thanks to my friend Johnny C. for turning me onto this 🙂
Next time you go to the farmer's market, you may want to take some protection with you. At least in Berlin.
Reuters is reporting that a motorist in Berlin beat a 24-year-old woman selling white asparagus because he was upset about her asking price for the springtime vegetable.
“The motorist said her prices were totally over the top,” said Dietmar Keck, police spokesman for Havelland district west of Berlin, without adding how much she was asking.
The man screamed at her that her asparagus was overpriced, and punched her in the face and threatened to unleash his attack dog at her. She fled and called police.
Prices for white asparagus fluctuate wildly during the short spring season, peaking in the early season at 10 euros per kilo. Prices now range from 1 to 5 euros per kilo.
“Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater. If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she'll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her. So, if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of shit.”
Please feel free to send me your questions. I will answer them and change your name so know one will know your dirty little secrets.
I'm getting divorced after 22 years of 'bliss'. My wife and I are like oil
and water. I haven't changed since she met me. I’ve the same
interests; the most important one is a need for a loving sexual bond with my mate.
I'm very physical. She’s never been, though at first she put on a good act. She
prefers intercourse more than anything else, and loathes oral. Very rarely in our
years together has oral sex been something that she wanted; to give or receive either!
All my other girlfriends before her, including my first wife who could cum at the
drop of a hat orally and otherwise, loved the way I licked their pussies. My nickname
is "Spock" because my ears had been pulled in ecstasy so many times. I recognize
that there is a technique that most men really can’t master. This is what I’ve been
told by dozens of women over the years.
From the many articles I've read on the subject, it seems that often times, women who are
self-conscious about the way their box smells are typically the ones that hesitate to have
their lovers go down on them for fear of grossing them out. I guess since taste is about
75% smell, they also figure that their pussy tastes bad as well. I LOVE the way pussy
smells, tastes, looks, feels and even sounds!
That old joke 'once you get past the smell, you've got it licked' never made sense to me.
I totally love inhaling the scent of a woman! As I said, it adds to the sensuality. I don't
think it has a damn thing to do with cleanliness. In fact, the inside of a woman's pussy is
typically cleaner than the average mouth, when it comes to bacteria.
Bottom line question: in your experience, how common is it for women to loathe their
partner practicing cunnilingus on them, and why?
Bobby Brown (“watch me now, I'm goin' down.”)
Licking pussy is like a lap dance for your taste buds? Lovely. But if your partner
doesn't like it, you can't force her to spread 'em. Most women do enjoy it, the first few
months, but may grow a bit bored of the same old thing; even if it's heavenly genital
licking. I am well aware of the fact men couldn't
imagine getting bored of head, but women can. If sex becomes routine, women tend to get a
"headache" or a mysterious second period that month. I hope you aren't divorcing her just
because of her lack of sexual appetite, as that same thing can happen with other,
women as well. If your mind is set on divorce, try to avoid getting married again and/or
living together with a woman if you thrive upon a sizzling sex life. I don't give a FUCK
how hot you/they are, seeing someone ALL the time, sex will get boring and even spectacular
oral becomes routine. Marriage and living together are so overrated and old fashioned. Sure,
it's good for raising kids and trimming your taxes, but even that can be done successfully
while living separately. It all depends what your priorities are; family, sex, free time,
money, etc. It’s hard to have it all and as cliché as it sounds, absence still makes the
heart (and genitals) grow fonder. Last but not least, some women simply don't enjoy having
their twat licked out. Some prefer to give and feel guilty getting pleasure and some ladies
are too nurturing and kind to tell their partner "I've got a spot that gets me hot, and you
ain't been to it!"
I am only 19 but I am sexually active even though I am a tad shy. I have noticed that
the few men I have slept with all want to “69”. I go with the flow, but to be honest
I don’t like it. Why are men so hooked on this? I find it embarrassing to have someone
be face to face with my ass hole. What if they think it’s ugly? What are they THINKING
when they are that close?
Firm & Fruity Fiona
Why are they hooked on it? Exactly the same reason you hate it. They love the close up
view of your twat and chocolate star fish in their face. Don’t worry about them criticizing
your crack, as I am sure they look upon it adoringly. I hate it for a different reason:
it’s unpractical. How can one enjoy receiving great oral when they have to concentrate on
giving great oral? What a stupid fucking concept. I am positive the 69 position was invented
by some horny, unpractical, caveman. Another downside; there is always that chance your man
was in a hurry the last time he wiped his ass. Sniff.
I am recently divorced after a 25 year marriage.. During the entire 25 years,
I (we) never used a condom. I now find myself 'suddenly single', and the women I've
encountered insist on a condom. I completely understand the necessity of their use.
However, I just can't seem to move past the awkwardness and loss of sensation with their
use. In fact, I hate them! Any suggestions?
No one likes them, not even us girls. Have the lucky lady suck on you while you unwrap
the condom. Say "do us a favor darling and keep me in your mouth while I wrestle with
this thing", make it fun and they will. Hopefully she will give you good head while you
get it ready, then quickly slip it on and slip in her as fast as you can.
It would be best to give her good oral, no, GREAT oral before the condom is even mentioned,
to make sure she got her fun before you possibly loose the nerve. If you go soft while
wearing the condom, try to make her cum with your mouth or hands and then wank off
onto her breasts or face…It may take time to train him to get used to the ol' wet
suit again I'm afraid. Find a girl to be monogamous with and perhaps you can ride bareback again.
My son is 21 and he is dating a 38 year old woman. She looks great for her age; very
youthful and she is fun, and I understand why my son loves her, but I can’t help but
wish she would just disappear and let me boy enjoy his youth. Should I just ignore this
potentially hazardous relationship or try to wake him out of this puppy love?
When a person is 21, they can and will do whatever the fuck they want. You can buy him a
copy of the film Harold and Maude and hope he get’s your point, but as long as they are
both happy why make waves? The more you mention it to him, the more you will drive him
towards her. He has many years to experiment and fool around; she should be the worried
one, not you nor your young ripe son. Rather than trying to fight the Cougar trend, try
to love him unconditionally like a parent should. What will be, will be.
All women should live so long as to be this kind of old lady!
Toward the end of Sunday service, the Minister asked,'How many of you have forgiven your enemies?'
80% held up their hands.
The Minister then repeated his question. All responded this time, except one small elderly lady.
'Mrs. Neely?'; 'Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?'
I don't have any.' She replied, smiling sweetly.
'Mrs. Neely, that is very unusual. How old are you?'
'Ninety-eight.' she replied.
'Oh, Mrs. Neely, would you please come down in front & tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years & not have an enemy in the world?'
The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, faced the congregation, and said,'I outlived the bitches.'
Here's my story
I’m 32 and find myself in my first relationship ever – I’ve never felt too comfortable,
nor turned on, by sex….and now I have a boyfriend that I like but I am not turned on
when we have sex…and needless to say, I do not cum….I’m somewhat self-conscious
when it comes to broaching this up with him, but I would like to enjoy sex with him but
am not sure if this is possible-how do I find out what turns me on (and no, I
do not have an active imagination.I’ve tried.I do not even care to masturbate.
waiting and Wanting
Wanking in the shower is fun, but can be hazardous ^
If you are on the birth control pill, overweight or depressed, that could be the reason
for your lack of sex drive. If none of those apply,
it could be that you are just not a sexual person, in this case, my
heart goes out to you.
Just like a smoker can't quit unless he wants to, a non sexual person can't cum
unless they want to. Only you can answer that question.
You are right not to tell him your dilemma, as no man wants to hear that their
Girlfriend doesn't like to fuck. However, if you are screwing and
there is a spot that you want to him rub/lick/reach, then make sure you tell him.
Communication is the key to good sex. Maybe you don't like to masturbate because
you haven't done it correctly.
Make a hot date with yourself, sip some wine, have a hot bath then spread a blanket
out on the floor and put two or three pillows vertically on top of each other,
forming what will be your "man". The floor is best for getting up into the
hard to reach spot, also known as your clit. Cover pillows with a towel, as
they will get wet. Pop a naughty movie into your player and make sure some lube and
remote control are within reach.
Lube up your favorite hand and lie on top of your hand and the pillows. No need to
go inside, as the clit is what needs to be stimulated; this can be done easily
by having your four fingers together (loads of lube) and rocking back and
forth on top of your fingers (riding on hand which is between you and pillows).
The pillows need to be vertical, as your legs should drape down on each side
of pillows making more pressure on your hand/clit. Let go of all pointless thoughts,
just get selfish and make sure you cum. Once you learn to do that, you will know
what pressure and frame of mind it takes to trip your trigger. Some girls can make
themselves cum on a guy much easier than having the guy make her cum. If you are
a slight control freak, you may have to make yourself cum on the guy (you on top
for example). As disturbing as it sounds, the clit is just like a tiny penis, in
fact, some say it is. Treat it accordingly. Inner stimulation is fun, but the clit
needs action to climax. Also, you could have an affair with your shower-head if
it has enough pressure. Once you find out how fun it is to make yourself cum, show
him what worked and try to incorporate him into your repertoire.
< Find your magic spot
I am finally single again after 6 long years of HELL with my ex girlfriend who loathed sex.
Now I am dating a married mother of 2, yes, I know I'm a mother fucker. She said she will never
leave her rich but boring husband but loves to fuck me. Problem is, she is super jealous. She
has been bitching about my female friends and even trying to read my text messages etc.
I find the attention flattering as my ex didn't give a shit but I am starting to feel smothered.
How can I improve this otherwise perfect set up?
The best way to stop jealousy is to stop it right away. Show your new partner their boundaries as soon
as they start to over step them. Telling a woman "I find jealous very unattractive; a complete
TURN OFF!". This should end it, if not she is stubborn or dumb, both traits are worse than jealousy.
Remind her gently that she is sleeping with another man every night, then kiss her to shut her up.
A nice kiss will shut her up ^
Is it bad to not really wanna date guys with no money anymore? Been there done that, the whole
broke guy thing, and I just feel like I am going backwards when I start dating guys with little
funds. I am not superficial like it sounds, and I know guys with bucks can be dicks, too.
Anyway, I have a lot of guys asking me out these days, but none that really really have their
shit together, and I feel that going out with them is a waste of time since I know that I really
don't want them. I would rather be alone honestly than do a sympathy date or fuck. And I don't
think I am shutting myself out to some great guys because I dated so many from all over the world
that I feel my weeding out factor is strong now. I just wonder if now my standards are ridiculous.
high, that is.
< Just kidding
Men leave their old wives for young, fertile women all the time. Men stare at young, perky tits on a
daily basis, not only because they look gorgeous, but because it's natures way of drawing them to a
fertile partner. The same goes for women being drawn to strong, secure men, which used to be just
a muscular thing centuries ago, but now, a bank account has replaced the muscle attraction for most
women. Just like animals, the female chooses the most eligible partner to breed with, so do modern
ladies. It doesn't mean they are gold digger's, it means they are looking for a secure man to have
kids with and/or to settle down with. Making sure he can take care of you and your possible offspring
is normal. Some men actually respect and yearn for a woman who expects a lot from them. It somehow
motivates them,it challenges them and most men LOVE a challenge! (Sports, wars, competitions, gambling).
Nothing wrong in falling for a man who can also support you. "Would you walk away from a fool and his money?”
Some women prefer to date men who can change their diapers, I mean, take care of them ^
Please forgive my English, I am French.
Since 4 months I live with my girlfriend and her 4 yr. old daughter. My
Girlfriend is always stressed… I made everything possible to help her, I
take good care of the child. She moved in with me as she lived in a far away
Since she moved in she seems always under stress, and the result is that she
is angry for nothing and talk to me like crap (so we argue a lot about that
because I hate it) + she is always so tired and he have sex only 2 / 4 times a
month (at the beginning it was a least everyday / twice a day)! The good point
is when we do, sex is always very wild and good.
I love sex, may be too much, and I feel I don't have enough, the more I ask my
girlfriend it feels like the less I have…
She tells me it's not about me, that it's only because her work is bothering
her too much, that she is not used to the stress of living in a big city + the fact
that my flat is too small (one room for the two of us + her daughter) Her
reason are right I can understand all that but the point is I really feel like
starving for sex… I know it doesn't sound nice but that's the way it is….
< Yes baby, like that
These guys know what women REALLY want ^
Now you know why I frown upon living with a lover. If you LOVE sex, don’t
Live together. I know, I know, it’s too late and most folks aim for it their whole
Life, but that is my personal opinion. IF you have to live with someone, having
your OWN room could keep things hot, so you may want to save up and get a
bigger place, it will be worth every penny if you are getting your leg over more
often. Now, moving onto your cold shrew. She may be drinking too much coffee,
this makes everyone STRESS out! Try to buy some decaffeinated coffee and sneak
it into her real coffee without her knowing.
Also, massage her FEET every night, each foot 10 minutes or more. Then her
legs and back, this should make her want sex, maybe even ask you for it.
Candle lit Massage and a glass of red wine and some cow-tongue oral sex should
bring on the taming of the shrew.
I am dating a college guy, who seems like a potential long term partner. All of
his friends are married (which is a good sign) and when he invites me out on dates,
it’s usually with a few other couples. Last time the husbands were VERY friendly
to me and I got bitchy vibes from the Jersey wives. I can’t help it if I am like one of
the guys, I am fun. It’s been a week since I heard from him and I sense it could
be due to the ice storm from the wives, they may have scathed their husbands and
him for having such a social girlfriend. I also told him in a drunken moment that
“I am only interested in having fun, nothing serious”. How can I make things better?
I don’t want to lose him.
Skated on thin ice in NJ
Tell him to leave the wives at home ^
It’s great that he hangs with relationship minded couples and a good sign that he
brings you into his social circle. One on one dating is already nerve wracking but
when you toss in a few bitchy females and flirty males it becomes a complicated high
school style Bitch-fest. Let him contact you first, as nothing keeps a man away from
a woman he adores, not even a challenging comment like “I don’t want anything serious”.
When he does contact you (if he doesn’t, think of it as his loss) tell him you love
being with him but are too shy for group dates. If he insists on it,
agree but tell him you would prefer just drinks or just dinner and to look for your
“lets leave” glance because you can’t WAIT to get him alone to suck his cock.
Just be yourself and if the ladies don’t like you, they will hopefully ban their
husbands from dates that include you, saving you from being the complicated nag.
My new boy friend leaves stuff behind every time he comes over to fuck me. He also
leaves a mess in my kitchen. Everything else is perfect. How can I tame this cave man?
< Typical territorial Male behavior
He is marking his territory, and if he is the only one you are dating/shagging, find
a corner or drawer for his left behind ‘markings” and if that is the only bad thing he does
( leaves a mess in your kitchen) , consider your self lucky, it’s not even worth mentioning.
Let it slide and save the bitching for important things like cheating, blatantly
drooling over other women in your presence or making you buy your own dinner/drinks.
Hopefully you don’t have to reserve a room in hell, as I know I will need one
eventually. I am dating a man who treats me like a Queen in every way possible,
it’s almost embarrassing how much he does for me. Thing is (there always is a
“thing” isn’t there?) he is FUGLY. The sex isn’t that bad after I suck down a
few drinks but I could easily live without it. I certainly can’t come as his
looks turn me off. Should I end it or tolerate it?
Beauty and the Generous Beast
Looks are just an initial attraction to lure us to breed, they are great but
everyone gets old, grey and ugly as sin eventually.
Why not just fuck him doggy style? You don't look at the mantelpiece when you
poke the fire.
Dear Dr. Dot,
In the beginning of my relationship with my girlfriend, she was naughtier than I was. She brought me to swingers clubs and eagerly put a porn dvd in before we did the deed. Now, 6 months later, she rips my face off even if I look at a Girls Gone Wild commercial too long. I feel like she is a different person now. How do I get her to be dirty again?
Sounds like a case of the ol' bait and switch. I know a guy whose wife did the same thing, now they only shag to reproduce. I think that is down rite cruel. Luckily you aren't married yet and you can bail. Before giving up completely, just go back to your old ways, and when she reacts like a nun, call her on it, tell her it's unfair and very misleading to reel you in with a strong sex appeal that was really just a mirage. Speak your mind and be a man about it. It's bullshit behavior and you know it. If she doesn't snap back to her usual self, or at least a toned down version of it, move on. It's (sadly) standard that the sex life cools down a bit, but to go from wild sex to monk like behavior is too much to put up with if you are under 60. Many people put up a false front to lure a partner in, then the “real” habits surface. It depends on how much you love them and what your priorities are when determining whether or not you are going to put up with their crap or not. Life is short, if they aren't making you happy, move the fuck on.
As promised, my favorite females.
Women have Wised Up
For all those men who believe that there's no reason to buy the cow when you can get the milk free, nowadays 80% of women are against marriage because, they too, have wised up to the fact that, for 7 ounces of sausage, It's not worth buying the entire pig
“Manner sind Scweine” 😉
TRANSLATING WOMAN'S ENGLISH
Yes = No