Karaoke in Berlin

 Jet Li ^
 Jonas ^

Jet Li is in Berlin and called for a massage. I was so EXCITED… until he said it has to be a male. Sigh. So I send my assistant, Jonas  (who massages me every week, so I KNOW Jet is in GREAT hands. I will be adding Jet to our list of “satisfied clients”. Yay!! I guess he feels only a man can give him super deep tissue. Ahem, he has never met me. Hands of steel that heal. Cool


Last night I visited my friend Ron, an American cult figure here in Berlin. He is a karaoke whore to the extreme. He went so far as to open his own karaoke club (Moster Ronson’s Karaoke bar ). They have karaoke 7 nights a week (he said he LOATHES Bachelorette groups/parties with a passion fyi- they show up already pissed out of their heads (drunk) and don’t buy any drinks at all and hog the mic). Ron’s place is very bizarre. Some men wearing dresses, women wearing motorcycle gear, people arriving at 5am- I guess it never closes. Drinks are dirt cheap and finally, it’s finally smoke free, HUGE song list, I mean EVERYTHING and it’s free to get in and sing. No tourist there at all. Just freaky Berliners.  Is it just me or does that guy above resemble Barney? ^


   Karaoke Stripper

 Another cool thing about Ron’s karaoke place, is you just NEVER know what’s gonna go down. Ron announced that this guy, above, in dread locks, will take off his clothes AND swing round the stripper pole for TEN EUROS. He started a collection, asking the crowd to donate, to raise the 10 Euros to have this guy get good and naked and give us a show. Naturally, the Berliners held tight to their pennies.  Fuck that. I just gave him 10 Euro. Get yer kit off, I need entertainment dammit.

 Something me told me this guy has done this before (his female friend sang the Kiss tune “I was made for loving you baby” during the strip. Gene would have vomited. 




 My friend “M”  ^ and I posing for Monster Ron.

M sang some Rocky Horror Picture show (and Pulp and Bowie)  tunes which drove the crowd MAD. I sang some Led Zepp, Rod Stewart and Janis (‘Cry Baby’).

Every 2nd Friday they have karaoke at Oscar Wilde’s Irish Pub on Friedrich strasse  and their sound is THE BEST. Another bonus, NO SMOKING. So your hair and clothes won’t smell disgusting when you get home. HUGE song list, great sound, but LONG WAIT.

He loved it

Berlin is bursting with anticipation today. You can almost hear the people holding their breath whilst awaiting the big football match tomorrow. I will certainly be watching the show, but not on fan-mile, as it's too crowded and unpredictable, as in, you don't know if you're going to get smashed in the face or not.

Thursday MORNING my phone rang at 10 am. Normally I don't hear it as I turn it on silent, but because the night before was a bit wild (that was the night Germany beat Turkey and the wild Exberliner party night) and even though I ONLY drink two glasses of wine when I go out (any more and I end up blowing chunks) I still felt tired as fuck due to all the cig smoke in the air at Kaffee Burger. ANYWAYS, when I come home from a night out, I stay up even later than normal, catching up on the 300+ emails I receive whilst out.

So I had only been sleeping two hours, and they weren't even a good two hours as the construction workers seemed to be tearing down every building within a mile radius of my flat, the concierge of the Adlon hotel called and said the President of Georgia wanted another massage from me RIGHT NOW before his flight at noon. Um, sorry, can't do it.

I am not lazy by no means, but it's easier for me to do a massage at 4 am than at 10 am. 4 am is NO problem, I am still wide awake, full of energy, but 10 am for me is like 3 am for most normal people, who sleep from 10 pm to 6 am. I had to decline and the Pres will either be (1) angry and never talk to me again or (2) take that as a challenge and REALLY invite me to Georgia as he promised to finally get round two of "the best massage" he has ever had in his life. We shall see.  I think this was the first time I said "no" to a hotel here in Berlin, but after two hours of extremely interrupted sleep, the massage would have been half-assed anyways and I would rather to NO massage than a shitty massage.


Irish gals out on the piss ^  

Was out last night for a bit of karaoke at Oscar Wilde again. Can you believe the two dark haired girls at the top of this ^ picture are 17 years old (left side) and 15 years old (right side)? Well, I also didn't look 15 when I was 15, but it's funny seeing 15 year olds drink beer, as you know in Yank land you have to be 21 to even get into a bar. Berlin is so liberal. I sang 'River Deep Mountain High',  'Stay with me' < Rod Stewart, and 'D'yer Maker' < Led Zepp..  I love to sing but HATE being around drunk people who keep repeating themselves over and over again and there is one guy that is there every time I go there who SWEARS to GOD he is Smokey Robinson. Everyone believes him too- except me.


I'm like, fuck right off, if you were Smokey (didn't he die?) then why the fuck are you singing the same two songs every time karaoke is on? He sings "simply the best" by Tina Turner and "kiss" by Prince. Again, I love to sing, but karaoke is a freak magnet. Not sure how much more of it I will take. Ugh. Thing is, I don't like to just go out and drink as I don't drink much, so I have to have something to do, as in table soccer or karaoke, or I get bored. Hanging around in a bar just doesn't appeal to me. Watching a football match is good fun though but still, drunks irk me to no end.


Tough for me as I LOVE Rock and Roll but most of the guys who LOVE rock and roll are into drugs, drinking, lying around doing nothing. I love rock and roll, but work out, eat healthy as fuck and don't smoke and barely drink and I am as ambitious as Donald Trump (not as rich, just as ambitious) ha! Boo fucking hoo, I don't fit in. ha ha. Gotta run, it's gorgeous out

Germany wins over Turkey


 ^ "fan mile" (in background you can see the Adlon Hotel where Michael Jackson dangled the baby out the window AND where I massaged the President the other night).


I am sure you heard it already, but last night Germany won over Turkey in football (soccer to the yanks) 3-2. It was a close game the whole time, super exciting!!!

Martina, my preggy gal pal, is lovin' her extra cleavage ^ I found it hard to look in her eyes whilst talking to her with such lovely optical distractions right in front of me, now I know how it must feel to be a man

Martina (my pregnant girlfriend) and I went and watched it in Oscar Wilde Irish pub, which is normally a peaceful place, BUT last night hard core German football hooligans, all with shaved heads, Doc Martin boots and Nazi symbols filled the place. At first there were just ten of them and it was funny watching them scream and shout and carry on, but then 20 or so more piled in and it got scary. Martina is German and said the songs and chants they were belting out were old German Nazi songs. The other Germans in the place were also getting very very uncomfortable with this, but even the owner and bar tenders were petrified of them, so no one could do anything. It was even too crowded to leave at one point. The shit really hit the fan when the power went out. There was a massive storm in Basel which caused a disruption of video footage, which means, all over the world, people who were watching it live, had to watch a blank screen for a few minutes during the match, and that happened 4 times, which created even more anticipation and frenzies galore.



Every time there was a goal from either side, stools went flying, beer was tossed everywhere (Martina and I were dressed in girly dresses and little strappy sandals and got SOAKED). There is no stopping these guys. A few took off their shirts and showed they had Nazi ( swastikas  ) all over them as well as this one: 

Every country has it's nationalists, but this is the closest I have been to the chaos they bring. Sometimes it seems football and nationalism go hand and hand together, sigh. This one hooligan KEPT spilling beer down Martina's back (who is 7 months pregnant) and I asked him to back up and be careful and he just screamed at us and made obscene hand gestures. Scary guys.

 One of the Jewish waitresses was off duty and sitting with us during the whole match, she was not amused. Anyways, not sure how the Turks dealt with losing as there were NO TURK supporters what so ever in that pub, or on the streets in that area afterwards. I am sure they are pissed off, gutted, sad. However, the Germans are in the BEST mood ever, the sun is shining and Berlin is heaven on earth at the moment (if Jasmine was here it would be even better, but she is still in Italy). 


Lots of great concerts coming up again here in Berlin, Motorhead, Radio Head, etc.. I will never be able to decide between NYC and Berlin. I just can't. I love them both. So instead of me trying to decide, I decided not to decide. Less pressure. ha! Next month the official smoking ban will be enforced ( I will believe it when I see it) then Berlin would be even BETTER. The Oscar Wilde pub is smoke free; LOVES IT! But "Kaffe Burger " where we went after the match to help the Exberliner celebrate it's 6th anniversary, was smoky as fuck. Oh, it's predominantly men there, and even being 7 months pregnant< Martina & I were getting hit on non-stop. So, if you are a lady and looking for a man in Berlin, head to Kaffe Burger. jeeze!!