Rod Stewart, Barbara Schoeneberger & Simon Cowell blog ;)

As you can see from the date on the backstage pass below, I have been really busy. So busy, a month has gone and I haven't blogged properly. I've felt full, like when you eat too much, but my head is the full bit; full of blogs (full of shit?), so I am up, blogging, when I should be sleeping, to get rid of all this info rolling around my mind.  

Have you seen "Bruce Almighty" with Jim Carey? How the prayers build up and distract him? That's how it is if I don't write. It gets too loud and chaotic in my head.

Rather embarrassed to say, that I think the whole tonsil operation was a mistake. I thought, since the Doctors told me, they have to come out, meant, having them out would cure everything and I'd feel perfect. Seems now that instead of getting a sore throat, it just goes deeper (any infection) to the lungs. I have another lung infection (well, Berlin mostly heats with nasty COAL, so the air here is like a whore's heart; dirty, really cold and moist. 

I went out Thanksgiving night (will blog about THAT asap) and have been basically in bed since. I have a lot to catch up on, so..moving right along….

Peter, the tour manager of Rod Stewart is a mate of mine, even though I haven't seen him since the Jeff Beck show. He had me come to the Max Schmeling Halle in Berlin to set up and offer massages at my first ever Rod Stewart show. I can't believe I hadn't seen him live since that night. I was waaay into Rod before I even had any pubic hair. I thought he was the sexiest mother fucker on earth, and I didn't even really have a grasp yet what sexy was. Hearing him made me tingle inside; I was a fan. I mean, I've always loved Zappa and the Beatles, but Rod and Mick Jagger, were objects of my desire…tsk tsk.  Watching Rod on TV sing "do ya think I'm sexy" turned me into a horn dog, ditto with Mick singing "Start me up" on Mtv. I admit it, go ahead and laugh. 

SET LIST ^ 

I massaged the band and several roadies as well. One, named Bruce, was about 6 foot 8 inches tall, hung out with me and watched the show after his massage. He's been on the road with Rod for years and years. Big sweet heart.

Bruce, Rod's loyal carpenter/roadie ^ 

 

One of the back up singers was 7 months pregnant, but I only noticed it towards the end of the show. I gave her a foot massage for free after the show, as a tiny gift. Rod takes really good care of his crew, band and managers. I heard it's the plushest tour one can be on, as in, one day off in between every show, which is fucking great if you are touring. The catering was the fucking bomb too. These folks got it good 馃槈

;Rod put on a fantastic show. It was funny as hell to see so many German men dressed up like Rod in the first few rows. Extreme fans who donned his hair color/cut and the same style of clothing too. 

;Still charming and handsome after all those years..and that voice. Oooh la-la. 

I didn't get a picture with Rod, sadly. He "gets bored hanging about backstage" as his manager Lars told me, so he leaves the venue the second the show is over. I was lucky enough, though, to get a signed Football (ok, soccer ball for the yanks) from him 馃檪

After the show, a friend and I went to a birthday party I was invited to from my girlfriend Betty Deluxe (not pictured). 

If you click HERE you can see Betty in action on stage recently, dressed in blue, dancing on stage with Mika.  I have no idea why I didn't snap any shots of the birthday girl…probably because she was so surrounded by her gay friends, I couldn't get a picture of her even if I tried 馃槈

ANYWAYS, two of my other friends were there. Barbara Schoeneberger, who is Germany's cutest, funniest and SMARTEST TV moderator and Andre' Rival, my favorite photographer.

I just went to Youtube and searched "Barbara Schoeneberger" and was pleasantly surprised when I found a video of me on her talk show at the top of the page:


This interview took place in 2000, when she had a show called "Blondes Gift" which means "Blond poison" in German. I was wearing head to toe RUBBER. Sweating my ass off. lol. Anyways,  I LOVE Barbara. She is fucking gorgeous, loves younger men, has ridiculously beautiful breasts and is smart as a fucking whip. Her show was called Blond Poison because she normally ripped her guests a second asshole. She is cheeky as, well, me. We got along perfect, so she was really nice to me; plus, why be mean when I am massaging your feet, right?

  < yum yum, two's better than one

After a couple glasses of wine, well, Barbara and I get kinda friendly. Andre' Rival took this shot of us, he was in heaven. 

Look how cute she is! She is not only a HUGE TV star, she sings too and is going on tour very soon. Click HERE   to see her web site and hear her voice.

Andre' ^ has taken LOADS of pictures of me. I posed naked for him for his book (naked celebrities under his oak tree) which was a first for me (well, apart from the body painting thingy). He is so fucking funny, I call him the Woody Allen of Photography. He has photographed so many presidents and stars, he is probably Germany's best photographer. Love him (and his wife too). She is also a photographer and was there at the party too, but she is rather shy.

 

Andre', Olaf Hajek (famous illustrator) and Barbara. What great night. Berlin can be so fun sometimes. I run into people I know whenever I leave the house, guess I know more people here then I do in the US. Well, I know a lot of folks there too but they are so spread out you know?

 I recently went to London to massage one of my favorite clients of all time, Simon Cowell. Let me tell you, the man does NOT count pennies. He goes ALL out and spoils everyone around him. Almost all rich people I know, are penny pinchers, tight wads, but not Simon. He is THE BIG SPENDER. He is hands down, the most generous client/star I have ever massaged. My flight, hotel, all my food, room service, etc was all paid (I never even see the bill) and there was a mercedes car with driver waiting outside for me whenever I wanted to go anywhere. Business class flight too. Simon insists on the best. He fucking RULES! 

 

Simon fucking RULES!  ^ 

  < My hotel

 I was put up in the Baglioni hotel in London, directly across from Hyde park. I was being nosy and asked the front desk how much my suite cost and they said "500 pounds per day Madam". Daaam. I am not snobby, could have stayed at a cheaper place, but hey, I won't say no. When I checked in the room wasn't ready yet (I got there at 10am). So I sat at the bar and worked on my lap top and the manager there asked me if I was there for the Who. eh? No, why? The Who were having a party in my hotel that night for their new dvd they just released. You won't believe this, but I missed the party. I massaged Simon from 10 pm to 12 midnight and when I got back, the party was over. LONDON bores the FUCK out of this night owl. WTF!!????

< Across from my hotel

I have to think of the Stones song 'Street Fighting Man'

"But what can a poor boy do
Except to sing for a rock n roll band
cause in sleepy london town
Theres just no place for a street fighting man
No.."

 SLEEPY LONDON TOWN indeed! No wonder my mate Joe Jackson moved to Berlin from London. Not only is smoking banned (which I love) BUT, you can't go out after MIDNIGHT! There is NOTHING open. Ok, there are a few cheesy, and I mean CHEESY night clubs with crappy pop/techno music and people who are dying to be important, but they too close at 2 am. HOWEVER, I did find a and I mean A, as in, the ONLY restaurant that is open 24 hours a day called "Vingt-Quatre" on 325 Fulham road. I have been there a couple years ago when I was in town for Sting at Live 8. They serve everything and it's great quality. Expensive as fuck, but I don't mind. I gladly give out big bucks for good food anytime. Don't give a toss about designer clothes, jewelry or cars, but food and music, now they are important to me. 

< Nice folks I met at the 24 hour place

Anyways, I didn't see much of London, as I slept all day, jogged, ate, massaged Simon, then there was nothing open after. Great. But I earned WELL and got treated like a fucking queen, AGAIN, from Simon and his assistant Ali. I am extremely grateful. Love you Simon!  Anyone who talks shit about Simon, simply hasn't met him. He is a fucking gentleman; a sweet heart with a massive sense of humor.

I feel ok now, got a lot off my mind, going to the lung doctor AGAIN. I leave for NYC again in a couple weeks.."start spreadin' the news, I'm leavin' today, I want to be a part of it, New York, New York" yeah baby!

Thank you Philly, PA for showing me another great time x

< Me, dumb ass and sleep deprived forgot to cut the music clip from "Philly Part 1" so the music goes on 3 minutes longer than the freakin' video footage. Oh well, at least it's a great song.   

 I told my uncle Jack that for some strange reason, I felt 'at home in Philly. He said "probably because when your Mother was young, Philly was her stomping grounds, her play ground for raising extreme amounts of hell". My Mom was born in Camden, NJ and even though I hear it's a shit hole now, it was apparently great back then.

I was asked to go to Philly to massage Mr. Simon Cowell, who is on the American Idol audition tour. I left NYC around 2am and Pooh and I got there at 3:55 am. Last time I was in that area, well, Camden, to massage Sting, it took me SIX HOURS because of traffic, so I learned one should never attempt that route in the day time, if in a hurry.  

Had a wonderful sleep on the floor of my Four Seasons Hotel room floor. The bed was as soft as Hugh Hefner's balls. They need to invest in some new mattresses. I prefer the floor anyways. 

 

I find the Philly accent so amusing. Especially the way the say "Coffee". I pretend I didn't hear them and make them repeat it over and over again. It's hilarious. It's like "Cawfee"

Danny, my 'Boken buddy, reminded me that FET my top friend from myspace lives in Philly, so we finally got to meet and make some cheeky pics & videos. 

Don't let him fool you, there is Beer in that there jug ^  Cool

Fet and I had a BLAST from the moment we met. He is a good laugh and has a good heart. 

I didn't know which way to point my camera, there was so much action, so many sights and things to gawk at..

People are STARVING and yet us American's still invent and drive these obscene gas guzzlers that destroy the Ozone at an alarming rate, just to show off and be "cool". Yell

I am at a loss for words….

 Doesn't that look like a beautiful day to you? LOVED it.

 

This is where the naughty behavior started; the statues were oh so inviting.

 "Ride 'em in RAWHIDE!" 

  < A gift from Danny

Danny insisted I give Simon these silly collectors card, which pokes fun at him. I wasn't sure how he would act, but I love to push people's buttons, so I handed it to him and he just laughed. Simon and I chatted for a half hour before I started the massage, I guess so he could get some insight as to what I was like as a person. After a while he realized that I was extremely cheeky, very sarcastic indeed and he said "wow, and I thought I was mean. Dr. Dot you should be on my show; you would even make ME look nice"

Ahh, music to my ears. Heh heh. Yes, I am MEAN. Love it! The Grinch all year long in fact.

Anyways, Simon even posed with the silly card, as you can see below. He is so fucking cool. Some celebs are stuck up or stuck on themselves and refuse to pose and some even snicker at giving an autograph, but Simon was fine with me taking his pic and signing an autograph for me. What a sweet heart.  

 

Danny is over the moon about this ^ fyi

You can tell he is a nice guy by his smiling eyes..

I STILL can't figure out the f*cking self timer on my camer, so I took this one with my left hand ^

I don't have a scanner here, so I had to photograph it ^ Doh! 

 He is for sure one of my favorite clients now. SUPER polite and generous; an English gentleman. 

Typical situation here ^ All bed clothes on the floor, where I sleep, and Pooh close to my heart (I have had him over 20 years & can not sleep without him)

 

 work, work, work, it never ends  ^  and since I LOVE what I do, it doesn't feel like work.

OMG!! LMFAO!!

On my way back up to NYC, one has to pass through Cherry Hill, NJ and I was speeding along, on the phone when this guy above, caught my eye. I nearly caused a major car crash by zipping over a couple lanes of traffic at full speed as not to miss the street closest to this amusing Diner. I even went up a one way street, the wrong way and pulled an illegal u-turn to get into the parking lot. 

This is one of those old fashioned diners, where the people still eat in their cars. ^  I couldn't BELIEVE it. That old couple couldn't believe that I have never seen one before.

 The Elvis impersonator was out there, alone, with a TINY boom box and an Elvis cd, singing away, to NO ONE. He was so sweet to perform for me and pose. I gave him a massive tip and a hug.  It was around 90 degrees out that day, so he must have been sweating his great balls of fire off in that red polyester jumpsuit. Poor fella. The stuff I come across is so bizarre, I am So happy I have my camera on me at ALL times now a days. Wish I did that when I followed the Grateful Dead. That was a nonstop freak show. I was too care free to carry a camera or a cell phone or even a beeper. If it didn't fit in my back pack, it didn't come with me (and yes, Pooh was there with me too). 

It was so fun to meet the photo-shop King in person (Fet). Look at the funny things he makes me ^

Laughing

 

ps. The Elvis impersonator can be contacted at:
mcmichaelshark@yahoo.com
and/or 1-856- 665- 2249