Month: October 2004

Happy Halloween!

and..

Don’t forget: 
 
 
 
National Celibacy Day 
November 2 
 
NO DICK – NO BUSH  

www.nakedpicturesofmyexboyfriend.com  is currently taking submissions. Send to: revengeforgirls@nakedpicturesofmyexboyfriend.com

Feel free to include information regarding why he deserves to be on the site (and when i say naked im not talking pornographic.

just anything embarrassing.)

thank you,

Stephanie.

www.didujustcallmebitch.com 

“A girl don’t need
No fancy grease
To get herself
Some rump release
Any kind
Of lube’ll do
Maybe from another
Part of you
Lube from the North
Lube from the South
Take a little slobber
(Take a little slobber!)
From the side of your mouth
Roll it over
Grease it down
Here come that crazy
Screamin’ sound . . .
Keep it greasey so it’ll go down easy”

ZAPPA:  THE BEST

Still in Berlin and I have no good excuse for the lack of blogging except the dial up connection makes it take hours to do so. I have accomplished many good things during this trip, like shipping a lot of my stuff to NYC which means my move back to the US is slowly but surely looking permanent. I will fly back to NYC on October 29th, just in time for a killer karaoke Halloween.

I know I want to stay in the US but as long as Jasmine thrives here in Berlin, I have to have one foot here per say, as well. All of my huge framed rock star pictures are now on a boat heading towards Manhattan. The flat will finally look like the Hard Rock Cafe it’s meant to be.

‘Rolling Stone’- ITALY called yesterday for a one hour phone interview. They will print a whole page story with a few pictures of me and my favorite star clients for the December issue. The reporter who called was very cool. His name was Michele, which is exactly how my OTHER sister spells her name. I thought all the while a chick would be calling me, much to my surprise; ‘Michele’ is a guy. I made him laugh the whole time so it should be a fun read.

A very odd thing has happened to me over the last few days. A girl named Alicia contacted me, asking me if I remember her from school. I was like, which school? I went to 15 different schools in the standard 12 years us Yanks have to endure. She went on to say, 9th and 10th grade, in Virginia Beach, Va. OH, I wrote back, you mean the preppy girl with dark hair? ‘Yes, that’s me’ she answered.

The hairs on the back of my neck were already standing up when she confirmed it was her. She was in a couple of my classes and I was jealous of her because she looked so clean, so looked after, so rich, so proper, so god dammed perfect. I couldn’t even imagine her on the crapper, you know what I mean? I was dressing like Riff Randal from the film “Rock and Roll High School” starring the Ramones.

I had checkered Vans (sneakers!), dyed purple jeans with safety pins all over them and at the strip near the beach, I wore the tiniest white bikini money could buy. My half dad and step mom had their hands full with my sister and brothers, so I had a HUGE amount of freedom. I was wild, playing Janet every weekend at the Mall’s cinema “Rocky Horror Picture Show” show. While the film played, our cast acted it out on stage. If you have seen this film, you will know, Janet didn’t wear much in most of the flick. I also went to a few concerts a week. The whole school knew about me meeting bands, in other words, I appalled her with my wild rock and roll ways and she appalled me with her squeaky clean looks and manners. One day at the strip she and her mom were driving along and spotted me and my gal pals strutting our shit and pulled up to say hi and their draws dropped when they got a look at what we weren’t wearing. The next day she told me she could never dress like that.

MEOW! We were like good kitty/ bad kitty. Anyways, after a few emails, she explained her life has changed so much since then and she thanked me for rubbing some of my rock and roll ways onto her ‘clean’ sweater. Now she is a singer/song writer out in Hollywood. We have so much in common: her parents died sadly in a car crash; both of my parents died very tragically (my biological father shot his head off; mom basically took her own life). Rather then wallowing in self-pity, we both got very ambitious and chose music/show biz (in one way or another). It is so strange, especially, get this, our birthdays. We were born EXACTLY the same day, month, and YEAR! How odd is that after 20 years our paths cross again and we find out we aren’t as different as we thought back in school. I told her I hate LA but will come out to visit her around Turkey day. I have a few other folks out there I have to visit anyways, but now at least I have a gal pal to hang out with. As soon as Tammy (the woman who brought us together per email) finishes her web site, I will post her site on my blog, until then, feast your eyes on Alicia:

   I will massage her for putting me up during my stay in LA. She said she will show me around. I warned her, I am NY, not LA! I have an attitude and refuse to brown nose. Hate all that ass kissing that goes on out there in Tinsel Town. We’ll see how it goes, I am open minded, I’ll give it one more chance. But for now, I’m homeward bound.

‘Tonight I’ll sing my songs again, I’ll play the game and pretend
But all my words come back to me, in shades of mediocrity
Like emptiness and harmony, I need someone to comfort me

Homeward bound, I wish I was homeward bound
Home, where my thoughts escape, at home, where my music’s playin’
Home, where my love lies waitin’ silently for me’

Simon and Garfunkel

 Hey Dr,

They say it's your birthday
It's my birthday too, yea
They say it's your birthday
We're gonna have a good time
I'm glad it's your birthday
Happy birthday to you


Yes we're going to a party, party
Yes we're going to a party, party
Yes we're going to a party, party
I would like you to dance (Birthday)
Take  cha cha cha chance (Birthday)
I would like you to dance (Birthday)
Oh, yea

BEATLES

cheers to my pal Joanna for the joke

Sitting here watching my ‘Paul McCartney Back in the U.S concert film’ DVD trying to find the mood to blog. The weather here bites; it’s gray, raining, and freezing. The people here, well, in my neighborhood anyways, are absolute snobby pricks who pick at each other about every tiny thing. Seems like every citizen here takes it upon themselves to be a cop. It’s like being in the army here. Speaking of cops, I did have one run in with them since I have been here in Berlin. I was roller-blading home the other night from visiting my gal pal Andrea and web master, Nobbi and I always skate in the streets, as it is smoother.

It was about 1am and the cops yelled at me through their bullhorn and told me to pull over. I just blurted out wicked loud “I don’t speak German sorry!”. Making them stutter and try to tell me in English to skate on the sidewalk. What ever. I waited until they were gone and hit the streets again. There were no cars out anyhow at that time and the sidewalks here are mostly made of cobble-stone(aka skating hell).

I am going mad living between these two countries. Jasmine just called me from NYC, she is taking two of my vintage Stones concert shirts and selling them at some shop in the East Village that pays A LOT for old concert shirts. Mine are worth a mint. She said they just gave her $100 per shirt. She only has two of them with her, thank god, as we all know being in NYC with lots of cash only leads to binge shopping and no good.

I pretty much want to sell every thing I have except my star photographs, cds and clothes. Tired of being bogged down with material items. I have over 200 STONES LPS! They are all mint condition, not one scratch, most sealed in original coating. I have over 500 music cassettes (most live music) which will slowly be put onto cd format by my Zappa freak pal, John. Then I want all that shit gone. Amazing how much crap one can gather over the years. Now I have tons of shit in both countries. Not too E-Bay savvy, so that won’t work. Maybe I will just have a tag sale someday.

I do have pictures and tales of my karaoke early birthday bash to share though. Even though my birthday isn’t until October 19th, the magazine I write my Ask Dr. Dot column for over here in Berlin called the ‘Ex-Berliner’ and my German Agent, Bjoern, threw me a party at the FRANZ club. Karaoke Monster “Ron” was the DJ and so it went like this, first there was normal karaoke, which had the BEST sound I have ever heard so far. The Franz club has their own SOUND GUYS and lighting guys. There is a huge stage, I mean I have seen bands like the B-52’s, Ramones and Madness play on smaller stages then this. After 90 minutes of karaoke, a live band came on called “the Human karaoke machine”. They have a big list of songs they can play and you sing the song you want with the live band. They all put these wild purple punk/mullet style wigs on and kick ass. The female bass player is from Detroit and the rest of the band is German.

I felt so comfortable with them that you may think we have jammed together many times. You can look and listen to the video Andrea made of me singing “Whole lotta love” on my web sites (click on camera number 5). Andrea’s camera is not a professional video camera, it is a digital camera that can also make tiny videos, so it isn’t the best quality, but you get the idea. Of course it doesn’t do the sound quality any justice, but I will have to have Jonesy video tape me with a good camera once I get back to the states. My knees are still black and blue from doing my rock star crap on stage that night. Little did I know, karaoke monster shows a video before everything starts to warn people to put knee pads on before they start karaoke.

That above is me with the Human Karaoke Machine. Below, Sabine and Andrea (two very good pals of mine)

Above: Sammy my French pal; known him for years. He is sarcastic as hell, he has an attitude, like the French do (heehee) hard to explain, but he is a good laugh, wicked fun to hang out with. He won’t do karaoke and he chain smokes, but I still adore him. He belongs in NYC (maybe then he would quit those nasty cancer sticks).