Ask Dr. Dot

Q.

In your last column, you told a man he could improve his penis strength and size by "using it", you said the penis had muscle. Oh my god, Muscle in penile tissue?—and you are supposed to be a sex expert? The only muscle that I am aware of is the one between your ears. Get a real job where you wont misinform people about important health issues.. Of course,the idiot that posed the question is but one step above you.

Amply endowed

A.

 I don't normally answer already answered questions, but Mr. "Amply Endowed" (all the blood that should be in your brain is obviously in your "ample" appendage), you've irritated me like a fucking rash. You seem to be "unaware" of that giant tool you have. There are a few muscles in the cock, one is called the Pubo Coccygeal (PC), that helps maintain an erection and can control premature ejaculation. The width of the penis is determined by two others; the Ischio Cavernous (IC) and Bulbo Cavernous (BC). These two sheets of voluntary muscle wrap around the shaft of the penis like the belts on a radial tire. When pumped and contracted they give added rigidity and thickness to the shaft. As with any of the voluntary muscles, these can be exercised and both their strength and size improved. Like I said " the more you use it the bigger and stronger it gets". Now, kiss my ass, wanker and stop whining about advice you get for FREE. ps. Since when is the size of a man's cock an "important health issue"?

 

 Q.

I am seeing a married man since 1 year, he often comes to me for sex. I love him deeply and love our sex. I often wonder if he getting any at home from his wife and/or if I am his only Mistress. He says she never fucks him and yet he takes ages to come. What's wrong with this picture? How can I find out if I am the only one, or at least the only OTHER one?

Suspicious Sally

  < Take 'em off Bitch!

A.

You can't gauge how often a man is "getting sex" by how fast he shoots his load. He could be wanking several times a day but no intercourse, which could make him last a bit longer, or have a few different women, you will never know. He cheats on his wife, chances of him being true to you are slim, take off your rose colored glasses so you can see that trying to find out where you stand is a huge waste of time. You can't count on or make demands on a borrowed man.

 

Q.

I have a boyfriend who is incredibly small, I want to break up with him because I can't feel him when we have sex, so how do i do it without being horrible. ….'Don't want no short dick man–Mandy'

^ NOT the right way to let him down easy

A.

 First let me tell you how to avoid this dilemma in the future. After you've kissed for a while, give his cock a good squeeze. If he is either too big *sigh* or too small, slowly end the make out session and tell him things are moving too fast, you have to go. Now, to let the poor fella down gently, tell him you decided you want to be single again, or your ex has won you back. The BEST way to get rid of any man without hurting his feelings is to tell him "I'm tired of sex; I don't just want it anymore."

 

 Q.

 My girlfriend (of 8 months) just told me she is pregnant, even though she was on the pill. She claims the anti-biotics she was taking are the reason the pill didn't work. I am freaked out and want to know if this could be true or did she do this on purpose?

Petrified Pete

 A.

It is true, taking certain antibiotics make the pill less effective. Doubting her about this is not a good idea, all you can do is politely ask her what she plans to do and to avoid this situation in the future, remember, No Glove, No Love.

 

Ask Dr. Dot

Q.

Me and my boyfriend are both rather young. We have just started watching porn together and it is rather awkward just sitting there watching it, I mean, what does one normally do? It feels odd how we both just sit there in silence.

Wondering Wanda

 

A.

Try doing it doggy style while you both watch your naughty film or lie on your back while he munches on you (you can have your head hanging over the bed and watch watch upside down or look to the side). When guys watch porn together, they just sit there in silence, but when a couple watches it, you are supposed to get busy. Don't ask him, just get naked and into position, he will follow your lead.

 Q.

  I've been with my boyfriend 10 months now, we are very sexually active and experiment quite alot. He's made me cum through my clitoris, however he has never made me have a vaginal orgasm at all, I have also tried to find my g spot myself, they say it is meant tho be about 2 or 3 inches inside you, however i cannot find anything there at all, i am getting very upset and annoyed by this and I am wondering if it is possible that some women cannot have a vaginal orgasm at all, please help me because it is becoming a major concern of mine, thanks Clity Kate

 

A.

 First of all, this G-spot bullshit is highly overrated. When one is looking for mine, it just makes me have to piss. Ditto with all of my gal pals. The clit is like a tiny penis, in fact, some will argue that it IS a tiny penis that just never grew. SO you have to treat it similar to a penis. Could you make a man cum just by touching his balls? Highly unlikely. One of you would have to touch his cock to get him to cum. Same with the clit. He can lick your clit or slide against it while you two are shagging to get you to cum. Stop worrying so much about a 'vaginal orgasm' or your mysterious G-spot and just enjoy the fact that he can make you cum. I know many women who can't cum at all, so count your blessings.

Q.

My boyfriend of 6 years has never liked kissing or giving oral sex.. also the frequency is about every 12 days… he is 51, and all his other girlfriends have complained about the same issues.. is he gay? Curious Carol

 A.

Honey, if you have been dating him for 6 years and still don't know if he is gay, you have serious problems. Gay men don't date women first of all. They like cock. Did you and the other girlfriends stop to think that maybe he is just a man who doesn't like to suck face/pussy? Kissing is extremely intimate as is oral sex. Some people are just not that deep. Like it or leave it.

 Q.

I am 22 and my girlfriend is 21,and she always wants to suck my dick.That's fine but she always bites it. What would you do to stop this?

crazycasey


A.

 Put a bunch of coins in a tin can and the next time she blows you and her fangs dig in, shake the can aggressively. Dog trainers use this tactic but I am sure it will work for your toothy gal. Tell her to roll her lips over her teeth, like she has no teeth, just gums (like that old lady in the film 'King Pin') and tell her not to let her teeth touch your willy. Explain to her that it's is like being in heaven and hell at the same time.

^ Sex with teeth = Heaven and Hell

 Q.

I have been seeing this guy for three months now… horizontally we are a great match and have a lot of fun… vertically, I unfortunately am finding him more and more boring… and he seems to have fallen in love with me… how do I deal with this situation without breaking his heart??? Bored Bonnie

A.

Why not enjoy the horizontal part with him as much as you can and when you are done tell him you have things to do. Keeping busy is good for the soul, so is great sex. It is hard to find someone who is perfect for you in every category. Be honest with him and tell him you love having sex with him but that's about it. Some men don't mind being on call just for sex. Relying on someone to entertain you is ridiculous. Also, in this day and age, if you are up front about wanting to see other people and practicing safe sex, it's not frowned upon to date more than one person (one who is fun, one who is good in bed, one who spoils you, etc). Besides, there is no "Mr. Right" there is only "Mr. Right-NOW".

Ask Dr. Dot (Chunky Spunk strikes again/ She’s so cold)

Q.
My boyfriend's spunk is so chunky, I would have to chew it to get it down, not
only that, it smells like fish. We're talking chunky style clam chowder here
and he expects me to swallow his salty tide. He gets super annoyed if I don't do
this.
Everything else is fine, but I am not down with this, I would need a blender.
Can you come up with a solution to this?
Gagging Gail

 

A.
   Bring a bag of croutons into the bed room and tell him
you need them to go with your clam chowder.Maybe that will bring the point
home.
If not, next time he cums in your mouth, french kiss him right away, slip some
of his stew into his mouth and see how he likes it.If you don't have the balls to do
that, tell him he needs to drink more water and wank more often, that is
what's clogging his pipes. If that doesn't work, tell him you will only blow
him if it doesn't involve taking his stew into your mouth. Smell and taste are
nature's way of telling you this partner is or isn't the right one to breed
with.


Q.
Dear Dr. Dot-
My job takes me on the road sometimes for up to 8 week at a time.  My wife and
I are in our mid 40's and our sex life is great when I'm at home but when I'm
away, she becomes all about everything but sex.  I don't know how she cannot
feel the need for relief as I do during these long times apart.  We have two
young boys (14/16) and she says she's too busy to even think about sex.  I
have suggested other ways to spice up these weeks apart but she seems to want
no part of it.  I've tried sexy e-mails and several suggestive type phone calls.
I even sent her X-rated pictures of myself but still NO LUCK!  She says she
doesn't even think about sex when I'm away.  I don't know what to do to get
her motor
running from long distance.  She knows I need more sexual attention during
these lengthy road trips but also makes it clear to me she's just not in the
mood when I'm away. This response (or lack of) has become extremely frustrating and
has me resenting her somewhat for her disinterest.  Please help! Should we see a
specialist?
A.
No, don't see a specialist, it will put too much pressure on an already tense
situation.
Most wives want less sex then their husbands, I get these emails every day.
All you can do is play upon her romantic side..
Tell her she looks good, you miss her smile, you can't wait to massage her
feet again, give her genuine compliments ('you are so smart and kind, you are
my wonder woman') and this will hopefully get her to want to reward
you with sex (or as women sometimes prefer, 'love making').
Have you never heard the expression "women fuck to cuddle, men cuddle to
fuck"?
Keep that in mind at all times and follow through with your romantic promises,
foot rubs get all women horney! Just don't slack off, do it for at least 20
minutes, in a candle lit room, with a glass of wine at hand, it should work!
By the way,  most women don't get turned on by x-rated pic's, it takes more
than a visual to get us going AND you should be happy
that she says she is "not interested in sex at all when you aren't around", it
would be hell if she was gaggin' for it while you were away..the UPS man would be having all
the fun.

 

Ask Dr. Dot

Q.
Please help me. I am 39 yrs and I have been married since I was 22. My husband cheated
18 yrs. ago, and 3 yrs. ago. He set up a meeting via Internet with a woman..That
woman was me! (he didn't know it). He seeks "relief" with porno and live
Internet chats. A while ago I came home to
find him with his pants down on line-live.

This has all devastated me. Our sex
life is horrible. Perhaps 7 times last year. He blames me for his behavior and
our lack of sex. He is partially right. I am a typical woman with emotional
needs-when emotional intimacy is lacking-I can not have sex-if so, I feel
used.
This porno has been an issue almost from the start of marriage. At first,
being young I was devastated-but learned to understand the testosterone beast. I
do watch it with him and enjoy it. The live chat thing has been addressed, and
I've many  times expressed my insecurities and he "stops"-only for it to show it's ugly
face again later. He has recently told me that he
masturbates after we have sex-thinking of the sex we just shared. I feel like
a failure-I feel like I will never be enough for him.I still love
him and other then these sex issues, he is an honorable man and truly a
devoted father, keen business man and great friend. I don't
want to leave, but I feel that it is the only thing to do.
I deserve better, and so does he. I just don't know how to leave, it never
seems like a good time to break up our family.
I am graduating college next month and my husband just started his own
business-these things were our life's goals. Funny, we're accomplishing them
and I feel like it's over-I feel like my best friend died.
When I tell him he hurts my feelings when he does the live-on-line chats, he
says he knows it will hurt me but that he
needs the "release"-this tells me that one day that release could be a woman.
That is something I do not want to be around for.
Pissed off Pat

A.

You say he is an 'honorable man' and 'devoted father & friend' and you still love him, so
why even think of leaving him? Bruce Springsteen sings "every body's got a
hungry heart" and he ain't lyin'. Even if you broke up your family and found
another man, the next man will probably watch porn secretly as well. Even if
you watch it with them, they sometimes want to watch it alone, secretly. As we all
know,  forbidden things taste the best! Stop taking his naughty side so seriously.
The more you freak out about it, the more he will do it. If he is treating you good,
that is all that matters! You can NEVER control what another person does and why
would you want to?

If he is blatantly cheating and throwing it in your face, then you
should consider leaving him, but it seems you are hunting for clues and spying on
him (setting up traps for him on-line- tsk tsk!), which
means you have WAY too much free time on your hands and are looking for evidence that
he doesn't love you. You have been together so long, it's only natural to have sexual
fantasies about others and porn makes it easier. If I were you I would concentrate on your
career and kids.
When he wants to show you love, welcome it with open arms. When he wants alone
time with his cock, find something else to do. It doesn't mean he doesn't want you or
love you, it doesn't mean he will soon cheat on you,  it means he wants to have a wank, plain and simple!

Q.

Because of my heart being walked on by a self-centered piece of human shit 
in woman form almost a year ago, I feel I am unable to fall in love with 
anyone. I see women, I want them, I take them, they give themselves to me, 
and it makes me a great big man slut. I get laid so much it's beyond 
comprehension, and it's fun. Nice and empty fun. But for whatever reason I 
feel as though women are motivated by money – that basically without money I 
would never be getting laid at all – and that sort of makes me the 
forever-John and the women I meet, all of them, forever-whores. Pretty 
fucked up perception and I don't want it anymore. I want to believe in LOVE 
again. How? Help. 

Bitter Bob

A.

I am wondering how these "money motivated whores" even know your financial
status? You must flash and flaunt it otherwise they wouldn't know you have it.
You have a catch 22 vicious circle on your hands/heart/genitals. You get laid
because of your money, then loathe the women because they want you for your
money (rock stars have the same dilemma… they get laid thanks to their
status, but sometimes feel empty because they are aware of that, then numb their pain
with either drugs, alcohol or yet more easy meat).
Just as men rubber neck at young, perky breasts, a tiny waist and child
bearing sexy hips, women look for security, which is measured by money.
Most of the time they subconsciously gravitate towards successful men as they
want that safe nest to bare children, so it's USUALLY not an evil motivation,
it's human nature, just like in the wild, the female mates with the strongest male,
you can't bash them for this and you certainly can't change it. What you can
change is yourself and how you court the opposite sex.
Try meeting women who aren't in the VIP bars, clubs and restaurants, try using
your charm and humor to attract women, perhaps in the park, dance classes,
gyms, etc.ALSO, sometimes going for the hottest, most gorgeous chick is the
problem.
You may want to lower your standards a bit, try a cute but chubby woman, you
get  my drift.
The tall, slender, hot women KNOW they are fiercely sought after and they
usually go for the richest or strongest one they can find. Chubby plain jane types try much harder and will
appreciate you more. (Have you seen Steve Martin's "The Man with Two Brains"? If not, it's a MUST
SEE!).

Never pull out your trump card by telling them your financial status
or even flashing that Rolex, then you will never know if they want you or
your security.
Haven't you seen Eddie Murphy's "Coming to America"? If not, rent it.
True love does exist, but you have to play the game of love with patients, it
doesn't happen over night. You have to love yourself and I mean really love
being you, before another person can. The survival of the fittest routine is
even more extreme in big cities, so you have to use your wits when hunting
down the heart of gold you yearn for. I feel for you and hope you find your true love.
x Dr. Dot