Dear Dr. Dot,
I cheated on my girlfriend and the girl left a hickey on my neck that is so dark, I will have to put off seeing my girlfriend until it is gone. What if she notices the fading mark, what can I do to make it go away faster, the thing has been on me for over a week!
Jonesy in Harlem
Jonesy,
Hickeys, or “Shag Stamps” as I like to call them are SO out. Rub a comb over it repeatedly, as pressure pushes the blood vessels away from skin surface. Some say tooth paste or lavender oil makes it go away faster. IF she asks, say you were in a brawl and a guy grabbed your throat and held you up against the wall, and that fading mark must be left over. If you are really paranoid, grab your own throat really hard to make more marks, you know, make it more realistic. Next time a gal starts sucking on you, guide her head SOUTH and tell her to continue down there.
Dr.
Dear Doctor Dot,
My guy REALLY wants to have anal sex with me, but let’s face it; it’s a pain in the ass. Not only it is messy but super painful. He is putting so much pressure on me about it, saying “most girls love it!”. I don’t want to lose him, but YIKES!
Carol P. Fort Lee, NJ
Carol,
He is lying, most girls HATE anal sex. If he thinks it is so great, tell him you will try it but only if he lets you ram a dildo up his chocolate starfish (you wouldn’t want him missing out on any of the so called pleasure!). Men like anal due to the tight fit, but they don’t realize how much it hurts until they have it done to them. They think we all love it thanks to porn flicks, where the girls are getting paid a LOT to pretend they like it. Never do what you don’t want to do, if he doesn’t like it, he can find himself a canal pal! 
Dr. Dot