advice – Page 4 – Dr. Dot's Blog

September 8, 2006

Ask Dr. Dot

I live next door to my Ex-Husband with my new husband. My Ex-Husband left me for my sister, so she lives next door with him. As you can imagine the tension is high. Things started happening when my Ex-husband threw a plastic bottle at my car as I left my drive one day after an argument with him. My Ex gets in contact with me regularly regarding our kids, and to complain about my new husband (that he is too loud as he is reshaping our yard with loud tools). There was been so many fights that it has almost ended in violence on several occasions. I am stuck in the middle of all this testosterone. I love my new husband dearly and don't want him to get into trouble, but my ex-husband threw the first stone. My new husband wants to go round with the baseball bat and kill him. What should I do to control this situation
Greetings from Suburbia HELL

WTF? Just move!

I just met this handsome guy in his 50's. I want a serious relationship with
him but he mostly fantasizes about us being with another women and me making
love to her while he watches. Although we have not been intimate yet, is this
possibly a relationship that could get serious without a third party. Does it
mean that he will not be faithful or is this just a fantasy to help him get
turned on?

Sexy Sadie

If you just met him, haven't even fucked yet and he is already trying to drag other bodies into your bed, it's not a good sign.

Everyone has sexual fantasy's but they usually wait to verbalize them, after things start to get too familiar and stale.

It doesn't mean he will cheat, it just means he is very direct, impatient and doesn't give a shit if you like the idea or not.

"Serious relationship"? He doesn't sound serious to me at all and "Handsome" is never enough, he has to be kind and care
about your feelings. If this is his way of courting, tell him to fuck off.

I'm in a bit of a situation that's turning' me more gray headed then usual. I can't seem to decide on the best route to take here. I moved back to my home 6 years ago to help take care of my mother, she's 76, gave birth to me at age 40. My biological father was a married man already with family. She raised me by herself on welfare for 14 yrs until she remarried. I was adopted then but never got very close to her husband (who later left her for a younger woman). I returned back to this Podunk hell hole I now live in and my life previously was much different, meaning, I had a good day job, nice apt. and car, lived alone and played in bands on weekends. Now, after 6 years of living with my mother, because none of my family will give the time of day to check on her, I can't afford to put her in a home nor do I really want to. But my personal life has taken a serious blow these last years. I can't have women sleep over under the same roof as mom. My love life has been a complete failure with the girls I've met around here, they just don't understand my situation. My guts tell me to spread wings and fly the coop but my heart says it would be mean. I need freakin' advice in a bad way. Some direction, motivation?

Super Son

A must have ^

A.
Any woman that falls for you, will love you even more for caring about your Mom. It's a VERY good sign when a man cares for his mom, in fact, if a girl wants to know how a man will treat her in the long run, she simply has to see how he treats/talks about his mother. Keep that in mind and you will see your situation as a plus, not a minus. You can't leave your Mom hanging, without her, your ass wouldn't be here. You are doing the right thing and should feel great about it, that will make you shine and hence, attract a lovely lady. You need to sort out the sleeping over situation, everyone has to compromise, your Mom should understand that, in fact, she doesn't have a choice, so help your Mom, but make your own rules about your love life or you simply won't have one. The girls probably understand that you take care of your Mom, but get turned off by the fact you don't have the balls to insist upon sexy sleep overs. Mom is probably too deaf and blind by now to notice any romps you would have at home anyways.

< Mom won't mind

Please answer me as soon as possible. It's really urgent because I met a man on-line

and we have been flirting for months. I have a really cute face, but I am kinda over

weight. I am good at hiding that fact with the way I pose in pictures.

Now he has booked a flight to come see me and when he sees my body, he

may freak out. I obviously can't lose 50 pounds in 3 weeks, so what can I do?

Should I tell him now that I am a wide load?

Big Legged Emma

False advertising and on-line dating go hand in hand. People tend to exaggerate and bullshit on-line, so you never know,

he may be shorter than he says or have a limp dick/bad breath. Don't worry so much, just make sure you are fun and if

it does come down to sex, make sure you blow him like you have diabetes and his dick has all the insulin in it that you need,

as in, give it to him good. He won't even notice the extra padding.

August 25, 2006

Ask Dr. Dot

In your last column, you told a man he could improve his penis strength and size by "using it", you said the penis had muscle. Oh my god, Muscle in penile tissue?—and you are supposed to be a sex expert? The only muscle that I am aware of is the one between your ears. Get a real job where you wont misinform people about important health issues.. Of course,the idiot that posed the question is but one step above you.

Amply endowed

I don't normally answer already answered questions, but Mr. "Amply Endowed" (all the blood that should be in your brain is obviously in your "ample" appendage), you've irritated me like a fucking rash. You seem to be "unaware" of that giant tool you have. There are a few muscles in the cock, one is called the Pubo Coccygeal (PC), that helps maintain an erection and can control premature ejaculation. The width of the penis is determined by two others; the Ischio Cavernous (IC) and Bulbo Cavernous (BC). These two sheets of voluntary muscle wrap around the shaft of the penis like the belts on a radial tire. When pumped and contracted they give added rigidity and thickness to the shaft. As with any of the voluntary muscles, these can be exercised and both their strength and size improved. Like I said " the more you use it the bigger and stronger it gets". Now, kiss my ass, wanker and stop whining about advice you get for FREE. ps. Since when is the size of a man's cock an "important health issue"?

I am seeing a married man since 1 year, he often comes to me for sex. I love him deeply and love our sex. I often wonder if he getting any at home from his wife and/or if I am his only Mistress. He says she never fucks him and yet he takes ages to come. What's wrong with this picture? How can I find out if I am the only one, or at least the only OTHER one?

Suspicious Sally

< Take 'em off Bitch!

You can't gauge how often a man is "getting sex" by how fast he shoots his load. He could be wanking several times a day but no intercourse, which could make him last a bit longer, or have a few different women, you will never know. He cheats on his wife, chances of him being true to you are slim, take off your rose colored glasses so you can see that trying to find out where you stand is a huge waste of time. You can't count on or make demands on a borrowed man.

I have a boyfriend who is incredibly small, I want to break up with him because I can't feel him when we have sex, so how do i do it without being horrible. ….'Don't want no short dick man–Mandy'

^ NOT the right way to let him down easy

First let me tell you how to avoid this dilemma in the future. After you've kissed for a while, give his cock a good squeeze. If he is either too big *sigh* or too small, slowly end the make out session and tell him things are moving too fast, you have to go. Now, to let the poor fella down gently, tell him you decided you want to be single again, or your ex has won you back. The BEST way to get rid of any man without hurting his feelings is to tell him "I'm tired of sex; I don't just want it anymore."

My girlfriend (of 8 months) just told me she is pregnant, even though she was on the pill. She claims the anti-biotics she was taking are the reason the pill didn't work. I am freaked out and want to know if this could be true or did she do this on purpose?

Petrified Pete

It is true, taking certain antibiotics make the pill less effective. Doubting her about this is not a good idea, all you can do is politely ask her what she plans to do and to avoid this situation in the future, remember, No Glove, No Love.

June 19, 2006

Ask Dr. Dot

Me and my boyfriend are both rather young. We have just started watching porn together and it is rather awkward just sitting there watching it, I mean, what does one normally do? It feels odd how we both just sit there in silence.

Wondering Wanda

Try doing it doggy style while you both watch your naughty film or lie on your back while he munches on you (you can have your head hanging over the bed and watch watch upside down or look to the side). When guys watch porn together, they just sit there in silence, but when a couple watches it, you are supposed to get busy. Don't ask him, just get naked and into position, he will follow your lead.

I've been with my boyfriend 10 months now, we are very sexually active and experiment quite alot. He's made me cum through my clitoris, however he has never made me have a vaginal orgasm at all, I have also tried to find my g spot myself, they say it is meant tho be about 2 or 3 inches inside you, however i cannot find anything there at all, i am getting very upset and annoyed by this and I am wondering if it is possible that some women cannot have a vaginal orgasm at all, please help me because it is becoming a major concern of mine, thanks Clity Kate

First of all, this G-spot bullshit is highly overrated. When one is looking for mine, it just makes me have to piss. Ditto with all of my gal pals. The clit is like a tiny penis, in fact, some will argue that it IS a tiny penis that just never grew. SO you have to treat it similar to a penis. Could you make a man cum just by touching his balls? Highly unlikely. One of you would have to touch his cock to get him to cum. Same with the clit. He can lick your clit or slide against it while you two are shagging to get you to cum. Stop worrying so much about a 'vaginal orgasm' or your mysterious G-spot and just enjoy the fact that he can make you cum. I know many women who can't cum at all, so count your blessings.

My boyfriend of 6 years has never liked kissing or giving oral sex.. also the frequency is about every 12 days… he is 51, and all his other girlfriends have complained about the same issues.. is he gay? Curious Carol

Honey, if you have been dating him for 6 years and still don't know if he is gay, you have serious problems. Gay men don't date women first of all. They like cock. Did you and the other girlfriends stop to think that maybe he is just a man who doesn't like to suck face/pussy? Kissing is extremely intimate as is oral sex. Some people are just not that deep. Like it or leave it.

I am 22 and my girlfriend is 21,and she always wants to suck my dick.That's fine but she always bites it. What would you do to stop this?

crazycasey

Put a bunch of coins in a tin can and the next time she blows you and her fangs dig in, shake the can aggressively. Dog trainers use this tactic but I am sure it will work for your toothy gal. Tell her to roll her lips over her teeth, like she has no teeth, just gums (like that old lady in the film 'King Pin') and tell her not to let her teeth touch your willy. Explain to her that it's is like being in heaven and hell at the same time.

^ Sex with teeth = Heaven and Hell

I have been seeing this guy for three months now… horizontally we are a great match and have a lot of fun… vertically, I unfortunately am finding him more and more boring… and he seems to have fallen in love with me… how do I deal with this situation without breaking his heart??? Bored Bonnie

Why not enjoy the horizontal part with him as much as you can and when you are done tell him you have things to do. Keeping busy is good for the soul, so is great sex. It is hard to find someone who is perfect for you in every category. Be honest with him and tell him you love having sex with him but that's about it. Some men don't mind being on call just for sex. Relying on someone to entertain you is ridiculous. Also, in this day and age, if you are up front about wanting to see other people and practicing safe sex, it's not frowned upon to date more than one person (one who is fun, one who is good in bed, one who spoils you, etc). Besides, there is no "Mr. Right" there is only "Mr. Right-NOW".

May 26, 2006

Ask Dr. Dot ( polygamy/ Blaming Bitch/ Faking it)

My girlfriend keeps accusing me of cheating, even though I'm not. I want to know how I can stop her from this insulting behavior. Sometimes I work late or go for a few brews with my friends, and this prompts a huge amount of questioning and blaming. I love her madly but this has got to stop or I'm history.

Perhaps you should open your eyes a bit more as to what she's up to, why she's so quick to blame. The next time she throws accusations your way, say "Just like a thief lives in fear of someone stealing from them, a cheater is always afraid their partner is cheating on them, is that why you keep accusing me?". This should shut her up. If you really are being faithful and she won't let up, warn her once, then walk.

I have a confession to make, I have been faking orgasms with my boyfriend and I want to come clean. I am 34 and he is 27, we have been together for 2 years and he has never made me cum but I fake it so well, he thinks I cum every time. It started out harmlessly, I just faked the orgasm because he was working so hard at it and I was getting tired. Now it's a game I have to keep up and I am getting sick of it. I can make myself cum, but he can't. Please throw me a bone.

Faking Fran

Faking an orgasm is like bombing for peace, or fucking for virginity. It's the most ignorant thing one can do. Just be yourself and you can never go wrong. Telling him you have been faking it will surely end the relationship so if you want to save it, just stop faking it immediately and when he asks what's wrong, just tell him you are stressed/tired or you feel it's time to try new things in bed, then SHOW him how to make you really cum. Show him how YOU make yourself cum. If you really don't give a rat's ass about the relationship, tell him you have been faking, it will make you feel great to come clean but surely it will crush him and make you look like a lying cunt. Being brutally honest is empowering and can hurt others, but being too diplomatic and acting is far worse.

I have been "dating"(no sex yet , well maybe a little) a man whom I have had an incredible connection with . I hadn't been physically attracted at first but he made it clear he was and if we spent time together I would be too. He is an amazing man, kind, romantic, well respected ,very creative in many ,many ways (musician), treats me with great respect and appreciates the woman I am, we work well together, my affection did grow over time(about 9 months ) and now we are madly in love. The problem is he is a polygamist ( different than a swinger ) and of course a GEMINI . He is also Muslim ,very committed to his faith . Now when he first told me I thought no problem I was not attracted and we will have a great friendship, now that we are in love I have to decide to end it or continue, the thought of ending it breaks my heart . We have spent hours talking about his lifestyle and mine and I have come to understand the place his has and have come to accept it. I am very contemplative, intellectual person and have done a lot of reading on Islam and polygamy. He is very clear about his intentions to make me his 2nd wife (spiritual union before god , not a legal marriage) and despite my upbringing I am considering it on so many levels it feels right. He is not the player type , if I want to be with him I have to make a real commitment. He is planning a night out with his wife and I so we can meet each other. This will either snap me back into reality or be a pleasant surprise.

My question to you is :"Is it possible for a good descent man to want two wives? Is it also possible for a strong independent woman to truly accept this? Or am I compromising because I am so madly in love , have I been brainwashed?
Willing Wanda

A.

Most men find it hard to be physically true anyways, so what's the difference? (spare me the bitchy emails, I said "MOST") At least he's being honest about it. As in, "I am strong enough to care for more than one woman, and I want you to be one of them". Marrying him means you are cool with his ways and don't feel threatened. Nothing last forever anyways and we only live once. If you "marry" him and find out later it's not for you, just leave, as you said, it's not a legal marriage, just a spiritual one. No big deal.
Take a chance, love is worth it. Live, Love, laugh and do like Janis Joplin says "get it while you can!"

April 27, 2006

Ask Dr. Dot

I never cease to wonder at the constant chorus of females hammering home how important non penetrative clitoral stimulation is with the implication that straight copulation is totally uninteresting. I've even had a girlfriend memorably not bother to hide her own total ennuis when she deigned to consider normal coitus after she'd been serviced. I was grateful that your own contribution to this endless refrain was leavened by a reluctant quote from L'il Kim (If you ain't lickin' it, you ain't stickin' it). Why oh why then do vibrators exist? Where do they fit into the equation and could we not work out how to arrange for men to get their satisfaction at the same time as saving batteries?

Ennius? Coitus? No wonder your girl wants to use a vibrator, she can't fucking understand you. Vibrators make you feel like you replaceable? That's how porn and a pet dog make most women feel now a days (men getting their unconditional love from their four legged friend and their sex from wanking off to porn). As far as I am concerned, dildos and vibrators are made for Lesbians who crave cock but loathe having sex with men and for 'visual pleasure' (she bends over, legs apart naked and inserts vibrator repeatedly while he watches from the side of the bed, slightly drooling, pleasuring himself). Well, that's all I use them for anyways…NOTHING beats the real thing my good man.

Another good use for Vibrators ^

I am dating a guy since 9 months and I really want out of the relationship. It has always been very stormy, but the sex is always hot. I want to leave him because he drinks and is unstable but every time I talk about wanting a change, he threatens to kill himself. How will I ever get out of this mess? I have the feeling he would really do it!!

In a rut with a nut

Reminds me of a book I read called "If you can't live without me, why aren't you dead yet?".

You should write aletter to him telling him it would be worse for him if you stayed out of fear and sympathy than to end your love affair. Tell him you will be there for him as a friend, but you must move on as you have lost interest in being his lover. Make a couple copies of this letter and give one to his Mom, Dad or best friend, so he gets support and the others know what's going on. If he is too weak to handle that, it's not your fault or problem, sadly life is really survival of the fittest and you can't save everyone (that's my job) heh heh.

I'd like to know what constitutes big. My cock is 6 inches long when it's hard and pretty thick, no girl has complained, but I want your opinion please. Thick Nick

A. I am pretty sure that every man on earth has measured his cock at least once, but I have never gotten a ruler out to find out exactly how big a guys schlong is. Some may argue with my opinion, but if it reaches the navel button when it's hard, that's big enough, anything longer and it will be poking our delicate belongings. If you can't touch your index finger to your thumb when you have them around your cock, that my friend, is called paradise. That nasty rumor that size doesn't matter was made up by a man with a tiny cock. Size does matter, but what you lack in size you can make up for with your tongue and fingers. I wish I had enough free time to measure my body parts.

< Measure your Cock the correct way

April 14, 2006

Ask Dr. Dot (Chunky Spunk strikes again/ She’s so cold)

Q.
My boyfriend's spunk is so chunky, I would have to chew it to get it down, not
only that, it smells like fish. We're talking chunky style clam chowder here
and he expects me to swallow his salty tide. He gets super annoyed if I don't do
this.
Everything else is fine, but I am not down with this, I would need a blender.
Can you come up with a solution to this?
Gagging Gail

A.
Bring a bag of croutons into the bed room and tell him
you need them to go with your clam chowder.Maybe that will bring the point
home.
If not, next time he cums in your mouth, french kiss him right away, slip some
of his stew into his mouth and see how he likes it.If you don't have the balls to do
that, tell him he needs to drink more water and wank more often, that is
what's clogging his pipes. If that doesn't work, tell him you will only blow
him if it doesn't involve taking his stew into your mouth. Smell and taste are
nature's way of telling you this partner is or isn't the right one to breed
with.

Q.
Dear Dr. Dot-
My job takes me on the road sometimes for up to 8 week at a time. My wife and
I are in our mid 40's and our sex life is great when I'm at home but when I'm
away, she becomes all about everything but sex. I don't know how she cannot
feel the need for relief as I do during these long times apart. We have two
young boys (14/16) and she says she's too busy to even think about sex. I
have suggested other ways to spice up these weeks apart but she seems to want
no part of it. I've tried sexy e-mails and several suggestive type phone calls.
I even sent her X-rated pictures of myself but still NO LUCK! She says she
doesn't even think about sex when I'm away. I don't know what to do to get
her motor
running from long distance. She knows I need more sexual attention during
these lengthy road trips but also makes it clear to me she's just not in the
mood when I'm away. This response (or lack of) has become extremely frustrating and
has me resenting her somewhat for her disinterest. Please help! Should we see a
specialist?
A.
No, don't see a specialist, it will put too much pressure on an already tense
situation.
Most wives want less sex then their husbands, I get these emails every day.
All you can do is play upon her romantic side..
Tell her she looks good, you miss her smile, you can't wait to massage her
feet again, give her genuine compliments ('you are so smart and kind, you are
my wonder woman') and this will hopefully get her to want to reward
you with sex (or as women sometimes prefer, 'love making').
Have you never heard the expression "women fuck to cuddle, men cuddle to
fuck"?
Keep that in mind at all times and follow through with your romantic promises,
foot rubs get all women horney! Just don't slack off, do it for at least 20
minutes, in a candle lit room, with a glass of wine at hand, it should work!
By the way, most women don't get turned on by x-rated pic's, it takes more
than a visual to get us going AND you should be happy
that she says she is "not interested in sex at all when you aren't around", it
would be hell if she was gaggin' for it while you were away..the UPS man would be having all
the fun.

March 31, 2006

Ask Dr. Dot

Q.
Please help me. I am 39 yrs and I have been married since I was 22. My husband cheated
18 yrs. ago, and 3 yrs. ago. He set up a meeting via Internet with a woman..That
woman was me! (he didn't know it). He seeks "relief" with porno and live
Internet chats. A while ago I came home to
find him with his pants down on line-live.

This has all devastated me. Our sex
life is horrible. Perhaps 7 times last year. He blames me for his behavior and
our lack of sex. He is partially right. I am a typical woman with emotional
needs-when emotional intimacy is lacking-I can not have sex-if so, I feel
used.
This porno has been an issue almost from the start of marriage. At first,
being young I was devastated-but learned to understand the testosterone beast. I
do watch it with him and enjoy it. The live chat thing has been addressed, and
I've many times expressed my insecurities and he "stops"-only for it to show it's ugly
face again later. He has recently told me that he
masturbates after we have sex-thinking of the sex we just shared. I feel like
a failure-I feel like I will never be enough for him.I still love
him and other then these sex issues, he is an honorable man and truly a
devoted father, keen business man and great friend. I don't
want to leave, but I feel that it is the only thing to do.
I deserve better, and so does he. I just don't know how to leave, it never
seems like a good time to break up our family.
I am graduating college next month and my husband just started his own
business-these things were our life's goals. Funny, we're accomplishing them
and I feel like it's over-I feel like my best friend died.
When I tell him he hurts my feelings when he does the live-on-line chats, he
says he knows it will hurt me but that he
needs the "release"-this tells me that one day that release could be a woman.
That is something I do not want to be around for.
Pissed off Pat

A.

You say he is an 'honorable man' and 'devoted father & friend' and you still love him, so
why even think of leaving him? Bruce Springsteen sings "every body's got a
hungry heart" and he ain't lyin'. Even if you broke up your family and found
another man, the next man will probably watch porn secretly as well. Even if
you watch it with them, they sometimes want to watch it alone, secretly. As we all
know, forbidden things taste the best! Stop taking his naughty side so seriously.
The more you freak out about it, the more he will do it. If he is treating you good,
that is all that matters! You can NEVER control what another person does and why
would you want to?

If he is blatantly cheating and throwing it in your face, then you
should consider leaving him, but it seems you are hunting for clues and spying on
him (setting up traps for him on-line- tsk tsk!), which
means you have WAY too much free time on your hands and are looking for evidence that
he doesn't love you. You have been together so long, it's only natural to have sexual
fantasies about others and porn makes it easier. If I were you I would concentrate on your
career and kids.
When he wants to show you love, welcome it with open arms. When he wants alone
time with his cock, find something else to do. It doesn't mean he doesn't want you or
love you, it doesn't mean he will soon cheat on you, it means he wants to have a wank, plain and simple!

Because of my heart being walked on by a self-centered piece of human shit
in woman form almost a year ago, I feel I am unable to fall in love with
anyone. I see women, I want them, I take them, they give themselves to me,
and it makes me a great big man slut. I get laid so much it's beyond
comprehension, and it's fun. Nice and empty fun. But for whatever reason I
feel as though women are motivated by money – that basically without money I
would never be getting laid at all – and that sort of makes me the
forever-John and the women I meet, all of them, forever-whores. Pretty
fucked up perception and I don't want it anymore. I want to believe in LOVE
again. How? Help.

Bitter Bob

I am wondering how these "money motivated whores" even know your financial
status? You must flash and flaunt it otherwise they wouldn't know you have it.
You have a catch 22 vicious circle on your hands/heart/genitals. You get laid
because of your money, then loathe the women because they want you for your
money (rock stars have the same dilemma… they get laid thanks to their
status, but sometimes feel empty because they are aware of that, then numb their pain
with either drugs, alcohol or yet more easy meat).
Just as men rubber neck at young, perky breasts, a tiny waist and child
bearing sexy hips, women look for security, which is measured by money.
Most of the time they subconsciously gravitate towards successful men as they
want that safe nest to bare children, so it's USUALLY not an evil motivation,
it's human nature, just like in the wild, the female mates with the strongest male,
you can't bash them for this and you certainly can't change it. What you can
change is yourself and how you court the opposite sex.
Try meeting women who aren't in the VIP bars, clubs and restaurants, try using
your charm and humor to attract women, perhaps in the park, dance classes,
gyms, etc.ALSO, sometimes going for the hottest, most gorgeous chick is the
problem.
You may want to lower your standards a bit, try a cute but chubby woman, you
get my drift.
The tall, slender, hot women KNOW they are fiercely sought after and they
usually go for the richest or strongest one they can find. Chubby plain jane types try much harder and will
appreciate you more. (Have you seen Steve Martin's "The Man with Two Brains"? If not, it's a MUST
SEE!).

Never pull out your trump card by telling them your financial status
or even flashing that Rolex, then you will never know if they want you or
your security.
Haven't you seen Eddie Murphy's "Coming to America"? If not, rent it.
True love does exist, but you have to play the game of love with patients, it
doesn't happen over night. You have to love yourself and I mean really love
being you, before another person can. The survival of the fittest routine is
even more extreme in big cities, so you have to use your wits when hunting
down the heart of gold you yearn for. I feel for you and hope you find your true love.
x Dr. Dot

March 24, 2006

Ask Dr. Dot

I have been dating this chick for over 6 months now, and she is always talking about having my baby, but I am only 26 and she is 24, I told her it's too soon for me, I want to sew my wild oats. I do care for her and love fucking her, but never wanted her to get pregnant. She always told me she takes her birth control pills, so I never used a condom with her, now she is 4 months pregnant and refuses to get rid of it. I told her I will NOT marry her or even live with her. I feel trapped and angry as hell. She tries to make me feel guilty and wants me to be only with her. Pulling my hairs out here Dr. Dot, please help, give me advice.

Balls in a vice, Vinnie

Lets get one thing straight, if you don't want offspring and/or diseases, always use condoms.

You can't blame it ALL on her. But now you have this situation on your hands, so "should've, would've, could've's" are useless. You did the right thing by telling her where you stand, you shouldn't marry or co-habitate out of pressure and guilt. Be as kind to her as possible without leading her on and tell her you will be a good father, friend and support her and your child the best you can, that's all you can do. You live and learn, you screw and reproduce.. Try to see the positive side of it, she is bearing your child, a gift that lasts forever. Just try not to piss her off.

Dr. Dot,

This weekend I am planning on driving up to my boyfriend's house to see him. I want to surprise him with something new in bed, but don't know what to do……do you have any suggestions that won't cost me an arm and a leg??? (I am a poor college chick.) I am willing to do almost anything in bed, but have no idea what "new" thing to do to him.

Clueless in Jersey

Dear Clueless,

First, your shopping list: A cheesy, inexpensive table cloth made of soft plastic, the 99 cent ones you can get at Walmart for picnic tables. Then you need a few bananas, sugar free whipped cream, sugar free chocolate syrup (both can be found in the diabetic section of your grocery store) and some cherry's (either fresh ones or those freaky neon red ones), and some chocolate or rainbow sprinkles/shots/jimmy's whatever the hell you call them in your area for the finishing touch.

If you haven't guessed by now, YOU will be HIS Banana Split.

For a dramatic effect, shave your pussy nice and smooth for him and walk into the room wearing just a long coat, belted tightly so he can't see what's under (and sexy shoes/boots). With a very confident and sexy look on your face, hand him the bag of goodies and tell him to look inside for his surprise.

He will no doubt be like "eh?", that's when you take off your coat and say "Make me into a Banana Split". He should slice the bananas in half first of all, while you lay out the plastic "sheet". Lie down naked let him decorate you with the goodies.

Don't worry about the mess, just let him go wild and decorate you and then lick it off of you, don't spoil the mood by whining about your hair, etc. The reason the sweets have to be sugar free, is to avoid the worst yeast infection known to man-kind. In fact, the most expensive part of this surprise, may be the cream you will need for your snatch if any sugar gets in there, hence the sugar-free grub. This is a surprise that he shall never forget and it makes a great conversation piece the next day/week at work.

September 25, 2005

Ask Dr. Dot (How to make her orgasm through penetration/Wet nursin’ it)

Dear Dr. Dot,

For some reason, I can't make my girlfriend come by penetration. Giving her oral

gets the job done, but it takes ages and my jaw hurts after and I get a rash from

her stubble. Anyhow, it makes me feel inadequate when she complains to me about it.

Does this mean I am not good in bed? Am I missing out on some sort of secret? She is

only 18, maybe it's her fault! We need help please.

Jimmy

Dear Jimmy,

First,throw some blankets on the floor, beds are too soft, she may never feel you properly on

a soft mattress and your cock will seem bigger and harder when you do it on the floor.

Have her get on top of you, insert yourself, then put loads of 'KY Jelly' or your favorite

lube on your lower abs, from the cock up to the navel button, it all has to be wet (hopefully

you don't shave that area, as stubble will scratch her clit big time!). Grab her ankles, and

slide her back and forth like a cheese grater (she is the cheese, you are the grater) her clit

will protrude in this position and rubbing it up against your lower abs should make her cum.

Talk dirty to her, tell her how fucking sexy she is, how you REALLY want her to cum all over you

this will help her get there. Try to lick her tits while she is on top, (your hands will be busy

holding her ankles and grinding her into your lower abs) so use your mouth to lick and suck her

nipples. Your reaching up to suck her breast will make your stomach muscles harder which makes

it easier to rub her clit properly. This really works but may be hard if your belly is out of

shape, but if you really want your girl to cum all over you and scream for joy, stick with it.

Good luck
Dr. Dot

Dear Dr. Dot,

 Is it true that if someone sucks on my boobs for a few weeks that I will produce milk?

Freaky Fran

Dear Fran,

Yes, it is true. Even if you are not pregnant, if the breast are sucked on a few times a day for a few weeks, the breast will start producing milk. The suction makes the body think there must be a baby around and it produces milk. You would have to find someone to suck on your tits at least 3 times a day and for 20 minutes each time in order for that to work. In the very far past, some women had this done to wet nurse. Upper class ladies who had a baby but didn't want to breast feed would hire a wet nurse (a woman to nurse their baby). Sometimes the wet nurse had a baby of her own, but not always. It is really hard to get pregnant while breast feeding, but it is not a reliable form of birth control, so I wouldn't try this if that is what you had in mind. It certainly won't do you any harm, but it is a tedious task to get the milk to arrive, but some might see it as a good challenge and worth all hard work. Let me know how it comes out (pun intended).

Dr. Dot

September 15, 2005

Ask Dr. Dot

Dear Dr. Dot,

What do I do about an ex girlfriend that dumped me for
another dude, but still wants to be friends? I would like to stay on good
terms, but keep my distance and move on. I start to heal and she gets mad that
I “ignore her” and she does silly things like comes into my work and flaunts
her boyfriend and says stuff that hurts me. I have never said one derogatory
thing to her. I have been cool to her and her boyfriend. But she won't go
away! It has digressed to the point that I changed my instant messenger screen

name and make it impossible for her to keep tabs on me. Yet, it's obvious she
has her ways. I have deleted her from my myspace friends list and all yet she
keeps putting in those “friend requests”. She won't go away! I don't
understand this. Can you make heads or tails outta this? I am a nice guy by
nature. But am ready to be an asshole. Ever heard one like this?

Gordon

Dear Gordon,
I bet you give good oral, that's what this is all about. She thought the grass

was greener on the other side of the fence and left you. Her new guy probably
doesn't lick her plate clean if you get my drift and now she is regretting it
and hence, freaking out. She is obviously not over you, but that's her problem

Now, as it sounds to me, you are over her. If you took her back, you couldn't
trust her anymore, and you must be turned off by her idiotic behavior. You are

right to feel the inner asshole in you trying to get out. You may have to let
him out to get the point across. Try writing her a letter and saying “Listen,
you made your bed, now lie in it. I can not be friends with you, it is too
disturbing, please move on and leave me alone. Peace.” . If that letter
doesn't help, you will have to embarrass her in front of her new whipping
post. When she drags him into your work again, repeat the words from the letter

and she will crawl away with her tail between her legs. Haven't you ever heard

that Stones song “let me go”?…

Dr. Dot
——————————————————————————

Dear Dr. Dot,
I am 20 years old and I am concerned about my small penis it is almost 4
inches long fully erect but only 2.5 inches in circumference all my friends
say I have a pencil dick girls often laugh my fully erect penis and say “is that all
you've got?” or “where is it I can't feel it”. Will I ever find a woman that will get
pleasure out of my penis? Can I make it bigger?

Tiny Tim

Dear Tiny Tim,
I know how you must feel, I have dated a few tiny men and they always felt bad

about this situation. You could aim to please the female first with your mouth.
Make it your mission to become the BEST man around for oral sex and they won't
care about your cock size.(I have written a few times about how to lick a woman the right
way, scroll back in time in my blogs/columns).Take your tongue and make it
flat and big like a cow, then make sure you lick the clit (hope you know where
that is!) nice and firm, up and down, never losing contact. Keep it wet and ask if it is the right spot, never give up until she cums, then start shagging her, she won't even care about your cock size if you make her cum with your mouth!
Also, my male friends tell me that Asian women have really tiny, tight
vagina's, so you could try them out, they seem to like small sized men as they
are small too. Like any muscle, your cock will get a tad bigger and stronger if you work it
out a lot, you know, wanking and shagging, so try to wank a lot.(“Sir Wank A Lot”).
Like Yoko Ono sang “every man, has a woman who loves him”.Not all men have to
be big, there is someone out there who will love you just as you are, don't
worry about that. Women know that men with huge dicks are usually HUGE DICKS!
Hence, small dick men are super nice, so it all depends what is important to
the woman, a nice guy or a huge cock. Seldom do they come together.
Hope that helped
x Dr. Dot
PS. You can't really make it bigger with an operation, so just wank.
PPSS. Make the ladies laugh and they will usually overlook most flaws.

PPPSSS. I just noticed “all of my friends say I have a pencil dick” uh, hello, why are all of your

friends looking at your dick in the first place?