Dr. Dot's Blog

Wakefield Mass. is a gorgeous town, it is a clean, expensive, safe town with a HUGE lake in the middle of it, in which most of the towns folk power walk or rollerblade around everyday. There are swans and geese and lots of strange critters hanging around the water. I have been coming here since, let’s see, 1985(!). My favorite woman on earth lives here, I shall call her Mary. Mary has been like a mom to me, much more than my biological mom ever did. I have to repeat a phrase I have been saying my whole life, “you can pick your friends, but you can’t pick your relatives”. So, if certain people in your biological family etc, let you down or have never been around or what ever the case is, it doesn’t ,mean you don’t have family, as you can build a new one, picking the people you chose to be around. We are all dealt a hand of cards when we are born so to speak, it is up to us to keep that hand or discard the crappy cards and pick up new ones that enhance our lives. This is what I do.
So, I drove with Jasmine two hours north today in a rain storm, from CT to MASS, listening to whatever Jasmine wanted to, and so she wanted to hear only ( and I SWEAR I let her choose) Jimi Hendrix and Janis Joplin. I have a lot of sound board tapes of live shows and when the studio stuff gets too familiar, well, we hear live stuff, tracks you can’t find in shops, they come from years of following the Grateful Dead ( over 300 shows) hangin out on the sound board and trading tapes with the sound guys and other Dead Heads ( name for fans of the G.Dead). The sound of sound board live tapes is the truth, if they sound bad, the band is shit, if they sound good, they are DAM GOOD, the proof is in the pudding. We heard Big Brother and the Holding company live 1967 from San Fran. Jimi live, 1968 at Winterland- amazing music. I love, and I mean LOVE to sing, hence the karaoke obsession, but since I have grown up around music, hearing Zeppelin, Beatles and Zappa from toddler age on, I am stumped ( presently, but who knows-) on how could I write music or lyrics, I mean, after hearing ” In search of the lost chord” (moody blues) or “Abbey Road” I think, why should I even bother, it can’t get better than what is already out there. Maybe song writting gets easier with practice, I mean, a year ago, I never thought I could sing, but now I win contests at karaoke clubs.
When I arrived at ‘Mary’s’ there was a package waiting for me, 10 copies of the cd/demo I recorded in Tappan Town NY 10 days ago, with my dear friend, owner of Chunky Productions, Micheangelo.
I recorded 5 Janis Joplin songs and Peggy Lee’s ‘Fever’ . I recorded them, and then we went out to a bar, and they had karoke! I sang 3 songs and found out I won the contest( didn’t even know there was one, only found out when I started to leave, the DJ, said ” dont go, I think you may have won”. Anyhow, I never got to hear the finished product. Until tonight. I popped the CD in and everyone here sat around listening and I was really pleased with the results. Ok, wise asses out there, this doesn’t , mean I will now try to be the next Britney! It simply means explore all areas of talent you want to, and do it the best you can. I LOVE J.Lo because she made it clear that sticking with one thing is boring, do it all and shine while doing so. Ambition, sucess, it makes me high, aim high folks no matter what you do, it feels great! I was just telling a wonderful person I met yesterday, how incredibly attractive and sexy ambition is, I find it such a turn off when people just settle, especially men.
Even if you have a simple job that you like, isn’t there a drive built into us all, that makes us want to be stronger, healthier, happier, more sucessful, or at least more creative? I can not relate with people who CAN do more, but won’t /don’t. If you got all of your limbs and you are healthy, there is no excuse to just coast through your life, passing time. I don’t get that.
I am writting on ‘Mary’s’ MAC computer, and now I have the old version of BLOG for some reason, there is not even the option to add images! When I get my ass back to NY, I will flood my bog with so many photos, you may get sick of them.
I get very relaxed up here, even though “massholes” (nick name NH/ME/CT/VT/RI gave to people from Mass.) are high strung, they are smart as a whip and love music. I clear my head up here, go for long jogs, skate my butt off and think, really THINK. What do I want to do? Comedy, Books, Sing, Massage and Make Over dvds, and keep helping folks with their love and sex problems- my favorite thing to do!
Some of you write to me and ask me why don’t I write about my sex/love life in my Blog.Come on people, what do you want for free? heh heh. No, seriously, my truth is much stranger then fiction, what really happens to me everyday- well, you all would not believe it anyways, and the people in my life shall enjoy what happens and be grateful I don’t post it up here. I just say, use your imagination. Do I look boring?
My friend Daniel and I both have something in common now, we both got rid of certain dead weight in our lives recently and it feels good. Not bridge burning, just a emotional house cleaning. You know, sometimes, if you have a busy life that is, one has to evaluate ones freinds and loose ends. If the people around you bring you down or try to make you feel insufficent or unloved, clean house!! move on. Nothing hasty, nothing mean, just delet that phone number or email adress if that person doesnt lift you or love you, life is short- think (1) Love only the people that love you back (2) Love/Friendship should be give and take, not just give give give. Do I sound too bitchy? mean? selfish? If so, you are too soft and will be treated like a door mat.
Ok, this self righteuous diva is out of here for today.
“Get it while you can baby!” Janis Joplin
xoxo MFG greetings from Wakefield
Dr.

For all of you who don’t know what burning bridges means, it means to cut contact with a friend or loved one, with a vengance, getting rid of someone in your life, hence, to ‘burn the bridge’ between you and that person. I, sadly, come from a family of stubborn bridge burners. You would think after the death of my mother ( she was only 47 years old) that relatives in this family would think, “hmm, I should have made up with Donna before she died, that bridge we burnt can now never be rebuilt” but NO, they don’t they keep on burnin’ em. Not mentioning ANY names, but there are a few that are ruthless, and think nothing of telling a reltaive to fuck off and die, and mean it.

I have to say, I am grateful for growing up in such an enviroment, it helped me become independent, knowing that you can depend on you and only you, helps me focus and stay strong, the unfortionate side to that is fear of intimacy ( I don’t mean physical intamacy either. Tough as nails, jaded, mean, ruthless, all words I have heard people call me. But didn’ they say that about Madonna and other super sucessful people? Didn’t even John Lennon say ” you have to be a bastard to make it to the top”.

So, I am still in CT, visiting my favorite Uncle, who allows everyone he knows to come over and use his computer, pool etc, he and his partner are very generous and open minded, but this attracts a lot of leeches ( people who take and take and TAKE). Cool, whatever, it has always been like that. He and his partner drove up to Maine, leaving me here with the dogs, still waiting for Jasmine to land at the airport which is 2 minutes from the house. My Uncle told me there would be two other gay friends of his coming and going as they please and not to pay any mind to it, also fine. Up until this point, I was very friendly with the guys, I have know one for many years, Tony( not a leech) and the other one, I don’t know so well, but I know he comes over everyday to use my uncles internet. He lives rents a aroom from a woman who lives next door to my Uncle. This guy, let’s call him Mickey, is about 39 years old. Mickey knows that Tony and I are staying at my Uncles house, as we all chatted in the drive way before we all went out in our seperate ways. MIckey told me about a place where he would be, they do karaoke there, so I went there, and he wasnt there, plus it was so smokey, I almost passed out when I went in. I left and went to another place, there isn’t much to choose from in Windsor Locks! Anyhow, around 2am, I headed home, Tony called me on my cell/handy to ask where I was, we were both heading home at the same time. We met in driveway, and talked about our adventures, then tried to get in the house, which was locked, and it is NEVER locked. All doors were locked, we yelled ” Mickey” really loud for a while and even called the home number- all lights on, no answer, so we started to panic. Tony went it back yard, climed over gate etc, and pushed th eback door in, it was locked ,but must be old or something as it went rite open, Tony walked into kitchen to see Mickey, who was shocked as HELL that Tony got it. He played dumb “was someone calling my name?” what the fuck ever dude! Then TOny let me in and Mickey went upstairs to break the bad news to the THREE guys he had somehow convinced to come over and hang out in my uncles ROOM with him. Naturally, I was mad and asked them all to leave. They all were drunk and barely dressed ( ew!) I told Mickey that I think he takes advantage of my Uncle AND the dogs were all locked outside at 2:30am, which is NOT the norm by the way, these dogs are spoiled to death and are usually sleeping on the bed with my Uncle by 10pm. I called my Uncle to tell him this and he was ‘two sheets to the wind” (BLAU) and didn’t believe Tony or I, because Mickey had already ran to a phone and lied to my Uncle that big bad Dot and Tony ganged up on him and he didn’t lock