Happy 4th of July..
from a place where no one celebrates it (I'm in Berlin again, but not for much longer).
Jasmine is finally out of school (amazing report card) and has the whole world to explore. Of course I am happy for her, but naturally worried too. How does one let go? I admire people who can, as I am finding it, well, impossible. I will, but still, it's difficult. Even leaving Berlin now will be difficult, as for me it will be somehow leaving her. I have lived two lives (USA/GERMANY) for so long now, I don't think I can change. I love both places- well, I love Europe and how one can hop a plane for $50 and fly to the UK, Italy, or France.
Trying to envision myself settling down and living a normal life, one life, in one house/flat with one person, forever. This freaks me out. I feel push coming to shove here, like I have to decide something big, something SOON and I am not liking it at all. Well, we all do shit we don't like I suppose but being a Libra woman, I try to avoid making big decisions, I can never make up my mind about anything.
I can't even sleep anymore as the decision making side of my brain is wide awake, tapping it's foot, waiting impatiently for some answer that I can not give. All I know for sure is I love the people that I love, whole heartedly, I love my work and I LOVE music…that's pretty much all I can say is 100% certain.
"On July 4, 1776, we claimed our independence from Britain and Democracy was born"
Hmmmmm, we broke away from the British empire. That's what all the cole slaw, cook outs and fireworks are about? What a great reason to fucking party. I tried to watch "The wind that shakes the barley" last night and have to confess I only downloaded it cause Cillian Murphy stars in it. But watching British soldiers beat the fuck out of (and kill) unarmed Irish natives as they tried to take over the whole of Ireland made me so sick I had to turn it off half way through. Reminded me of watching Braveheart, how the English killed so many of the Scots, and countless other films that show the English killing/beating the Irish, French, Scottish and well, trying to take over all of America too, well, it just makes me sad and it makes me want to move to Ireland for some reason. War is stupid. Some countries, however, have started more than others. Some breed aggression. The English over here in Berlin are no exception. They start fights every where they go (out in Berlin). There are signs on some bars that say "No Brits!".
I got a taste of that on Saturday night when I hosted a karaoke show. I saw loads of Brits that were in the bar start fights for no reason. Idiots. One even roughed me up. Big bad men. Whatever. Have a fucking scone and relax. They should leave their boxing attitude back home in the UK. But then again, they fit in quiet nicely amongst the German men who throw their fists around as well. The guy who knocked me out here in January while out jogging got off the hook without ANY trouble. He didn't even get arrested. You can actually punch someone out here and not get into any trouble. Some love the liberal ways of Germany, but sometimes it can make you feel unprotected.
I mean sex offenders/pedophiles get off too easy here; they don't stay in jail for long at all, and most get out after a couple years even after murder. Double edged sword here. You feel free, as in, when you are out driving, there are no cops on your fucking ass. You can drink in public, drink basically at any age, smoke grass out in public, piss outside, sunbathe in the nude without any scoffs or trouble, but when it comes to having the law come down on someone who hurt you or your belongings, forget it. They have better things to do, like throw people in jail for forgetting to pay their taxes on time. Murder, rape and violence is frowned upon. Avoiding your taxes will get you 10 years or more in jail. The Government has their priorities. You just sit back and hope karma will take care of things.
Before I go, I want to know was I the only one who realized how fucking stupid Larry King was asking Olivia, George Harrison's widow, what she thought of the song "Something" ? That song was written about George's ex, Patti Boyd . You can see the interview on Youtube. I just thing Larry was all over the place. That would be like asking Julian Lennon how he likes the song "Beautiful Boy" when it was clearly written about Sean. Guess Larry isn't much of a Beatles fan..DOH!