Please help out if you are a Frank Zappa fan. This blog is bashing my hero:
Click HERE
to see the madness.
Thank you Philly, PA for showing me another great time x
Me- sleep deprived forgot to cut the music clip from “Philly Part 1” so the music goes on 3 minutes longer than the freakin’ video footage. Oh well, at least it’s a great song. 
I told my uncle Jack that for some strange reason, I felt ‘at home in Philly. He said “probably because when your Mother was young, Philly was her stomping grounds, her play ground for raising extreme amounts of hell”. My Mom was born in Camden, NJ and even though I hear it’s a shit hole now, it was apparently great back then.
I was asked to go to Philly to massage Mr. Simon Cowell, who is on the American Idol audition tour. I left NYC around 2am and Pooh and I got there at 3:55 am. Last time I was in that area, well, Camden, to massage Sting, it took me SIX HOURS because of traffic, so I learned one should never attempt that route in the day time, if in a hurry.
Had a wonderful sleep on the floor of my Four Seasons Hotel room floor. The bed was as soft as Hugh Hefner’s balls. They need to invest in some new mattresses. I prefer the floor anyways.
I find the Philly accent so amusing. Especially the way the say “Coffee”. I pretend I didn’t hear them and make them repeat it over and over again. It’s hilarious. It’s like “Cawfee”
Danny, my ‘Boken buddy, reminded me that FET my top friend from myspace lives in Philly, so we finally got to meet and make some cheeky pics & videos.
Don’t let him fool you, there is Beer in that there jug ^ 
Fet and I had a BLAST from the moment we met. He is a good laugh and has a good heart.
I didn’t know which way to point my camera, there was so much action, so many sights and things to gawk at..
People are STARVING and yet us American’s still invent and drive these obscene gas guzzlers that destroy the Ozone at an alarming rate, just to show off and be “cool”. 
I am at a loss for words….
Doesn’t that look like a beautiful day to you? LOVED it.
This is where the naughty behavior started; the statues were oh so inviting.
“Ride ’em in RAWHIDE!”
< A gift from Danny
Danny insisted I give Simon these silly collectors card, which pokes fun at him. I wasn’t sure how he would act, but I love to push people’s buttons, so I handed it to him and he just laughed. Simon and I chatted for a half hour before I started the massage, I guess so he could get some insight as to what I was like as a person. After a while he realized that I was extremely cheeky, very sarcastic indeed and he said “wow, and I thought I was mean. Dr. Dot you should be on my show; you would even make ME look nice”
Ahh, music to my ears. Heh heh. Yes, I am MEAN. Love it! The Grinch all year long in fact.
Anyways, Simon even posed with the silly card, as you can see below. He is so fucking cool. Some celebs are stuck up or stuck on themselves and refuse to pose and some even snicker at giving an autograph, but Simon was fine with me taking his pic and signing an autograph for me. What a sweet heart.
Danny is over the moon about this ^ fyi
You can tell he is a nice guy by his smiling eyes..
I STILL can’t figure out the f*cking self timer on my camer, so I took this one with my left hand ^
I don’t have a scanner here, so I had to photograph it ^ Doh!
He is for sure one of my favorite clients now. SUPER polite and generous; an English gentleman.
Typical situation here ^ All bed clothes on the floor, where I sleep, and Pooh close to my heart (I have had him over 20 years & can not sleep without him)
work, work, work, it never ends ^ and since I LOVE what I do, it doesn’t feel like work.
OMG!! LMFAO!! 
On my way back up to NYC, one has to pass through Cherry Hill, NJ and I was speeding along, on the phone when this guy above, caught my eye. I nearly caused a major car crash by zipping over a couple lanes of traffic at full speed as not to miss the street closest to this amusing Diner. I even went up a one way street, the wrong way and pulled an illegal u-turn to get into the parking lot.
This is one of those old fashioned diners, where the people still eat in their cars. ^ I couldn’t BELIEVE it. That old couple couldn’t believe that I have never seen one before.
The Elvis impersonator was out there, alone, with a TINY boom box and an Elvis cd, singing away, to NO ONE. He was so sweet to perform for me and pose. I gave him a massive tip and a hug. It was around 90 degrees out that day, so he must have been sweating his great balls of fire off in that red polyester jumpsuit. Poor fella. The stuff I come across is so bizarre, I am So happy I have my camera on me at ALL times now a days. Wish I did that when I followed the Grateful Dead. That was a nonstop freak show. I was too care free to carry a camera or a cell phone or even a beeper. If it didn’t fit in my back pack, it didn’t come with me (and yes, Pooh was there with me too).
It was so fun to meet the photo-shop King in person (Fet). Look at the funny things he makes me ^
ps. The Elvis impersonator can be contacted at:
mcmichaelshark@yahoo.com
and/or 1-856- 665- 2249
18th Annual Zappanale
‘ 
‘ 
^ Napi warming for his performance
Finally, a street named after Frank Zappa. I asked myself, “why, why Marzahn?” In case you didn’t know, Marzahn is on outskirts of Berlin and well, I would normally never go there. Sort of far from my house. I found out though, why Frank Zappa street was born in Marzahn.
The Orwo Haus is the reason. The Orwo Haus is the biggest recording studio in Europe and (some are sure) the whole world. 150 bands at a time can (and do) rehearse there daily. From the out side, it doesn’t look like much, no one would imagine what is going on inside. Well, you can read more about it HERE if you want.
< Harry
Napoleon (Napi) steals the show wherever he is. You gotta love Napi.
Around 3,000 people came from all over the place, on July 28th ( I know, this blog is long over due) to celebrate the unveiling of Frank Zappa street. Many bands played and headlining was Germany’s best Frank Zappa tribute band “Sheik Yerbouti” . Napoleon Murphy Brock joined them as their special guest. Nappi gets around 🙂
You can see many more pics from that event if you click HERE
I was asked to join them for their Encore, a hot version of “I am the slime”. I was freezing my tits off. When I left my flat, it was steaming hot, so I wore open toed shoes, a skirt and t-shirt and even after 18 years living in Berlin, you would think I would KNOW by now you have to literally drag a bag of clothes around with you as you never know how the weather will be/change.
I was literally shaking from being so cold that by the time I was asked to come on stage and read a letter from From Frank Zappa’s brother, Bobby to the crowd, my lips were purple. But, like a trooper, nothing keeps me from spreading the love and music of Frank Zappa. Nothing.
My good friend Tina (Debutante Daisy) and I. She knows the words to ALL Zappa songs
^ Robyn & Dot
Another HUGE Frank Zappa fan ^
She flew all the way from the USA along with a tour run by a man named Scott.
They all came together for the street naming and the Zappanale.
Like I was saying, NOTHING prevents me from preaching Zappa music. In Germany I am often invited onto talk shows and written about, as they find my career fascinating (so do I ). And every single interview I have ever done, since 1997, I have mentioned Frank Zappa. He crowned me “Dr. Dot” long ago, so that is usually how his name is mentioned “How did you come up with that name?” they ask. Then I tell them about Frank, how my Dad is a massive Zappa fan and how much his music means to me. His music is the BEST (well, I am also insanely into the Beatles, so it’s a tie).
This is my new Zappa shirt ^ My pal Mark drew it and made it for me.
That man ^ in the above picture with me, is Thomas, the President of the Arf Society. What is the Arf Society you ask?
“Founded on the 20 March 1993, the Arf-Society is a
Frank Zappa fan club based in Northern Germany
with an international membership.”
It’s best you just click HERE to read all about them.
Wolfhard K. actually founded the Arf Society but Thomas is the pres. since a few years (Wolfhard is a busy man). Wolfhard and Thomas are extreme Zappa fans and have been putting on the annual Frank Zappa music fest which they call the Zappanale. This year was the 18th annual Zappanale and they invited me to help out a bit and to join Project Object on stage for some fun. So I accepted and I will try to find the words to explain how happy I am that I went.
Project Object (my favorite Zappa tribute band) ^
What’s missing from this picture? Sadly it’s Ike WILLIS, that’s what. Where was Ike? His name was on the posters, the tickets, the press releases. A driver was sent to pick him up in Berlin, all the way from Bad Doberan, which is a 3 hour drive. He did not get off the plane as planned. In fact, he never even bothered to get in touch to tell them he missed his plane.
Why would Ike miss his plane? Because he is having an unfortunate struggle with cocaine addiction. I am not leaking any private information here. Everyone who is hip to the scene knows this. In fact, just about everyone who has met Ike in the last few years, has lent him $50. Ike owes EVERYONE $50. It’s rather ironic that Ike, who was Frank’s right hand man for YEARS and his best friend, ends up a crack addict. Frank was shrewdly against drugs (well, cigarettes are indeed a drug too, but anyways..).
In my opinion, drugs suck. I have never tried cocaine and can’t stand being around people who take it or even talk about it. BUT I can imagine why Ike does this drug. Not making excuses for him, but imagine your best friend dying, how horrible that must be and then on top of it, having to sing his songs almost daily to a crowd of his fans. Frank’s shoes are impossible to fill, and being on the front line, almost daily (well, nightly) singing the lyrics your best mate wrote must do your head in. It must be hell. Hell in paradise.
Making a living doing something you love is paradise, but in such a circumstance, it can be difficult. If you are sensitive (most artist are overly sensitive) then falling into such a trap, is understandable. Not good by all means, but I can see why it happens.
Fame, drugs, money, (“or was it the music?” ). I just hope Ike gets help and fast. He could end up dying, like other artists have done, thanks to that pesky, overwhelming, addiction People should plan a huge intervention and toss him into Rehab. SO MANY famous artist are having trouble now a days. Amy Winehouse is throwing her fucking career in the toilet too, just like Ike is. It’s so sad.
But anyways, with or without Ike, the Zappanale party went on.
The first night ( Thursday) everyone meets and greets in preparation for the Zappanale party following the next day.
I LOVE that sweatshirt I have on. I got it in 1988 in Boston. It’s held up pretty well. It says “Broadway the Hard way” on the sleeve.
So this was night 1. I was a tad tired, but knew I could handle the up coming 3 nights of partying. It was so fun to meet some of the Zappa-teers (huge Zappa fan organization) and see Nappi, Andre’ and the guys again..
Andre’, guitarist/vocalist and founder of Project Object with his sweet heart, Cheri. ^ (his OTHER sweetheart Robyn, pictured way up in this blog) put Andre in the hot seat. Juggling two ladies at the same time. Typical musician 🙂
Andre’ preaches Frank big time. He doesn’t earn jack shit touring with his band, he does it for the love of Frank’s music.
This is the list of all the bands that played at the Zappanale ^
My hotel ^ it is really strange. There is no one at the desk all night, you could have a massive party in the living room they have off to the side of the lobby and you could drag that party into your fucking hotel room and no one would care; completely the opposite of the uptight rules they have in Dublin where you can’t even have someone come up to your room to help you with your bags. You have to give it to the Germans, they are tolerant when it comes to fun.
The Park across from my hotel. I heard this is where the first ever Zappanale took place. But it got too big for it’s britches and moved to a huge field..
The town of Bad Doberan is clean, quaint, gorgeous and very tolerant of the annual Zappa festival.
< Dressed for my “Mary” skit
I finally got to meet my pen pal. Andrew ^ and I have been corresponding online for years. He runs a UK Zappa news/fan web site called “Idiot Bastard Son”. He has intervied many of Zappa’s alumni and I did one for him too a while ago. He was as funny in person as he is online. But then again, most Zappa fans are intelligent, special and funny, just like Frank’s music.
< Bass extraordinaire
Project Object were one guitarist and vocalist short ( Ike) but you would have never known it! They were fantastic!
Don Preston , the man in the purple velvet jacket on key boards, was one of the high lights of the whole Zappanale. He plays with Project Object on tour most of the time, but is busy with many solo projects. I am sure he is over 70 as he is one of the original members of the Mothers of Invention.
Project Object doing their thing ^
One of the few females at the festival was serving beer. I brought that plastic urinal with me, thinking they may not have anything to throw water on me when I play Mary. I got this urinal in a bar in Berlin called Cafe’ Klo (Klo is a nick name for Toilet in German). Everyone drinks out of these urinals in that bar and you can buy them as well. I don’t drink beer, but they do hold a lot of beer, so I made good use of it and kept my pals well watered with all of those unwanted beer tickets I was given..
This is Andrew’s pal Ian ^ Andrew wore this ^ shirt, thinking Ike would be there.
Andre’ is a master on guitar ^
This is not the first time I have played “Mary” on stage with Project Object. I like participating anyway I can. I asked them to learn “Valley Girl” so I can sing that with them next time our paths cross.
Here are the lyrics to the song “Fembot in a Wet T-shirt” in case you are one of those people who don’t know the album Joe’s Garage by Frank Zappa..
Act I
SCENE FIVE
THE WET T-SHIRT CONTEST
After a few weeks on the bus, being porked by
Toad-O’s road crew, and being too exhausted to do
their laundry on a regular basis, MARY is dumped in Miami.
With no money (and no other famous rock groups due into
the area for at least three weeks), she tries to pick up a few bucks
by entering the Wet T-Shirt contest at The Brasserie…
IKE:
Looks to me like something funny
Is going on around here
People laughin’ ‘n’ dancin’ ‘n’ payin’
Entirely too much for their beer
And they all think they are
Clean outa-site
And they’re ready to party
“Cause the sign outside says it’s WET T-SHIRT NITE
‘N’ they all crave some Hot delight
Well the girls are excited
Because in a minute
They’re gonna get wet
‘N’ the boys are delighted
Because all the titties
Will get ’em upset
‘N’ they all think they are Reety-awright
‘N’ they’re ready to boogie
‘Cause the sign outside says it’s WET T-SHIRT NITE
‘N’ they all crave some Pink delight
When the water gets on’em
Their ninnies get rigid
‘N’ look pretty bold
It’s a common reaction
That makes an attraction
Whenever it’s cold
‘N’all of the fellas
They wish they could bite
On the cute little nuggets
The local girls are showin’ off tonite
You know I think it serves ’em right
You know I think it serves ’em right
You know I think it serves ’em right
You know I think it serves ’em right
And it’s WET T-SHIRT TIME AGAIN
I know you want someone to show you some tit!
BIG ONES! WET ONES! BIG WET ONES!
At this point, FATHER RILEY (who had been recently de-frocked
for not meeting his quota, and has grown his hair out and
bought a groovy sport coot and moved to Miami and changed
his name to BUDDY JONES) steps onto the crowded bandstand
in his exciting new role as a WET T-SHIRT CONTEST EMCEE…
BUDDY JONES:
Ah, thanks, IKE…
Yes, it’s WET T-SHIRT TIME AGAIN
Here at The Brasserie… Home of THE TITS… huh huh…
And it’s the charming Mary from Canoga Park
Up next in her bid for the semi-finals…
Hi,Mary…howya doin?
Having been fucked senseless by the boys in the crew, MARY does
not recognize the former religious personage from her nights in the
rectory basement during which she acquired her basic manual skills…
confounded by his sport coat, she replies…
MARY: Hi!
Realizing that she no longer recognizes him… or even appreciates
the patient religious training he had given her in the past, BUDDY JONES,
like a true WET T-SHIRT EMCEE type person, proceeds to say various
stupid things to waste time, making the contest itself take longer, thereby
giving the mongoloids squatting on the dance floor an opportunity to buy
more exciting beverages. . . liquid products that will expand their
consciousnesses to the point whereby they might more fully enjoy the ambiance
of Miami By Night…
BUDDY JONES:
Where ya from?
MARY:
Ah, the bus…
BUDDY JONES:
Which one?
MARY:
You know…the last tour…
You know…
Leather
BUDDY JONES:
Oh.. .you were the girl that was stuck to seat 38 on Phydeaux III…
why don’t you get in position now and take a deep breath, because
this water is very, very cold, but it’s goin’ to be so stimulating. And
Mary’s the kind of Red-Blooded American Girl who’ll do anything…
MARY:
Anything…
BUDDY JONES:
I said anything… for fifty bucks
That’s right!
MARY:
I really need the fifty bucks you know I gotta get home!
BUDDY JONES:
Yeh, I know, your father is waiting for you in the tool shed… that’s right,you
heard right… our big prize tonite is fifty American Dollars to the girl with
the most exciting mammalian protruberances…
MARY: Here I am!
BUDDY JONES: …
as viewed through a thoroughly soaked, stupid looking white sort of male
person’s conservative kind of middle-of-the-road COTTON UNDER-GARMENT!
Whoopee! And here comes THE WATER!
MARY:
EEEK!
BUDDY JONES:
No, you’d squeak more if the water got on you …sounds like you just got an
ice pick in the forehead… AND HERE COMES THE ICE PICK IN THE FOREHEAD…
a million laughs, Mary! Anyway; good golly, what a mess…she’s totally soaked..
totally committed to the fifty bucks.. .That’s it just step into the spotlight.. let the guys
get a good look at ya honey!
MARY:
Here I am!
BUDDY JONES:
Whaddya say, fellas?
Nice setta jugs?
Now Mary, how’s about shakin’ it around a little…
BUDDY JONES:
Oh my goodness, look at her go!
MARY:
Oooh! I’m dancing!
I’m dancing!
BUDDY JONES:
Ain’t this what living is really all about!
Here’s your fifty bucks, Mary…
MARY:
Oh great! Now I can go home!
BUDDY JONES:
Home is where the heart is.
MARY: “On the bus!”
That water was fucking freezing, so the look of shock/horror is authentic. heh heh.
“ Oh great! Now I can go home!”
“with leather?” 
The headliners of the whole Zappanale ^.
I haven’t seen Chad since 1988!! He is so shy, so soft spoken. SO SWEET!!! His whole band is sweet in fact. I loved hanging out with these guys. They played an all instrumental set. No Zappa tunes at all, although at certain points you could hear a tad of a Zappa riff, like they were teasing us. They were brilliant. I suppose everyone was expecting them to whip out at least one Zappa tune, but they didn’t.
Perhaps Chat wants to stay on Dweezil and Gail’s good side. At least now they can’t bitch at them for playing any Zappa music!
Oooh they sounded like butter. Lovely! x
^ you can see from his smile how sweet and genuine he is
Eric Slick ^ plays drums with Project Object. He is a genius (started playing drums at age 2 🙂
His Mom, Robin Slick, is a famous writer. Check out her blog HERE
The English band, Monty and the Butchers ^ were soooooo fun to hang out with. A million laughs indeed.
Jorg, the film director, who happens to be holding the mic, films each Zappanale. They make a dvd of each Zappanale. They interviewed me for the dvd. I was lively as usual.
I was lacking sleep, which I really really need right now, as I am literally running on fumes. My tonsils are beyond infected and I was told a year ago they have to be removed but I never find the time, so I have been living on antibiotics and feeling like shit for about two years. I know, it’s stupid. A vicious cycle, but I just never find the time. So if I get less than like 7 hours of sleep, I feel dizzy, sore throat, all that wimpy shit. I was devastated when I was told I had to be up and ready for an interview on stage Saturday at noon. I know this sounds like a diva talking but it’s not. I am just a night person and seldom fall asleep before 7am. Hard habit to break at such short notice 🙂
Jim Cohen, who has been the host for a few years at the Zappanale, was to interview me Saturday at noon. He does a representation each year on the Saturday of the Zappanale (the Zappanale always takes place in the first week of every August fyi) . He interviews guests and talks in great detail about Frank Zappa. He is a walking encyclopedia of Frank Zappa trivia/facts/info.
I was there, on time, and went through with the interview. I did most of it in German as it takes place in Germany, but said somethings in English too for the English speaking audience. What I am getting at, is this weekend is a marathon. You won’t be resting, you will be ON the whole time, partying, talking, laughing, dancing and by the end of the weekend, you won’t have a voice anymore. I swear I am still hoarse from the festival and it was a few weeks ago. Found that out the hard way last night at karaoke.
Eric Svalgård ^
The other Eric of Project Object and I signing the symbol for the Arf Society.
Monty and the Butchers hamin’ it up during the grand finale’ ^
The crowd (above) and the sound men ( are nice guys, but have to work while everyone else is raising hell, hence the glum faces)
Chad and Andre’ ^
Don and I discussing his amazing threads his wife sews for him. What a sweet heart! ^
Christian ^ was my driver for the whole festival. His Father Wolfhard is the founder of the whole Zappanale. The Arf Society was obviously trying extra hard to please me 🙂
Musician soup ^ …………. backstage at the Zappanale was heaven on earth
Hasi ^ a Zappateers member, from Austria and I in the Zappateer tent. This tent is out in the camping area at the Zappanale festival. Everyone in the camping area pretty much parties straight through, with no sleep, from Thursday to Monday morning. It is a non-stop Zappa themed party. The Zappateers tent is the center of it all. I was welcomed with open arms and even knew a few of the people hanging out in the tent.. It was super fun, but I had to hang backstage most of the time, as they had tiny tasks for me to do.
What are the Zappateers? ” The Zappateers are dedicated collectors of Zappa live shows.”
It’s best to click HERE to read more about the Zappateers..
These two lovely gals ^ know every word to every Zappa song and I love them. They were a fixture in the Zappateers tent and later on stage for the Grand finale too. They are seriously dedicated Zappa fans.
Sunday when I woke up, I thought: I am too tired to go to the Zappanale grounds again. I thought I would just sleep all day and hide until my ride took me back to Berlin. WRONG ANSWER. Thomas, the president of the Arf Society called and said “where are you hiding!?? We need you on stage at 9pm!” Eh? I thought my work was done. Guess not. So I dragged my ass out of bed, well, off the floor as I always sleep on the floor in hotels, as I am a walking sleeping disorder.
Painted my face a bit and tried to get motivated for yet another night of partying. I am only used to going out like once a week, sometimes once a month. Contrary to popular belief, I don’t go out much at all. I am a hermit. It looks like I go out a lot because I blog about it every time I go out. I can only handle two drinks and hate smoking so I am a light weight and need a day to recover when I party (I have always been that way, so don’t laugh to yourself as you say “it’s called getting old” under your breath). I have always been a light weight. sigh. ANYHOW, where the hell was I?
Oh yes, my lovely driver came and basically had to pry me out of my room as I was really dragging my ass by Sunday. But like magic, once I set foot on the Zappanale grounds, I woke up like a freshly watered flower.
So, I was wondering, what was my chore of the day? Why was I needed on stage at 9pm? Another Wet T-shirt thingy? A massage for Chad? Was I entered into the Zappa trivia game without my knowledge?
Napi and Um, I know he works for the Zappanale, I think he is the director of transportation but don’t quote me on that, but at any rate, that is Napi posing with a man I think may be Hendrik. 
(Lets play “name that German!”)
Chad & Andre’ ^
 Kurz, Italian Frank Zappa fan and musician (he let me draw that stache on his face 🙂 |
 |
I was attacked by a sharpie pen ^
Naturally after 3 nights of camping, the Zappanale guests, artist, campers and workers started to smell a bit. I mean, it is hot, humid, dusty.. everyone is sweating and drinking.. you get the picture. I had a close wiff of Matthews (bassist/vocalist/founder of Monty and the Butchers) underarm. Me likey. I LOVE the smell of a man’s sweat. Fuck deo and perfume and show gels. I want to smell the MAN, not the fucking brand. Nothing I hate more than a man wearing perfume, cologne, aftershave, deo etc. I want to smell the truth baby!
Well, it’s only fair… ^
Sunday night, we were ALL TOAST. I couldn’t believe that Monty and the Butchers hadn’t seen the Zappa statue of Bad Doberan yet!
The drivers brought us there and we had a little photo shoot. The one with the glasses (passed out) is Joe. he plays horns some times for Project Object. What a laugh that night was!
Me posing with the Zappa statue. There was a LOT of controversy surrounding the statue. Gail Zappa didn’t approve it and is still not happy about it. The Arf Society had to fight tooth and nail to convince the town of bad Doberan to even allow the statue to be erected there. All the drama!! It’s so sad how everyone behaves after an icon dies (James Brown, Zappa, Elvis, John Lennon, etc).I hope to fuck the dead idols are looking down, watching the behavior, keeping tabs….
I want to close this now and mention once more, how AMAZING the Zappanale was. I will be there for sure next year. This festival has been going on 18 years, and I hope it keeps going on for many more years. It has a special vibe to it, so much love for Frank, so many cool people, so much fun!!!!!!!!!!! The area is amazing too, it’s magical, in fact I couldn’t think of a better place to have such a wonderful meeting of minds. Thank you Arf Society for the lovely time, I will never forget it.
x
ps. If you haven’t seen them yet, I made 3 videos (well, one long one, broken up into 3 bits) of my Zappanale experience.
Click the links to see the videos:
My column will no longer be in the NY Press as of Sept. 12 2007
"Dear Ms. Stein,
As you may know, the New York Press has recently changed owners, and is making
changes to the editorial content of the paper. As a result, we will no longer
be running your column in the Press, as of the September 12 issue.
Thanks for your contributions to the Press.
Sincerely,
David Blum"
New editor-in-chief
I heard the new owners are very conservative and don't want any sex in their new and improved paper.
Now I am looking for a new paper who has the balls to host my column. The Village Voice would be the best
but they already have a sex column.. Syndicating it would be even better. How does one do that?
sigh
x
Project/Object – Frank Zappa tribute Band (tour dates)
PROJECT/OBJECT – THE MUSIC OF FRANK ZAPPA
with SPECIAL GUEST —–NAPOLEON MURPHY BROCK!
October dates
10 WED HARTFORD CT WEBSTER THEATRE
11 THU ALBANY NY REVOLUTION HALL
12 FRI NYC NY LION'S DEN
13 SAT ASBURY PK NJ STONE PONY
14 SUN PHILA PA WORLD CAFE' LIVE
15 MON OPEN
16 TBA
17 WED CLEVELAND OH BEACHLAND BALLROOM
18 THU DETROIT MI MAGIC BAG
19 FRI CHICAGO IL MARTYR'S
20 SAT CHICAGO IL MARTYR'S
21 SUN OPEN
22 MON MILWAUKEE WI SHANK HALL
23 TUE MADISON WI MAJESTIC THEATRE
24 WED CINCINNATI OH POISON ROOM
www.myspace.com/projectobject
Dr. Dot …… the fag hag
< NOT gay
Ok I think it's best I make a few tiny blogs at this point, rather than one giant one. I had a LONG flight to NYC and luckily I sat next to a cheery lad named Bryan. He is from Wisconsin and was in Berlin visiting his girlfriend (who was an exchange student in th USA for one year). She made him a shirt, that he had on, that said "I LOVE STEFFI" with a picture of them two together. The boy is LOVE SICK.
He and I chatted the whole flight and suffered together the WHOLE flight. It's not bad enough that it's 9 hours but they took an extra hour deciding when to fucking take off. GRRRRRRRRRRRRR. We had an empty seat between us so it was ok. Poor kid had to change planes in NYC and missed his connecting flight and had to wait 6 hours for the next flight (he told me this on line). Have you ever seen the flick "planes, trains and automobiles"? You get the drift. HELL.
^ I am wearing a string thong fyi …. (Mein arsch ist 'ne slip fresser)
It doesn't take me long to get back into the swing of things. Hanging out with my gay friends, baring our asses all over the place.. Danny is starting to get into karaoke, like me. He sings Abba "Waterloo" and "Sweet Transvestite" from the Rocky Horror Picture show soundtrack and "I touch myself" by the Dyvinls (sp?). He also belts out "you ain't woman enough to steal my man".
I sang "Rehab" by Amy Winehouse, "Coshise" by Audioslave, "Hurt so good" by John Cougar and"what's love go to do with it" by Tina Turner. Things are rather slow, erm, empty in the city, but I am sure that will change after Labor Day. Then it gets packed again.
^VERY gay 
Danny and I ate at my favorite restaurant, the Yaffa Cafe (St. Marks Place). It's open 24/7 and has EVERYTHING. The cooks are outrageous and it's cheap.The gaudy, tacky surroundings keep your eyes busy throughout the meal if you get sick of looking at your dinner date. Perfect for taking pics.
Danny is in school to be a TV writer. We are already working on our first screen play too. My idea, but he will have to write it, as I haven't the time. It's a movie, well, centered around music, that's all I can tell you for now, snap.
I can't believe Danny has never posed at Times Square yet. He almost got run over, pants down and all. Anyways, I am happy to be back in the USA, NYC fucking ROCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I feel overwhelmed though, as I have to write my weekly column today and I STILL have not finished my Zappanale blog. UGH!! I have to do it within 48 hours or I will enter "self loathing" territory and won't be able to sleep. If I don't write, I feel constipated. Like posting a big blog makes me feel lighter, you know that feeling I am talking about. Like you just took the BEST dump ever. I am a blog addict. I admit it. It's 7am and the sun is shining and I am STILL UP. Back to my old sleep pattern. The sun is over rated anyways.
Ttyl
x
ps. I got a call from a VIP, so I could be going to Philly this weekend to massage them. Would LOVE to say who it is, but that would jinx it..
Birth place of the Zappanale
Last video from my Zappanale journey. Off to NYC will do the blog soon, promise
x
Steve Vai & Dublin (great combo)
Been beyond busy, hence the delay….
Ryan Air has extremely cheap flights to Ireland so I decided to pop over to Dublin to have a look, meet my two girlfriends from Boston, Christin and Nicole (who brought another gal pal with them named Christy). The main focus of the trip was the Steve Vai show on July 24th. I arrived a few days early to really get to know Dublin. It didn't take long as it's very small. I was surprised already on the plane that the pilot and flight attendants were all Polish. Then I took a cab to my hotel, and my cabbie was Polish.
Checked into my hotel (I stayed at the Harding Hotel in Dublin, which was pretty cheap and very central) and the staff was 90% Polish (the rest were Turkish). The only Irish person in the whole hotel was the bar tender. This may sound normal to you but I thought I would meet lots of Irish people there, but I didn't. I love Polish people.. I know a few and one even works for me, so I have nothing against Polish people what so ever. If anything, we bond in Germany when we are fed up with the Berliners sometimes.
But I could not get over how Dublin is predominantly Polish. Holy fucking Kielbasa!
Knowing I have a massive sleep disorder (have to have the room pitch black with a fan running to drown out any noise and it has to be cool; almost cold for me to sleep AND I have to have ear plugs too) I rang the hotel ahead of time and pleaded with them to give me a very quiet room. Imagine the surprise when I looked out my window and saw this church ^ which has an hourly church bell habit as well as the busy street below that hosts a nightly parade of drunks shouting at each other.
Oh well, the bed was fucking amazing. It is the first time ever that I actually slept in the bed at a hotel. I always drag all the bedding onto the floor and sleep there. The bed was the fucking bomb. I like my bed the same way I like my guy, big and hard.
Not sure if you saw the two videos I made about my Dublin trip, if not, click HERE for part 1
and HERE for part 2.
That building above is the Dublin Castle. When I saw it I asked people in the parking lot, who looked equally confused if that was the castle. I suppose good things come in small packages, but is that also true when it comes to men and castles?
^ That is the Dublin Police head quarters. They still use the Irish language, Gaelic, hence the word, Garda, instead of Police. All the cops wear vests and shirts etc, that say "Garda" NOT "Police". Garda looks rather Spanish to me, but then again weren't they conquered ages ago by the Spanish? Don't quote me on that.. but still, many Irish people have dark brown eyes, dark hair and look a tad Spanish… Then there's the other lot, with ginger or fair hair and light eyes, which are probably products left by the Vikings when they took over. If the Irish would stop fucking drinking so much, maybe people who stop kicking their asses. heh heh.
My favorite look would be the really dark hair and light eyed combo. They are to die for. They usually have naturally blood red lips and pale skin to go with the dark hair and light eyes, like Cillian Murphy (SCHWING!)
or like my ex boyfriend Alister Matthews from Northern Ireland (been there many times but this was my first trip to the South).
Sorry, I can't be bothered to get up, dig for a picture of Alister to scan in and post on here, but he looks a lot like Cillian. sigh.
Oh I really played the tourist in Dublin. I basically had my camera in my hand at all times. Even in the rain. By the way, it was fucking FREEZING and wet 99.9% of the time I was there. Bring WARM rain proof clothes no matter what time of year you visit Ireland, K?
That picture ^ is of the back court yard of the Castle. It is gorgeous there. Must be even more so when the fucking sun shines.
More of the court yard ^
These Ducks were chillin' in the Castle courtyard, getting hand outs from the tourists. If I was a duck, I would probably live there too. Free food, gorgeous castle, etc . Cute……………
My foot, on tour as usual ^
My first night there was spent at the Purdy Kitchen, a popular bar at Temple Bar (area of Dublin where people drink until they vomit on a daily basis).
The two karaoke DJ's above have the biggest
song list I have ever seen. The one on the left with the facial hair, is Wez. He also sings for a U2 cover band, so it was a treat when he grabbed the mic and belted out a few U2 songs. They both sang 4 songs EACH before they started letting karaoke whores like me grab the mic. I told them if they pulled that in NYC they would be smacked around. We don't like the DJ's to sing too often know what I mean? The place is packed every night but Thursday is karaoke night if you are heading there and love to sing and/or watch people sing.
I know, I KNOW, I have to learn about "Red Eye Reduction". I can't hear that anymore. I am trying to work that out.. DOH!
< Real Irish peoople!
Holy FUCK! These were the first Irish people I met in Dublin. To meet a real Irish person in Dublin is like meeting a rock star. Can I have your fucking autograph? There are so few of them, you quiver when you finally meet one. I suppose Dublin is like any major city. It's a melting pot. I get it now. Dublin happens to be the most expensive melting pot I have ever come across and I am not a penny pincher, believe me. Save up baby if you want to go to Dublin. Oh, the two DJ's are Irish too….
oh, my hotel has karaoke every Friday night, and it fucking ROCKED!
A view from the tour bus I jumped on.. All the smokers have to stand out side. Boo fucking hooooo.
The Guinness family has to be the richest family in Ireland. EVERYONE drinks the dark brew. I have never even tried it, so I didn't bother taking the tour of the brewery. I once stayed over at Miranda Guinness's house in like 1993. Her sister is currently dating Paul McCartney (lucky betch). My pal Alan Dunn of the Rolling Stones (logistics manager and Mick's right hand) is very good friends with Miranda and she used to be Mick's personal assistant for years… long story, but Alan brought me there once to hang with Miranda and her then beau Keith. She had a gorgeous house, almost as big as the Dublin castle. Where am I going with all this trivia? No idea. It's 4:20am. inhale. exhale. 4:20.
Random statue in Pheonix Park (the largest enclosed park in Europe). The tour bus driver was telling everyone what each statue was blah blah blah, but he spoke so fast and with such a heavy accent, I only caught like 50% of the info..
Maybe it sounds dumb, but somehow Dublin reminded me a bit of Venice. Lots of water ways, cute bridges and Italians.
I gave him 1 euro. Hope he called his mom like he said he would.
Colors galore. American's galore. Temple bar, is PACKED with yanks. I met and heard more Americans in Dublin then I do in NYC.
The street performers (buskers) were extremely entertaining. There is always a party brewing on the streets of Dublin. I asked everyone around if it is just like this in the summer and they insisted it is like that all year round.
These ladies caught my eye for obvious reasons. They are so friendly and sweet. They are in a group for ladies over 50 called the
Red Hat Society . Hey! Madonna can join now. Her birthday is today. Happy Birthday Madge. x
Look at what was wandering the streets of Dublin ^ *sigh*
My FAVORITE hang out in Dublin ^
If you love rock and roll, go there. They have two floors of ROCK. The bottom floor has two rooms, one with death metal and one with classic rock. It is of course, smoke free and packed with cool folks. Oh yeah, I eventually found more Irish people. They all hang North of Dame street, like Trinity street, Grafton street. AWAY from Temple bar, where all the tourist are..
< Thin Lizzy ROCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NO, I am not pounding a beer. I have never even tried a beer. That is cider. I discovered it is hard to find decent wine in Dublin, as they love their beer, so I went for cider instead. My favorite, Bulmers light. Yummy as fucking, no hang over head ache and it's not filling. I was not paid to write that, I swear.
Local Rock fan.. think his name was John. Any fan of AC/DC is a friend of mine. Hell yeah.
That ^ is U2's hotel. Not the hotel they stay in, the hotel they OWN. I didn't stay there as I think the rooms start at 500 euro a night. Guess they need the money. Speaking of hotels, if you didn't see my youtube Dublin videos, you didn't hear me say that you are NOT allowed to have guests in your hotel room in Ireland. Not even for a minute to help with your bags. Not even to get, or give a massage. If you book a double room, you can naturally have that person that is also registered in your room, but ONLY registered guest can go in your room. I am not kidding or exaggerating for fun. I called many hotels and asked about this, thinking mine was prude. They all have this rules. A few years ago a man brought a woman to his hotel room (gasp) and he passed out and she robbed him blind. He then sued the hotel (the Jury hotel to be exact) for over 50,000 euro. That is maybe a factor. At any rate, if you want get a massage or make out, you will have to do it outside, in the rain. The observation cameras attached to most walls outside will just add to the excitement.
Two New Englander Rock chicks at your service ^
Christin and I weathering the erm, weather.
I couldn't get enough of the sights
The night before the Steve Vai show was a blast. A lot of the Vai fans met and partied, as you can see ^
You can see me hiding behind the big mouthed insane fucker from Spain. He was mental. Fun! But mental.
Steve gives a little talk and Q & A with his fans before each show. He calls this intimate meeting the "Evo ". Naturally not everyone gets to attend the Evo, it cost a bit, but it's worth it. I luckily got to see it for free as I was there to massage him and his band. I felt guilty getting in there for free, as I think it cost like 200 euro to enjoy an Evo. He has two guitars, I heard, one called Evo and one called Flo.
'
We met a hard core Vai fan at the Evo called John. Christin and Nicole were front and center of the Evo, as usual. If you google "Dedicated Fan" you will probably see a picture of these two "crazy red heads" as Steve adoringly calls them.
Steve treats his fans better than any artist,r ockor pop star I have ever met. He really takes care of them. Takes lots of time answering their questions (even if they don't go to the Evo, and they just meet him after the show outside, etc).
He is so fucking cool. Love the Vai!
'
I had my Dublin massage assistant, Bernice, who is originally from Spain, join me at the gig to massage. Her sister, Wanda, also works for me in Kilkenny, Ireland. Bernice ROCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!
< Michelle
Another hard core Vai fan, Michelle, from Belfast. She drove down for the show and showed us her new Steve Vai tattoo. Oh, I forgot to mention, if you pay to go to the Evo, you get to witness the sound check too. You also get an autograph and to pose with Steve for a picture. What a man. x
Christin in her element ^
Roger is a special sound man. He has worked with everyone. He has produced a few Little Feat albums as well.. His resume' is overwhelming. Steve begged him to do the tour. Now that is the ultimate stamp of approval. Yes.
Steve was insanely ill that day. He had the flu, big time. He was shaking, sweating, feverish, fucking ILL! He was very hoarse too. He explained that to everyone at the Evo, but still put on an amazing show and was very pleasant. He said he even remembered the guy who gave him that virus. It was a fan in London. He was too close to him and the guy breathed on him so heavy, he could feel the virus leap down into his lungs. lol. Well, after massaging him, I felt kinda of ill, and Christin and Nicole said I must have caught the "Steve Vairus" har har har. I then passed the Steve Vairus around at the Zappanale (Frank Zappa festival- blog coming soon).
Sound checks RULE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
'
I am very proud of this shot ^
Bryan plays a mean fucking bass. His girlfriend, Kira Small was there too. She is a singer and they both live in Tennessee. Great couple. I even bought her cd. She sings like a black woman, nice and smooth, with soul.
No one could take their eyes off the sexy violinis. Ann Marie is pretty hot too. heh heh.
Seriously, these two are fierce. Was a pleasant addition to the show. I asked Alex could he play "The Devil went down to Georgia" on his fiddle. He said he can not only play it, but has played it with the Charlie Daniels band together. Niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice.
John, like I mentioned before, is a hard core Vai fan. And nice to look at. 
The man, the legend ^ Dave Weiner
One of the wildest drummers I have ever seen or hear ^ Jeremy Colson is INSANE on the drums.
He reminds me of the Tazmanian Devil for some reason.
Ok, you may be wondering why I posted an old pic of Steve and I. I did get a new pic of us together, but it came out crappy and I mean really blurry/shit. So I am recycling instead.
Jeremy has some local friends in Dublin who are tattoo freaks and apparently did a few of his tattoos and they are making a dvd about tattoos etc. and Steve was nice enough to allow them to interview him along with Jeremy. It was great to sit there and listen/witness the whole interview. Fun to hear Steve tell private stories and explain his tattoo (that he drew himself).
The show was fucking incredible. Steve is one of the best guitarist in the world. His shows are so exciting and watching him play is hypnotic. I can't wait for the next shows (sept in Long Island and NJ, yea baby)…
No, I didn't take this shot ^ I nabbed it from Steve's site. I am sure he won't mind 😉
Another thing, Steve's son, Julian is 18 and in massage school right now. He wants to join my massage team. Steve said he will fly him out to where ever I am when he graduates to take the Dr. Dot massage test. I am excited. Imagine that, to have some rock and roll royal blood on my team. You can book your massage from Mr. Vai through me 
yay! x
Nicole, me and Christin spreadin' the love.
Why would I take a picture of the post office in Dublin? Because it's a special land mark. Read:
" Built in 1818, the General Post Office in O'Connell Street was designed by Francis Johnston.
In 1916 an Irish republic was proclaimed from the General Post Office by Padraig Pearse and James Connolly who were leaders of the Easter Rising.
A fire broke out, destroying most of the interior and the General Post Office was closed until it was renovated in 1929. At the front of the building visitors can still see the shell marks of 1916."
If shell marks impress you, Berlin will make you cream your jeans.
'
Christy is a sweety. Her eyes are so pretty in person, like a husky dog. A horny husky dog.
Finally some color in Dublin. A pleasant change to the gray skies. Oh, before I forget, my favorite restaurant in Dublin hands down is Thai Orchid on Westmorland street. OMG, the food and service is out of this world. I ate there almost every day. I am a creature of habit. I also found a 24 hour a day internet cafe, along the river on Wellington Quay. Bring hand sanitizer and baby wipes, it's dirty and greasy as fuck, but hey, it's open 24/7.
x
Frank Zappa, the Meerkat
One of my all time favorite show's "Meerkat Manor" is obviously written by a Zappa fan. One of the new Meerkat families are called the "Zappa" family and the dominant male Meerkat of the Zappa family is Frank. Read on:
"Having found a potential mate within the Zappa tribe, Zaphod finds his efforts hampered by Frank the Zappa's dominant male. Despite the hardships, Zaphod is determined to make a go of living alone."
Click HERE to read more about Frank Zappa, the Meerkat
Bad Doberan, Rostock, etc.
I am still at the birth place of the Zappanale.. Bad Doberan, Germany (formerly East Germany) being spoiled by the founder of the Zappanale himself and his lovely family. They are showing me around the whole area, it is amazing. Will blog about Dublin and the Zappanale as soon as I get back to Berlin.
peace
x