The main difference that see between living back in the US to being in Germany, well, is honesty and porno nails. Of course, there are many many differences, but lets chat about the first one, caller I.D. The many Germans who read my daily diary may not know what that is, as they are just now getting it over there. 99.9% of Americans have caller ID, a system in their phones to show who is calling them, to give them the choice – do they want to chat to this caller or not. In some cases, I say , it is a good thing, but in others, well, I find it a cowardly way to deal with reality. Sure, if you are dating more than one person, caller ID is a must, or if you owe people money, etc. But I find that it makes it easier for people, who may already be superficial, to get yet, more cowardly. Why hide from people? Pick up the phone and be honest, say, “I don’t want to go out”, or “I don’t want to fuck you anymore”, or “I don’t have the money “, or “yes, dear, I am at the bar with the guys, and it is more fun than coming home rite now” . To me, this would improve our living standards, I hate cowards. yes, you could say, that is merely a way of being diplomatic, buy I call it being a FEIGLING, a wimp, pussy, sneak, spineless turd. Guess you could say all this fresh MASS air is clearing my head, or maybe giving me too much tim to think too deeply- but then again,I always think very complex, just never have time to write the shit down- but shouldnt some one adress this caller ID shit? Honesty may hurt, but it saves time. I have to admit, sometimes caller ID has saved my ass- “why should I answer that now, then they will know I am still home and not on my way” I think to myself. I prefer to be blunt and tell people what I think, and it feels so dam good. Or you could choose the advice my mom ( when she was alive) told me ” the best reaction, is NO reaction” perhaps the only good advice ( oh, and that men love subtle colors) my mom ever gave me. Hell, what about the old fashioned way of avoiding conversation- when an undesireable ( stop making fun of my spelling!) calls, just tell ’em “no thanks, or I dont want to talk to you” and hang up. Now that takes BALLS! Are we running out of balls people?? Are so many females ( myself included) on the PILL, that we piss out so many female hormones into the water, and we all drink it (filtered ) again and the men really are getting too many female hormones, so they lose their balls??? Hmmm- perhaps this explains the large amount of emails I get from people complaining their guy cant get it up, or keep it up. He drank too many gallons of female hormones. Also, I have a theory- now listen up: In Europe, they don’t have flouride in their drinking water- the German goverment doesnt allow it as it has been proven to weaken one’s will, makes you too influenceable ( thats why Germans are so fucking stubborn) BUT they never have trouble getting a hard on( read:stubborn pricks hee hee). They ( Europeans) also are not cut ( you know what I mean, CUT)-and I believe that uncut men last longer, get errections easier, it is just plain better( this info comes from interviewing millions of females and tons of my gal pals naturally). BUT on the downside, they mostly have bad teeth ( brown, crooked as hell- not a pretty sight). So, the Plus side of shagging European men- Harder, last longer.
Bad side to shagging European men: nasty teeth/breath sometimes they don’t clean under the hood and dick cheese builds up, hello!!!! ( this can cause cervix cancer in the woman if it goes on and on).
Now, so that the American men don’t flip out: They have gorgeous teeth thanks to the flouride in the drinking water and cleaner ‘tools’ as there is no hood to hide cheese under. Americans decided long ago, that men don’t clean often enough down there, so just cut the shit off at birth ( which is a dam shame really, shoulnt they just be taught from day one to pull it back and clean there? Tsk tsk, The unshielded penis becomes some what calloused, what, with all that rubbing amongst the trousers and boxers etc over the years(not to mention all the wanking!). The flouride, in my opinion, also makes it harder for the penis to get hard and stay hard. Why else would Eorpean men, who dont have flouride always be hard? Surely not due to the hairy ‘natural” women (hee hee ).
I am just generalising so don’t flood me with “my dick is always hard” emails. Perhaps we can all compromise. European men can start going to the dam dentist more and cleaning down there more often, and American men can drink imported – pure water, that has NO flouride in it, simply using a flouide toothpaste or mouthwash to get your fill for your nice teeth.Also, ( hey the ladies are writting me every day and complaining about this) : Drunk men are NO fun to shag.Always the same dam excuse isnt it ladies? “oh, I guess I had too much to drink, sorry” . What a waste. Why not just stay home and wank?? Don’t waste a girls time if you show up drunk for a date or drink too much on the date- and by the way, you girls, it is your fault if you bring a drunk guy home.
So, now onto the porno nails. Arent we over this look? I guess not, here in Wakefield, a tiny TINY town, there is about 25 NAIL salons, all run by Koreans wearing quasi gas masks due to the offensive fumes that come off of those platic fucking claws. How can so many ( not all) but many American women be so fucking FAT, but still have GORGEOUS fake nails? You would think, when they wake up, they would think, ok, most importantly, is to be fit and healthy, THEN I worry about the nails. Trust me ladies, men dont give a SHIT about your NAILS.( clean is sufficient!) These nasty nails are also the reason it takes for fucking ever to pop into Stop and Shop or CVS, as the cashiers always have 4 inch nails and can’t run the cash register properly due to the pointy extensions popping off of their hands. Poeple are starving all over the world, but hey, our nails look nice(!!??). I had them put on one time a few years ago for a photo shoot. I HATED every minute of it, first of all, I can’t sit still ( even now as I type, I am stretching my legs and wiggling all around annoyed) so it took what seemed to be 2 hours to get those fuckers on, it smelled so nasty my eyes were watering and nose was burning. Then my finger tips hurt all night, I had them on two days and went mental, I couldnt pick my nose or scratch my ass as freely as normal, it was hard to apply lip stick etc, and It honesty HURT my finger tips, and forget massaging! I had one massage appointment they day after my porno nails were plastered on and it was HELL. I tried to cut them off and then file them off and scrape them off, I was going insane. I went to a nail salon and begged them to get the remains off my nails. This was in 2000, and my pointer finger nails STILL are messed up, they never grew back fully. The things should be illegal. Not sure if you all know this, but my hands are now insured for One million dollars ( since one year). Hey, not mentioning any names, but some people have their ASSES insured, so it makes sense to insure my hands, what will all the massages and flipping people the bird all the time 🙂 I need them!
One more obnoxious theory before I try to go to bed ( its ONLY 4am).
Last night, when I was out in LYNN, MASS, I really got an ear full of the MASS accent, well, even better, the LYNN accent. There is nothing quite like that accent, I don’t know if any celebs that have this accent, it is so hard edged, unreal. when they say “CAR” it sounds like ” CAAAAA” . Every other word is “wicked” and it is just very entertaining for me to listen to them talk. This got me to thinking, was different accents and languages a ploy from good ol’ mother nature, to get men to spread their semen as far as possible? To avoid inbreeding ( monogloids?) Why do I come up with this shit? Please don’t say there isnt an accent out there somewhere that makes you hot. Isnt it sexy when you meet a French person, to hear them speak, or a deep Southern accent, its like , wow, exoctic, not from here, I must try some of that- or the best accent of them all, Brittish- oh gawd! Or Italian. And then there is many different dialects, I prefer the Nothern English to the Southern, Manchester/Liverpool just plain yummy. Northern irish? God help me when I hear that- its like music to the ears. It is the same here in the states, New Yorkers, Alabama, Mass, Maine, its all so different, so it makes people want to expreiment, even in their own countries. When I speak German, I have a Berliner accent, or so I am told when I go to Munich or Switzerland.
Just my theroy, doesnt mean it is true. Just makes sense to me, that flowers have a certain smell to attract bees and birds, people have different accents and -ew- smells. And what about blind people, perhaps mother nature thought, well, so that blind people dont get bored, I will make humans have different accents to keep the blind entertaintained too.
I want to thank all of the readers for putting up with my lack of photos – GRRRRR! its making me crazy. But perhaps my “vacation” up here in MASS is good for me.
Later peeps
MFG aus MASS.
Dottie
The Weblog Of Dr. Dot Stein