Ask Dr. Dot…. March 2008

Feel free to ask me anything. I always change the names, so no need to be shy…

Q.
My husband turns 42 this year and he's become this insecure person.  He was never like
this very insecure, withdrawn, needy, and at times high strung. We have sex 5 times a
 week sometimes twice a day.  He brings up my first long term relationship up constantly.
 This past relationship was 23 years ago, lasted 2 years and I was only 17. I have been
 married to my Husband for 17 years and now this is coming up in conversation constantly.
 My first relationship was HELL, we hardly saw each other and all we did was fight and
 I chose to forget about it a long time ago but he keeps bringing it up because the
 fuck I was with took my virginity and my husband feels it was
 Memorable, but not for me because it was basically forced and at that age and you put
yourself in stupid situations.  I don't think there are too many women out there that say
 what a beautiful experience it was losing their virginity. I am sure there is some but
 it's not the majority.  My question is how do I get him to get past this?  Or is it
something I have to live with?  Should I let him go and maybe he can find himself a
“memorable” virgin to deflower?  I don't want him to tear me down to bits so I feel
tainted while I am married to him.  But I don't know how much more of this I can take-please
 advise!! By the way LOVE YOUR COLUMN-IT IS THE BEST!!!!!! 
Tainted Tammy

A.
The Bitch gets sex more than 5 times a week, even after 17 years of marriage
 (this must be a world record)  and yet he is still “insecure, withdrawn, needy, and
at times high strung"?
What a spoiled prick. Dogs, like Men, are on their best behavior when they want to be
fed. Keep his "bowl" half full, as in; keep him hungry for you and he may be a bit nicer
to you. Being TOO nice to men, giving them TOO much sex doesn't make them love you more,
 it can have the opposite effect, it can make them ungrateful, lazy and it can turn them
 into monsters. Sure, they all say they want sex everyday, but then there is NO
challenge and they feel they have all the power, like yours; he feels so powerful that
he picks on you about something that happened decades ago. Ask him "are you that fucking
 bored?” Tell him you are done talking about the past and it’s killing your sex drive to
 the point where you don't want to fuck him anymore let alone several times a week if he
 keeps up this bullshit.
He is probably unhappy about other things, like turning 42, and no matter how much pussy
 he gets, it won't make him happy, only he can make himself happy, so stop trying so
 hard to please him, you are only making it worse. Sometimes when people are miserable,
 they actually resent folks being too nice to them as they subconsciously feel they don't
 deserve it. In other words, he doesn't deserve all that pussy if he is being a wanker.
Good luck with that, I would tell him to be nice and drop the past or move the fuck on
 as he obviously doesn’t know how good he has it.

Q.
I have a girlfriend whom I love very much and she loves me very much. Making
love is like unbelievable; we both have a great connection and 80% of the time
we both orgasm together. Though it seems like every time she is on top of me I
can’t seem to hold an erection for more then 5 minutes. In fact when I feel my
self losing my erection, I switch positions right away. I have never ever had
this problem with other woman before. One thing I noticed is that she gets very
wet and usually cums two to three times, and literally drips gulps of fluid. Do
you think it's her fluid that is making me lose my erection? I can’t understand
this. please help me.
Wet Willy

A.
You say it didn't happen with other women, so it could be her dripping wet pussy
gets too loose/relaxed to keep your cock hard. It is a compliment that she gets so wet,
so be sure not to whine about it, just take your hand from time to time, and wipe
her pussy (ask her to lift up for a second and wipe her). Your dry (clean) hand will take
enough excess fluid away to regain some resistance which you surely loose when it
gets so slippery, hence you loose your stiffy. If your hand isn't enough, then you
should keep a clean, soft rag around to sop up her juice from time to time; mop that
baby up and keep going as a juicy girl is good thing.

Q.
My wife and moved to Berlin, Germany 6 months ago as my job has relocated me here.

(we are both from the UK). She can't
speak German and hasn't been able to find a decent job. She is extremely fit, very
good looking indeed and so I wasn't that surprised (but not happy) to find out that
she is working for an online, sexy web cam chat thingy. One of my work mates found her
and actually paid her for a chat (he claims he was just checking to make sure it wasn’t full nudity,
it’s topless). We had a giant argument about this and she doesn’t see
anything wrong with it, but I want her to quit. I feel World War 3 coming on, please
answer fast.
Nervous Nate

A.
You can’t force her to stop so try to think positive; those girls can earn loads of cash,
they never meet the men they chat with and it’s good for her ego; getting told she
looks good will boost her confidence and sex drive. Plus, she is obviously grooming
 herself well, so she will stay looking hot for you too. Women do those things for two
 reasons (1) Not enough income (2) They like to be admired and looked at. It could be worse,
 she could be stripping in a club, where men can meet her and maybe even touch her. So
count your blessings, your double income and be happy you married such a sex bomb you
lucky bastard.

Q.
 
A few years ago, my wife was attacked and
robbed in a bar she worked in. Her and the
manager were stripped and left bound and gagged
for hours until they were able to work themselves
free. She said she was "fondled slightly" by the criminal,
who she has described as "not unattractive."
She says it could have led to rape although it didn’t,
but the probability of it kept her wet!
Ever since that incident, she constantly referrers to it
during our love making. She admitted almost
from the day it happened that she was aroused by
the entire thing and masturbates while
thinking about it and she says she cums the hardest
while thinking about the ordeal while we screw.
Now she wants me to tie her up and re-create it.
I refused.  I'll talk about it, but not this.
She now calls it an "erotic encounter!"  It was a crime,
not an encounter or a fantasy. It makes me very upset.
How can something like this be arousing? I'm concerned
 that she has some type of personality disorder.
What do you think?
Disgusted Dan
 
A.
It's common for people to find a sexual way to look
at drama in order to digest and deal with it.
Had your wife been violently hurt and still wanking over it,
then perhaps she has a screw loose but if she was just stripped,
 gagged and fondled perhaps that turned her on. Imagine you were
stripped and gagged by a hot female thief? Try to put yourself
in her shoes.  If this is the only thing that makes you think
she could be nuts, I’d let it slide.
She is just a pervert in bed and lord knows there are loads of
those around.
There is no way to change her way of thinking and the more you
tell her it's sick or wrong, the more forbidden and naughty it
 will get for her. Why not tie her up once and act it out, just
to shut her up and make her fantasy finally come true.
Even people who have never been raped act it out in the bedroom
 as a fantasy.
Try it once then tell her later that you are getting bored
reliving her “encounter” and you want to play out one of your
 fantasy’s now  and don't sugar coat it either. If you can’t beat
 ‘em, join ‘em.

 

Q.
I have a perfect BF who treats me great but I have taken advantage.
 For the last few months I have been a vicious shrew to him. I said
some really cruel stuff that I didn’t mean!. He is still with me but
 the twinkle in his eye has gone, and I can sense he’s lost his
confidence. He used to be so funny and full of life. To make things
 worse, the hot bartender at our drinking hole has noticed our relationship
 sinking and she now flirts with him in her slutty clothes; last time
we were there she was really pushing it, I know she wants him. He goes there
 on his own sometimes, what can I do to stamp my mark on him again? She
 wasn’t sniffing around before when things were perfect. My eyes are starting
to water now thinking about it. I care about him and want to make it up
to him. How can I get him back to his normal self? Why did I act like that?
 Flirting with Disaster

 


A.
Don’t worry about “getting him back to his normal self”, you need to
 get back to normal. Sometimes we use our partner/lover as a whipping
 post, we forget that only our parents have to love us, anyone else
can (and will) walk away if you treat them badly. Perhaps you are drinking
 too much caffeine? Caffeine can make people very edgy and bitchy.
Think hard about your habits and routines and see if you can find any thing
 that is contributing to your bitchy behavior. Some people get too cozy when
 they are being treated well. They start to get high off of the power of
 having the upper hand in the relationship and they just take advantage,
like you were doing.
Write him an honest letter; keep it short and sweet, tell him you are embarrassed
 for being so evil and ask him if there is anything you can do to make it
 up to him. Don't go over board though; just start being sweet and grateful
 right away. Massage him, give him loads of oral and let him do most of the
talking for a while, and give him some space. When he reaches out, be there,
 be kind and if you two are meant to stay together, things will be like they
used
 to be, sparkle and all. Now about the hot vulture. Never mention her to
 him and vice versa! That would only make them gravitate towards each other.
Start giving him amazing, really long blow jobs, take your sweet old time,
and sit him naked on the corner of a bad, kneel down on a pillow, naked on
the floor in front of him, make sure there is a mirror in back of you, so
 he can see you from behind while you blow him and lick his balls,. I doubt
going to a bar would be on his mind anymore. Dress sexy around him, red dress
, cleavage, STOCKINGS.
 Start doing fun things with him, tell him the bar is starting to bore you,
 bring him bowling, out to karaoke, anything that would keep you two out of
 that bar and be fun! (try to do this transition slowly, so he doesn't think
 you are going over board).
When you see the bitch at the bar, be really nice and friendly to her and
 tip her a lot, it's harder for a girl to steal another girl’s man when she
is "friends" with her.

Ask Dr. Dot Feb. 1 2008

Feel free to ask me anything. I always change the names, so no need to be shy…

 

Q.

I am only 18 and I have a few questions that I am afraid to ask anyone else. Go on and laugh if you
will but what is the sticky white shit in the bottom of my girlfriend’s panties? I investigate them
(read: scratch and sniff) when she is in the bathroom or on the phone. Smells nice, but is that her
cum? Also, I am afraid to go down on her, it looks so scary and I am afraid I may do it wrong.
Curious George

A.
The "sticky white shit", you mean, her clitty litter? That is her juice, nothing to be alarmed about
 unless it looks like cottage cheese and scratches her snatch every chance she gets. First of all,
there is only one way to find out how to lick her correctly and that's by doing it and stopping
every once and a while and asking her "like that?". Don't do the man thing and drive around for ages
 without a map and without asking for directions, just ask her. Make your tongue nice and wide and
lick her like a cow licks a block of salt is a good way to start and keep in mind "real men eat pussy".

Q. My young, hot girlfriend makes me buy her expensive lingerie but I hardly ever see her
 in it. When we make love, she is usually naked already or wearing boring white panties.
 Do you think she is selling it? Should I confront her? Don’t want to be pushy, as she is
the boss for sure.
Big Spender

 

A.
Sounds to me like you are being played. She is probably wearing it for some other lucky
fucker. Speak up and convince her to wear it for you. Ask her to allow you to choose what
she will put on for you before you screw. Tell her you want to dress her and quickly take
inventory, then you will know if she sold it, is just too fucking comfy to bother or worse,
 wearing the good stuff for the other guy.

Q.
My girlfriend keeps asking me if I find her girlfriends sexy. She says shit like “would you
do Joanne if you could?” or “Isn’t Sophia sexy?”. In fact, I do think her friends are fine,
and would bang every one of them had I the chance, but why would my girl ask me that? Is
 this a sign that she is a tad gay? Is she hinting around for a threesome? Could this be the
best girlfriend on earth that allows me to say whatever I want or is this too good to be
true? Thoughts please Doctor D.
Paranoid Pete

A.
Watch your ass Pete, you are being lead into a (literally) booby trap. Just smile and say,
 “none of them are as gorgeous as you babe”. If she wanted a threesome, she would start one
or ask you for one, but this sounds more like her picking your brain to find out if you would
fuck around with her friends. If you admit “yeah, I would love to shag Sophia silly”, you
 will be under close inspection, even if it’s unwarranted. Take the high road and save the
fantasy talk for your buddies or there will be hell to pay.
 
Q.
I have two questions; hope that doesn’t make me sound needy. I am 21 and I love fucking my 25
year old boyfriend, and yes, we do use safe sex. I am really attracted to him and he is great
in bed (giant cock, very generous, lots of stamina) but what I don’t understand is why my pussy
dries out after about 15 minutes of sex. I am turned on as hell but dry. Second problem, how
 the FUCK do I avoid pussy farts?

Dried up Butter Cup

Pussy Farts are a universal problem ^

 

A.
You say you use safe sex, so I am guessing it’s the condom that is causing your snatch to evaporate
 so quickly. They some how rob us of our juices, wiping the walls of your pussy dry with each
stroke. Try to use lubricated latex condoms. Avoid lambskin condoms because they don’t block
HIV and STDs. Always keep a water-based lube near the bed, as oil based ones will melt the condom.
 Pussy farts usually occur in the doggy style position,  or when the cock stuffs air up your hole
like a bicycle pump, just try to keep him in you, rather than having him come all the way out and
avoid arching your back when you do it doggy style, air sneaks in easier like that. Keep your slot
 nice and tight by Kegeling ( Pussy Pilates).

"Nice and Tight" ^ like Scarlett

 

Q.

I'm 33, from here, grew up in a middle class household, with one sibling.
I had to learn a lot about the way the world works.
My girlfriend grew up in Australia. She's 32, from a large, very wealthy family.
She is wonderful but going through a brutal divorce and cries all the time. She questions
my feelings for her. I hate to hear people cry about everything. I find it weak and
annoying. I'm aware that life is hard for her right now. But it's killing me! I give her
advice and then she turns it around on me and my life. When I hear this shit, I get quiet.
Then she knows that I'm upset and starts to apologize. She also
has Multiple Sclerosis I know what this does to her. I love her and I'll wait for her.
 
I am very loyal and know I am a good boyfriend;
I don't give up on people, hold grudges or worried about wasting time.
I've read your advice to others and was amazed by your vision and need input,
some other way to look at this dilemma.
At wits end Wally 

 


 
A.
Some of those tears could be from missing her family and their support.
I realize some may get emotional about a divorce but she should be happy, not sad, that she
can now move on and concentrate on her new relationship and the future, not crying about the
miserable past (most divorce because of bad times, not good times). Some of the tears could
be from the fear of her disease and/or perhaps she is on the pill? The pill can make any
woman an emotional wreck. Ask her if she is on the pill as many women just can't handle the monthly
hormonal roller coaster ride the pill brings them on. It can push some into deep depression.
Write her a letter and tell her you were hoping she would be relieved and happy about
finalizing her departure from her ex, not sad and you are taking those tears as a sign she
isn't happy about your future together. Perhaps if she reads this she will finally see that her
 whining is becoming selfish and making you feel responsible.
You can't save her from her disease, but you are there for her so that should be enough to dry
those miserable tears.

Q.

I started dating this guy and things got very good, very fast. It feels legit, and I
know he is not a player type, he's doing all the right things; dinners, plans to go away,
he introduces me to everyone, etc. The intensity has calmed a little (it's been a month now)
and he is still proving his feelings with actions and less with words, but I am still hungry
for him chasing me a little. I think I am just addicted to intensity.
Do you think that once guys decide they may have a future with a girl,
they ease up after the initial courting because they are plotting their lives together – i.e.
how am I going to support us, etc..?
I am trying to just flow and not create dramas just to have the intensity.
I want to continue playing my cards right. Can you suggest anything without much game playing ?
 My instinct is to date others to protect myself, but that is an old script I
want to rid myself of..help!

Passion Hungry Hannah

A.
This is the sort of thing that makes men consider us high maintenance. He's doing every thing
 correctly, but you still want more. We all love passion but that initial high one gets with
 a new partner can not last forever.
You can either keep dating new people to get that rush or find another way to get it like bungee
 jumping, roller blading , learning karate OR using your imagination and screwing your partner
 in forbidden places/situations.
Of course it won't be the exact kind of rush, but it will keep things exciting. You don't need
to play any cards or games to make him chase you more, just let him date you like he does and if
he is doing everything right, like you said, you may end up with a life long partner who may not
 be shooting fireworks out of his ass, but will be there for you and as time goes on, stability
becomes more attractive than constant passion.
You can save the drama part for the bedroom, like I said, and use your imagination to keep the rush alive.
 

 

My column, "Ask Dr. Dot"  can also be seen at:


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and www.exberliner.com    

AND as of May 2008 in  Penthouse Forum