“Charlies good tonight, ain’t he!?”

Sunday night I massaged one of my favorite stars, Mr. Charlie Watts, the drummer of the Rolling Stones. I first massaged him in 1994 and he was my first paying customer, up until that point, I had always massaged in trade for tickets and passes to the shows for me and my friends. Charlie is the one who convinced me to take money for my massages and even hired me to come on the Stones tour to do massages. He is the coolest guy in Rock and Roll. Very understated and under-rated. Just plain fucking cool.


In the elevator up to Charlie’s penthouse, the bell boy asked me who “that Arab” was on my t-shirt. I said “Frank Zappa”. He said, oh, I thought it was Osama Bin Laden. I said, “No, Mr. Zappa is the best guitarist in the world, but is sadly no longer with us. He brought humor into music and he is my favorite”, I continued. Then the bell boy asked me if I was going up to massage Mr. Watts, and I said yes. Then he showed me the passport he had in his hand and asked me “Do you know this lady?”. I read it slowly, Christina Beyonce Knowles. WHAT!!!!!!! I was flippin’ out. Not sure if Christina is her middle name or first- but I was oogling her gorgeous passport picture in awe. I handed him $20 and my business card and said, “be sure she gets my card, please.”

He got off on the floor before me and I went to Charlies room, tapped on the door and heard him on the phone talking, he let me in, hugged me and kept talking. He said “Dot’s here, you remember Dot?” and I just went about my business and took off my shoes to prepare for the massage. He looks at my feet and says into the phone “Yeah, and she’s got a hole in her sock”. I laughed out loud and quickly ripped off my socks to change the subject. DAM! I have a million pairs of gorgeous new white socks, and I just had to shove these ones on that night! Figures.

We got on fine, as if I had seen him last week, when in fact I haven’t seen Charlie for over a year. He was unfortunately ill, but won the battle he had with Cancer. I was very worried and upset when he fell ill, but he kicked ass and is in great spirits and shape, ready to roll!

He had the radio station 90. 7 fm on, a NY jazz station and for two whole hours he told me about each song that was played, even songs that went as far back as 1928. He knows his music! I told him about my new hobby, karaoke, he was laughing and wanted to know what songs I did and if I did any Stones songs. I did my Mick Jagger impersonation for him, dancing like a rooster in heat with my lips out, and sang Brown Sugar (not the whole song silly, just a bit) and he was laughing his head off. I went round the massage table a few times doing the Mick dance.(Hard to pull off a realistic Mick dance with breasts, but I try my best.

The Stones are in NYC now for a week, doing a press conference today at noon and will play 3 songs live for the press and some lucky people from the public. I was invited too, but it’s at NOON, hello! I wouldn’t make it there on time even if a helicopter picked me up. I will see them play on tour anyways, can’t wait! Just can’t get over how cool Charlie is. No assistants dotting over him, no hair dye, no make up, no fuss, he is just REAL.

He does like Zappa too, his favorite album is   “Mothers..Fillmore East June 1971”. Nice call! I handed him an extra cd my pal Chris Opperman gave me. He sent me two of the same one, and I liked it, so I thought Charlie would enjoy something different. It is kind of jazzy and has a Zappa feel to it. I am curious to hear Charlie’s review of it. Charlie has given me a few jazz cd’s in the past, and I have given him a few too, so it’s like a tradition. Anyhow, let’s see what the Stones do to NYC, you will be seeing a lot of them in the press and they will be touring all of the US. YAY! 🙂

And, here is my Ask Dr. Dot column………………..

Dear Dr. Dot,

I’m getting divorced, my soon to be-ex and his teenage girlfriend moved into my apartment complex, so I see them all the time. I’m not sure if I’m ready to date, and would be concerned about getting someone else in my unavoidable drama, what would you suggest?


Dear Nancy,

Once you decide to move on, there is no need to inform your date about your love life history, it would bore him and probably scare him off. Let things unfold naturally, if your ex and new guy meet one day, just casually say, “Oh, that’s my ex, who decided to shit on his own door step” and laugh it off. With a new guy at your side, you should be busy making out, not gossiping about old news. Keep your head up high, don’t bad mouth your ex, in fact, and don’t mention him at all anymore. 

Dr. Dot


Dear Doc Dot,

I was wanting to try experimenting with my wife of 12 years and introduce anal sex. How should I go about doing this or should I even at all? My wife is a real conservative person when it comes to new things in the bedroom. Thanks for your help. 

Alan P.

Dear Alan, 

 I should just change my name to “Dr. Ass” since I get so many Q & A about anal situations. Anyhow, she may wonder, why all of the sudden the ass parade, but ease into it physically, not verbally. The missionary position (woman on the bottom) is the least painful way to try out anal for the first time with a woman. Perhaps after you make her orgasm she would be open to some more fun, as a treat for you. Take care of her first to increase your chances of it running smoothly, and make sure you have tons of lube near by and start with your fingers to loosen up the situation. If she freaks out over your fingers, that is a good sign she isn’t going for the butt hole surfing. If she is fine with the fingers, let her guide you, as not to rush in and cause too much pain all at once. I swear I have answered this question a few times before, what’s up with men and ass? Good luck and remember, take it slow and greasy if she agrees.

Dr. ASS!
PS. “Charlie’s good tonight” is a quote from Mick Jagger from the live album “Get yer Ya-Ya’s out”.. If you haven’t heard this album, you are missing the Stones at their best.