TOOL with a dash of MOTORHEAD

I should actually be posting my Herbie Hancock Blog, but it's sooo long I thought I should post this short one first. I have been ill (Pnuemonia) since Halloween and just now feel better and of course as soon as that happens, all the work I could wish for falls into my lap at once. I am off to massage Herbie Hancock and his band (Nathan East, Vinnie Colaiuta and Lionel) this coming Thursday. I will fly to Naples then stay there for 4 days with them (well, I will share a room with my lovely massage assistant, Melissa who lives in Italy) and they she and I will head north to maybe massage them again in Milan or just wing it and tour around. I haven't been to Italy since I massaged Bruce Willis in 1999. Since I am 50% Italian, I figure I should go and refresh my memory as to how gorgeous it is there, while working at bit at the same time.

Anyhow, since I will be seeing Herbie and co. soon, maybe I will just wait until I get home from Italy to do one giant blog. Meanwhile, one of my closest friends in the Rock scene called me Sunday.. Phil, the guitarist of MOTORHEAD. In case you thought that all REAL rock stars have turned into PC loving vegetarians who are too domesticated to destroy things, I just wanted to let you know, Phil is STILL the real deal, the typical Rock Star in the flesh. He loves to shock people and NOTHING embarrasses him, so as you can imagine, it's tons of fun to hang out with Phil. One time, in Germany, he bought one of those candy bikini's and wore JUST that and a pair of snake skin cow boy boots and walked into the gas station and was browsing magazines and drinking coffee for a good 20 minutes. Every German who walked in almost shit themselves. Phil is HILARIOUS!!

Phil invited me (last minute as usual) to go with him tonight (well, Dec. 4th) to Lepzig to join him for a TOOL concert. He said he would be going on stage with them and playing one song with them (which would be the 2nd time this week he has jammed with them). I have never seen TOOL live, so even though I was MAD busy preparing for my trip, I agreed and Phil, his body guard and two German pals of Phil all crammed into a tiny ass car and drove from Berlin to Leipzig. We were told it was only an hour drive. WRONG answer. It took 2 hours and being cramped up like that makes me batty, but Phil kept us laughing the WHOLE trip.

Out of all of the bands I have met and massed over the years, I would have to say TOOL is one of the hardest bands to meet. I met them because Phil brought me backstage and introduced me as he and the guitarist, Adam went over last minute details. But most people will not meet Tool, it's just not going to happen unless you KNOW them. They love their down time and the backstage area is controlled like the press pit at a sold out Stones show, but tighter. I was wondering what the hell all the hype is about this band and tonight, well, last night, I was going to find the fuck out.

Phil is like a groupie for this band. He LOVES them. In fact, he said about a hundred times, that TOOL is his favorite band. Phil jammed with them during their 6th song, so before that we (Phil, his body guard- also named Phil and I watched the show). What pissed me the fuck off and annoyed me to bits was the singer. Sorry, no ass kissing here. He didn't look at the audience ONCE. He had this gas mash on that has a microphone welded into it. Hard to explain but imagine someone wearing a big ol' gas mask and then having half of a microphone sticking out of the mouth piece. He NEVER ONCE took that ugly thing off. He had a fake Mohawk on, no shirt and TIGHT, peg legged jeans with cowboy boots. EH? WTF?

He sang mostly to the back screen, which had images flashing on it the whole time. A mix of Grateful Dead hippie lights with nasty Marylin Manson type images mixed in. I know, I should be grateful that I saw their show for free,. blah blah, but this singer irritates me like a yeast infection gone wild. I stood part of the time next to the stage. Backstage but next to it, so you can see the show from the side. Guess what Mr. Slim Cut Jeans did when he was bored? He bowled. He had his assistants all decked out in scientists coats and one of them had the grueling task of setting up 12 (or 16?) plastic bottles of Evian like bowling pins OVER AND OVER AGAIN, the whole show long, so the singer could roll what appeared to be a white roll of electrical tape into the bottles. Naturally all of his paid help had to watch each time and praise him when he scored. Some people were moaning that Jennifer Lopez  is a Diva because she hired a man to tweak her nipples during her video shoots to keep them perky, I don't see the fucking difference in Diva behavior, sorry. The band is talented… But the singer, in my opinion, looks like he just got out of the army and can't decide if he wants to play cowboy or Indian and I find it fucking arrogant that he never once faced the crowd or removed his mask. Whatever! Light show, well, it was rad, but I've seen it before at many Pink Floyd shows and in fact, the music reminded me of a mix of Pink Floyd peppered with Marylin Manson and Radiohead. NOT original at all. 

Again, the drummer, bassist and guitarist are outrageously talented, loved them…

The Holier then though sought after pass ^  and Phil, showing me his new Pirate style jacket  ^

^ Phil has me in a head-lock…. and Adam (they are buddies). Adam was wondering if I would put him on my massage flyer. I told him "No, not unless I massage you".

I am wearing a Frank Zappa shirt that a girlfriend made for me. Thanks Ines. Last night, Dec 4th, was Frank Zappa's death anniversary:

(born December 21, 1940, died December 4, 1993). I asked Adam if he ever listened to Frank, he said "a bit". Phil is a Zappa fan. yay!

 ^Phil explaining how Ahmet Zappa wants him to play on his album and reciting some of the obscene lyrics 🙂

 < Adam is very polite, nice guy.. (needs to dump that singer though)

It is now 7:35 am and I am STILL UP. Have to get up in a few hours and massage at the MOTORHEAD show here in Berlin..ttyl