Ask Dr. Dot December 2010

Email me:  your questions and I will answer them personally. I always alter the names so your secrets are safe with me x


My girlfriend and I (both in our 40's) have been together for 16 months, and live together for last 6 months (her flat).  Pretty fast I know, but finances played a role (I am out of work).
She seems to shave her pussy before she goes out with her "male mates" without me (she has quite a few), She told me she slept around A LOT before she met me, and though she also told me she never cheated on a boyfriend, I did find that she lied about having slept with a particular one of her closest  "male mates" prior to meeting me. She also recently told me she feels like she has to lie about seeing some of said mates because she thinks I won't like it.
I told her the truth is extremely important, and if I have any discomfort, it is far LESS important than telling the truth, and we could talk about it.
Thus, I am now left feeling uncomfortable with the situation and am not sure how to deal with it. How far would she take these lies? Any advice

-Wondering Wilhelm

Perhaps she feels she has the right to behave like this since you aren't contributing financially. She seems to be acting like a macho man.
You have already caught her in a big lie and frequent "little lies"; she admitted to feeling like she "has to lie to you" (too much lying going on here) and no one has to shave their genitals before going to out meet "friends". It sounds to me like she thinks of you as a Dad or a Brother, not a boyfriend.
At her age, I really doubt she will be changing her behavior patterns anytime soon. She used to be very promiscuous? Once a slag; always a slag-
not that it's a bad thing but that shit never changes and it seems to bother you. Either accept her "independent ways" or find another roommate to help with the rent. You will easily find another woman to love you but she will have a hard time finding any man to put up with her bullshit, especially at that age.


After my divorce I have just had my first experience with a man. As I never used condoms with my husband I never remembered to use one with him.
He was younger than me and very clean and sporty so I also did not see him as a big risk. Have I broken a big taboo by having a one-niter in this fashion and need to watch out in the future or is the odd one ok?

Petrified Paula


You can't judge some by their age or appearance. Some young people sleep around much more than older people, simply because they can.
Using a condom is always the best route to take. I would go have a check up and blood test to ease your mind.




I have been dating a woman for last six months. Once we had a conversation about cheating. I said I would never do that, and that if I wanted to be someone else that would mean we should not be together. I really do believe that. When I asked her would she cheat, she said “ I would cheat on you if you piss me off!”. I could hardly believe what she said. In my opinion this is a very bad sign, especially since we did have 2-3 times when one of us got pissed. I think that conflicts happen sometimes in mature relationships, we are both 45+ years old, and having what I think so far was a serious relationship. When I told her later that this did not sound very good, she tried to avoid direct answer, excusing it on her previous husband who cheated on her and that she was reflecting on that. Sounds quite bad to me.


Non cheating boyfriend.





Women usually stray for two reasons (1) Revenge (2) To get more attention/admiration if they are not getting enough with their partner. Most women do not cheat when they are in love. The word cheating bothers me. One cheats on a test or at a game, but not so, in my opinion, in a relationship. The difference between dating and marriage, in my eyes, is people should still be able to do whatever they want before they make that HUGE commitment called marriage. “Cheating” used to be called "playing the field". Thing is, you can NOT force someone to be monogamous. People are physically committed when they want to be. Stressing about monogamy will not coax it along; it will simply push your lover away. EVERYONE loves to do forbidden things, so if you forbid her to shag around, it will be on the top of her list of things to do. All one can really do is be kind, fun to be around and a generous partner ( be wild in bed, willing to massage when asked, etc) and this should make your lover want to be exclusive to you. If you do all that and they still want to fuck around, so be it. When people reach the age of 45, they are pretty much set in their ways. No teaching older dogs new tricks. Avoid having "conversations about cheating" as often as you can, as that will surely lead to drama. If she says she might "cheat" if you piss her off, try not to piss her off.







Is there any safe way of licking pussy? Last time I licked my new girlfriends pussy, the bottom of my tongue was black and blue and tender as fuck for days and my bottom lip looked like someone punched me. I LOVE licking her pussy but she moves about a lot when I am at it and I pay the price for the few days after. I have not licked pussy for a couple of years as I underwent cancer treatments and it seems I must have forgotten how. Her favorite thing is oral, so I have to keep at this.


Swollen but Eager





I know what you mean. Not an easy task. Go to a drug store (CVS, Walgreens, etc) and get those rubber teeth guards one wears to avoid grinding teeth while sleeping. If you can't find those, look for the rubber inserts they sell with teeth bleaching kits, or lie to your dentist and tell them you tend to grind your teeth at night and want to prevent any damage. Put those on you and then give it a try. You won't injure yourself and will probably be able to munch her out longer and more intense than ever before. One thing to look forward to, you won't have this problem later in life when you lose all your teeth.


Not sure if they are for sale yet, but the oral condom could help too…