Ask Dr. Dot

Dr. Dot,

I live with my girlfriend and all is well, except when I want to jerk off. I never know when she is coming home, so it is difficult to relax enough to watch porn and spoil myself. Should I tell her or ask permission? I need my space.

Jeff, Hackensack, NJ


A sneaky way to get your free wanking time in, is to call her at work or on her cell and ask her what time exactly will she be home, but say it in a friendly way (avoid panting, as that is a dead give away). If she asks why, say you want to run a bubble bath for her or order food for the both or you and you don’t want it to get too cold. Figure out how long it takes her to get home and then you will know how much free Jerk time you have on your, er, hands. Most women wouldn’t understand you telling her or asking for permission, just be clever.

Dr. Dot

Dear Dr. Dot,
Please define for me what a groupie is. I slept with a musician and I am in conflict with myself and my friends.
signed, ‘You’ in W. Union, NJ

Dear You, 

I think there are many definitions to the term Groupie, just as there is for the word love. You love ice cream, you love your mom, you love that dress, that puppy etc. They are all different.
If being a groupie means you love a certain style of music or group so much that you go to most of their shows, or adore them so much you may get a tattoo with the bands name or name your kid/cat/dog after them, then I must be a groupie. This is a harmless sort of groupie, the kind that just LOVE the music so much that it becomes a way of life.
Then there are the kinds that do ANYTHING to meet the band: blowing fat roadies or shagging managers. This is nasty. They make the word ‘Groupie’ seem seedy and dirty. Some are not even into the music, they are just looking for a meal ticket, be it with a basketball star, rock star or politician, I call these ‘shameless groupies’.
So, you see, it’s not a simple answer, but if you have to balls to defend yourself, it’s worth the chat and the breath it takes to set the record straight.

Dr. Dot

Dear Dr. Dot,

I have been curious about this for ages and probably at some point in time was told the answer..but why is it that guys have so many erections at night and usually wake up with one?  I asked a guy once or twice and they are like “I dunno?!”

Take care!




About the penis situation. We all know men are led around by their dicks their whole lives, poor saps.

The reason they can’t control themselves (cheating, straying, watching porn) is because their cock is the boss, the one running the show.

Almost all men have erections during their sleep, and this occurs at a wide range of ages and spontaneous erections are just part of being male. We can use this “flaw” to our advantage (good head gets us foot massages and flowers from our guy etc.) but it is also extremely annoying if you are sleeping next to a guy who’s penis is up all night wanting to party.

Spooning only makes the situation ‘tense’ and only leads to two tired adults come sunrise.

If this is the problem, do NOT spoon with him at your rump, spoon with you at his rump.You can also put underwear and a wall of pillows between each other. My favorite is sleeping in separate rooms, but I am bitchier than most when it comes to sleep.

If you want to sleep next to each other, having sex before you sleep could ease the tension a bit, but if he is the randy type, his willy will still be up all night planning his next attack, so you’ll have to build a wall somehow: the bigger the dick, the bigger the wall, ask the Berliners.

Dr. Dot