Month: December 2008

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Massage in Venice Beach, Los Angeles California

My name is Leanna, and I am a massage therapist and a musician based out of Venice Beach, California (Los Angeles area). I have been giving relaxing and healing massages since I was a child (my mom, who has an amazing touch, taught me, and from then on, I started massaging my family and friends). After going to school at Chapman University for music, I attended CalCopa Massage Therapy School in Huntington Beach to learn more about the healing arts. I continue to develop this passion through practice and experience, developing a following of clients who constantly say that my work is “the best massage they’ve ever had.” I will relax and restore your body from head to toe while gracefully alleviating shoulder, neck, back, hip, arm, and every other muscle pain you can think of. Many clients come to me for chronic pain, as my strong hands can find knots and work them out. I give my clients what their bodies want and need: a completely restored, pain-free, relaxed body – thus creating more capability for creativity.

I heard about Dr. Dot when I was in my first band in High School. Since I was playing or thinking about music most of the time, I was often around musicians. I have always had a passion for massage, and I would always be the one giving back massages, doing neck stretches, arm and hand massages, etc., because I understand the areas that musicians need most, being one myself. A couple of years ago, a friend of mine from a San Francisco band told me about Dr. Dot, and I visited her website for more information. Dr. Dot’s story was inspiring to me, as I have often thought about finding a way to connect my two greatest passions, music and massage (which I believe are both forms of healing, expression, and art). The opportunity to be a part of Dr. Dot’s team is something I have been looking forward to for years!

My specialties:
Deep Tissue
Swedish Massage: can be relaxing and deep, OR relaxing and light, if you prefer
Hot Stone Massage: massage done with warm stones in the palms of my hands—can be light or deep—great for cold weather!
Trigger Point Therapy: finding those knots that hurt when you press down on them and getting rid of that pain! Trigger points are usually found in the neck and shoulders and cause back, neck, arm and hand pain
Thai Massage: involves lots of yoga stretches/positions—great for alleviating leg and hip pain
Shiatsu: Japanese form of massage that uses acupressure and follows the meridians of the body—also incorporates hand/foot reflexology
My style combines all of these techniques to create one amazing massage, completely unique and specific to YOU. You won’t be disappointed if you hire me!


I am available for tours. Email me: info@drdot.com and put "Leanna/LA" in subject line and it will reach me instantly 🙂

 

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Massage in Kansas City

 

My name is Gracie, and I'm a LMT in the Kansas City area. I've grown up mostly in the midwest but I spent sometime in Hollywood, CA before deciding to come back to the midwest in Spring of '07.

I recieved my training in massage therapy while living in California and graduated a certified therapist in our Master Program at CHAC.

Living on the west coast enabled me to study various healing arts from Reiki, Oscillation, Swedish, Deep Tissue, Reflexology, Pre Natal, Pregnancy, Childrens to Hot and Cold Jade Stones. I was also able to gain experience working in various environments: physical therapy, medical day spa, charity events, chiropractic, high end clientale/personal training, massage on set … to name a few.

I've always had an affinity toward homopathetic ways of healing whether it be through touch or herbs. Growing up I was enlightened to this natural medicine due to my mother's own homeopathic background. To this day I remember seeing my mom make medicine out of rattle snake skin. lol

Not that that was a regular occurence to have rattlesnake skin laying around, it only happened once, but it left a lasting impression on me how something so outrageous could be used to help someone. She definately was always coming up with different elixirs as well as herbs, food one could benefit from.

She also knew Iridology. So as you can imagine growing up I grew more and more fascinated with this way of life. I do plan to continue my studies in the near future.

I'm interested in Holistic Health/Medicine Wheel, Spiritual Counseling, as well as Metaphysics. My focus has always been geared toward energy work.

I really enjoy doing bodywork, I find it to be cathardic to help someone replenish themselves and to share this is healing for me as well. Apart from my interest in this industry I do enjoy many other things like art, music!, traveling, cooking, writing. If you're looking for a therapist who will not only help you theraputically but also someone you could talk to, I'm your girl!

I am avaliable for incalls as well as outcalls 🙂

Thanks a lot for taking out the time to read my Bio, I look forward to working with you. Email me: info@drdot.com  and put "Gracie/Kansas" in the subject line and it will reach me instantly.

 

Love and Light,
Gracie

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Massage in London (meet Sasu)

 

Hello I am Sasu I live in Surrey, outside London U.K. and have been a practicing Deep Tissue and Swedish Massage Therapist for 20 years. I combine massage with Kinesology and Reiki. I discovered the gift of my healing hands and intuitive nature while living in Morocco working in the hospitality business in 1988. I did my training in Aberdeen, Scotland in 1994 which is also where I learnt my English.

I used to work in the film industry as a Massage Therapist and am looking forward to getting back into working with thespians and performers and the world of back stage.

I was born in France and speak fluent French, Spanish and English and a little German. I love to travel and visit Argentina annually where I also go skiing. 
I am passionate about motorbikes but haven’t managed to put my massage table on the back yet? Rock music swings my life since my teens.
I love dancing particularly to music with a good beat and ski to Dire Straits!

I am available for tours and festivals and looking forward to practice my skills on you. Just email me and write "SASU/LONDON" in the subject line to book me: info@drdot.com

 

Read some feedback about me:

 

Feedback:

12/04/08: "I wanted to let you know that Sasu is a FANTASTIC new addition to your team. She has AMAZING hands, and a highly intuitive touch. This is the best DotBot massage I've had yet.

I think Sasu was not expecting the musician schedule – we had her waiting for a couple of hours with no work, and then everyone came at once! Sasu, just so you know – that can happen. Musicians can be unpredictable 🙂

Sasu, thank you for coming down – everyone said how wonderful your massages were, and we appreciated your time. See you next time in London!

And, Dot, thanks as always for the great massages 🙂

Jamie"

Tour Manager of Everlast

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Massage in Toronto (meet Dina )

My name is Dina and I was born and raised in Toronto, Canada. I spent most of my youth involved in competitive figure skating only to discover later on another true passion… snowboarding! My education as a massage therapist began early in my constant attempts to try and heal my own injuries.

I’ve been practicing the art of massage in a clinical setting for over ten wonderful years. To have the opportunity to help assist clients manage, reduce and heal painful injuries and/or discomfort has been a very liberating and educational experience.

I’m a huge fan and practitioner of Myofascial & Trigger Point massage, a deeper, corrective type of soft tissue release combined with specific on-table body stretches. On the other hand I am just as inclined to provide a lighter more rhythmical massage experience geared towards the stress-laden muscle tension created primarily by our taxed out nervous systems. I incorporate essential oils in most treatments drawing upon my 6 years as a Certified Clinical Aroma-therapist. In addition, I am a Registered Massage Therapist and certified in LaStone (hot stone) and Bamboo massage.

Email me if you want to book me (put DINA/TORONTO) in subject line: info@drdot.com

 

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Zappaween 2008 with Bogus Pomp (starring Ike Willis)

I have heard about ZAPPAWEEN the last couple years and never knew what it was exactly. I thought it was similar to the Zappanale but new. I skipped this past Zappanale (Frank Zappa tribute festival held every year for the past 19 years in Germany) due to a certain someone causing havoc for me. So I was itching to be around other Zappa fans and celebrate Frank and his music. I booked a flight and room and headed down to St. Petersburg, where ZAPPAWEEN is held. Robin and John (also avid Zappa freaks) met me there. I arrived a day early as they drove all the way from Atlanta (John flew to Atlanta from Chicago). I am NOT into road trips anymore (did enough of those following the Grateful Dead around for a few years back in the 80's ). 

 

I stayed at the Days Inn which I found online, not having a CLUE as to how that area is set up. I just wanted something close to the venue where ZAPPAWEEN takes place. Now you would think, having such an event, that happens once a year, that it would be bigger, you know, with a few Zappa tribute bands and perhaps tips on Bogus Pomps web site (they are the band that puts on ZAPPAWEEN every year) for Zappa fans who come to the area just for this event. But no. In fact, even up to show day (Nov 1st) their web site still didn't even have info on THIS YEARS Zappaween on it (I guess they are so busy they didn't get to it). I thought this event was a couple years old. But NO, it has been going on for FOURTEEN YEARS already. This surprised me as Robin, John and I were there a couple days early, HOPING to meet other Zappa fans and hang out with them, you know? BUT NO. NOTHING. 

 

I called a Zappa fan I know from Tampa which is rather close. I don't know him well, just an online Zappa buddy. I asked him "where do the Zappa fans meet down here?". He snapped at me "This is NOT ZAPPANALE DOT! This is ZAPPAWEEN and we don't meet up, it's just that one show and that is it!!". He was so snippy about it, Robin, John and I sat there in the cheesiest fucking bar ever with our jaws dropped at his response. Not just the tone (he continued to say "You should all be in bed, like I am, FUCKING!"). Oh, ok, whatever. So, let me get this straight. Zappa fans come from all over the world (one girl came all the way from Germany but we didn't meet her until the show started), yet no one organised a meeting point or pre-Zappaween party? Why? What the fuck. 

 

Let me try to explain to you how incredibly BORING St. Petersburg and Treasure Island (the actual beach area) IS. There are only THREE BARS on Treasure Island (all SUPER SMOKY) and walking into them is like walking back in time, and not a good time either. After hearing a few stories from "locals" we found out time seems to STOP when you escape to this area. No one was FROM that area, they are all from NJ, Chicago, Boston, etc, people who seemed to have ran away from the cold and their mundane busy lives. One waitress, who felt the need to tell us about all of her past husbands and addictions, was from NJ and has been there for 15 years. Her hair, clothes, make up and lingo that spat out of her pie hole were all set in that time, styled like life was 15 years ago. It reminded me of watching the Berlin wall come down November 9th, 1989 in Berlin. I watched the people come through the wall, dressed so old fashioned, as they didn't know any better. This was the same vibe. The music, hair, clothes, everything. It was so strange! We were all gob smacked. We just could NOT get over this time warp. Fucking BIZARRE.

 

Anyways, I still can't get over the fact, that after 14 years, there is no "where to go before and after Zappaween to meet other Zappa fans in St. Petersburg" web site or at least a tiny section on the Bogus Pomp web site "Zappaween Tips/stuff to do before/after". I guess I just am the type to see potential in things and wonder why no one else does. What harm could it do to have a pre-Zappaween party to get all excited for the show? Also, there is only ONE band at the Zappaween. One band, one show. So the whole Zappaween lasts about three hours. This would be worth the trip if you lived in the area. 

Anyways, the hotel I stayed in was frowned upon by the rental car dealer. They asked me where I was staying, I told them and they all stopped talking. They told me NOT to go out a lone at night and "it's very dangerous" in that area. DAM, you can never tell when booking online. Apart from the pubic hairs on my sheets left from last guest and half full can of coke left in fridge, it was ok. Vama, the manager (in the pictures above and below) treated me like a queen when she found out I do massages. I massaged her for free and she let me get away with everything. Front row parking, etc. The room only cost $50 a night, so I guess you can deal with some random short and curlies in your sheets ( I slept with jogging pants and long sleeved shirt on to avoid touching sheets). She even upgraded me after the first night to a suite and that was nicer. The maid was the problem. She weighed about 400 pounds, always had a cigarette in one hand and did NOT want to work. 

 

 

Vama ^ and I bonding 

I was so fucking shattered when I landed in St. Petersburg as I literally had TWO hours of sleep the "night" before. I was up until ten am, slept til noon (two full power hours) and then had to rush to airport. Rented a car and could barely drive I was so tired. On my way to hotel, I saw a Thai restaurant and stopped in to eat. It was PERFECT. "Thai Orchid" is the place to eat in St. Petersburg if you like Thai. I even brought Robin and John there the next night (I'm a creature of habit). After dinner, I was so tired I could barely see, but  instead of crashing when I got into the seedy room, I went out for a walk in the danger zone.I tucked my hair up under my hat and wore unattractive baggy clothes and headed out to stretch my legs. I was saddened to witness the poverty around me. I thought THIS is America? Sidewalks and streets haven't been repaired in years, in fact, bushes and weeds were growing out of all the cracks. 

Shop after shop, fast food joint after fast food joint were closed down, overgrown with bushes and trees. You could smell how desperate people have become in this area. The nasty hotels all along the road were housing for many family's. I could tell the people lived there, that they were not just passing through. Some places boasted "$33 per night or $150 per week" and of course they all offered an hourly rate (lots of ratty looking hookers lurking about outside of each hotel). HOWEVER, every few blocks was a brand spanking new, sparkling clean CVS or Walgreens. Oh LORD they are doing so well. Why? Because Pharmacy's will always do well, because the Government wants us all hooked on prescription drugs. The commercials never stop. I went into several of these CVS's and Walgreens on my nightly walks, mainly to buy Reese's peanut butter cups , but also because they are open 24/7 and safe. What a massive contrast: CVS every few blocks, obviously thriving, with a Walgreens directly across the street from each one, surrounded by obvious poverty. Tsk tsk. It makes me ill. 

One night after our boring fucking trek into the local bars (which turned UP the crappy music on the juke box and turned the Zappa and Hendrix we picked out down super low), Robin, John and I walked together to CVS (I think the peace pipe made us extra giddy) and we had a fucking blast in CVS. The woman behind the counter got to know me by now and I loved making her laugh out loud every night. This night, I told her I would give her $100 – or any other store employee if they could tell me the MEANING of what "CVS" actually stands for. No one in the whole freakin place knew what it meant. ROBIN DOES! How fucking random is that!! Robin KNEW!! It means "chorionic villi sampling" omfg. It's a test that is done that is done to check for birth defects. WOT???? Robin works in a woman's help center. LMFAO!!!!!! So, if you want to fuck with CVS employees, go and ask them what CVS stands for. 

 

 One advantage of me arriving so tired, is I went to bed at midnight and got up at TEN AM. I had time audition a new Dot Bot. Alison came to my hotel and massaged me by the pool side. On her massage table, out in the sun. It was lovely. I hired her, she is amazing. You will see her online very soon. She just massaged Jason Mraz for us yesterday. 

I did manage to get to the beach during daylight hours (beach was ten minute drive from hotel). I jogged along the beach and watched the sun set. It was breath taking. Made me want to move there, but then again, those bars, those freaky locals and that time warp effect woke me right up. If I ever go there again, I will surely stay RIGHT on the beach, which costs twice as much but the hell, you only live once. If you're gonna do it, do it right. 

 

 

 ZAPPAWEEN has an annual costume contest and ^ John dressed as Vito Paulekas (freak?) posing here with Robin in front of the State Theater. 

   
 I just dressed as Mary, the crew slut (or did I?) I love my Jetson Boots.   Robin and I lovin' life. 

 

 Jerry Outlaw's girlfriend, Deborah,  did 

a great job dressing up as Amy Winehouse

 

 

Zappa fan Dave Black  dressed "Potato headed Bobby" , posed with his cutie pie girl friend and Robin. 

 

 

Ike was the star of the show for sure. Everyone was scared he wouldn't show or whatever, like with the Zappanale (he missed the plane) but he was there, in full force and nailed it. He is a jolly soul. Smart as whip too, don't let that goofy grin fool ya. 

 "Not by the hairs of my chinny-chin-chin"

 Dan Campbell , violinist, fiddler and guitarist, was one of my favorite

parts of the show. At one point he was fiddling so fast, I swear I saw 

smoke. I couldn't help but imagining him wanking; thinking how good he

must be at it. I asked him after and he assured me he is a pro. 


 

 The Bassist looks like an older version of one of my ex-boyfriends, also 

a bassist. He was on fire. Seriously. 

 

 

 

Jerry O. and Shane Blank bending those strings ^

 

 A view from side stage ^

Byron Hogan, Cello player and Pat Buffo ^ (even though Pat is sporting

pig tails and a dress, he is so lumber-jack manly, he can pull it off and 

still make the ladies, including me, swoon. 

 
   Shane Blank , guitar prodigy, age 14, jammed with Bogus Pomp and jaws hit the floor. 

 

 

Mr. Zappaween himself, Jerry Outlaw, founder of Bogus Pomp. When I got into the gig, Jerry was on stage, changing guitar strings on his guitar. The audience was just chilling to the house music (led zeppelin, janis joplin and many other classics) while Jerry was sweating his balls off to get done in time. You can tell he has his plate full but works all year long to pull off Zappaween. To say the band was TIGHT would be a severe understatement. In fact, between Bogus Pomp and Project Object, ZPZ hasn't a snow ball's chance in hell at recreating Frank Zappa's music the way it is supposed to be played, like these two bands; with passion. REAL passion. Not just "I need to do this to pay my bills cause my own band doesn't cut the mustard" – passion. 

 

Dressed as the "Spider of Destiny" (google it) won the contest and won the guitar. 

 

Billy the Mountain came in second place I think… I found it strange they

didn't invite the costumed freaks on stage for voting. They were just called

to the front row; which was lame as no one but the band could see and judge

them. 

 
   This Tomb Raider babe had the men in a "petulant frenzy"

 

 Guest vocalist, Pat Buffo ^ impressed me greatly. His rendition of 50/50 and Zombie Wolf gave me goose bumps. The mother fucker can SING. He has his own band called Rebel Pride . 

 

Acting out "Dirty Love" (the way your mama makes that nasty poodle chew) -see the white poodle near my rump?

 

 

Ok, during the show, I received an email on my crackberry from Jerry Ford one of Jimmy (rip) Carl Black's best friends. The email came around 11pm and it said that Jimmy Carl Black had just passed away in his sleep. My reaction was LOUD, shocking and undeniable. In other words, I couldn't have hidden this emotion. Robin and John simotaneously went "WHAT? What's going on!??" The music was so loud, I couldn't hear them nor then me, so I just passed my crackberry to them to read. We all flipped out with watery eyes. What a downer. We were in between heaven (amazing Zappa tribute band) and hell (hearing of Jimmy, original Mother of Invention) passing. 

Matt Koegler , fellow Zappa freak suggested keeping that news to myself, as not to bring everyone down, but I just had to tell Ike. I mean, wouldn't all the Zappa fans want to know as soon as possible so we could all send him loving thoughts? I waited until Ike had a break and went back stage and brought him out side to tell him and show him the email. The above picture was taken a few minutes after, when Robin came outside to help console him. Perhaps the tears in my eyes prevented me from focusing my camera properly or perhaps my camera has just gone to shit. Not sure. 


 
   Holy FUCK! Some people have a lot of free time. Looks amazing doesn't it???

 So Ike decided he would announce Jimmy's passing when he got back on stage. He went on stage, whispered it into Jerry's ear and then Jerry broke the bad news. But instead of bringing everyone down, Jerry said it in such a way and dedicated the rest of the show to Jimmy, that everyone celebrated his life, rather than being bummed out about death. At least Jimmy wasn't suffering from the torture of the cancer any longer. RIP Jimmy, my friend. At least no one can sue him any more for playing Frank Zappa's music. Pffft!

 

Can you BELIEVE how amazing these pumpkins are? The carving must have taken HOURS. There were two of them at the show and they looked even better when the lights were out. They glowed. They seemed surreal. 


 

I am dam proud of that picture. Great colors, mood, yes!

The two love birds were alone on stage after the show, showing love and I just asked them to pose. So sweet. Poor Jerry must need a whole year to recover from all the stress and energy it takes to put on Zappaween. I think some of his friends should help out a bit more, like with the web site, and lugging the equipment in and out as I saw him doing most of the work, but maybe he likes it that way. 

 

 Although the actual Zappaween/Bogus Pomp SHOW was fun, I have to admit I prefer Zappanale. There are 4 days of Zappa-packed fun, with Zappa fans from all over the world (total sausage fest) and the scenery is gorgeous too. Zappaween is three hours of fun. No comparison. Fourteen years of Zappaween and still no place to hang out before the show? wtf? You know I love comparisons. So lets just say, you have two amazing lovers. Both well equipped. Both can make you cum. But one fucks you for four days, a four day fuck fest, you know the kind, were you stink of sex for days in a row. The other, comes in, makes you cum really fast and leaves. Zappaween is the quickie; Zappanale will make you sore for a few days. Both are fun. It's a matter of taste and time I guess. 

Ike and John after the show. The mood was somber again after the smoke cleared and Jimmy's name came up again. There was mad love for Jimmy at the show that night. He will never be forgotten. Such a talented sweet heart. Missed by many many fans, friends and loved ones. 

 

Comment from Robin:

 

Dec 6, 2008 9:55 PM
great florida/zappaween blog…will add a story or two soon…like how i had NO VOICE…and that DINER we went to at 3am…what a trip that was!! omg…our dr. dot massages at the pubic hair motel…with the highest *mildew* rating!!LOL! although blurry, i like the shot of ike and me sitting outside after learning that JCB had died 🙁 your previous poster is right, for such heavy news it was great to be with you and john and ike and all the fans…RIP jimmy…RIP frank… peace and music…robin

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ask Dr Dot DRAFT




 

 

 

 

Q.

 

Thelady I am seeing has had 3 kids already (she is a cougar, I am only22). She is extremely uninhibited in bed and that is why I keep goingback to her for such nasty, dirty sex. I do not mind that she isolder or has kids but I am either too small for her pussy or herpussy is too big for me. There is not enough friction. I read ladiescan have such operations to make their twats tighter but she is farfrom wealthy. How can I put a dent in this situation? I feel like Iam fucking a can of paint most of the time but she is so fuckingsexy, I adore her.

 

MightyMouse

 

 

A.

 

Avoidmentioning the vaginal rejuvenation operations as that would probablyget you cut off from the exciting trim. Have her lie on her stomach,enter her pussy as deep as you can get in there, then ask her tosqueeze her legs tightly together, then you put your legs on theoutside. Tell her to maintain that grip, don't slip out and sheshould feel like a virgin again (this works with her on her backtoo). Another variation you can try is to have her put a couplefingers in her cunt (nails must be cut) while you fuck her. Donecorrectly, this feels amazing for both partners as her fingers canrest on her clit while the fit for you feels much tighter. Wherethere's a will, there's a way.

 

Q.

Ihave been dating my girlfriend for almost a year now, and we havebeen having serious relationship issues because every time we havesex, she gets a yeast infection. Its to the point where she resentsme so much for it, that we constantly fight, argue, and refrain fromsex all together. She claims its my fault and I keep giving it toher, but I don't feel any symptoms and she is the only girl I havehad this problem with. I work part time and I don't have medicalinsurance so I haven't had the chance to see a doctor either. Ireally love her, and I don't want to do anything stupid like cheat onher, but more importantly I don't want to lose her over this. Whatcan I do?

 

TorturedTimmy

 

 

A.

Thishappens A LOT. Tell her to make sure she cuts back on eating sugar,carbs and avoid using any soaps on her snatch. Get some yeastinfection cream, like Yeast Guard or something similar. Try and giveit a rest for a few days to work it's magic (if you simply have tofuck, use the creme as lubrication). She also needs to wear cottonpanties (no thongs) to bed so her crotch can breath. You can both eatacidophilus tablets and lots of natural yogurt to keep your bodiesbacteria in check. Try using a condom next time, perhaps that willhelp. Tell her MANY women get itchy/irritated pussies after sex; itis not your fault.

 

Q.

 

Iam 22 years old girl and had my first relationship with a guy whotook my virginity and after few months he dumped me. I decided haveanother affair with a guy who made me pregnant. I am not in a goodrelationship and I wish to go back to my first boyfriend who too mycherry and ran. I try to find his whereabouts but only found thathe's in jail and was sentenced for 15 years. I love him very much andI wish to have him back whenever he comes out of jail; am i right togo back to him? I miss him so badly and I have a 4 years old daughterI don't know if he will accept me. Help me.

 

DitzyDonna

 

 

A.

 

Youmay THINK you "love him" but loving someone who doesn'twant you is retarded. People tend to romanticize about their firstever lover. The one who took their virginity sometimes stays in ourhearts and minds but this does not mean they are "the one".In fact it seldom ever works out being theone. He already dumped you once. It's over. It will never work out.Not only does he not want you (you can TELL when a man wants you, hemakes it very clear by calling, texting, emailing, trying to find youlike the sperm tries to find the egg) but he is in JAIL. Do youreally think this is the best father figure for your daughter? Youneed to get busy as it sounds like you have way too much free time.Would you want your daughter to spend her time chasing a criminal whodoesn't even want her? I doubt it. Set a good example for your kid byworking hard and only loving men who love you (and I don't just meansex you, I mean LOVE you). You are wasting your time even thinkingabout this idiot. Get busy, move on and the right man will comealong. Men usually don't mind when a woman has a child already,especially a cute little daughter. It shows them you are capable ofpushing out a healthy kid and either gives them hope they will getone out of you too or if they don't want any of their own, they willenjoy the fact you have one and won't be bothering them for a child.

 

 

 

Q.

 

Mylover and I have great sex but whenever he is about to ejaculate hewithdraws and beats off over my tits, face or ass. He very rarelycums inside me. I have never climaxed with him because he alwayswithdraws and spews over me. I am then left feeling frustrated. Ihave been with him for almost a year but don’t know how to talk tohim about this. He watches a lot of porn and I think that becausemost of the porn he watches this is what the guys do, he thinks thatis the norm.

 

FrustratedFridah

 

A.

 

Menshoot their spunk over a woman for numerous reasons (1) In theirsubconscious they may think the girl won't get pregnant if they pullout (2) It's fun to watch themselves mark their territory (3) Theyare curious as to how exactly big that batch is.

 

Heshould be grateful he has such a good sport as a partner as somegirls would get offended when a man sprays his baby gravy all overthem. I am guessing he never asks about you having an orgasm and ifnot, you should learn to speak your mind. The fact that he is doingsomething that annoys you is partly your fault because how the fuckis he supposed to know it bothers you if you don't speak up? I assumehe isn't a mind reader.

 

Justcome right out and say, "Darling, would you stay with a girl whocan't make you cum?” Then he will probably give you a dirty lookand answer, "fuck no! why?" then you say, "well, Iknow it's my fault for not saying anything, but I never, ever cumwith you, in fact I would prefer you cum IN me sometimes, not just onme, so lets try something different please". If you don't whipup the courage to say something, then you deserve to just be hisloving cum rag. 

 

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Q.

I met recently met ayoung, sexy attractive bloke (I think he is about 24) and we havekissed a few times already. The other night I cracked a joke aboutwanking and he said “I have never wanked”. I thought he wastaking the piss but he was serious and said he would never touchhimself. I kept at it, saying things like “oh come ON, everyonedoes it” and he stood by his statement. Could this be true? Arethere men out there who just don't?

 

Skeptic Silke

 

 

A.

Unless a mans hands areboth broken, he will be using them to snap his carrot. This guy iseither embarrassed to admit it or just flat out lying and either oneshould be a huge turn off (it would be for me). In my opinion,everyone (especially men) masturbate. Keeps the pipes clean. There isno point in prying with this one; he will just keep denying it and ifthere is a SLIGHT chancethat he really has never beat off, I say make a run for it while youstill can as there is something fishy going on. Maybe he has no penisor was brought up by overly religious parents; but my guess is he isa fucking lair and if you stick with him you can expect hefty heaploads of bullshit to follow.

 

 

Q.

 

Dot,I guess u are 1 person that I know that can put things intoperspective. I'm trying to for the life of me figure out why thishappened. I'll give u the short version. I met a woman online, wetalked for about a month, saw each other. 1st night together, shegets me drunk, I pass out, wake up to find her riding me w/oprotection. Took my virginity & like a fool, I fell in love withher. After that 1st night, sex was consensual. Things ended when shewanted to patch things up with her abusive ex. Devastated, notsleeping, & drinking, I got mad one day because her ex waspublicly bashing her, while she still had feelings for him. Inconfronting him, in not thinking, I accidentally told him that her &I slept together. All hell broke loose afterwards. My apology wasaccepted, but she didn't want 2 hear from me after that. They managed2 get back together. However, she's bragging 2 people how she took myvirginity & thinks that it's funny. Understandably, I don't drinkanymore. I have suspicion that I was a rebound.

 

Insanely-PISSED-OFFPaul

 

 

 

A.

WellI am sorry to hear that your first time, which is supposed to bepleasant, memorable and special, was robbed from you. I would NOTrepeat that story to any females you meet, as it will give themleverage and perhaps they will use it against you. Just chalk it upto a learning experience that excess alcohol rarely leads to goodthings. She seems to like abuse and it perhaps she deserves it.Forget her and when she comes crawling back to you, which she will,you can tell her "no thanks, I have learned my lesson and by theway, you were crap in bed" and this will help you get yourdignity back in check and even have a laugh. Chin up, it wasn'treally your fault, blame it on the booze.

 

Q.

Mybest friend has a fabulous apartment off of the Kudamm but since shemet this man, she sleeps at his place 99.9% of the time. I needadvice on how to save her. She wants to be there every night for himas she says “if I sleep there every night, he can't cheat on me”.She is Latino and has a feisty temperament so I do not want to gether angry at me but I love her and do not want to see her hurt again(she had a painful divorced). I warned her that she is very clingy.She is 40 and is acting desperate to close the deal, if you know whatI mean. Please help me help her.

 

GuardianAngela

 

 

A.

Justlike you can not save a drug addict; they must really want the help otherwise it goes in one ear and out the other. You won't be able tohelp her unless she asksfor it. You can tell her though, that just because she abandon's herlovely flat to secure her man in his flat, does not mean hecan't/won't cheat. In fact, her being up his ass every single nightmay bore him to the point where he has to fuck around just to keephis sanity and Berlin isthe land of opportunity; you can shag in the Tiergarten for lunch ifyou want or even nosh in an elevator at work; dirty deeds aren't justfor nighttime. Hopefully she is a sexy as she is naive as it seemsthat is her only hope to keep his attention at this point.

 

 

Q.

Guessingit would be selfish to end a relationship just because my boyfriendsimply cannot make me cum (?) I have been seeing this Turkish guy (heis 22 and I am 28) and we have a lot of fun together, although thelanguage barrier is tough (his German is worse than mine!). He isbeautiful and passionate; our kisses are like fire. BUT I try my bestto explain to him how to make me cum and it's useless. Oral: nothappening; him on top; not happening; him on the bottom: he wigglesaround too much and is too thin; it seems his is old fashioned anddoesn't realize how important it is for the girl to climax. It's justextremely frustrating! Makes me want to call my ex just to get myrocks off. Words of wisdom please..

 

HorneyHanni

 

A.

Yourcheck list didn't include fingers or toys but it sounds like he isn'tbothered anyways. Use a translator (either a person or online) andtell him it is very important to you and if you don't climax with himyou will have to (1) do it in front of him so he can see thefireworks he is missing (2) agree to an open relationship so youdon't explode (3) will have to leave him. I sincerely doubt there isa man on earth that would stay with a woman who could not/would notmake him cum one way or another (unless he was impotent or paralyzedfrom the waist down). Brings to mind a Frank Zappa tune called'DynamoHum'.. “Igot a spot that gets me hot; and you ain't been to it” 

 

 

 

 

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Q.

 

   I was with my wife for nearly 20 years before she passed away. A while has passed and now I got this new girlfriend. She is great and all and does stuff for me more so then what my wife would do in the bedroom. However my wife and I had a great sexual relationship. She would do all the stuff I asked but only as special occasions not like this new girlfriend who will do them on command. My wife came all the time from the sex we had. She was even a squirter. She would always orgasm from clitoral stimulation, vaginal sex and sometimes from anal sex as well in any position.

  

   My new girlfriend  (11 years younger) don't do that and I'm beginning to feel inadequate. I'm an average size guy and was able to satisfy my wife all the time but, with this girl, the only way she gets stimulation is if I hold her legs together in missionary or doggy. Oh and also if I pound the hell out of her.  I can see she's liking it but she never seems to orgasm from it. I've given her plenty clitoral orgasms with my fingers. She enjoys when I use my mouth but my tongue can't create the same pressure which my fingers can that she enjoys so much. She's different from my wife in that after she has an orgasm her clit gets extremely ticklish instead of sensitive. Which sort of kills the mood somewhat by her laughing but I'm sort of use to it now. Also its frustrating when you go from a women that is getting pleasure from your penis in every position to a woman who if she does not have her legs together she just says its ok. And for me seeing and hearing her enjoy the sex is what turns me on and makes me orgasm. I get off on hearing her enjoying herself as well and if she ain't I might orgasm but it's not as fulfilling for me. Hearing her say it was "ok" is real buzz kill. She did mention to me that she doesn't seem to get any feeling down there and its not me. She's had a guy larger than me and it felt the same way. So I'm wondering will kegels get her to feel me better. She has had a child and never heard of kegels when I mentioned them to her. I feel her ok, only when I do put her legs together, it intensifies the sensation to make me orgasm more quickly creating a feeling of her being more tighter. Even though I orgasm more quickly from her legs being together I have done it when I really had no orgasm left but just kept going strong for a while hoping she would orgasm but to no avail.

 

   This girl is addicted to me because she said she's never had someone make her feel the way I do. I love the fact that she does all this stuff on command but when you go from having a woman who is all you knew for 20 years who orgasmed in any position to a woman who does not, makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong. And all of the sudden me being average which satisfied my wife perfectly has me wondering if the only way she'll orgasm is with a dude who is really big.

 

   I've read one of your post that suggested the lube on the belly thing with her on top. Out of the question for me. Got a bit of a beer belly. Can't rub her clit in doggy; she's got a bit of a booty on her and if I lean over to reach for it I lose the ability to thrust her well being that I'm not 10".

 

   With all the girls I've been with when I was a teenager up until I met my wife (7 in total), this is the first time I've came across this problem and feel very inadequate about my size. She says I'm fine. But I don't like the feeling of not making her orgasm from intercourse and it's hell going from 20 years of having a woman who I made squirt with my penis inside her to a woman who can barely feel it unless I squeeze her legs together. I know every woman is different but she is unique. First woman to be this uninhibited but also the first to make me feel like I'm not not up to par. Not by her on purpose like to say you are too small or anything, just that I feel like shit when ever I ask her how a certain position that I knew got me and my wife and other girls off and she says it was "ok". I just can't help this feeling of inadequacy.

 

 

Beer Belly Bart

 

 

 

 

 

A.

 

It is impossible for a normal woman to compete with a squirter who comes in every position. That voodoo pussy your wife took with her to the grave is a rare thing. If you keep comparing every woman to her, you will remain frustrated. I still think you should lay on your back, on the floor (naturally on a blanket) and let her ride you so she can come like that, belly or not. The belly may even help make her come as her clit rubs against it. Try it, what's the worst that can happen? Most women NEED lit stimulation to come so please do not be surprised that she can't come in the positions you mentioned that avoid clit contact. It's SEX for fuck sake, not boot camp. Every partner is different. This woman is "addicted" to you, loves you and does what you want on command. You're the envy of most men at this point yet you're still whining. Asking her to kegel is like her asking you to take viagra. If she is open minded and has a good sense of humor, buy her the “Kegelmaster” (google it). Either work with what she has or find another partner. Not sure why you are already settling down with another woman when you have only had 7 in bed so far. Perhaps it is time to enjoy playing the field a bit as this one you have now literally doesn't seem to fit.

 

 

 

 

Q.

 

Me and my boyfriend just started going out and we both love to do it doggy style, but whenever we try, he can't enter me almost like he doesn't reach. He's not small he's an average size like 6 inches but I have a crazy hourglass figure aka a big butt lol. Is this the reason and how can we do it in this position?

 

Berth Butt

 

 

A.

You are telling me your Ass is literally too big to mount, which I find very difficult to visualize (although I'm sitting here trying). How about you sit him on a stool and squat on him instead? That way you will get all of his whopping "6 inches". If you really insist on Doggy Style, try it standing up (put on foot on a step). Where there's a will; there's a way.

 

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Q.

 

So,I've been told that I give pretty good blow jobs. But, the only thingthat I am not sure of is how to finish. After he cums and I swallow,what do I do? I just was wondering what was customary to doafterwards after his erection is going away. Thanks a bunch,

NaughtyNadia 

 

 

A.

Afterdowning a half pint of his Throat Yogurt, he probably doesn't carewhatyou do. He is surely still in heaven at that point. Maybe get a glassof water to wash it down while he comes back down to earth or justlie next to him, give him space and relax. Let him entertain you,don't worry about "doing" anything.

 

 

 

Q.

My ex is a bar tender;super hot babe but sadly, her being repeatedly unfaithful lead to ourbreak up. We dated for 5 months and she claims we were “notexclusive” and therefore she wasn't “cheating”. I was pussywhipped; best ride I've ever had and now I find myself gravitatingback to her like a moth to flame because I am starving for her cuntagain but she's dating my ex best friend now too. Part of me wantsrevenge. Take her back or run the other way?

 

Muffin Man

 

A.

Bartendersget their legs over more than any rock star so what did you expect?If you want your mates sloppy seconds, go for it. Make sure you wrapit up tightly though.

 

 

 

 

 

Q.

I am seeing this girl who has the most amazing tits I have ever seen. They are huge and perky. They turn me on so much and we have sex a lot due to the low cut shirts she wears. She has even joked that if I want I can just date her boos. No surprise I would love to tit fuck her but not sure if she would want/like it. How do I pitch this to her?

Titty Timmy

 

A.

Once in bed, never ask a woman "can I do this" except for when it comes toanal sex, then you really need to ask as it is painful as fuck andnot for everyone. Asking permission shows you're a wimp, a pussy,insure and unworthy of a tit fuck.  Simply sit on the edge ofthe bed, throw a pillow down by your feet and ask her to kneel on herknees. Get some lubrication gel and lube her cleavage up, make itfun, squeeze her boobs, massage them, oil up your cock, lean forwardand guide her hands so that her tits surround your cock then squeezeher breasts tightly around your dick. She will get the idea andhopefully enjoy it. Help her out by thrusting up and down- it is notas easy as it looks in "films" but it can not be missed,one must try it at least once, at least for your wank bank. 

 

 

 

 

Q.

 

Having an orgasm throughintercourse just isn't happening for me. I tried the “cheese graterposition” you have spoke about a few times (girl on top, guyholding girls ankles, sliding her back and forth). No go. I findmyself masturbating before my boyfriend comes over just to take myedge off as I know he can't get me there. Oral has worked a few timesbut he moans that his neck, jaw and face hurts for days after so thatsort of takes all the fun out of it, innit? Am I destined to just bea wanker?

 

Famished Fanny

 

A.

Try preparing your pussybefore he comes over, without actually climaxing. Watch a “video”for a bit, perhaps pet her a few times, make sure you are a tadhungry (eating before sex makes climaxing more difficult). When hearrives, have him lick you a little bit so he doesn't whine aboutbeing over worked. Then stuff a pillow vertically under your ass soyou're twat is raised up, then have him mount you and go to town.Make sure he grinds into you and your clit and of course thinkingvery naughty thoughts should push you over the edge to get thatprimal scream you're seeking. If that doesn't work, he may have touse his hands OR watch you get yourself off. What's the rush? Youwill get there, just enjoy the journey along the way.

 

 

Q.

For the past three monthsI have been seeing a Turkish guy. Not one that was raised in Berlin,one that came to Berlin to study. His visa is over soon and he willhave to go back to Turkey UNLESS I marry him. Things seem rushed,although I am head over heels for him. Either he is the worlds bestactor or he is equally in love with me. He says it all the time andit feels like our love is real. It seems just too good to be true. Iknow people are blinded by love sometimes, this is why I am writingto you; to find out your opinion. How long should a couple know eachother before they marry? Is love at first sight really possible or ishe after a German passport? I would love to marry him but only if itis true love.

Lost in Love-Lana

 

A.

Immigration does tend to fuck with people's love lives sometimes. The pressure for people from different countries is enormous. Couples who would normally be okwith just dating each other tend to make haste decisions out of fearof losing their loved one. One way to find out his true intentions isto suggest you moving to Turkey to be with him. If he REALLY loves you for you, it shouldn't matter where you live. Tell him you canvisit him all the time  until you both certain you want to marry. If he hates that idea, it could be he is just as in love with Berlin ashe is with your snatch. You could be cheeky and tell him you will marry him if he passes a lie detector test; see what his reaction tothat is. Marriage after 3 months of dating is insane but if you are really crazy about theguy, get him to sign a prenup (if you have valuable assets), marryhim and see how it goes. You can always divorce him if things go wrong. Nothing is forever except the Earth and Sky. You could get run over by a tram and die tomorrow; take a chance on love; you only live once.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Q.

 

I got myself into a predicament and I need advice. I am a touring artist and whilst in Spain I met a stunning 29 year old Lady (I am 38). We communicated for a few months online/phone and decided to take the next step by having her move in with me here in Berlin. I have a spacious one bed room flat with a work room where I do my art. Since she doesn't know anyone or speak German, all of her focus is on me. The first 4 months everything was amazing. She spoiled me with her cooking, hour long blow jobs and keeping the flat tidy. Working is difficult as she “pops in” every hour to talk to me while I am busy which makes me lose concentration but that is the least of the problems. She is overly jealous and flips out more frequently as time goes on. In fact, she has hit me three times. One time it was a violent slap but this past time she went off on me; punching, scratching and pushing while screaming “I hate you!!”. Next day she acted as if nothing had happened, as it was just a drunken stupor. Apart from the violent mood swings and jealousy, she is perfect for me. I am an attractive man and women are very flirty around me, which makes her wig out. Is there a sane way to tame this Goddess? 

 

Punching Bag Paul

 

A.

 

It never ceases to amaze me what Men will endure for great head. No one deserves to be hit. This can only get worse, not better. No matter HOW physically attractive she is, her true colors are shining through and they are ugly. Please try to imagine staying with her and having children with her. She will probably end up beating them as well. You work at home and she is up your ass 24/7, a lethal combination but NOTHING merits such behavior. If a man strikes a woman, everyone makes a big deal out of it but somehow when a woman beats up her man, some seem to let it slide but it is NOT ok. The fact that she is unapologetic shows she finds her behavior “normal” which means she may have been brought up in an abusive family. Unless you want copious amounts of drama in your life, I would buy her a one way ticket home and send her fiery ass back to Spain. Adios Bitch. 

 

 

 

Q.

 

Due to a car accident I was in, I developed Sciatica and have been on painkillers for the last year. I am having difficulty getting an erection during sex. I cannot take Viagra because of a heart attack I had. How can I rise to the occasion again Doc?

 

Mr. Softie

 

A.

Pain killers can give you a limp dick. If you quit the pain killers and get a few adjustments from a chiropractor to cure the Sciatica, along with regular massages to keep it at bay, you should be good to go. Pain killers, alcohol, weed etc, do a number on the cock. Wank often: just like any muscle, if you don't "train" your penis on a regular basis, it too will get weak.

 

 

 

Q.

 

I am heartbroken! My life has spiraled into the toilet and the pain is 

unbearable. I am super confused and I don't know where to turn for 

answers. First of all, I am 30 and my wife is 26. We have been married for 4 years now (dated a year before we wed). I met her in my hometown of  NYC, we got married after about a year and moved to Berlin, we then moved to London so that she can pursue a degree in Architecture.

I love her more than anything an she always told me how much she loves  me and is in love with me. Last week however after she returned from a  class trip to Venice she told me that she doesn't love me anymore and that she wants her life back, she says " you're a good man, a very good man and I love you, but I am not in love with you anymore, and I 

can't be with you anymore "I want my life back" she says!

 

I asked her if she had an affair and she swears that there isn't anyone. She said that she feels like her love for me is decreasing. I keep persisting that we see a marriage counselor but she adamantly refuses! She says that it will not help us. I am extremely confused, My wife means everything to me. Please help.

Gutted Gary

 

 

 

 

A.

 

Keep in mind that she was only 21 when you started dating and people change a LOT from year to year.  Sometimes people simply grow out of love with their partner. I am sure she still loves you but all of that moving around has probably stirred up her curiosity and made her yearn for independence. As shallow as it sounds, moving from one country to another with a loved one usually does fuck up the plan a bit. Why? Because people tend to want to explore their new land and that can mean exploring other people as well or just wanting to "start fresh" in a new country. If she is American living in London, the British men could be hitting on her left and right "I love your accent" etc. The temptation can just be too strong for some.    I  know if I lived in the UK I wouldn't get ANY work done as the men are just too charming.  It is best just to let her go and IF she comes back, it will mean it was meant to be  but you can not force her to fall in love with you again. 21 year olds seldom know what they want 'forever" and she seems to have outgrown your relationship. I am sure it hurts like hell but you need to get busy, keep in shape and move on. She may come back someday but she may never return and time should not be wasted. I know many couples who were "madly in love" and then moved to a new country and it fell apart because of the new unchartered territory being just too much to resist. That and the fact she was so young when you started this journey is part of the blame. Do not blame yourself. Try your best to see the positive side to things; you're also a Foreigner in a new land, which works both ways; the Ladies over there may be able to ease the pain.