How to spot a bastard by his star sign

Ok, which one of you has my ” How to spot a Bastard by his star sign” book? See, here I am being all nice and lending shit out to people and what happens? I forgot who I lent it to, and no one is cool enough to just think ” oh, I am finished reading Dot’s favorite book, perhaps I should return it to her as I promised her when she reluctantly lent it to me” .

Apart from Cigarettes and Fish, my pet peeve is lending something to someone and then they don’t return it. Normally I write it down somewhere, what was lent to whom, but this time I slipped and forgot and now *poof* the book is gone. I am also cranky because 1) I can’t add photos to my blog  2) I haven’t had sex lately  3) Now I can’t even add smileys from Smiley Central to the new Blog layout. CRANKY!

I learned my lesson LONG ago not to lend shit out, I lent Robert Plant some of my blues tapes, Chess Box collection tapes, and he swore he would mail them back to me after the tour. That was 1993 and I still haven’t received them. But he is coming to town Sunday and if I massage him, I will take them out of his ass. ( not literally you freak!).

In 1997 ( or was it 1998?) I lent a 5 month pregnant Lauryn Hill a copy of ” the womanly art of breast feeding” and I haven’t gotten that back, but I forgive her, she is so frickin’ COOL!

I can not count how many tapes. cds, videos etc I have lent out and never gotten back. Why do people do that! It is ignorant. If someone lends you something, enjoy it and give it back, keep the good vibe of generosity and trust going on dammit!

I am thinking, I don’t let THAT many people in my flat, and I have asked most females I know if they have it, they all say no 🙁

Then I started asking the guys I know, thinking, well, some could possibly be gay and not know it yet, and perhaps they wanted to read ” How to spot a bastard by his star sign” but so far, even the guys have said no. You have GOT to read this book, it is hysterical!

Thank god for Amazon.com I will just order a new copy and never lend anything out again- “I am a rock, I am an island” ( Simon/Garfunkle)

Not 100% sure yet, but I may drive to Philly to massage Sir Sting this Friday. I am not looking forward to the drive, I don’t know how to get there and the last time I went to Philly, I saw the Grateful Dead there in like 1988 and did NOT like the scene there. But who knows, perhaps it is clean and safe and friendly now. (As if).

I am filming with A&E TV on Tuesday; they want to interview me for a show “It also airs
on A&E’s Biography Channel. The show features profiles of people who work with
celebrities or who provide services for celebrities, and we’d love to profile
Dorothy Stein ( aka Dr. Dot).”

So that should be fun. I am thinking of who I can make over that day. I don’t just want to have the usual boring interview in which I bite someone’s ass and then massage them, I want to do a make over, take a plain Jane and turn her into a sexy vamp right in front of rolling cameras. Then I will bite her back/butt area and massage her.

Any plain Jane in the NYC  area who wants a free make over and massage from me, and has free time on Tuesday, email me and send me a small jpeg ( no bigger then your hand as not to clog my freakin mail box).

Even though my endless tales of karaoke are pissing you off, I wanted to say, I brought Stings tour manager, William out tonight and dragged him  AGAIN to my favorite karaoke spot and thank GOD the DJ was there and not ill like last Sunday. Anyhoooo, He saw me do an awesome rendition of ” Down on me” by Janis Joplin and said it was great. I then tried “Ramble on” by Led Zepp and tore that up too, I can do Zepp pretty good. Sometimes I SUCK royally, like when I did “Tumblin Dice” but the Stones, jeez, I will never do that again! In  fact, I can only do a few Stones songs, Mick’s shoes are hard to fill. I know the words  by heart, but he is hard to copy! I also destroyed the Beatles ” We can work it out”!! Although it is one of my all time favorite songs, I just sucked at it big time! I know my ranges, James Brown, Tina, Janis, Rod Stewart, Zepp and Ac/DC but forget anything like Mariah or Celine ( but who the fuck wants to hear that at a bar anyways!?)

Ok, I better get my cranky celibate self in bed now, it is .

“Live your loving life,
Live it all the best you can
And if you pay no attention darling
To what you might ever hear from your man,
I think you’re just like a servant
And try to keep it all to yourself.
Don’t you know it makes the world go round,
You gotta go and honey share everywhere else.
Come on, come on, come on!

As good as you’ve been to this world
So good i wanna be right back to you.
As good as you’ve been now,
As good as you’ve been to this whole wide world,
So good i wanna be.
As good as you’ve been now, say,
As good as you’ve been to this whole wide world,
As good as you’ve been, babe,
So good i wanna be here.

Ain’t no use in being faithful,
I see you look at the sky.
I know what’s in it make you happy there,
But it only make you cry.
I think you got good intentions too,
They don’t manage to show through.
Whatever you give to the world outside,
I wanna give it right back to you, yes i am!
Come on, come on, come on!

So you meet somebody on the street,
You know you treat him mighty fine,

Or you meet somebody on the street
And you give him a real hard time.
It’s gonna come on home baby,
I said it’s gonna come right back home to you.
I said it’s gonna visit you now,
Yes it is, oh yes it is.

As good as you’ve been to this whole wide world,
As good as you’ve been, babe,
So good i wanna be here.
Oh, good as you’ve been to this whole wide world,
As good as you’ve been, babe,
So good i wanna be here.
Ah, the way you love your mother,
The way you love your sister, your brother,
The way you love your aunt, your uncle,
Anybody now, everybody now.

Good as you’ve been babe
’cause i’m just gonna show you now
And i’m just gonna make you want it now
’cause i ‘m just gonna give you a thrill
Say, good as you been babe,
Hurrah, good as you been babe,
Come on, good as you been babe,
I say, good as you been babe,
Oh daddy, good as you been babe,
My man, good as you been babe,
All right, yeah hey.”

Janis Joplin  “As Good As You’ve Been To This World”

xx Dottie

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