Dr. Dot Cover Girl for GALORE magazine (May 2006 issue)
…..Ein Fall für die Couch? Zumindest für die Massagebank von Dr. Dot. Wir konnten nicht anders, als ihre Geschichte zur Titelstory dieser Ausgabe zu küren und damit zum ersten Mal eine Person auf dem GALORE-Cover zu haben, die hinter den Kulissen eine außerordentliche Größe ist. Wie kann es sein, dass beinahe die gesamte Welt der Stars – von Mariah Carey über die Rolling Stones bis zum seligen Frank Zappa – auf die Wirkung ihrer Hände schwört? Was hat diese Frau für eine Gabe? Wo liegt ihr außergewöhnliches Talent? Wir haben sie gefragt und jede Wette: Nach der Lektüre haben Sie Lust auf eine Massage.
Ask Dr. Dot
Q.
I never cease to wonder at the constant chorus of females hammering home how important non penetrative clitoral stimulation is with the implication that straight copulation is totally uninteresting. I've even had a girlfriend memorably not bother to hide her own total ennuis when she deigned to consider normal coitus after she'd been serviced. I was grateful that your own contribution to this endless refrain was leavened by a reluctant quote from L'il Kim (If you ain't lickin' it, you ain't stickin' it). Why oh why then do vibrators exist? Where do they fit into the equation and could we not work out how to arrange for men to get their satisfaction at the same time as saving batteries?
A.
Ennius? Coitus? No wonder your girl wants to use a vibrator, she can't fucking understand you. Vibrators make you feel like you replaceable? That's how porn and a pet dog make most women feel now a days (men getting their unconditional love from their four legged friend and their sex from wanking off to porn). As far as I am concerned, dildos and vibrators are made for Lesbians who crave cock but loathe having sex with men and for 'visual pleasure' (she bends over, legs apart naked and inserts vibrator repeatedly while he watches from the side of the bed, slightly drooling, pleasuring himself). Well, that's all I use them for anyways…NOTHING beats the real thing my good man.
Another good use for Vibrators ^
Q.
I am dating a guy since 9 months and I really want out of the relationship. It has always been very stormy, but the sex is always hot. I want to leave him because he drinks and is unstable but every time I talk about wanting a change, he threatens to kill himself. How will I ever get out of this mess? I have the feeling he would really do it!!
In a rut with a nut
A.
Reminds me of a book I read called "If you can't live without me, why aren't you dead yet?".
You should write aletter to him telling him it would be worse for him if you stayed out of fear and sympathy than to end your love affair. Tell him you will be there for him as a friend, but you must move on as you have lost interest in being his lover. Make a couple copies of this letter and give one to his Mom, Dad or best friend, so he gets support and the others know what's going on. If he is too weak to handle that, it's not your fault or problem, sadly life is really survival of the fittest and you can't save everyone (that's my job) heh heh.
Q.
I'd like to know what constitutes big. My cock is 6 inches long when it's hard and pretty thick, no girl has complained, but I want your opinion please. Thick Nick
A. I am pretty sure that every man on earth has measured his cock at least once, but I have never gotten a ruler out to find out exactly how big a guys schlong is. Some may argue with my opinion, but if it reaches the navel button when it's hard, that's big enough, anything longer and it will be poking our delicate belongings. If you can't touch your index finger to your thumb when you have them around your cock, that my friend, is called paradise. That nasty rumor that size doesn't matter was made up by a man with a tiny cock. Size does matter, but what you lack in size you can make up for with your tongue and fingers. I wish I had enough free time to measure my body parts.
< Measure your Cock the correct way
Mr. Paul Weller…….
I finally had the pleasure of not only seeing Paul Weller live in Concert, but getting to massage him as well. I have heard about Paul for years, most of the British bands I have massaged all rant and rave about the man, especially Oasis. They must be his biggest fans. When I massaged Oasis, they played the Stones, Beatles, but most of the time, they had Paul Weller on. Noel told me all about him, as I had never heard of him before. I have heard of his former band, The Jam, but have to admit that I don't have any of their records.
Some call him the MODFATHER of Rock and Roll, as in, his music is very MOD. The band he is touring with presently are incredible. When I first walked backstage, the bass player, Damon Minchella yelled "I met you backstage at Live 8!!". He was playing bass for the Who and I was massaging those guys that day.. Then the Drummer, Steve White said the same thing. He is the brother of Alan White, the former drummer of Oasis. You see, the Rock and Roll world is very small, so don't piss anyone off, especially me heh heh.
I was in the production office, waiting to see who would want a massage first and I noticed that every one kept coming in and ironing their clothes. The whole band was busy getting their kit ready for the show. Paul came in and said hello. He said he wanted a back rub, so instead of getting on my massage table, he just sat his gorgeous self down and I started his rub down right there. He is in no way snobby or arrogant, he is really down to earth and cool. He was a bit sun burned as they just got back from Spain. I asked him casually what he thought about Frank Zappa. He said "I have no opinion about him at all, I have maybe heard one track of his my whole life, you see, they never played him on the radio in the UK, so I have nothing to say about him". I think that is the first guitarist I have ever met who hadn't anything to say about Frank. Like Frank or not, everyone usually at least knows his stuff and has respect or at least an opinion about him. I was on a mission from that point on.
He over payed me and was very grateful for my massage. Then he got out a piece of paper and wrote the set list for the evening. I have never seen an artist write their own set list (some type it out) . His tour manager, Ken, who has been with him for years and years told me he does it every night and the set list is different every night, depending on his mood. Ken made me a copy of the set list:
Yes, those are the treasures that I love! ^
After a few songs, my friend Martina came to the show and I got her backstage. We went to the front row and watched in awe.
< Paul in concert
Most of the audience here in Berlin were Brits that live and work here (some Irish as well) . The place was heaving and in heaven. Paul was in a great mood and on the ball. He gave it his ALL!!!! I knew then what Noel was on about, how great he plays and his voice, oh God , how SEXY!!! It's a tad like Joe Cocker and Rod Stewart, but unique. An English bar tender I know here in Berlin was standing next to me, he pointed at Paul and said "He is the sexiest man on Earth!". I know DAM WELL the bar tender is married and far from gay, but Paul has this aura, like Bowie, that draws even hetro men in. His music and voice are THAT good. At one point his leather guitar strap broke, but he just carried on and held on and played the best he could until his guitar tech came on stage to sort it out. It seemed to me that the whole band never stopped smiling once. The guitarist, Steve Cradock, who also plays in the band called Ocean Colour Scene has every good reason to smile. His guitar solos were so sharp and tight, he sometimes stole the show. Don't even get me started about the bass player. Paul obviously knew what he was doing choosing that band to tour with. The bassist & drummer are in a band called The Players Lounge as well.
Paul and I (he is mad cool!) ……. Giving him some deep tissue elbow action ^
Steve White (drums) getting his hands done… ….just like his brother did years ago when he was with Oasis ^
Note: in that pic of Oasis, I have Alan Whites hand in mine, massaging it, that chick in the red dress is a belly dancer, she was dancing for the opening act. Noel said "Dot, there's some old Slapper out in the hall, she speaks German, I can't bloody understand a fooking word she's on about, can you translate?". She asked if she could pose with the band. They said ok, but when she sat down next to Alan, her sequins pulled a few threads from Alan's sweater, he was not amused and that is why the chick has such an apologetic look on her mug. If you look closely, you can see the magazine cover that I had the band sign, which is now proudly displayed in my autograph section.
Steve the guitarist getting a rub down after the show ^
< Martina was lovin' life
Ok, after the show, Martina drove me home to drop off my massage table and to change. I grabbed a copy of Frank Zappa's cd 'Joe's Garage' which is a good starter kit for someone who doesn't know Zappa. I also grabbed a copy of my Bitchfest cd heh heh.
We arrived at the bar they were at and Steve, the drummer was talking to fans, I slipped a current copy of VIZ in his hand and his face lit up. He stopped talking to the fans and started going through the issue. Paul greeted Martina and I with a peck on the cheek and asked us what we wanted to drink. I was really tired and said "a Martina, no ice, no salt". Paul and Martina both said "WHAT?" and laughed at me. I was like OH!! Dam!! I mean a "Margareta, no ice, no salt" what the FUCK?! Martina on the brain!! Paul was so sweet, getting everyone drinks and even bringing them to his guests, like a good host does! I slipped the Zappa cd in his hand and said, I hope on tour you find a chance to give Frank a listen. He was really please. He assured me he would. The drummer and bass player are madly into Zappa, but Steve the guitarist and Paul both needed the started kit. After a couple drinks, I got the balls to give Paul my Bitchfest cd. I told him it's no big woop, just my cover band and to please listen to it when he was alone. He said "NO WAY! I will play it for the whole band and crew, really loudly"! ha ha.
I asked Paul if he checks his myspace.com page. He said "WOT? Never heard of it". He said he doesn't spend time online. I told him myspace may seem like a silly concept, but if the radio doesn't play his music, how are young people supposed to know about it? Myspace is the perfect way to get your music out there for all walks of life to enjoy (or loathe). He agreed in the end, but still, he does NOT have anything to do with his myspace profile. Some artists on there are really on there, but Paul is not one of them.
Steve the guitarist ( I have to keep saying that cause the drummer's name is Steve too). Steve got a foot rub in the bar and then decided it was my turn. I tell ya, guitarist of any kind always give great foot rubs, don't let them tell you otherwise
< My favorite thing on EARTH! FOOT RUBS!
You see, I let Steve off easy with the price of his massage, so I guess he felt obligated to rub my feet YAY! 🙂
< Last but not least, Damon.
What a cool Mo Fo he is!! He LOVES to talk about music, so we just went on and on… Try to catch these guys live in concert if you can, you won't be disappointed.
Pictures and assorted things that make you go hmmmmmmmmmmmmm
^My very good friend Andrea’ showing some love… ^Martina and I found the ONLY ‘Hetro’ waiter in Berlin.
Now, for some nonsense:
My friends on myspace love to use photoshop ^
Dr. Dot wieder in Berlin (no shit sherlock)
| Dr. Dot wieder in Berlin…lese mal durch alter |
| Berliner Zeitung Freitag, 21. April 2006——————————————————————————– HIER drucken um die artikle online zusehen Dr. Dot macht in Familie
|
Dropkick Murphys Dropkicked Berlin in the balls
Last night I finally got my hands on the Dropkick Murphys. I showed up at the venue around 5pm and it was nice and sunny out, everyone was in the backstage parking lot chatting away….Once I sat my massage table down and started talking, some of the guys were like “where the hell are you from?”. If you didn’t catch it, I am in Berlin, Germany until the end of May (I have a flat here as well as NYC). ANYHOO, there were 3 bands playing, first band to go on was Far From Finished (from Boston), then Less than Jake (from FLA) and of course, the Dropkick Murphys (from Boston, IRISH and dam well proud of it).
^ You know a band loves you when you get a laminate Set List I “found” in backstage area^
****************************************************************
Anna, a girlfriend of mine works backstage at this venue, told me early on in the day that she put my daughter, Jasmine on the guest list plus two. Thanks again Anna 🙂
Anna and I ^
In the dressing room next to my massage room were a band from Boston called Far From Finished. One of them asked me if I was the real Dr. Dot or just a German version. lol. They were in the same issue of Fat City magazine that I was on the cover of, so they have heard about me before and knew they were in for a beating. heh heh. First on the slab was Chris, the guitarist of Less Than Jake. I massaged those guys a few years back on the Warped tour, but forgot their names (I never forget a face, but you basically have to have your name tatto0ed onto your fucking forehead if you want me to remember it as my mind just deletes names within 20 minutes of hearing them..wtf!) Anyhow, I asked Chris where they got the name Less Than Jake from. He said their drummer’s old Bulldog was named Jake and when they practiced at his house, the dog would sometimes whine and moan because he didn’t like the music, so his parents would tell him that practice would have to stop because it was upsetting their precious Jake. SOOOO, they figured it out that they were worth LESS THAN JAKE.. ROTFLMFA!! Now that is unique. Chris was so impressed with my massage, he went around to all the musicians ranting and raving about my Vulcan death grip massage and I didn’t even have to ask anyone if they wanted a rub down for the rest of the day/night, he was a walking ad for me, thanks Chris! (Chris came back for seconds after their gig and we traded. I massaged him and since he is also a Chiropractor, he gave me an adjustment). His autograph is very flattering:
< I always write who it is and what band the person is in on the autograph so I don’t forget (sometimes you can’t read their shit and years later you’re like WHO THE FUCK WROTE THIS?
Mark, the guitarist of the Dropkick Murphys got a wicked long massage (it was his FIRST EVER MASSAGE) and I noticed the Stones tattoo on his right arm, and he told me he was a MASSIVE Stones fan. Normally I clam up during a massage, hold my tongue you know? But when the client wants to chat, we chat. I guess since they have been on the road in East Block Countries lately, they were happy to meet someone who spoke fluent English.. Mark and I talked up a storm about the Stones, after all, I used to be a HUGE Stones fan (I still love them, but not nearly as much as Zappa, Beatles, Floyd, Led Zepp, etc..) But I do know my Stones trivia, so when you meet me, bring it on, test me, test me…So Mark is a Stones fanatic and their rhythm guitarist, James is probably the biggest Ramones fan I have ever met. Oh, he didn’t get a massage, says he doesn’t like them, good thing for him, as I doubt I could have behaved, the man is FUCKING GORGEOUS!!! *sigh* . No, seriously, he is sexy and it seems he doesn’t even know it, you know the type. Reminded me of a very young Mick Jagger or Tim Curry, with a touch of Brian Jones thrown in..ok, ok, moving right along..schwing!
Finally I got to massage Ken (there are 7 band members in Dropkick Murphys, hello!). Ken is the ONLY original member. Ken is the bass player and it seemed to me, the big cheese, the big honcho, the fucking BOSS. Normally someone with all that power tends to be a prat, a snotty fuck, but Ken is so cool, you will think I was paid to write all this, but one thing about me you should know, I don’t kiss ass, ever. Ken cracked me up from the first moment I started massaging him. I told him not to talk, just to breath and enjoy the massage. He said “Good luck with the no talking part, I just drank 5 cups of German coffee” lol. German coffee eats right through the fucking cup it’s so strong. So I had the pleasure of a full hour of his undivided attention and funny stories. If you’ve never heard their music, I would describe it as energetic punk with a heavy Irish flare to it, like a whirlwind of aggressive punk rock, but much more complicated.. I know bands hate to be compared, but for your sake, they could be a mix of the Ramones and the Pouges with a touch of Madness..Speaking of the Pogues, I know for a fact that when they toured with them this past Christmas, Shane, the singer of the Pogues was always unfriendly to the Dropkicks because they were American, which I think is fucking ignorant. No one can choose where their mom spits them out her body cavity now can they? Lighten up Shane…and do us all a favor and floss ok?
Outside of the venue, there were massive fights, almost a riot, I guess loads of skin heads showed up or something, not sure why they were fighting but there were LOADS of German police around…it was in the papers the next day and all.. The Dropkick Murphys dropkicked Berlin.. heh heh. I actually watched most of the show, which I hardly ever do anymore.. I have seen well over 3,000 concerts so it takes a lot to get me to watch. The whole venue seemed to know all the words, the place was heaving. Hot, wet and heaving. Hmmm, sounds familiar. I spotted my daughter in the crowd with her two gal pals. She was wearing my old Stones shirt, and I do mean OLD. I got it in 1981 at their Hampton Virgina show…wore it for pajamas for years, now she has ressurrected it and wears it religiously
Jasmine , Lina and Zara in the crowd…^
(note: Jasmine makes her hair red, it’s not naturally like that. It’s a Berliner trend.. dread locks died red. Like Side Show Bob..(?). She is my pride and joy, love her to bits..
Ken was so nice to the girls, he got them passes and loads of t-shirts, cds, Dropkick Murphys hair clips, the works. What a fucking doll he is. One thing I also noticed about the bands, none of them did drugs, drank much or had groupies, they are all work-o-holics and enjoy their private time back stage.
The singer taking a breather ^ Kilted dude from the band (told you I’m bad with names)
Mark and Ken goin’ for it ^ (my camera BITES)
Finally, I get a massage.. Ken giving it his best ^
< Ken with the girls..
Steve, the singer of Far From Finished and I.. he is so sweet, words can’t describe….Oh, it was his first ever massage. I love poppin’ those massage cherries…
Steve with the girls ^
^ Ken, me and SCHWING, um, James..
Ken gave me so many Dropkick Murphys shirts, I won’t have to do laundry for weeks. I will wear them proudly.
Blatant PR for the band ^ 😎
Well, the sun has risen here in Germany, it’s 6am and I need to get my ass in bed..
xo
Ask Dr. Dot (Chunky Spunk strikes again/ She’s so cold)
Q.
My boyfriend's spunk is so chunky, I would have to chew it to get it down, not
only that, it smells like fish. We're talking chunky style clam chowder here
and he expects me to swallow his salty tide. He gets super annoyed if I don't do
this.
Everything else is fine, but I am not down with this, I would need a blender.
Can you come up with a solution to this?
Gagging Gail
A.
Bring a bag of croutons into the bed room and tell him
you need them to go with your clam chowder.Maybe that will bring the point
home.
If not, next time he cums in your mouth, french kiss him right away, slip some
of his stew into his mouth and see how he likes it.If you don't have the balls to do
that, tell him he needs to drink more water and wank more often, that is
what's clogging his pipes. If that doesn't work, tell him you will only blow
him if it doesn't involve taking his stew into your mouth. Smell and taste are
nature's way of telling you this partner is or isn't the right one to breed
with.
Q.
Dear Dr. Dot-
My job takes me on the road sometimes for up to 8 week at a time. My wife and
I are in our mid 40's and our sex life is great when I'm at home but when I'm
away, she becomes all about everything but sex. I don't know how she cannot
feel the need for relief as I do during these long times apart. We have two
young boys (14/16) and she says she's too busy to even think about sex. I
have suggested other ways to spice up these weeks apart but she seems to want
no part of it. I've tried sexy e-mails and several suggestive type phone calls.
I even sent her X-rated pictures of myself but still NO LUCK! She says she
doesn't even think about sex when I'm away. I don't know what to do to get
her motor
running from long distance. She knows I need more sexual attention during
these lengthy road trips but also makes it clear to me she's just not in the
mood when I'm away. This response (or lack of) has become extremely frustrating and
has me resenting her somewhat for her disinterest. Please help! Should we see a
specialist?
A.
No, don't see a specialist, it will put too much pressure on an already tense
situation.
Most wives want less sex then their husbands, I get these emails every day.
All you can do is play upon her romantic side..
Tell her she looks good, you miss her smile, you can't wait to massage her
feet again, give her genuine compliments ('you are so smart and kind, you are
my wonder woman') and this will hopefully get her to want to reward
you with sex (or as women sometimes prefer, 'love making').
Have you never heard the expression "women fuck to cuddle, men cuddle to
fuck"?
Keep that in mind at all times and follow through with your romantic promises,
foot rubs get all women horney! Just don't slack off, do it for at least 20
minutes, in a candle lit room, with a glass of wine at hand, it should work!
By the way, most women don't get turned on by x-rated pic's, it takes more
than a visual to get us going AND you should be happy
that she says she is "not interested in sex at all when you aren't around", it
would be hell if she was gaggin' for it while you were away..the UPS man would be having all
the fun.
Happy Easter
Thanks to my Hedgehog for photo shopping this for me xo
Been REAL busy lately as you can see…..
^ Taken during my GALORE magazine photo shoot with my camera… ^ My inspiration
^ Fet, my pal on myspace.com LOVES to photo shop
Fet strikes again ^