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Kanye West has a new fan
Tonight was a busy night. I just wanted to chill but I helped Jasmine get ready for her prom -she wore a cute hippie looking wine colored dress that hung above the knees and she rejected the sueded flip flops I bought her, instead, she wanted to go barefoot. Her dread locks were tied up and some of her hair stayed down, you know, half up, half down, like Angelina Jolie always wears hers. I guess this hippie attitude comes from me seeing the Grateful Dead about 50 times while I was pregnant with her.
I am happy she is a rock chick; I'm not complaining, I just wish she would have worn shoes and maybe let me buy her a dress. The other kids and parents must think "That Dr. Dot must spend all her money on rock and roll t-shirts and globe trotting as Jasmine wears all these hippie rags and converse high tops that have more holes in them then the streets of Blackburn!" But that's not true. Jasmine is not a consumer. She loathes getting presents and being given money etc. Very practical and frugal. Like me. I do love me a new lap top and my iPod though 🙂
ANYWAYS, after that hectic whirlwind, I went home and massaged Joe Jackson (who lives in Berlin now, and is recording his new album) from 11pm until 1am when my phone rang. Kanye West was in Berlin (on a promo tour) and wanted a massage. I could have sent one of my assistants, but I was curious to meet this man that Perez Hilton and the press always talk about. They usually mention this "He stormed out of an award ceremony, angry, because his video didn't win the Video of the Year award!".
They scathe him and I wanted to see if he was really like they described. In fact, I have never even heard his music, the only reason I knew of him was because of this nasty rumor. That and I know he did a song with Jamie Foxx, who I LOVE since seeing (and buying) the film RAY.
I was expecting a WHOLE lotta attitude. I got NONE. I was lead to his room and was kept waiting for a few minutes, along with his assistant. He opened the door and I yapped "Avon Calling!". heh heh. His room smelt like he had been burning a stack of rubber tires! He was holding what was left of some plug adapter, which was now half black from the flames and melted. LMFAO!!!!!!!!
Apparently the hotel gave him a plug adapter and what he needed was an electricity converter, like a mini transformer or so. It was their fault, not his. Thank God it didn't fry his lap top! Anyways, we got that sorted, I told the front desk in German to sort it out. I massaged him for about 2 hours and the music he chose to play from his lap top was mostly Maroon 5, then later, Modest Mouse. He said he is friends with Adam, the singer of Maroon 5 (I told him he was a client of mine too) and that they did a song together. I never head much Maroon 5 up until tonight. I only knew the two popular tunes "She will be loved" and "This love has taken it's toll", you know those catchy tunes..
Anyways, then we heard Modest Mouse, who he said is one of his favorites. I told him how I met Modest Mouse one night at one of my karaoke hang outs in NYC: Cassidys Pub, W 55th street. They have karaoke every Friday night (no they didn't pay me to write this). Modest Mouse was in there, acting like wankers. Showing off, hogging the mic, being really obnoxious and the singer was snotty to me and my friends. Once we said "aren't you Modest Mouse?" then suddenly they were all sweet and polite and they bounced right after that. As in, "oh shit, we can't act like cunts anymore, they know who we are". Whatever. The band is tight, but have a listen, the singer sucks ass. He must purposely sing out of tune and all over the place. Have a listen, then you will know what I mean. He's a pretentious twat.
Oh LORD I am totally off the subject now, which is HOW WONDERFUL Mr. West is! I asked him about this rumor, about him storming out of the award show in a sour grapes mood. He said "It's true" but then told me the whole story, the part the press so conveniently over looks when taking the piss out of him, you know, slagging him off. Ok, for you yanks, when they are being really mean and writing bad about him. (see why British/Irish slang is so useful? It gets to the point faster).
The missing part of the story is that his management and record company told him his video had won Video of the Year, and insisted that he attend this ceremony.
Here is what you find when you google this crap:
Kanye West, you may remember, stormed the stage at the MTV Europe Music Awards in Denmark last week, interrupting the winners' speech, claiming his video deserved the "Best Video" Award for "Touch the Sky," which lost to Justice vs. Simian's project "We Are Your Friends."
No fucking WONDER he was pissed off! He was lied to. He was told his video had won. So he was lead there under false pretenses. I just think it's unfair how the press leaves shit out. So you can't say they are lying, because they just leave shit out. Guys all over can relate with that method, as they use it all the time when explaining to their better half where they fuck they have been, etc.
I think he's cool. He was calm, friendly, intelligent, generous, very funny and had NO ego or attitude at all. I am not an ass kisser/brown noser, I am honest. The guy is wonderful. I know it's tabu to say, but he has an amazing ass. I told him too, so there.
x
ps. The only bad thing about me working until 4am and now still up online until 7:30 am, is I will be too tired to go and try to massage Lou Reed later today. Oh well, I think he is over rated anyways. Sweet Jane and take a walk on the wild side are not enough to cut into my 8 hours of sleep (Sour Grapes). Dragging my cranky ass into bed now.
First time in Monte Carlo by Dr. Dot
This ^ video took AGES to make. Still getting the hang of the ol’ Windows Movie Maker thingy
You could eat off the ground it’s so clean ^
I mentioned before (a few blogs ago) that I was heading to Monte Carlo. I finally found some time to make the blog. Kai Ebel the famous German moderator suggested that RTL fly me down to Monte Carlo to massage a few of the Formula One drivers for a Travel Show he does. Once a year he does a huge special called “Formel Exclusiv” (it aired May 13th 2007 ).
Feeling grateful is an understatement. Ralf, the producer and the whole film crew were a blast to work with. Even Nico Rossberg, who was told by his Finnish manager not to remove his shirt for the shoot, was a great sport. He said “oh why not!” and ripped his shirt off. All of the girls who saw us filming and who saw it on TV were pleased with that decision.
Picture perfect, blah blah blah.
I heard the Royal family (Prince Albert and Princess Caroline etc) all live on the top of that giant hill/mountain ^
Kai with an amazing set of wheels ^
Nico has his own WEB SITE (schwing)
All in all I had a great time and I want to thank RTL for treating me so fine. I even got to stay an extra night and explore the place on my own. I visited the only Irish Pub there (I swear there are Irish Pubs everywhere) and I ate at a Mexican place instead of dining on Frog Legs like everyone else. I am now back in Berlin, enjoying Jasmine’s company and the hot weather. Susan Sarandon is filming SPEED RACER in Berlin and the management has my cards now so I am hoping I get to massage her. I have been a fan since the first time I saw the Rocky Horror Picture show ( I played Janet in a live production of it- you know when actors act it out while the film is playing at the same time) so I am really into her. Cross yer fingers for me will ya?
Heading back to NYC next month, gotta get my tonsils out finally. Sigh. Not looking forward to that. I won’t miss any time with Jasmine as I won’t leave until she leaves on her journey (going on a massive road trip with her friends in a VW bus). Cross fingers for her too while yer at it 🙂
Working on the London blog next. I need an ass massage from all this computer work 🙁
I just want to comment on all the Paris Bashing that’s been outshining the important news lately. I have met her, massaged her, hung out with her and I can confirm she is a darling. She is generous, sweet, polite and has a great sense of humor. It is so easy to judge people you haven’t met. So easy to bash celebrities for fun. I think the LA cops take things way to far when it comes to the stars. It’s almost as if they are so fucking bored and frustrated with their own mundane, crappy job that as soon as they get a chance to pull over a star, they use it as a claim to fame to throw the book at them ten fold. Mel Gibson was crucified and I still don’t believe he said those ignorant slurs. The cop knew what he was doing making that shit up. Same with Paris. If you know LA, you know that you HAVE to drive to get around and sure, Paris could afford a driver, but I know she likes to live as normal as possible; going out without body guards or a driver. She had a couple drinks, not many and she has to go to JAIL for 45 days now?
That German criminal who jumped me in January is still walking around free, never spent even an hour in court or jail, but the masses want Paris tarred and feathered for driving after a few drinks. I don’t even believe it was much. I know in the states the cops follow you around once you leave the parking lot of a bar/club and make you so nervous cause they are tailing you, that you end up doing something dumb like using the wrong blinker or something and then they jump on you. Give the girl a break, she is a sweet heart, really. She can’t change the fact that she was born into the lifestyle her parents had before she was even conceived. sigh. Everyone can get sympathy, but envy must be earned. Mitleid kriegt jeder, aber Neid muss man verdienen. Amen.
Ask Dr. Dot – June 1, 2007
Dr. Dot on facebook: www.facebook.com/drdotislovinlife
Q.
For a year I have been seeing someone I have many things in common with,
except I don't smoke pot or do prescription drugs for pain and anxiety.
He always made me feel beautiful, respected and pursued. He always made
the calls and arranged the dates. But, he has made it clear to me he doesn't
like to be confronted or be the target of expressed anger. Once Saturday
night we went out with his sister and her boyfriend to a music rave. He
took a walk with the boyfriend and left me with his sister. When the boyfriend
returned 15 minutes later he was alone. My boyfriend stayed in another
part of the hotel watching some girl band singing and dancing by himself.
He stayed away almost an hour and I found him just because I was looking
for something to do. His sister had to set up her own band. He came over
to me buy I was livid. When he realized I was angry he froze me out of the
conversation later when the 4 of us ordered drinks at the bar. I was hurt
and angry the rest of the night. When our date was over he was annoyed at
my anger. He didn't call me for 2 weeks. Then we exchanged a few emails,
he called Easter and on my birthday. I couldn't see him the day he invited
me to celebrate my birthday over a week ago, and I haven't heard from him
since. Should I let him go? I rarely confront him, but I can't never get angry.
Fed Up Franny
A.
As nice as he may be, this ganja smoking Peter Pan is lost in his
own little never-never land. He can’t behave anyway
he wants and forbid any backlash. He is probably the youngest
child or a spoiled only child who always got his way.
I would ignore him and move on unless you want to walk on
eggshells your whole life long (exhausting!). If you really
can’t live without this sensitive control freak, let him do
all the work, all of the contacting and planning. Trying to
turn a pot head/pill popper into a caring, thoughtful partner
is an uphill battle. He sounds about as useful as a cat flap
in an elephant house.
Q.
Why does it burn when my boyfriend cums in me?
Burning Bush Kate
A.
Think back. Did all of your other lover’s spunk burn you? If
you have both been tested for STD’s and came out clean, this
could be mother natures way of saying "this guy is not the
right one for you". Smell and the way one makes you feel can
really say a lot about a lover. “Love” should feel great, not
painful and like someone used a flame thrower on your snatch.
Q.
My girlfriend only wants to screw after lunch. In the morning I
wake up and am ready for a shag before breakfast; while she's
still a zombie. At night she's "too tired". Only after lunch
does she suddenly get really fucking horny but I'm usually at work!
Any tricks to turning her on in the early hours?
Morning Muffin Man
A.
Try to take a lunch break when she calls and is horny, run home,
shag her, then go back to work with a shit eating grin on your face.
Saying 'no' to a hungry pussy is just wrong. About her being "tired"
at night, tell her "just let me do all the work honey, just lay
there and let me fuck you". Those words usually work like "open sesame".
Q.
Is it gay for a guy to pee sitting down?
Lazy Luke
A.
Having dated a few European men, I can tell you, it’s rather popular
over there. Maybe their wives have more effective ways of threatening
them if they leave the seat up. But then again, peeing while sitting
down enables you to:
– Make sure you get all your piss in the bowl
– Takes the weight off your feet
– Requires less concentration
– Getting your face ripped off by females for leaving the seat up doesn’t happen
– Gives you the option of an unplanned dump, should the need arise.
What's not to love? Why let a position define your sexuality? I say
go for it, no one is supposed to see you do your business anyways. The
only disadvantage is trying to stuff your morning stiffy down into the bowl.
Q.
My wife, god bless her, is 56 and still has her regular periods. When will
it be safe to stop fucking her with a rubber?
Rubber Hell
A.
You should be happy and proud that you married such a
healthy, ripe woman that still ovulates at age 56. This means she can still get
pregnant, but from the sounds of things, you two have thrown in the procreating
towel. If so, why not get snipped? Or she could have her tubes cut and tied.
You could also have her start taking birth control pills OR use the 'Clear Blue
Easy Fertility Monitor’ available at
would need protection during her "dangerous Wal-Mart, CVS. etc (In Europe it's called
"Persona" and you can get it in any Chemist)
She would just keep close tabs with this gadget, finding out when she is most fertile. I am surprised
you two haven't tried such things yet as one of the best
parts about being married is being able to ditch the condoms for more pleasurable
forms of birth control, like the pill or IUD, Diaphragm, the ring or this monitoring
system I just mentioned. I hope you will be riding bareback again soon.
Q.
I am in a difficult relationship, well not difficult but a confusing one. At first
we were friends, mostly via the internet, and then when I moved closer to him, we
started to see each other a lot more; we have been seeing each other (fucking) for
the past 3 months. I know that he likes me and he tells me so, he tells me that if
I was closer to him I would be his girl or he would be seeing me everyday; however
when he returns home it’s a different story. He only will communicate via IM or
myspace and speaking of that I’m last on his list.
Sometimes I feel that he just doesn't want to be bothered…and considering we are friends;
I will say, hey? do you need some time alone? (instead of making me sit in front of
the damn pc while he is busy chatting with other ppl)..he just says, don’t be silly but
then…I end up sitting and waiting.
I have confronted him in a nice way of course and asked where do I stand with him?
His response was that, he is confused and unsure what he wants at the moment. I asked
him if he is keeping his options open? His response is NO. He also states that, he
wouldn't like it if I was with someone else…because he wouldn’t be with someone else.
This is just confusing again!
This is hard for me because I am so in love with him and when he is here I know he is
mine it’s when he is gone that I feel lost and confused and hopeless. I don’t want to
loose our friendship but I just don’t know where I stand with him or what he wants but
then again, neither does he.
Blinded by Love-Layla
A.
My advice, start seeing other people as it sounds to me like he has another, even if he
says he doesn't. It’s been said “women can fake orgasms, but men can fake whole relationships”.
If he was that into you, he would be begging you to move closer, to let him move near you,
or to at least see you more often. He would call, rather than chat with you like an online buddy.
When a man is in love and hell bent on making sure the girl is HIS, they don't behave like
the wanker you are describing. Sorry but I don’t sugar coat. He is taking advantage of you;
open your eyes and realize you are just his fuck buddy and nothing more.
Get gorgeous, get busy and stop "waiting" around for that indecisive fuck face.
Q.
Hello Dr. Dot. I read the New York Press every Wednesday, and your column is the first page I
turn to. Honest. I have a quick clean question. I am a single, never married 45 year old Hispanic
male, well educated (2 degrees), not bad looking I am told, good shape (like to work out) etc.etc.
but I cannot find a date. You have heard it before I am sure. I am thinking of taking dance classes
to possibly meet interesting women. Good idea or bad idea. What kind of dancing should I learn.
I have no experience at all with any type of dancing. How should I approach this decision? Thank
You very, very much Dr. Dot.
Pimpin’ Pedro
A.
Dance classes, along with cooking and yoga classes are excellent places to pull. Salsa lessons would
ensure you meet lots of ladies who either already have a fiery rhythm, or want one. Such classes
are usually predominantly female and you would end up a popular dance partner. It's tough finding
love in a big city but as a single male, the odds are on your side (lots of gays mean, lots of single
ladies). Make sure your breath is ALWAYS fresh and buy a fresh scent: 'Angle Men' (A-men) from Thierry Mugler
or Fahrenheit from Christian Dior, these scents make women weak in the knees.
Q.
I’ve been dating this guy for 3 months, and things have been great,
but are moving into a beyond the 'surface' stage of our relationship.I haven't
had something like this in awhile and he was very romantic and generous with his
word up until recently. He isn’t seeing someone else and he contacts me
regularly but the sweetness has faded a little. He’s very stressed at work
and the last time I saw him he looked tired and admitted that he takes on
too much and then feels overwhelmed. I freaked a little when he said he has to
find balance. I took it personally because when I had heard that before, it meant that they were
disappearing,and that perhaps I had done something to change their mind. In my heart, I know
he really cares about me, but I am afraid. He’s invited me to go with his family for
dinner next week, but that urgency to see me has faded and he’s really putting himself
first these past days.I understand that, but I still get fearful that my romantic guy won't come
back. I apologized for the mini-freak out and explained to him my fears. He was all ears
and philosophical about it. I just wish I could relax and not worry so much. Any thoughts?
Fearful Freda
A.
You need to chill. Men can smell insecurity, fear and doubt like a dog
can smell another dogs ass miles away.
It’s natural for things to calm after a few months. The only way to keep things
really spicy is to only see each other once a week, but then you can never really
get closer. You’re hooked on that romantic high; that addictive butterfly effect
a fresh
love has on everyone, but love never stays that intoxicating. Eventually romance turns
into a familiarity; there is no way of avoiding it. We would all like our lover to be
mad about us, to imagine they only think of us when they wank, but it's just bullshit;
that only exists in romance flicks.
You shouldn’t have freaked out. Less words and tantrums; more confidence and calm will
prevent them from disappearing. Men need space, patients and above all, less drama.
Realize that you are worth hanging around for and try to feel so happy in your
own shell, that even if you were alone, you would be fine. Men can sense that
and feel free. Just like being in a room alone with a cat, if you close the door,
the cat wants OUT now. If you leave the door a bit open, he will want to sit on
your lap and pine for your attention.
Q.
I cheated on my bf while I was on holiday and he found out. I don’t know why I did it.
My man has been exceptionally good to me. When I was exposed he just called me a slut
and walked off. The next day he came round and demanded to know the details, saying he
could not make up his mind about me till he knew everything. I could not say anything
because I was crying so much I couldn’t talk. He is glad I admitted to it. Should I tell
him all about how it happened? How can I get him to stay with me? I need him in my life.
How long will it take for us to work this over? Should I buy him a present or something
similar……right now he will not even kiss me.
Beaver Deceiver
A.
For some reason Men love to know the exact details when they catch their woman cheating
(seen the movie "CLOSER" yet?). It's best not to give him the details, as if he does
forgive you, which it sounds like he will (if he was really done with you, you wouldn't
have heard back from him) then he will always have that scene running through his mind".
Just write him an email or text and tell him you were drunk,
missed him and that you regret it with every bone in your body; you are SORRY. That's all
you can do. Giving him a gift or apologizing too much just makes you look even guiltier.
You didn't LOVE this guy you fucked around with; it was just a physical thing, so it
shouldn't get blown out of proportion. It's not like you were seeing him for months and
fell in love, it was just a tryst. Men understand as they can usually separate love and lust.
Tell him going into details is difficult as you were so drunk and you don't even want to
relive such a mistake. Assure him it won't happen again and sit back, be patient and give him
some space to think. Let HIM make the first move! Otherwise you will appear desperate and it
will remind him that you are feeling guilty; not good. Ease your mind by knowing life will
go on & what's meant to be will be.
Q.
For the last year and a half I've been in a relationship with one of the most
gorgeous girls I've met inside and outside I think I am in love with her but
there's one issue (actually multiple issues). I am 23 and she is only 20. I
am very independent, have my own place, work somewhere in Wall Street and
graduated from college almost 3 years ago. I come from a very poor and humble
family and feel that I have already accomplished a lot. My girlfriend on the
other hand is 20 and still in school, her parents pay for her car, give her
money every week, and pay for everything. Now the big one: She has a
curfew! she has to be home at 10 every night, which would be ok with me if I
was in high school but all of a sudden I cant handle it. Also please note
that even though she is young she makes good money in her part time job (at least
more than $20 an hour) I tried very hard to make this work but after a year I
feel like I should go out there and meet people that are on the same stage as
me…The icing on the cake is that her family is Jewish and I am not so they do
not approve of me so there's no way I can convince them to leave the situation.
Even though I love her lately…I've just been thinking really about where
this all going…and at the end of the day I am just not happy…what’s your
take on this?
Master Baiter
A.
Just because you love one, doesn't mean you have to hate the rest. You are 20-fucking-3.
Your life has just begun. You will meet many people in your life and if you
try and settle down now, it probably won't last, especially with so many odds
against you. I sense a bit of resentment from you towards your younger, sheltered/spoiled
20 year old Jewish Princess. Her family will not bend unless you concert and even so, if
they are so anal as to put a curfew on a 20 year old, why would you want to be part of
that family?
Imagine how strict they would be if you had kids with her? You obviously year
to meet others so do it. Leaving her would be easy, just blame it on her
family not accepting you and her curfew. Tell her you want to be friends but
want to be single. You are a young and ambitious man in a big city, in other
words, it's raining pussy.
Q.
I recently moved to a new town and had my tits made bigger (new town; new
jugs) and I love them. But every time I go out, people, mostly men, ask me
“are those real?” and they are not even huge. This really pisses me off.. I
don’t know how to respond without looking like a liar or coward. Some even ask
about my breasts before they ask my name or if I want a drink. Any suggestions
would be greatly appreciated.
Breasty Beauty
A.
A few ideas off hand: (1) If you weren’t so ignorant, you may have found out
yourself (2) Does it really fucking matter? Or if you have a sense of humor
(3) No, I just bought them on Ebay, aren’t they fucking bodacious?
Q.
Me and my girlfriend get along well; we have the occasional small fight
but nowadays, Sex has gotten outta hand, it just seems I can’t cum any more.
Me and my girlfriend have tried almost every position, including foreplay.
We try crazy things like her dressing up or fulfilling fantasies, but she
just can’t handle it, we go at it, and then she cums, and im stuck in a not so
sticky situation. She does kegel exercises and is indeed nicely fitted to my
penis, however she says my penis is too long, and there are times when I can feel my
cock hit a dead end so to say. Sometimes causing her a rush of excitement,
others causing pain. Any ideas on what to do?
Long Dong Silver
A.
Too long does hurt our delicate love cave, but avoiding the doggy style
position could help avoid extreme pain. Let her be on top, so she can control
the pressure, or when you are on top, be gentle. Perhaps take a break from all
of the bells and whistles and just have her blow you for a good hour. That
should make you cum. Tell her not to forget your balls or your taint (tain't
your ass, and it tain't your balls). Never met a man who can't cum from great
oral.
Maroon 5/ NYC
Today on MTV total request live (TRL) around 3:30 pm, see Adam Levine do his thing. Great guy!
I massaged him again last night here in NYC, then went out for some karaoke. Karaoke in NYC rules. I am having so much fun here, I hate to leave. I will return to Berlin in a few days to see my cutie pie, Jasmine. I have a massive blog, well, two massive blogs to write. I still haven't done my Monte Carlo and London blog. OMG, I will never get these done 🙁
I am pretty sure that I will be living back in NYC again by the Fall. I will still keep my flat in Berlin, but being back in the US with friends, family and loved ones is so nice. Just walking down the street is fun, everyone smiles, they are enjoying life, having fun, being friendly; it's so refreshing, I miss that! I will still have to visit Europe often, as I love it too. Wish I could split myself in two and live both places at the same time. I will be back again in NYC for just about the whole month of August, as I have to get my tonsils removed. Not looking forward to that. Hope it doesn't change my singing voice. I don't want to be a soprano or so. I need my AC/DC voice! 😀
x
Dr. Dot
"We can never know about the days to come
But we think about them anyway, yay
And I wonder if I'm really with you now
Or just chasin' after some finer day
Anticipation, anticipation
Is makin' me late
Is keepin' me waitin'
And I tell you how easy it feels to be with you
And how right your arms feel around me
But I, I rehearsed those lines just late last night
When I was thinkin' about how right tonight might be
Anticipation, anticipation
Is makin' me late
Is keepin' me waitin'
And tomorrow we might not be together
I'm no prophet and I don't know nature's ways
So I'll try and see into your eyes right now
And stay right here 'cause these are the good old days
(These are the good old days)
And stay right here 'cause these are the good old day"
by Carly Simon
Touching bases
RTL, one of Germany's most popular TV stations, flew me to Monte Carlo to film one of their Lifestyle TV shows which will air this coming Sunday on RTL of course (around 4pm they said). The host is Kai Ebel who is very well known in Germany for his work with Formula 1 race car drivers and boxing events as well. He is a moderator for all things sports basically. The production team treated me like a queen and I had a blast exploring the unreal world called Monte Carlo (a sunny place for shady millionaires).
My foot, on vacation, letting it all hang out ^
^ I know it looks like I scanned in a post card, but I really took this pic with my Sony cyber-shot camera. It's really pretty here.
*Everyone there in Monte Carlo is getting ready for the Grand Prix races, so some of the drivers need massage..
They filmed me massaging Kai and Nico Rossberg, a 21 year old Formula 1 race car driver. He was born in Germany but raised in Monte Carlo. His father is a famous race car driver too. Nico is VERY famous in Monte Carlo and apparently we were lucky to get him in front of the cameras for a massage/interview. I will just post a couple pics now and finish this blog when I catch my breath ( I am still traveling at the moment and hate using this lap top).
Here I am massaging Nico on a gorgeous yacht. It's a tough job, but someone has to do it ^
I have SO many pics and videos to post, I will have a flat ass by the time I am done blogging. I still have Berlin pics of Shai, Steph and I, then Lisa's trip (her first time ever in Europe) and then Monte Carlo and a few other surprises.. sigh. I am off to NYC soon too, so I have to get busy before I forget all the great things I have seen/experienced.
Loads to tell you, but I am exhausted..stay tuned
ps. Even though Monte Carlo is it's own country, stuck in between France and Italy, everyone there speaks French, considers themselves French, and acts French, so Frank Zappa's tune 'In France' is in my mind 24/7:
"The girls is all salty
The boys is all sweet
The food ain't too shabby,
An' they piss in the street
In France
Way down in France
Way on down
Way on down
In France
They got diseases
Like you never seen
Got a mystery blow-job
Turn your penis green
In France
Way down in France
Way on down
Way on down
In France
They got some coffee,
Eatin' right through the cup,
An' when they go ka-ka
They make you stand up
In France
Way down in France
Way on down
Way on down
In France
If you're not careful,
It'll stick to your cheeks
You'll smell like a native
For a couple of weeks
In France
Way down in France
Way on down
Way on down
In France
We cannot wait
Till we go back
It gets so exciting
When the poodles 'react'
In France
Way down in France
Way on down
Way on down
In France
Never try to get yo' penis sucked
In France"
x
What’s new?
So, nothing has happened since I "caught" the guy who attacked me, as in, no further steps. My lawyer said "give me a few days" and the cops will apparently send me a letter when they feel like it. Not holding my breath, as I know dam well nothing will happen to the guy, except MAYBE a fine. Thing is, I am almost certain I will run into the violent prick at my grocery store, as it's the only one near by and even the evil have to stuff their pie hole.
That giant kiss above is what will be on the back of my upcoming Dr. Dot t-shirts. No, I am not going all Wall Mart on you, I get A LOT of emails/messages from folks asking me if they can buy a Dr. Dot t-shirt. This has been going on for a few years now, so I finally decided to do something about it. I found a Frank Zappa fan online, named Mark who owns his own t-shirt business and he is an amazing artist and graphic designer. I want to have my hand prints on the front, as if I was grabbing your breast, and above it, it will say "Dr. Dot was here". On the back, are my lips. I put on a heavy coat of red lipstick and kissed a piece of paper and scanned it in high res. and sent it to him and that's the color he sent back. Not sure how the red got turned to pink but he says pink looks better, but I think we will have both available. So, in a couple weeks there will be a banner on my myspace page and web site, and if you want a shirt, you just click on it and presto. Mark will send you one (sorry, I don't have any more time to go to the post office, I barely find time to sleep or wank).
Last night SUCKED. I wanted to massage Damien Rice but they had just had two days off and (1) didn't need/want any and (2) there wasn't enough time even if they did. I was REALLY wanting to massage him, LOVE his voice, but if that isn't bad enough, the BITCHY German promoters LOVE to flex their power muscle as often as possible (in between sniffing lines) and were absolute PRICKS to me. They HATE Americans and let me know about it every time our paths cross. That president of mine has made it hard for us Yanks to go anywhere outside of the states without being loathed. Yeah, yeah, Americans suck, we know, now FUCK OFF and stop watching the Simpson's dubbed in your language and stop wearing Levis, eating at Mc Donald's and Pizza Hut if you REALLY hate all things YANK. Get over it. I've lived off and on in Europe for almost 18 years, so obviously I am an open minded Yank and if anyone has a problem with Mr. Bush, write him a fucking letter, "we" as in, us yanks, are not your whipping post. K?
Even though yesterday was shit, today more than made up for it, ten fold. I got a call to go and massage Maroon 5's singer, Adam Levine. Tough job, but someone has to slave over his hot body, so I agreed 🙂 His manager is great, he uses my massage team all over the world and finally, he got a massage from the boss. He was only supposed to get an hour, as the record label big wigs were going to take him out to din din at 7pm, but the massage ended up being a 2 hour massage as he kept saying "don't ever stop", which is music to my ears. I really LOVE my job and massaging him is an absolute pleasure. Amen.
Naturally when we went to the lobby, the German record label folks were not amused with me, as they all knew he was late because Dr. Dot was massaging him. Oh well, he is worth the wait. He told me to stick around as he wanted another massage after dinner. His manager said "I am sure he didn't mean it." and Adam heard that and turned around and said "I will be on that table again later!". I was loving this of course. I met a few other members of the band, then they all left for the restaurant.
Shai and I were having some drinks with the manager in the hotel bar and she and I left for some grub, but by the time the starters came, I was texted and asked to return as Adam wanted another 30 minutes. It hadn't even been an hour, so he was obviously not in the mood to hang out all night and hob nob with the Executives. The 30 minute massage turned into another 2 hour massage and no, I never get tired. Would YOU get tired massaging amazing artists? Especially such a handsome one. I only know two songs of Maroon 5 and I think they are pretty good. The singer is what makes the band so popular; he has a lot of charisma and a kick ass voice. Hear me swoon. I didn't feel it was the right time to ask him to pose for a picture, but I did get him to sign a picture I printed out. They are coming again soon to Berlin so I will see them again here or back in the states. Shai is a big fan, she loved meeting them too. yay!
Tomorrow is St. Paddy's day and us gals will ROLL!
^ "You're the Best!
Adam Levine"
*sigh*
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Happy St. Patrick's Day x
Spotted the attacker
Tonight, Saturday night, I was walking down the street at around 10:15 pm with my friend who I call Prince Harry. We had just bought some chocolate from the gas station, and were heading down the same street that the German man attacked me on January 26th
click HERE to read if you missed that mess.
Anyhow I was JUST saying to Price Harry that this was the same area that fucker lives, (he was heading into his house on his bike when he started shit with me, so I assumed he lived in THAT house). As soon as the words left my mouth, a saw a man on a bike, heading our way and I focused to the point where my eyes were watering (you know if you don't blink for a while, your eyes flood) well, sure enough, as he got closer, I recognized him and shouted at him. Prince Harry grabbed him by the scruff of his jacket at said he needs to hold on a minute while I call the Police. The wanker pretended not to know me but I KNOW 1000% it was him.
He even went so far as to have painted his crappy bike a light blue (shitty hand painted job to disguise himself while on the get away vehicle).
I rang the 911, which is the freakin' Fire Department here, lol, and they connected me to the Police. I was shouting, too excited to speak proper German and I have no clue how they understood me, but they said they were on their way. Meanwhile a car pulled up and a man said he was an undercover cop and asked if everything was ok. we told him the scoop and he said he
too would wait until the cops came. The wanker who hit me suddenly said he remembered me and said to Prince Harry "I remember her, she called me a German DICK!". Hello? Probably as he was trapping me against the building , holding me captive, I did shout out some swear words, and I also shoved him to get free and run away from him! (see older blog) But none of that gives him the right to bother me while I am jogging and to hunt me down and knock me out and then flee like a coward. I screamed at him in German that he was a coward and he said "you are a coward!". His English was crap and it was really hard for Prince Harry to hold back from dragging him into the woods and giving him what he gave me, a nice big punch in the face.
Anyways, as the cops were arriving, Mr. Wanker spotted a stick (twig) on the side walk and when he picked it up, I actually thought he was going to try to hurt us with it, but he is so anal, he was simply tossed it into the bushes, as in, to clean the sidewalk. This is the same anal behavior that made him approach me and scream at me for stretching on a building, not even HIS building. The cops got out of their van and asked him for his Identification, and he hadn't any on him. I said "I am sure he lives in building
number 36, don't you!?" and he said "yes" and I said, "see, I knew it was him, that's the guy!" and one of the cops was one of the ones that came on Jan 26th to take my report after I had been beaten up. He remembered me, he said "You are the American lady right?".Yes, he remembers. He was a cool cop, and he totally wanted to find this fucker and now we did. He said that I should just head home and they would be in touch.
30 minutes later, the two cops were at my door. They came in and told me that HE wants to press charges against ME. WTF? We all had a laugh, but still, the cop still had to take his statement. He claims I hit him first on Jan. 26th (that's funny that (a) it took him almost 2 months to do anything about it (b) that he fled after bashing my face and I have pictures to prove it AND the cops saw my bloody face directly after I was knocked out. The cops also said that they checked his records and he has a huge history, a long record of violent crimes. This should come to NO surprise to you that people who are repeat offenders get to walk free here, as yesterday on the cover of all the papers, was a 25 year old woman who was just brutally raped and beat by a man who had already served time for rape AND murder. They let murderes and of course, rapist walk free here. WAAAAAY too liberal, that's why no one is afraid of the law, and that's why they aren't afraid of committing crimes, as they know they will simply get a slap on the fucking hand.
Bad thing is, the fucker knows my last name as he heard me call the cops and they wanted to know my name so I had to tell them
and we don't live far from one another. I find it creepy that he lives RIGHT around the corner from me and knows my last name. My pal Prince Harry said that works both ways, we know exactly were he lives and if the law won't punish him, well, my English friends want to. I really hope justice is served here, that fucker who has a history of hitting people needs to learn his lesson.
The fact that he went so far as to paint his bike and then wait 2 months to file his complaint and his bad record will probably hurt him in court. Having to see his ugly fucking face again was bad enough, now I have to face him in court, ew! Price Harry says he looks about 47 years old. What a PRAT. But I am happy now that I saw him again, happy, nervous, scared, excited, lots of mixed emotions, just thought I would give you an update as many keep asking me "have they caught that fucker who hit you yet!?" Well, now the answer is YES, we caught him (he is still in his apartment, nice and comfy, but the cops have his info now, so we shall see what happens next, which will probably be just a slap on his hand from the Liberal German legal system).
x
Herbie Hancock is mad cool!
I have been ill since Halloween with Pneumonia but I finally got well enough to work again. My friend Nathan East, who plays bass (for many big names like Michael Jackson, Eric Clapton, Rod Stewart, Bon Jovi, Quincy Jones and loads more) suggested that I come to his gig in Berlin, as he is touring with Herbie Hancock now.
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^Herbie is a wonderful person
The last time I saw Nathan was about 8 years ago when he was on tour with Eric Clapton. I massaged them all back then and was amazed that Nathan insisted on riding his mountain bike from the Hotel to the concert hall, which was MILES away and in East Berlin. It was already (it gets dark early in the winter).. but he was confident that he could find it and he did. He is soooo outgoing and fun. Nathan is a perfectionist and you can hear that in his music. That's why he only works with the best musicians around. He has been called one of the best bassist in the world…You can read all about him by clicking HERE
After I massaged Nathan, we all met in the lobby to go to the gig which was at the UdK (university of Art) here in Berlin. I met their tour manager Phil and was told he is also Paul McCartney's tour manager, so we chatted about Paul a bit *sigh* I LOVE PAUL! Anyhow, next time Sir Paul tours, I may be able to massage him..yay!
Nathan introduced me to Herbie outside the hotel, he was super friendly and has a warm, contagious smile.
He was driven to the gig in a sleek black Mercedes and the band and I went in a van.
VInnie was so tired that he was delirious and hence, FUN. Vinnie sort of reminds me of Dee Dee Ramone; he is
funny even when he isn't trying to be.
Vinnie Colaiuta is on tour with Herbie too, playing drums of course. Vinnie has slept through his wake up call (he was napping) and was a bit tired, but perked up when he saw me and gave me a big hug. Last time I saw Vinnie was this past summer when he toured with Jeff Beck. Poor Vinnie, he hasn't been getting much sleep on tour, I feel really bad for touring musicians, no matter HOW cushy the tour, no matter how rich they are, it's still hard on the body. You hardly ever get a good night's sleep and the constant sitting (in the tour bus, on the plane, on the train, backstage) and irregular meals and meeting new people every day can be exhausting. If I could give them a gift of 8 hours sleep, I would. Massage does help, but nothing beats a good sleep.
Backstage, before sound check, Herbie asked me if I would like to join him chanting later. He is a Buddist
and has been for the last 25 years. I told him I was open minded and would love to try. I was thinking, maybe this
could be the answer to my nasty sleep disorder.
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During the sound check I got to stand on the stage and watch the geniuses in action. Vinnie is so exciting to
to watch, no wonder he gets so many hits on youtube.The last time I saw Vinnie was n the summer when he was drumming
for Jeff Beck. He said he was actually planning on a long break but "when Herbie called, well, that was a no
brainer, of course I said yes, he is one of my hero's."
Nathan had me film him while he sang "I just called" (Stevie Wonder) with his high tech camera during the sound
check. I am almost certain if he wasn't busy being on of the best bassist on earth, he would be a full time
photographer. He takes more pics than I do and he always makes sure the background, angle and lighting are right.
Nathan is also madly in love with his wife and super proud of his twins. He shows off pics of them so proudly. It's
nice and refreshing to meet a man in the music business that tours so often to still be so dedicated and in love
with their wife. In fact, I rarely meet anyone anymore that is so in love with their spouse. People usually moan
about how they wish things were like they used to be, in the beginning of the relationship, or the complain about
"the ol'ball and chain". My Father and Step Mom are madly in love STILL after 25 years and they were the only
couple I knew that were like that until I met Nathan. I thought to myself "all women would love a man like that".
Nathan is such a positive person and he radiates that. This man truly loves life. I love being around people like
him, it recharges your battery, takes away any jaded edges you have lurking around (well, at least for a while).
To top that all off, he can sing his ass off too. Herbie chose the best musicians for his quartette.
I was really surprised when Herbie told me he had never collaborated with Zappa. He said they had spoken a few times
about doing so, but things always seem to get in the way. I could tell he regrets that deeply, as he speaks so
highly of Frank, which just confirms how cool Heribe is.
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Herbie during sound check ^
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My friend Shai ^ arrived during the sound check. Herbie was standing on stage with a mic in his
hand and I introduced her to him. He spoke into the mic for all to hear "Shai? How do you spell
that?" Shai spelled it for him. "Oh, nice! Great name!" Herbie is so friendly!
After the sound check, Herbie invited us into his dressing room.
I gave him a quick back massage and they he asked us if we wanted to chant.
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He set it all up, and everyone came in to join us, except Vinnie, I think he was too tired.
Herbie handed us a booklet with all of the verses he was going to say and we were to follow. He has been doing
this every day for the last 25 years, so he doesn't even need to look at the book. It sounds Japanese to me,
and he speaks very fast, we got lost at one point and Herbie turned around, found our spot were we should have been
and never even missed a beat with his chanting. We were gob smacked.Amazed. He gave us a card with the web site
and info we need to chant. Almost every city has a Buddha center. It was so relaxing and calming, I find myself
chanting now, when I get stressed. You can read up about it online..Apparently Herbie is really famous for his
participation as I have been approached online by people who say they are also Buddhist and they have chanted with
Herbie too.Wtf? Small world.
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The show was long, well over 2 hours. It was amazing, sounded perfect.Herbie is really charming on stage,
he talks sometimes in between songs, and the people love it. He makes them all laugh. He needed help translating
something; he needed the German words for his song "Watermelon man" and I shouted it out in German for him
(note: I am NOT German, no German blood, I just have a flat here and speak the lingo). Anyways, Herbie
repeated it in German and it was super cute. If Herbie is to play anywhere near you, do check out the show,
the band is TIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!
After the show, my daughter Jasmine and her "friend" Julian, who is from Italy, came backstage to say Hi to
Herbie, Nathan, Vinnie and Lionel. Nathan entertained us with a few magic tricks, he is a magician too (jack of
all trades!). I am glad Jasmine gets to meet such musical legends, they are rare and should be treasured.
I was going to go to Italy and massage Herbie and co. at a few Italian shows but as I said before, the first
show was canceled and it just didn't work out. Looking very forward to seeing the lads again..
My massage assistant in Italy, Melissa, got to massage them in Milan for a few days. She also chanted and went to see the Buddha center with Herbie. Mad cool.