Month: March 2006

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Ask Dr. Dot

Q.
Please help me. I am 39 yrs and I have been married since I was 22. My husband cheated
18 yrs. ago, and 3 yrs. ago. He set up a meeting via Internet with a woman..That
woman was me! (he didn't know it). He seeks "relief" with porno and live
Internet chats. A while ago I came home to
find him with his pants down on line-live.

This has all devastated me. Our sex
life is horrible. Perhaps 7 times last year. He blames me for his behavior and
our lack of sex. He is partially right. I am a typical woman with emotional
needs-when emotional intimacy is lacking-I can not have sex-if so, I feel
used.
This porno has been an issue almost from the start of marriage. At first,
being young I was devastated-but learned to understand the testosterone beast. I
do watch it with him and enjoy it. The live chat thing has been addressed, and
I've many  times expressed my insecurities and he "stops"-only for it to show it's ugly
face again later. He has recently told me that he
masturbates after we have sex-thinking of the sex we just shared. I feel like
a failure-I feel like I will never be enough for him.I still love
him and other then these sex issues, he is an honorable man and truly a
devoted father, keen business man and great friend. I don't
want to leave, but I feel that it is the only thing to do.
I deserve better, and so does he. I just don't know how to leave, it never
seems like a good time to break up our family.
I am graduating college next month and my husband just started his own
business-these things were our life's goals. Funny, we're accomplishing them
and I feel like it's over-I feel like my best friend died.
When I tell him he hurts my feelings when he does the live-on-line chats, he
says he knows it will hurt me but that he
needs the "release"-this tells me that one day that release could be a woman.
That is something I do not want to be around for.
Pissed off Pat

A.

You say he is an 'honorable man' and 'devoted father & friend' and you still love him, so
why even think of leaving him? Bruce Springsteen sings "every body's got a
hungry heart" and he ain't lyin'. Even if you broke up your family and found
another man, the next man will probably watch porn secretly as well. Even if
you watch it with them, they sometimes want to watch it alone, secretly. As we all
know,  forbidden things taste the best! Stop taking his naughty side so seriously.
The more you freak out about it, the more he will do it. If he is treating you good,
that is all that matters! You can NEVER control what another person does and why
would you want to?

If he is blatantly cheating and throwing it in your face, then you
should consider leaving him, but it seems you are hunting for clues and spying on
him (setting up traps for him on-line- tsk tsk!), which
means you have WAY too much free time on your hands and are looking for evidence that
he doesn't love you. You have been together so long, it's only natural to have sexual
fantasies about others and porn makes it easier. If I were you I would concentrate on your
career and kids.
When he wants to show you love, welcome it with open arms. When he wants alone
time with his cock, find something else to do. It doesn't mean he doesn't want you or
love you, it doesn't mean he will soon cheat on you,  it means he wants to have a wank, plain and simple!

Q.

Because of my heart being walked on by a self-centered piece of human shit 
in woman form almost a year ago, I feel I am unable to fall in love with 
anyone. I see women, I want them, I take them, they give themselves to me, 
and it makes me a great big man slut. I get laid so much it's beyond 
comprehension, and it's fun. Nice and empty fun. But for whatever reason I 
feel as though women are motivated by money – that basically without money I 
would never be getting laid at all – and that sort of makes me the 
forever-John and the women I meet, all of them, forever-whores. Pretty 
fucked up perception and I don't want it anymore. I want to believe in LOVE 
again. How? Help. 

Bitter Bob

A.

I am wondering how these "money motivated whores" even know your financial
status? You must flash and flaunt it otherwise they wouldn't know you have it.
You have a catch 22 vicious circle on your hands/heart/genitals. You get laid
because of your money, then loathe the women because they want you for your
money (rock stars have the same dilemma… they get laid thanks to their
status, but sometimes feel empty because they are aware of that, then numb their pain
with either drugs, alcohol or yet more easy meat).
Just as men rubber neck at young, perky breasts, a tiny waist and child
bearing sexy hips, women look for security, which is measured by money.
Most of the time they subconsciously gravitate towards successful men as they
want that safe nest to bare children, so it's USUALLY not an evil motivation,
it's human nature, just like in the wild, the female mates with the strongest male,
you can't bash them for this and you certainly can't change it. What you can
change is yourself and how you court the opposite sex.
Try meeting women who aren't in the VIP bars, clubs and restaurants, try using
your charm and humor to attract women, perhaps in the park, dance classes,
gyms, etc.ALSO, sometimes going for the hottest, most gorgeous chick is the
problem.
You may want to lower your standards a bit, try a cute but chubby woman, you
get  my drift.
The tall, slender, hot women KNOW they are fiercely sought after and they
usually go for the richest or strongest one they can find. Chubby plain jane types try much harder and will
appreciate you more. (Have you seen Steve Martin's "The Man with Two Brains"? If not, it's a MUST
SEE!).

Never pull out your trump card by telling them your financial status
or even flashing that Rolex, then you will never know if they want you or
your security.
Haven't you seen Eddie Murphy's "Coming to America"? If not, rent it.
True love does exist, but you have to play the game of love with patients, it
doesn't happen over night. You have to love yourself and I mean really love
being you, before another person can. The survival of the fittest routine is
even more extreme in big cities, so you have to use your wits when hunting
down the heart of gold you yearn for. I feel for you and hope you find your true love.
x Dr. Dot 
           

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heh heh

Thanks to Julio for this one ^              

  < Thanks to my pal FET for this beauty  

 

 

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Ask Dr. Dot

Q.

 I have been dating this chick for over 6 months now, and she is always talking about having my baby, but I am only 26 and she is 24, I told her it's too soon for me, I want to sew my wild oats. I do care for her and love fucking her, but never wanted her to get pregnant. She always told me she takes her birth control pills, so I never used a condom with her, now she is 4 months pregnant and refuses to get rid of it. I told her I will NOT marry her or even live with her. I feel trapped and angry as hell. She tries to make me feel guilty and wants me to be only with her. Pulling my hairs out here Dr. Dot, please help, give me advice.

 Balls in a vice, Vinnie

A.

Lets get one thing straight, if you don't want offspring and/or diseases, always use condoms.

 

You can't blame it ALL on her. But now you have this situation on your hands, so "should've, would've, could've's" are useless. You did the right thing by telling her where you stand, you shouldn't marry or co-habitate out of pressure and guilt. Be as kind to her as possible without leading her on and tell her you will be a good father, friend and support her and your child the best you can, that's all you can do. You live and learn, you screw and reproduce.. Try to see the positive side of it, she is bearing your child, a gift that lasts forever. Just try not to piss her off.

Q.

 Dr. Dot,

This weekend I am planning on driving up to my boyfriend's house to see him.  I want to surprise him with something new in bed, but don't know what to do……do you have any suggestions that won't cost me an arm and a leg??? (I am a poor college chick.)  I am willing to do almost anything in bed, but have no idea what "new" thing  to do to him.

Clueless in Jersey

 A.

Dear Clueless,

 First, your shopping list: A cheesy, inexpensive table cloth made of soft plastic, the 99 cent ones you can get at Walmart for picnic tables. Then you need a few bananas, sugar free whipped cream, sugar free chocolate syrup (both can be found in the diabetic section of your grocery store) and some cherry's (either fresh ones or those freaky neon red ones), and some chocolate or rainbow sprinkles/shots/jimmy's whatever the hell you call them in your area for the finishing touch.

If you haven't guessed by now, YOU will be HIS Banana Split.

For a dramatic effect, shave your pussy nice and smooth for him and walk into the room wearing just a long coat, belted tightly so he can't see what's under (and sexy shoes/boots). With a very confident and sexy look on your face, hand him the bag of goodies and tell him to look inside for his surprise.

 

He will no doubt be like "eh?", that's when you take off your coat and say "Make me into a Banana Split". He should slice the bananas in half first of all, while you lay out the plastic "sheet". Lie down naked let him decorate you with the goodies.

Don't worry about the mess, just let him go wild and decorate you and then lick it off of you, don't spoil the mood by whining about your hair, etc. The reason the sweets have to be sugar free, is to avoid the worst yeast infection known to man-kind. In fact, the most expensive part of this surprise, may be the cream you will need for your snatch if any sugar gets in there, hence the sugar-free grub. This is a surprise that he shall never forget and it makes a great conversation piece the next day/week at work.

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:(

My favoite Turlte, SPICE died in hibernation. The winter here in Berlin is too long and cold, some animals didn’t make it and Spice was one of them. I am crying my eyes out, I love that little critter… 🙁

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Last blog before my trip to Berlin

         

Me being a Dick-head   ^ 

 

Chrissi and I  ^

My buddies Ant and Chrissi came over the other night. I have given up wearing rubber pants and micro mini skirts, well, at least for now and decided to pass them onto Chrissi. She did a fashion show for Ant and I that couldn’t be beat. Lasted about 2 hours and all that ooohing and aaaaahing really got us hungry so we went to a diner and ate/raised more hell.

 

Ant  (short for Antonio) and Chrissi                                           Ant as "The MUFFIN MAN"  (if you don’t know that song, why not?)

The FUZZ telling us to shut up or get out  ^

 

We were so seriously loud and obnoxious, the local cops came over and asked us all to stop burping so loud or else. We wanted to know what    "OR ELSE" meant and we found out ^    heh heh

 < Lisa wearing my Pimp Coat

Lisa  ^   and I have known each other since the 11th grade. Vernon/Ellington/Rockville CT was TOO SMALL for the both of us. She was the brunette bombshell and I the blond one. Eventually we bonded and became GREAT friends. Every time we hang out, it usually involves the cops, pop-corn and serious injuries.< Lisa’s hand  (long story)

 If you want to read blogs from the past about Lisa and I, click HERE and HERE

 

We didn’t notice that Leprechan had his hand on Lisa’s tit until I downloaded the pictures.. hello?

We went rolling, all over NYC, from Irish Pub to Irish pub and they all had a few things in common. They were crowded as HELL, it took over 30 minutes to use the toilet in each one and they all smelled like (1) Body Oder (2) NO one, drunk or sober could read my shirt  (see below)  (3) FARTS.

I am not kidding. I think it’s because most of the time when people go out to a bar, it’s in the evening, after they have eaten, shit and shaved at home. Not so on St. Patricks Day in NYC. The Parade starts at 11am so by evening time, everyone is drunk and have been eating cabbage, corned beef and loads of beer. A deadly fart combo. We had to leave certain bars because they were fuming so bad. Holy SHIT. If you plan on going to NYC next St. Paddy’s day, bring a can of air freshener and just aim it at the offensive one. And if you think it’s the best day to get laid, think again. You would have to bring them home and hose them down, brush their teeth and disinfect them before any sort of foreplay could happen. Sure, it’s fun, but if cleanliness is at all a factor when deciding who to shag, then this is not the place/time for you and your spontaneous sex drive.

T-Bone, the Karaoke GURU DJ. He is the coolest karaoke DJ in NYC for sure. ^

 < Iggy and I

                 (My shirt says "Loser Magnet")

You would be surprised how many people tried to read my shirt but couldn’t. The one’s that could didn’t care, they still hung out…

 Then we have Iggy (owner of Iggy’s karaoke bar) and I. He wanted to pose with me for a picture for his myspace page, not sure if he knew what it said on my t-shirt.

Anyways, we ended up at Iggy’s and did karoake for hours. I did Zeppelin, AC/DC and a Prince song (KISS). Lisa tried to do ‘Shook me all night long’, but be that time, she could barely stand, so I had to help her out. It was hilarious.

 < Tim Ried, me and part of Lisa

(Tim used to work for K-Rock, now he works for the David Lee Roth show). Tim asked me last night if I wanted to be a guest on the show but I am leaving tomorrow for Europe again so I will have to do so when I return…. Oh, by the way, David Lee Roth has been to Iggy’s a few times and sang karaoke.

< Lisa through my sun roof

My favorite picture of our whole crazy night ^ (which involved loads of firemen chasing Lisa around)

Jonesy didn’t make it last night, he was too tired 🙁  booo , hisss. lol.

Sooooo, I am off to Europe tomorrow, got to get the HELL off this computer and pack. TTYL

x Dot

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Ask Dr. Dot

Q.

I have been dating a girl for 4 weeks now and I think I love her. I have never felt like this before (I am 19 and she is 18). How should a guy wait before he says "I love you"? And, how is the best way to say it? I am afraid she will laugh at me or not say it back.

Fraidy Cat Carl

A.

Anything less than 6 months will not be taken seriously. After a couple months you could start throwing the word ‘Love’ around, as in "I love to be with you" or " I love how you suck my dick" but to say "I love you" too quickly takes the weight out of it. If the girl says it first, *yawn*, the relationship is doomed in my opinion. The longer you wait, the more it will mean to her. The best way to say it is before or after a really amazing, long, wet kiss, and definitely with a smile on your face, not a serious/nervous look. The same look you would have on your face when you would tell someone "I just LOVE  AC/DC".

Q.

Hi Dr. Dot. I fucking LOVE your column. My friends and I are "Ask Dr. Dot junkies" lol. I have a serious question here. I’ve been seeing this hot bar-tender in my local pub. One night I popped into his pub (he always works Friday nights) and the staff told me he left early and went to a party with "some blond". Next day he said he went alone. I told him I knew better, he said he just got a lift to the party with the her. I just don’t know how to tell if and why he would lie to me. I am all confused. I have guy friends and don’t mind him having female friends, it’s just the foggy truth part is killing me. What’s a good way to tell if he is cheating on me?

Blinded Barb

A.

Dating a bartender is like dating a member of heavy metal band. Fun, but dangerous and prepare to be juggled along with a huge harem of horney holes. These guys have their pick of the crop on a nightly basis. Either live with it & take him for what he is or just be his friend and look for another boyfriend. When you’ve fallen for a person, your ‘Bullshit Detector’ breaks down, so even if you KNOW they are lying, you try to ignore it.

By the way, popping into someone’s work place is never a good idea. Surprise visits usually lead to trouble. That shit is a big no-no in my book.

Q.

What do women complain the most about when it comes to guys? I am sick of guessing.

Contemplating-turning-gay Gus

A.

From all the emails I get and from all the females I know….

The top things that woman dislike about men

1. Looking at or worse, talking to other chicks while out with them.

 ( Hunt when out with the guys or alone, after all, you aren’t with her 24/7 are you?)

 2. Not calling when you say you’re going to. (I know it is hard to grasp why this is so important,

but chicks HATE this. If you find it hard to keep your word, don’t commit to a time, just say, "I’ll call you when I can")

 3. Too much time at work/with the guys/watching sports events.

 (Explain to her those things only make you appreciate her more and make you miss her, and then spoil her to prove it)

 4. Acting too jealous/snooping/too many questions.

(Would you want her doing that to you? No. Treat her as you want to be treated)

 5. Penny Pinching.

(Even if you are poor, act generous, be it with compliments,oral sex, food, drinks or massage)

 6. Wishy-Washy behavior.

(Suddenly their guy" got cold feet". Just be up front in the beginning and say what you want, be it a fling, an open relationship or something long term. Make it VERY clear of this up front).

 7. Bad teeth and/or breath.

(They never shut up about this; it’s SO important to women, so drag your ass to the dentist if you must and always carry mints/gum!)

Basically they want a clean, honest, generous guy who keeps his word, makes them feel like they are the only woman, who gives them space when they need it. Toss in LOADS of foot rubs/foreplay and oral sex and you will be "Mr. Perfect".

*********************************************************************************

The top things that men dislike about women:

1. Talking too much and too loud.

 (Men are NOT like us; they don’t speak as
much and don’t want to hear all of your petty crap/gossip. Save the long chats
for your girls and make it ‘quality not quantity with your guy)
2. Complaining. (Sure, they deserve nagging sometimes, but they know how to
tune you out and the more you nag, the less they listen. Try leaving notes to
get a point across or saving the whining for big issues. If he isn’t what you
want, leave but don’t be a dam nag)
3. Stalking. (Uh, if he doesn’t call you and pursue you, he is NOT into you,
let it go. Don’t drop by unannounced, snoop or bother him, it only drives him
further away-give them space or lose them)
4. Routine sex. (You want him to drool over you and yearn for you? Two words:
Oral Sex)
5. Pressure to marry/have kids. (Let them lead, pressure may force them to do
what you want, but they will resent you and the situation, that is how
cheating begins)
6. Amazon jungle down there. (Keep it tidy and for god sake clean)
7. Shopping and talking about shopping. (Notice the penis? It means they are
not females, they are different; do not treat them like a girlfriend if you
want them to act like a boyfriend)
8. Mothering them/being too dammed nice. (Make them work for your love, don’t
make everything easy and convenient, they live for challenge, unless they are
spoiled free-loaders, ew!)
In short, they want an independent, ambitious, strong, clean female who gives
them space and lots of exciting sex. Keep busy, save the 30,000 words a day
for the girls and nothing beats a gal with a huge sense of humor.

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Best Massage in Hershey Park, PA. !

Here I am bragging again about my massage team again. Liz is the latest Massage therapist to take the plunge and join us. She is also a Nationally Registered Aromatherapist, so you will have a double treat next time you are in her area. See her attached picture and read all about her below, let me know if you are heading to Hershey PA any time soon.. Dr. Dot

My name is Liz and I’ve been actively involved in the healing arts since 1991. Although I’m a US citizen, I was born in Morocco and have spent much of my life overseas. In 1991, I was working for the United Nations in Rome, Italy when my life took an unexpected turn. I was taught how to massage my son with Roman Chamomile oil when he was less than an hour old! I don’t know who was more affected by the experience, my infant son or me! In one powerful moment, I discovered what have become two immense passions: Aromatherapy and Massage.

Aromatherapy: I bring 15 years of experience, training and research of essential oils into every aspect of my life. I’m a Nationally Registered Aromatherapist – the first on Dr. Dot’s Team! I have studied and used essential oils in every context from clinical to vibrational to culinary. I received training in the chemistry of essential oils at Purdue University and followed up with laboratory work at Rutgers University in NJ. I serve as the Pennsylvania Director for NAHA (National Association for Holistic Aromatherapy) and am frequently invited to speak on the therapeutic benefits of essential oils at me dical conferences, natural health seminars and universities. I am on the faculty of a local college of natural health as Director of Aromatherapy Studies and I have my own line of essential oils.

Massage Therapy: I graduated from the Mt. Nittany Institute of Natural Health in State College, PA in 1998 with a Diploma in Therapeutic Massage. I now have a successful massage practice and am the owner of a massage clinic in central Pennsylvania which I opened in 1998. I’ve been told that I’m very easy to talk to and make people feel quickly at ease and comfortable. Laugher is wonderfully healing and is commonly heard in my massage room! My massage techniques are varied and range from gentle relaxation to deep tissue depending on the purpose of the session and needs of my client. However, I am intense! My primary focus is deep tissue work and stretching to ease muscle tension, stiffness, and pain – especially in the neck and low back; increasing joint flexibility and range of motion; repetitive strain injuries; headaches; fibromyalgia and increasing body awareness. My sessions nearly always include specific essential oils chosen as an adjunct to the healing work. Many of my clients are VIPs whose lives are like a pressure cooker.

I listen well and frequently offer techniques to help them manage the stress of their hectic lifestyle. I came across Dr. Dot’s website while doing a search for “massaging musicians” and knew immediately that I had to contact her! You see, I really have three passions: essential oils, massage and…The Who! I wrote to Dot outlining my experience and training and asked for an interview. Because she was in Germany at the time, Dot made arrangements for me to massage Catherine, her US Rep in Baltimore. Catherine and I did a trade and WOW, she is amazing! I remember thinking, “If Catherine is an example of Dot’s massage standards, I can see why she is so successful!” Catherine called Dot the same day and here I am! I’ve had a life blessed with rich experiences and interesting careers, but when massage and aromatherapy crossed my path, it opened the door to my true calling. I go to work everyday with a happy and grateful heart, and I’m very proud to be a member of Dr. Dot’s talented team!