and had NO ego or attitude at all. I am not an ass kisser/brown noser, I am honest. The guy is wonderful. I know it's tabu to say, but he has an amazing ass. I told him too, so there.

x

ps. The only bad thing about me working until 4am and now still up online until 7:30 am, is I will be too tired to go and try to massage Lou Reed later today. Oh well, I think he is over rated anyways. Sweet Jane and take a walk on the wild side are not enough to cut into my 8 hours of sleep (Sour Grapes). Dragging my cranky ass into bed now. 

Posted on

First time in Monte Carlo by Dr. Dot

Posted on

Ask Dr. Dot – June 1, 2007

 

Dr. Dot on facebook: www.facebook.com/drdotislovinlife  

 


Q.
For a year I have been seeing someone I have many things in common with,
except I don't smoke pot or do prescription drugs for pain and anxiety.
 He always made me feel beautiful, respected and pursued.  He always made
the calls and arranged the dates.  But, he has made it clear to me he doesn't
 like to be confronted or be the target of expressed anger.  Once Saturday
 night we went out with his sister and her boyfriend to a music rave.  He
took a walk with the boyfriend and left me with his sister.  When the boyfriend
 returned 15 minutes later he was alone.  My boyfriend stayed in another
 part of the hotel watching some girl band singing and dancing by himself.
He stayed away almost an hour and I found him just because I was looking
 for something to do. His sister had to set up her own band.  He came over
to me buy I was livid. When he realized I was angry he froze me out of the
conversation later when the 4 of us ordered drinks at the bar. I was hurt
and angry the rest of the night.  When our date was over he was annoyed at
 my anger.  He didn't call me for 2 weeks.  Then we exchanged a few emails,
 he called Easter and on my birthday. I couldn't see him the day he invited
 me to celebrate my birthday over a week ago, and I haven't heard from him
since.  Should I let him go? I rarely confront him, but I can't never get angry.
Fed Up Franny

A.
As nice as he may be, this ganja smoking Peter Pan is lost in his
own little never-never land. He can’t behave anyway
he wants and forbid any backlash. He is probably the youngest
child or a spoiled only child who always got his way.
I would ignore him and move on unless you want to walk on
eggshells your whole life long (exhausting!). If you really
can’t live without this sensitive control freak, let him do
all the work, all of the contacting and planning. Trying to
turn a pot head/pill popper into a caring, thoughtful partner
is an uphill battle. He sounds about as useful as a cat flap
 in an elephant house.

Q.
Why does it burn when my boyfriend cums in me?
Burning Bush Kate

 

 

 

 
A.
Think back. Did all of your other lover’s spunk burn you? If
 you have both been tested for STD’s and came out clean, this
 could be mother natures way of saying "this guy is not the
right one for you". Smell and the way one makes you feel can
really say a lot about a lover. “Love” should feel great, not
painful and like someone used a flame thrower on your snatch.

Q.
My girlfriend only wants to screw after lunch. In the morning I
wake up and am ready for a shag before breakfast; while she's
 still a zombie. At night she's "too tired". Only after lunch
does she suddenly get really fucking horny but I'm usually at work!
 Any tricks to turning her on in the early hours?
Morning Muffin Man

 

 

A.
Try to take a lunch break when she calls and is horny, run home,
 shag her, then go back to work with a shit eating grin on your face.
Saying 'no' to a hungry pussy is just wrong. About her being "tired"
 at night, tell her "just let me do all the work honey, just lay
 there and let me fuck you". Those words usually work like "open sesame".

Q.
Is it gay for a guy to pee sitting down?
Lazy Luke

A.
Having dated a few European men, I can tell you, it’s rather popular
over there. Maybe their wives have more effective ways of threatening
them if they leave the seat up. But then again, peeing while sitting
down enables you to:
– Make sure you get all your piss in the bowl
– Takes the weight off your feet
– Requires less concentration
– Getting your face ripped off by females for leaving the seat up doesn’t happen
– Gives you the option of an unplanned dump, should the need arise.
What's not to love? Why let a position define your sexuality? I say
go for it, no one is supposed to see you do your business anyways. The
only disadvantage is trying to stuff your morning stiffy down into the bowl.

 

 

 

 
Q.


My wife, god bless her, is 56 and still has her regular periods. When will
it be safe to stop fucking her with a rubber?
Rubber Hell

A.
You should be happy and proud that you married such a
healthy, ripe woman that still ovulates at age 56. This means she can still get
 pregnant, but from the sounds of things, you two have thrown in the procreating
 towel. If so, why not get snipped? Or she could have her tubes cut and tied.
 You could also have her start taking birth control pills OR use the 'Clear Blue
 Easy Fertility Monitor’ available at
would need protection during her "dangerous Wal-Mart, CVS. etc (In Europe it's called
"Persona" and you can get it in any Chemist)
 She would just keep close tabs with this gadget, finding out when she is most fertile. I am surprised
 you two haven't tried such things yet as one of the best
parts about being married is being able to ditch the condoms for more pleasurable
 forms of birth control, like the pill or IUD, Diaphragm, the ring or this monitoring
 system I just mentioned. I hope you will be riding bareback again soon.

Q.
I am in a difficult relationship, well not difficult but a confusing one.  At first
 we were friends, mostly via the internet, and then when I moved closer to him, we
started to see each other a lot more; we have been seeing each other (fucking) for
the past 3 months.  I know that he likes me and he tells me so,  he tells me that if
I was closer to him I would be his girl or he would be seeing me everyday; however
when he returns home it’s a different story.  He only will communicate via IM or
 myspace and speaking of that I’m last on his list.
Sometimes I feel that he just doesn't want to be bothered…and considering we are friends;
 I will say, hey? do you need some time alone? (instead of making me sit in front of
the damn pc while he is busy chatting with other ppl)..he just says, don’t be silly but
 then…I end up sitting and waiting.

 I have confronted him in a nice way of course and asked where do I stand with him?
  His response was that, he is confused and unsure what he wants at the moment.  I asked
him if he is keeping his options open?  His response is NO.  He also states that, he
wouldn't like it if I was with someone else…because he wouldn’t be with someone else.
 This is just confusing again!

This is hard for me because I am so in love with him and when he is here I know he is
 mine it’s when he is gone that I feel lost and confused and hopeless.  I don’t want to
loose our friendship but I just don’t know where I stand with him or what he wants but
 then again, neither does he.
Blinded by Love-Layla

 

 

A.
My advice, start seeing other people as it sounds to me like he has another, even if he
says he doesn't. It’s been said “women can fake orgasms, but men can fake whole relationships”.
 If he was that into you, he would be begging you to move closer, to let him move near you,
 or to at least see you more often. He would call, rather than chat with you like an online buddy.

When a man is in love and hell bent on making sure the girl is HIS, they don't behave like
 the wanker you are describing. Sorry but I don’t sugar coat. He is taking advantage of you;
open your eyes and realize you are just his fuck buddy and nothing more.
Get gorgeous, get busy and stop "waiting" around for that indecisive fuck face.



Q.
Hello Dr. Dot. I read the New York Press every Wednesday, and your column is the first page I
turn to. Honest. I have a quick clean question. I am a single, never married 45 year old Hispanic
 male, well educated (2 degrees), not bad looking I am told, good shape (like to work out) etc.etc.
 but I cannot find a date. You have heard it before I am sure. I am thinking of taking dance classes
 to possibly meet interesting women. Good idea or bad idea. What kind of dancing should I learn.
 I have no experience at all with any type of dancing. How should I approach this decision? Thank
You very, very much Dr. Dot.
Pimpin’ Pedro


A.
Dance classes, along with cooking and yoga classes are excellent places to pull. Salsa lessons would
 ensure you meet lots of ladies who either already have a fiery rhythm, or want one. Such classes
 are usually predominantly female and you would end up a popular dance partner. It's tough finding
love in a big city but as a single male, the odds are on your side (lots of gays mean, lots of single
ladies). Make sure your breath is ALWAYS fresh and buy a fresh scent: 'Angle Men' (A-men) from Thierry Mugler
or Fahrenheit from Christian Dior, these scents make women weak in the knees.

Q.
I’ve been dating this guy for 3 months, and things have been great,
 but are moving into a beyond the 'surface' stage of our relationship.I haven't
had something like this in awhile and he was very romantic and generous with his
word up until recently. He isn’t seeing someone else and he contacts me
regularly but the sweetness has faded a little. He’s very stressed at work
and the last time I saw him he looked tired and admitted that he takes on
too much and then feels overwhelmed. I freaked a little when he said he has to
find balance. I took it personally because when I had heard that before, it meant that they were
disappearing,and that perhaps I had done something to change their mind.  In my heart, I know
he really cares about me, but I am afraid. He’s invited me to go with his family for
dinner next week, but that urgency to see me has faded and he’s really putting himself
first these past days.I understand that, but I still get fearful that my romantic guy won't come
back.  I apologized for the mini-freak out and explained to him my fears. He was all ears
and philosophical about it.  I just wish I could relax and not worry so much. Any thoughts?
Fearful Freda


A.
You need to chill. Men can smell insecurity, fear and doubt like a dog
can smell another dogs ass miles away.
It’s natural for things to calm after a few months. The only way to keep things
really spicy is to only see each other once a week, but then you can never really
get closer. You’re hooked on that romantic high; that addictive butterfly effect
 a fresh
love has on everyone, but love never stays that intoxicating. Eventually romance turns
 into a familiarity; there is no way of avoiding it. We would all like our lover to be
 mad about us, to imagine they only think of us when they wank, but it's just bullshit;
that only exists in romance flicks.
You shouldn’t have freaked out. Less words and tantrums; more confidence and calm will
prevent them from disappearing. Men need space, patients and above all, less drama.
Realize that you are worth hanging around for and try to feel so happy in your
own shell, that even if you were alone, you would be fine. Men can sense that
and feel free. Just like being in a room alone with a cat, if you close the door,
the cat wants OUT now. If you leave the door a bit open, he will want to sit on
your lap and pine for your attention.

Q.
I cheated on my bf while I was on holiday and he found out. I don’t know why I did it.
My man has been exceptionally good to me. When I was exposed he just called me a slut
and walked off. The next day he came round and demanded to know the details, saying he
could not make up his mind about me till he knew everything. I could not say anything
 because I was crying so much I couldn’t talk. He is glad I admitted to it. Should I tell
 him all about how it happened? How can I get him to stay with me? I need him in my life.
 How long will it take for us to work this over? Should I buy him a present or something
 similar……right now he will not even kiss me.
Beaver Deceiver


A.
For some reason Men love to know the exact details when they catch their woman cheating
 (seen the movie "CLOSER" yet?). It's best not to give him the details, as if he does
 forgive you, which it sounds like he will (if he was really done with you, you wouldn't
 have heard back from him) then he will always have that scene running through his mind".

Just write him an email or text and tell him you were drunk,
 missed him and that you regret it with every bone in your body; you are SORRY. That's all
 you can do. Giving him a gift or apologizing too much just makes you look even guiltier.
 You didn't LOVE this guy you fucked around with; it was just a physical thing, so it
shouldn't get blown out of proportion. It's not like you were seeing him for months and
fell in love, it was just a tryst. Men understand as they can usually separate love and lust.
 Tell him going into details is difficult as you were so drunk and you don't even want to
relive such a mistake. Assure him it won't happen again and sit back, be patient and give him
some space to think. Let HIM make the first move! Otherwise you will appear desperate and it
 will remind him that you are feeling guilty; not good. Ease your mind by knowing life will
go on & what's meant to be will be.

 

Q.
For the last year and a half I've been in a relationship with one of the most
gorgeous girls I've met inside and outside I think I am in love with her but
there's one issue (actually multiple issues).  I am 23 and she is only 20.   I
am very independent, have my own place, work somewhere in Wall Street and
graduated from college almost 3 years ago.   I come from a very poor and humble
family and feel that I have already accomplished a lot.  My girlfriend on the
other hand is 20 and still in school, her parents pay for her car, give her
money every week, and pay for everything.   Now the big one: She has a
curfew! she has to be home at 10 every night, which would be ok with me if I
was in high school but all of a sudden I cant handle it.   Also please note
that even though she is young she makes good money in her part time job (at least
more than $20 an hour) I tried very hard to make this work but after a year I
feel like I should go out there and meet people that are on the same stage as
me…The icing on the cake is that her family is Jewish and I am not so they do
not approve of me so there's no way I can convince them to leave the situation.
Even though I love her lately…I've just been thinking really about where
this all going…and at the end of the day I am just not happy…what’s your
take on this?
Master Baiter


A.
Just because you love one, doesn't mean you have to hate the rest. You are 20-fucking-3.
Your life has just begun. You will meet many people in your life and if you
try and settle down now, it probably won't last, especially with so many odds
against you. I sense a bit of resentment from you towards your younger, sheltered/spoiled
20 year old Jewish Princess. Her family will not bend unless you concert and even so, if
they are so anal as to put a curfew on a 20 year old, why would you want to be part of
that family?
Imagine how strict they would be if you had kids with her? You obviously year
to meet others so do it. Leaving her would be easy, just blame it on her
family not accepting you and her curfew. Tell her you want to be friends but
want to be single. You are a young and ambitious man in a big city, in other
words, it's raining pussy.

Q.
I recently moved to a new town and had my tits made bigger (new town; new
jugs) and I love them. But every time I go out, people, mostly men, ask me
“are those real?” and they are not even huge. This really pisses me off.. I
don’t know how to respond without looking like a liar or coward. Some even ask
about my breasts before they ask my name or if I want a drink. Any suggestions
would be greatly appreciated.
Breasty Beauty

 

 

 

A.
A few ideas off hand: (1) If you weren’t so ignorant, you may have found out
yourself (2) Does it really fucking matter? Or if you have a sense of humor
(3) No, I just bought them on Ebay, aren’t they fucking bodacious?

Q.

Me and my girlfriend get along well; we have the occasional small fight
but nowadays, Sex has gotten outta hand, it just seems I can’t cum any more.
Me and my girlfriend have tried almost every position, including foreplay.
We try crazy things like her dressing up or fulfilling fantasies, but she
just can’t handle it, we go at it, and then she cums, and im stuck in a not so
sticky situation. She does kegel exercises and is indeed nicely fitted to my
penis, however she says my penis is too long, and there are times when I can feel my
cock hit a dead end so to say. Sometimes causing her a rush of excitement,
others causing pain. Any ideas on what to do?
Long Dong Silver

 

 
A.
Too long does hurt our delicate love cave, but avoiding the doggy style
position could help avoid extreme pain. Let her be on top, so she can control
the pressure, or when you are on top, be gentle. Perhaps take a break from all
of the bells and whistles and just have her blow you for a good hour. That
should make you cum.  Tell her not to forget your balls or your taint (tain't
your ass, and it tain't your balls). Never met a man who can't cum from great
oral.

Posted on

Maroon 5/ NYC

Today on MTV total request live (TRL) around 3:30 pm, see Adam Levine do his thing. Great guy!

I massaged him again last night here in NYC, then went out for some karaoke. Karaoke in NYC rules. I am having so much fun here, I hate to leave. I will return to Berlin in a few days to see my cutie pie, Jasmine. I have a massive blog, well, two massive blogs to write. I still haven't done my Monte Carlo and London blog. OMG, I will never get these done 🙁

I am pretty sure that I will be living back in NYC again by the Fall. I will still keep my flat in Berlin, but being back in the US with friends, family and loved ones is so nice. Just walking down the street is fun, everyone smiles, they are enjoying life, having fun, being friendly; it's so refreshing, I miss that! I will still have to visit Europe often, as I love it too. Wish I could split myself in two and live both places at the same time. I will be back again in NYC for just about the whole month of August, as I have to get my tonsils removed. Not looking forward to that. Hope it doesn't change my singing voice. I don't want to be a soprano or so. I need my AC/DC voice! 😀

x

Dr. Dot

 

 "We can never know about the days to come
But we think about them anyway, yay
And I wonder if I'm really with you now
Or just chasin' after some finer day

Anticipation, anticipation
Is makin' me late
Is keepin' me waitin'

And I tell you how easy it feels to be with you
And how right your arms feel around me
But I, I rehearsed those lines just late last night
When I was thinkin' about how right tonight might be

Anticipation, anticipation
Is makin' me late
Is keepin' me waitin'

And tomorrow we might not be together
I'm no prophet and I don't know nature's ways
So I'll try and see into your eyes right now
And stay right here 'cause these are the good old days

(These are the good old days)
And stay right here 'cause these are the good old day"

 by Carly Simon 

Posted on

Touching bases


 

RTL, one of Germany's most popular TV stations, flew me to Monte Carlo to film one of their Lifestyle TV shows which will air this coming Sunday on RTL of course (around 4pm they said). The host is Kai Ebel who is very well known in Germany for his work with Formula 1 race car drivers and boxing events as well. He is a moderator for all things sports basically. The production team treated me like a queen and I had a blast exploring the unreal world called Monte Carlo (a sunny place for shady millionaires).

 My foot, on vacation, letting it all hang out ^

^ I know it looks like I scanned in a post card, but I really took this pic with my Sony cyber-shot camera. It's really pretty  here.

 *Everyone there in Monte Carlo is getting ready for the Grand Prix races, so some of the drivers need massage..

They filmed me massaging Kai and Nico Rossberg, a 21 year old Formula 1 race car driver. He was born in Germany but raised in Monte Carlo. His father is a famous race car driver too. Nico is VERY famous in Monte Carlo and apparently we were lucky to get him in front of the cameras for a massage/interview. I will just post a couple pics now and finish this blog when I catch my breath ( I am still traveling at the moment and hate using this lap top).

 Here I am massaging Nico on a gorgeous yacht. It's a tough job, but someone has to do it ^

I have SO many pics and videos to post, I will have a flat ass by the time I am done blogging. I still have Berlin pics of Shai, Steph and I, then Lisa's trip (her first time ever in Europe) and then Monte Carlo and a few other surprises.. sigh. I am off to NYC soon too, so I have to get busy before I forget all the great things I have seen/experienced.

Loads to tell you, but I am exhausted..stay tuned

ps. Even though Monte Carlo is it's own country, stuck in between France and Italy, everyone there speaks French, considers themselves French, and acts French, so Frank Zappa's tune 'In France' is in my mind 24/7:

"The girls is all salty
The boys is all sweet
The food ain't too shabby,
An' they piss in the street
In France
Way down in France
Way on down
Way on down
In France

They got diseases
Like you never seen
Got a mystery blow-job
Turn your penis green
In France
Way down in France
Way on down
Way on down
In France

They got some coffee,
Eatin' right through the cup,
An' when they go ka-ka
They make you stand up
In France
Way down in France
Way on down
Way on down
In France

If you're not careful,
It'll stick to your cheeks
You'll smell like a native
For a couple of weeks
In France
Way down in France
Way on down
Way on down
In France

We cannot wait
Till we go back
It gets so exciting
When the poodles 'react'
In France
Way down in France
Way on down
Way on down
In France

Never try to get yo' penis sucked
In France"

x 

 

Posted on

What’s new?

So, nothing has happened since I "caught" the guy who attacked me, as in, no further steps. My lawyer said "give me a few days" and the cops will apparently send me a letter when they feel like it. Not holding my breath, as I know dam well nothing will happen to the guy, except MAYBE a fine. Thing is, I am almost certain I will run into the violent prick at my grocery store, as it's the only one near by and even the evil have to stuff their pie hole. 

That giant kiss above is what will be on the back of my upcoming Dr. Dot t-shirts. No, I am not going all Wall Mart on you, I get A LOT of emails/messages from folks asking me if they can buy a Dr. Dot t-shirt. This has been going on for a few years now, so I finally decided to do something about it. I found a Frank Zappa fan online,  named Mark who owns his own t-shirt business and he is an amazing artist and graphic designer. I want to have my hand prints on the front, as if I was grabbing your breast, and above it, it will say "Dr. Dot was here". On the back, are my lips. I put on a heavy coat of red lipstick and kissed a piece of paper and scanned it in high res. and sent it to him and that's the color he sent back. Not sure how the red got turned to pink but he says pink looks better, but I think we will have both available. So, in a couple weeks there will be a banner on my myspace page and web site, and if you want a shirt, you just click on it and presto. Mark will send you one (sorry, I don't have any more time to go to the post office, I barely find time to sleep or wank).

Last night SUCKED. I wanted to massage Damien Rice but they had just had two days off and (1) didn't need/want any and (2) there wasn't enough time even if they did. I was REALLY wanting to massage him, LOVE his voice, but if that isn't bad enough, the BITCHY German promoters LOVE to flex their power muscle as often as possible (in between sniffing lines) and were absolute PRICKS to me. They HATE Americans and let me know about it every time our paths cross. That president of mine has made it hard for us Yanks to go anywhere outside of the states without being loathed. Yeah, yeah, Americans suck, we know, now FUCK OFF and stop watching the Simpson's dubbed in your language and stop wearing Levis, eating at Mc Donald's and Pizza Hut if you REALLY hate all things YANK.  Get over it. I've lived off and on in Europe for almost 18 years, so obviously I am an open minded Yank and if anyone has a problem with Mr. Bush, write him a fucking letter, "we" as in, us yanks, are not your whipping post. K?

Even though yesterday was shit, today more than made up for it, ten fold. I got a call to go and massage Maroon 5's singer, Adam Levine. Tough job, but someone has to slave over his hot body, so I agreed 🙂 His manager is great, he uses my massage team all over the world and finally, he got a massage from the boss. He was only supposed to get an hour, as the record label big wigs were going to take him out to din din at 7pm, but the massage ended up being a 2 hour massage as he kept saying "don't ever stop", which is music to my ears. I really LOVE my job and massaging him is an absolute pleasure. Amen. 

Naturally when we went to the lobby, the German record label folks were not amused with me, as they all knew he was late because Dr. Dot was massaging him. Oh well, he is worth the wait. He told me to stick around as he wanted another massage after dinner. His manager said "I am sure he didn't mean it." and Adam heard that and turned around and said "I will be on that table again later!". I was loving this of course. I met a few other members of the band, then they all left for the restaurant.

Shai and I were having some drinks with the manager in the hotel bar and she and I left for some grub, but by the time the starters came, I was texted and asked to return as Adam wanted another 30 minutes. It hadn't even been an hour, so he was obviously not in the mood to hang out all night and hob nob with the Executives. The 30 minute massage turned into another 2 hour massage and no, I never get tired. Would YOU get tired massaging amazing artists? Especially such a handsome one. I only know two songs of Maroon 5 and I think they are pretty good. The singer is what makes the band so popular; he has a lot of charisma and a kick ass voice. Hear me swoon. I didn't feel it was the right time to ask him to pose for a picture, but I did get him to sign a picture I printed out. They are coming again soon to Berlin so I will see them again here or back in the states. Shai is a big fan, she loved meeting them too. yay! 

Tomorrow is St. Paddy's day and us gals will ROLL!

maroon 5 autograph for Dr. Dot

^  "You're the Best!

Adam Levine"

*sigh* 

 **********************************************************************

Happy St. Patrick's Day x