Ask Dr. Dot December 2010


Email me: drdot@drdot.com  your questions and I will answer them personally. I always alter the names so your secrets are safe with me x





Q.

My girlfriend and I (both in our 40's) have been together for 16 months, and live together for last 6 months (her flat).  Pretty fast I know, but finances played a role (I am out of work).
She seems to shave her pussy before she goes out with her "male mates" without me (she has quite a few), She told me she slept around A LOT before she met me, and though she also told me she never cheated on a boyfriend, I did find that she lied about having slept with a particular one of her closest  "male mates" prior to meeting me. She also recently told me she feels like she has to lie about seeing some of said mates because she thinks I won't like it.
I told her the truth is extremely important, and if I have any discomfort, it is far LESS important than telling the truth, and we could talk about it.
Thus, I am now left feeling uncomfortable with the situation and am not sure how to deal with it. How far would she take these lies? Any advice

-Wondering Wilhelm



A.
Perhaps she feels she has the right to behave like this since you aren't contributing financially. She seems to be acting like a macho man.
You have already caught her in a big lie and frequent "little lies"; she admitted to feeling like she "has to lie to you" (too much lying going on here) and no one has to shave their genitals before going to out meet "friends". It sounds to me like she thinks of you as a Dad or a Brother, not a boyfriend.
At her age, I really doubt she will be changing her behavior patterns anytime soon. She used to be very promiscuous? Once a slag; always a slag-
not that it's a bad thing but that shit never changes and it seems to bother you. Either accept her "independent ways" or find another roommate to help with the rent. You will easily find another woman to love you but she will have a hard time finding any man to put up with her bullshit, especially at that age.

Q.

After my divorce I have just had my first experience with a man. As I never used condoms with my husband I never remembered to use one with him.
He was younger than me and very clean and sporty so I also did not see him as a big risk. Have I broken a big taboo by having a one-niter in this fashion and need to watch out in the future or is the odd one ok?

Petrified Paula


A.

You can't judge some by their age or appearance. Some young people sleep around much more than older people, simply because they can.
Using a condom is always the best route to take. I would go have a check up and blood test to ease your mind.

 


Q.

 

I have been dating a woman for last six months. Once we had a conversation about cheating. I said I would never do that, and that if I wanted to be someone else that would mean we should not be together. I really do believe that. When I asked her would she cheat, she said “ I would cheat on you if you piss me off!”. I could hardly believe what she said. In my opinion this is a very bad sign, especially since we did have 2-3 times when one of us got pissed. I think that conflicts happen sometimes in mature relationships, we are both 45+ years old, and having what I think so far was a serious relationship. When I told her later that this did not sound very good, she tried to avoid direct answer, excusing it on her previous husband who cheated on her and that she was reflecting on that. Sounds quite bad to me.

 

Non cheating boyfriend.

 

 

 

A.

Women usually stray for two reasons (1) Revenge (2) To get more attention/admiration if they are not getting enough with their partner. Most women do not cheat when they are in love. The word cheating bothers me. One cheats on a test or at a game, but not so, in my opinion, in a relationship. The difference between dating and marriage, in my eyes, is people should still be able to do whatever they want before they make that HUGE commitment called marriage. “Cheating” used to be called "playing the field". Thing is, you can NOT force someone to be monogamous. People are physically committed when they want to be. Stressing about monogamy will not coax it along; it will simply push your lover away. EVERYONE loves to do forbidden things, so if you forbid her to shag around, it will be on the top of her list of things to do. All one can really do is be kind, fun to be around and a generous partner ( be wild in bed, willing to massage when asked, etc) and this should make your lover want to be exclusive to you. If you do all that and they still want to fuck around, so be it. When people reach the age of 45, they are pretty much set in their ways. No teaching older dogs new tricks. Avoid having "conversations about cheating" as often as you can, as that will surely lead to drama. If she says she might "cheat" if you piss her off, try not to piss her off.

 

 

 

 

Q.

 

Is there any safe way of licking pussy? Last time I licked my new girlfriends pussy, the bottom of my tongue was black and blue and tender as fuck for days and my bottom lip looked like someone punched me. I LOVE licking her pussy but she moves about a lot when I am at it and I pay the price for the few days after. I have not licked pussy for a couple of years as I underwent cancer treatments and it seems I must have forgotten how. Her favorite thing is oral, so I have to keep at this.

 

Swollen but Eager

 

 

A.

 

I know what you mean. Not an easy task. Go to a drug store (CVS, Walgreens, etc) and get those rubber teeth guards one wears to avoid grinding teeth while sleeping. If you can't find those, look for the rubber inserts they sell with teeth bleaching kits, or lie to your dentist and tell them you tend to grind your teeth at night and want to prevent any damage. Put those on you and then give it a try. You won't injure yourself and will probably be able to munch her out longer and more intense than ever before. One thing to look forward to, you won't have this problem later in life when you lose all your teeth.

 

Not sure if they are for sale yet, but the oral condom could help too…

 

Ask Dr. Dot April 2010


Email me your questions and I will answer them for free and I will change your name to protect your identity. Your naughty secrets are safe with me 🙂

 

 

Q.


I have been dating this girl for about 2 months. We almost broke up two weeks in because she thought we were moving to fast.
She said we were having sex to often, but I was never the one coming on to her, she always came looking for me.
We eventually just went on, having regular healthy (great for both sides) sex. She text messaged me  describing what she was going to do to me sexually, but then after shopping with her, she texted me saying “I don't want to have sex for a while”  (so we didn't fuck after all). I asked her about it because I found it unusual. She didn't have much to say other then it's “not a big deal”.

I will admit the past two times we have had sex, it hasn't been the best. She seemed a little uninterested. When I asked her about this, if she was losing interest or what, she simply said  “well, I wasn't really in the mood but I fucked you anyways to please you”.  No girl has ever openly said such a thing to me, so I found it somehow sweet and endearing.  I just need a girls point of view on this whole thing… is it really not a big deal, that I'm blowing out of proportion?
Or is there something hiding behind this whole ordeal?  Any thoughts, suggestions would be appreciated. And by the way I'm 26 and she is 25

Horny Hans

 

 

 

A.

Not a good sign. If this is going on already, imagine being bound to her for the rest of your life. Imagine her saying "oh honey, you can fuck me if you have to, but I'd rather fold laundry, so hurry", as that's probably where this will end up if you stick with her, move in together or worse, marry her.
I'd keep your options open and play the field. You're too young for such restrictions. Best to have a girlfriend who wants to fuck you, rather than just tossing you a mercy fuck from time to time. Get out while you still can my friend.



Q.

A guy I have been seeing on and off for the last couple of years (we live in different countries) never, ever licks my pussy. I have a very clean tight twat and I know it smells and tastes good because other men tell me so and I often lick my fingers after masturbating.  He is considerably younger than I am so I have remained patient. I asked him flat out once "why don't you lick  my cunt?" and he replied like a smart ass "you never ask". This infuriated me and I almost ended contact with him. A while after wards I asked him, full stop on the phone, about this one way oral sex street we are on and he then came up with a new excuse, that I am older and he is afraid he won't be as good at it as any former lovers I have had. Do these excuses sound good enough to you? Am I over reacting?
I am extremely generous with giving head and I feel ripped off.

Oral Ora

 

 

 

A.


He sounds like a lazy sack of shit to me. Trying and failing is still better than not trying at all. Age has nothing to do with it either. You can't let him off easy all the time just because he is younger. When does he plan on learning? When he is 50? It's hard to teach an old dog new tricks. Suggest teaching him how to do it exactly as you like it. The fact he said "you never ask" shows he is being a selfish prat. Hold off on those generous blow jobs and if/when he asks why you stopped, give him a taste of his own medicine and tell him "ladies first" and guide his thick head down towards your neglected cunt. If he still refuses, show him the door. There are plenty of men around, of all ages,  who love to lick pussy.

 

 

 

Q.


Why is it hard for a 45 year old man to cum but still maintain a rock hard penis. It's like "the feeling" or "itch" want to rise but just doesn't. I also tend to get hot (body temperature wise). My beautiful girl comments that my penis always tends to make me sweat first before I cum. Now sometimes I do cum and it usually always explodes out as if there is a blockage in the valve and the pressure just pushes it out. I'm aware I might have a control issue as I generally don't have a problem masturbating. Rarely however, do I cum during intercourse. I don't hammer away, sometimes I go slow, sometimes I wiggle about – depending on how my partner is feeling or wants.


Diamond Dick-Dave

 



A.


It sounds to me like you and your cock are very dehydrated. When a person isn't drinking enough water, the body tends to get selfish and holds onto every drop of fluid it has. Avoid excess coffee and tea, which simply dry you up from the inside out. Drink at least 8 glasses of water a day and go to a Urologist to have the "blockage" checked out. Blockages can occur as a result of infections (including STD's). These can be cleared up by taking antibiotics. If you have a structural blockage, you may need to undergo minor surgery. So a trip to the “Cock-Doc” and drinking more healthy fluids should cool you and your hot willy off and make ejaculation easier.

 

 

 

Q.

I am 24 and left my boyfriend (age 26) of four years for another guy. Then my relationship with that guy went bad and we broke up. When I first left my ex I heard many friends tell me how they had seen him constantly out drinking himself stupid in the corner of bars by himself and he looked unhappy. He used to email me telling me he missed me and still loved me, I was polite but not really interested. He stopped emailing, then friends started seeing him out with other girls and then one day he ran into me at a coffee shop and it seemed like he had been living in the gym, the guy was ripped. I added him on facebook and see a lot of girls always flirting with him on there including girls I know. I am shocked he has gone from the dotting depressed ex boyfriend to this. What's the best way to win back his heart and start dating again without looking stupid? I would also be very upset if one of the girls in my social circle try to fuck him and I fear they might. Help……

Goldie Cocks



A.

The good news is, men can forgive. But they don't forget. If he really loved you, he may give you another chance. The other girls may be different and new to him, but sometimes a history between people can mean more than fresh meat. You can send him a real letter; not an email and tell him you are sorry and that you know for sure leaving him was a grave mistake. Mention that sometimes it takes such a stupid move to make one realize how good they had it and how grateful they should be for what they have/had, the grass always seems greener but it isn't, yadda yadda yadda. Make it short, sweet and to the point. He won't want to read a book, just one short page of how you would love to see him again. That's all you can do. Do NOT call him as you may catch him at a really bad time and that could make things worse. A letter is less threatening and gives him time to think. You may want to slip an old picture of you both into the letter to spark memories (and a few nude self portraits too of course). If he doesn't answer you, it means he's moved on and nothing can change a man's mind once he has it set. If he does start fucking around in your social circle, you just have to write it off as "the one that got away" and remember they are experiencing your left overs.




Q.


Is it true what they say that "once you go black you never go back”?


Wondering Wanda

 


 
   


A.


I'm sure that rumor was created by a black man. I've seen plenty of naked black men as I am also a massage therapist by profession+ most take off their clothes.


They don't have bigger cocks than other men, it's just that the ones who do have massive dicks are in porn, hence the reputation. I've never fucked a black man (would shag Chris Rock if he wasn't married + was given the chance). Not racist at all, but I prefer light eyes on my lover (green or blue) so that narrows it down considerably for me now doesn't it?

 

 

Q.

 

I have been dating this girl for about 5 months, and I cannot seem to make her climax. It seems like no matter how long we go I always end up going first, and then going limp. I have never had this problem before, and am used to being told that we have to stop and not getting to jizz all over the place, then finishing the deed later by myself. I don't know what I am doing wrong with her. We try different positions and I ask her what she needs to make her get there (she is shy) and still I don't get the satisfaction of her screaming in joy from a little present that I gave to her.. Is there any way I can extend how long it takes me to cum, to be able to hold a stiff dick after I come or to loosen her up so that she climaxes' harder faster?


No-Go Jo



A.

She needs to know how to make herself cum before she can cum with you. Ask her in a nice, calm manner, how she makes her self cum. If she says she can't, there is your answer. It's not you, it's her. If she says she can and tells you how, ask her to SHOW you how she makes herself cum. Then try to integrate that method into your fuck fest. If she doesn't know how to cum (some women just don't). Then bring her ass to the edge of the bed, kneel on some pillows and lick her clitoris as long as it takes to make her cum. Don't worry about sticking your fingers in there, just concentrate of long, firm, constant strokes with your tongue as wide as you can make it. Lick South to North and vice versa and check in with her once in a while and ask her if that's the right spot/ rhythm. Don't let up until she cums. It could take a while but if that is your goal, you have to hang in there. Make her cum first then you won't have to worry about how long it takes you. It didn't sound like she was complaining about you taking forever to cum, some girls like a long ride. Women can enjoy sex without climaxing. We don't have to climax every time to enjoy it, like most men do.



 

Ask Dr Dot Aug. 25 2009


 I have been writing "Ask Dr. Dot" for over 7 years now. My advice column appears in the Exberliner magazine, NY Rock.com and as "Calling Dr. Dot" in Penthouse forum. Feel free to email me (drdot@drdot.com)  any questions you may have. I answer them free and always change the names around to protect your little secrets from everyone else. 

Dr. Dot

 

Q.


I'm a young "forty something" lady. I've been invited to a concert where I may get
an opportunity to meet some famous dudes. (Aerosmith)
There are going to be tons of little skinny ass chicks(yes I'm jealous), and I just
 want to look hot. Not disgusting, but ya know, it would be nice to be "kinda hot
for a forty year old." I don't have a clue what to wear. I don’t want to be in
running shoes, like eww. Help.
Any pointers?
ps. You always look good.
Mary (from the bus, last tour, you know, leather?)

 

 

A.


Decide what your best assets are-
if they are your breasts, wear a low cut shirt in navy blue and a back pencil cut
skirt to the knees and fancy flip flops or those ballerina shoes in silver. If your
 best asset is your tiny waist, wear a sun dress that has frills where your tiny
 breast sit and again, simple but comfy shoes (high heels make women miserable after a few hours).

Go easy on the make up and hair, focus on your best feature on your face as well and
avoid red lip stick unless your skin and teeth are flawless. Use my secret weapon,
"Hypnotic Poison" and smile no matter what. When speaking, remember, quality, not
quantity works best. If you meet Steve, tell him Dr. Dot says hello. Also, keep in mind,
 I am pretty sure all of the band are taken, as in, in a relationship, so there is no
 need going through hell trying to lure one of them; just be comfortable in your own skin,
 smell nice, smile and radiate confidence which is the sexiest thing of all.
ps. If you don't want to wear a skirt, you could wear Capri’s. Make sure you use a shimmer
 body lotion that makes skin look amazing.

 

Q.


 I'm really puzzled by the fact that my boyfriend would rather eat me out than have sex.
 We see each other a few days a week and have had sex only once in our 3 month relationship
 everything else has been oral, him giving it to me; he never lets me give it to him. It's
like he's crazy about it, that’s all he wants to do. What's going on? Is there something going on?
Suzy Cream Cheese

 

 

A.


If that's your only problem, consider yourself blessed. A man who only wants to lick your
pussy and wants nothing in return? Hold on tight to him. You have obviously seen his cock.
Could it be too small or soft?  Maybe he’s afraid of disappointing you.  Maybe he is afraid
of getting you pregnant (read: Catholic). Many men don't trust condoms or even the pill due
 to former bad experiences ("surprise" pregnancies). Perhaps you just taste so fucking good
 he is addicted. Don't look a gift horse, or cunnilingus master in the mouth.

 

 

 

Q.

I am about to propose to the love of my life. Her brother recently died in
Iraq (why do we send away our young men to this country to far away land and
get them back in boxes; all a mother has left of her son is a fucking flag!).

She cries everyday. I feel helpless.

Should I propose soon….and that will give her some happiness to
take away the pain, or should I wait till everything has settled. I would
marry her Monday if I could, but I just want to get it right for her.

Mr. Right

 

 

A.


I would wait a couple weeks, maybe even a month until after the funeral,
and then propose to her.
You don't want your wedding anniversary to be too close to his death date.
If you do it too soon, she could think of it as just a romantic pity party.
If you wait too long, she could close her heart to love all together and
need a long time to completely open it again.

 

 

Q.


My ex is from Poland and went over there to see her…bout 5 months back anyway
we met at airport, had 4 hour journey back to her place was 7 am!! I was sooo tired
 but she said “lets do it- do you have condom?” Well I did but feeling so tired I
 just didn’t want to…i.e. I’d of been shit lol. So we didn’t and didn’t have
opportunity to do it again. Anyway, I got back home and she ended it per text
message about month later. That got me thinking. I loved her; maybe if did make
love to her on that occasion our relationship would’ve lasted longer? Looking back
 I kinda feel guilty over it. I am dumbfounded and gutted.
Mr. Pitiful

 

 

A.


I’ve had men visit me in the past from far away and I knew for sure they would fall
 fast asleep due to the journey. So I let them be. I expect the same when I visit someone.
 There should be some sort of sexual travel leeway period; an unofficial "leave me
alone for 24 hours please" phase. I think she just used that pathetic excuse to dump you.
 If someone dumps you for that, they aren't even worth thinking about anymore.
 Be grateful you are rid of that impatient wench.

 

 

 
Q.


Please cough up some advice for me ASAP. I have seriously not told ANYONE what I'm about
 to tell you, but this issue is getting too big for me to ignore.
 Basically, my problem is this: I'm in a serious relationship with a sweet but somewhat
 insecure man. He is extremely concerned with making me happy in bed, and after some
 awkward attempts at the beginning of our relationship, he worked really hard to find
out what I liked and is now able to satisfy me nine times out of ten. So it's not out
of sexual frustration that I've started having fantasies about women more and more recently.
 It's something I've always done from time to time, but now for the first time I feel
like I might want to put it into practice. I really want to involve my
 boyfriend in this, at least tell him how I've been feeling, but there's a problem: His
last girlfriend left him for a woman, and he's very touchy on the subject of girl-on-girl.
 He's not against lesbians by any means, but he gets visibly uncomfortable whenever the
subject comes up, changing the topic of conversation, even changing the channel when two
women get friendly on TV. I care about him so much,
and I'm afraid my desires will chase him away. I don't know what to do. Can you help??
 
Potentially Bi in Harlem

 


 

A.


I would love to know if these lesbo fantasies started before or after you found out about
 his ex dumping him for a dike. Be honest and think back. If you started lusting after
women AFTER he told you this, it's simple; you are playing with the forbidden fire.
You know it's taboo and now crave it madly. If not, and you have always wanted to taste
the bearded clam, but want to keep your man,  you should just do this on your own time,
without telling him, as it's obviously not going to work. Give the guy a break. Put yourself
 in his shoes. At all cost, try your best to hide all evidence of your lesbian adventures.
Asking him will only make him more insecure, jealous and you may end up losing him completely.

 

 

 

Q.


I am a proud lady who masturbates on a daily basis. My technique has become
refined in the most recent years and lately I have noticed something… When I
have a very good strong orgasm; my hearing is somewhat diminished. Similar to
when your ears start to go towards popping when going up an elevator. 5 minutes
later my hearing is back to normal. Is this because the blood is rushing from my
ears to my vagina?

Alotta Vagina

 


 

 

 

A.


Good news is, it is fairly normal. Bad news is, I'm gonna have to get all medical
on you to explain it properly. Take a deep breath and read on.
The ear popping is due to excessive dopamine-adrenalin conversion during orgasm while
your tissue and nerve around and in your ear lack of the relaxin/elastin Prostaglandin
to withhold the orgasmic contraction due to a sequence of adrenalin surges during or after orgasm.
 Your auditory nerve is suddenly compressed by the tissue contraction and suffers from
the interruption of nutritional supply due to a sudden contraction of the arteries.
This results in nervous numbness. It can happen in your face, ears, nose, eyes, hands,
legs, pelvic area, or even your whole body. Whew.  Who needs to hear anything after they
climax? I think its mother natures way of shutting everything else out so you can just
 savor the spectacular moments during and after your orgasm.

 


 

Ask Dr. Dot …… Jan. 9th 2007

Feel free to send me your questions. I never use anyone's real name, so don't be shy…

 

 

Q.
I am dating a college guy, who seems like a potential long-term partner. All of his friends
are married (which is a good sign) and when he invites me out on dates, it’s usually with
 a few other couples. Last time the husbands were very friendly to me and I got bitchy
vibes from the wives. I can’t help it if I am like one of the guys—I am fun. It’s been a
week since I heard from him and I sense it could be due to the ice storm from the wives—they
 may have scathed their husbands and him for having such a social girlfriend. I also told him
in a drunken moment that I am only interested in having fun and not looking for anything serious.
 How can I make things better? I don’t want to lose him.

—Skated on Thin Ice

A.

It’s great that he hangs with relationship minded couples and a good sign that he brings you
into his social circle. One on one dating is already nerve wracking but when you toss in a few
bitchy females and flirty males it becomes a complicated high school style Bitch-fest. Let him
contact you first, as nothing keeps a man away from a woman he adores, not even a challenging
 comment like “I don’t want anything serious.” When he does contact you (if he doesn’t,
it’s his loss) tell him you love being with him but are too shy for group dates. If he insists,
 agree but tell him you would prefer just drinks or just dinner and to look for your “lets leave”
 glance because you can’t wait to get him alone to suck his cock. Just be yourself and if the
ladies don’t like you, they will hopefully ban their husbands from dates that include you,
 saving you from being the complicated nag.

Q.
My new boyfriend leaves stuff behind every time he comes over to fuck me. He also leaves a mess
 in my kitchen. Everything else is perfect. How can I tame this cave man?

—Tidy Tess

 

A.
He is marking his territory, and if he is the only one you are dating/shagging, find a corner
or drawer for his left behind “markings” and if that is only bad thing he does is leave a mess
 in your kitchen, consider your self lucky, it’s not even worth mentioning. Let it slide and
save the bitching for important things like cheating, blatantly drooling over other women in
your presence or making you buy your own dinner/drinks.

 

 

Q.
I’m not sure how to handle this situation.  I am engaged to a woman who
used to have a 4 year relationship with another woman.  Everything
couldn’t be better with her accept I have a small concern which I have to
say does not affect how I feel about her I love her dearly.  I fully
satisfy her sexually, whether it be through intercourse, oral sex or a
good ol masturbation.  The intercourse is Great!!  She on the other hand
has given me maybe three blow jobs which she did not finish off, and one
hand job, during the span of almost 2 years. I don't want to sound like I
am complaining and being selfish.  That is furthest from the truth.  I
THINK I could live without those things it's just like missing out on a
bit of fun.  Now, we have agreed no intercourse until we are married which
is about three months away.  Again, I have satisfied her sexual hunger in
every other way, and she has not even put her hand on my member, so
needless to say, I am experiencing a bit of sexual frustration.  How do I
handle this other that coming right out with it.  "Why don't you suck my
dick!?"  I don't see that working to well.  I don't doubt her love for me
at all, I just think she may still be a bit repulsed with the thought of
putting my dick in her mouth or jerking me off.  How do I tactfully deal
with this?

Sincerely

Blue Balls

shagging is fun, but nothing beats oral pleasure

 

A.
You confuse me; you say "The intercourse is great" then you say "we
have agreed to no intercourse before marriage". Wtf? She was fucking you
but now suddenly, no sex (apart from you licking her out on a regular basis)
until you walk down aisle with her?
What we have here is a woman who doesn't appreciate your cock enough to do
to it what a cock loves the most, getting head. Asking "Why don't you suck my
dick?" is a perfect question, it hits the nail right on the head, but maybe you have to
rephrase it a bit. I have said this before, but maybe you missed it, just stop
going down on her and when she asks why, say "good question, I was going to
ask you the same thing, why the lack of oral sex?".
3 unfinished blow jobs in 4 years, now no hot beef injections until marriage
 and you STILL want to marry her? Her pussy must
be lined with velvet my friend. Be a man and speak up about your normal, healthy oral sex
craving and find out before you take the leap if you are in for a life time of
this one sided oral sex routine BULLSHIT. Sounds to me like you are settling. If you marry
her you may end up cheating to get your cock sucked elsewhere, so think hard about this,
you need to step up to the plate before it's too late.

Q.
 I'm dating this girl and last night on my way home from a business meeting and I drove by her
 house (it's on the way to my house from that part of town, I'm not a stalker) our subdivisions
 are close to each other. Anyway her long term ex-boyfriend was at her house. It was like 10 PM.
 That made me kinda nervous because I spoke to her an hour before that and she said she was in
bed and getting ready to go to sleep. So now I'm kinda bummed out. She called me a little while
ago this morning and she said she was tired and I asked her what time she went to sleep and she
said like 9 ish. I was trying to quiz her hoping that she wouldn't lie to me and didn't mention
that I drove by her house. I'm mostly bothered because I feel like she's lying to me. It doesn't
 bother me that she was hanging out, even though the ex bf thing makes me skeptical. 
How do I handle a situation like this?
You are my hero,
Pissed off Paul

 

A.

If she was in bed with him, sleeping, then she isn't a liar, just a two timing cunt. Heh heh.
No, seriously it could be she is just dating more than one guy.
Since you are only "dating" I would keep my options wide open, (pun intended) like she is, and
 instead of wasting energy on someone you now know you can't trust, take that energy and go out
and meet other girls. Is she really worth all the hassle?
If you DO decide to confront her, make sure it's in person, so you can see her face and watch for
 tell tale signs of lying (pathetic shocked look on red face; going into extreme details and
having your questions mainly answered with questions). Be prepared for her to say she is seeing
other men but there is still no excuse for her lying to you and if you tell her how you know, she
will think you have been stalking her. I would just move on and play the field, but if you do shag
her again, make sure you have condoms with you.

Q.
                       
I have made a foe par on quiet a large scale. I was on the phone to my girlfriend of 6 months,
 as the conversation came to the end I blurted out 'I love ya'… it wasn't even 'I love you’ but
 'ya' . She promptly squeaked and we both hung up! I feel like such a fuck face, it's such a
silly way to say those words for the first time, but it just happened.  It’s not the kind of
thing I say lightly at all; I really do feel it for her. I just thought when I told her if would
 be  a) a little bit later on b) in a much better way.
 My wonderful male intuition doesn't give me much of an idea if she feels the same, or how I can
 come back from this situation with my head held high. What’s the best course of action? WTF?

 
Terrible Call Terry

 

A.
Be grateful she didn't say it first, as that would be even more difficult. It would be best not
 to mention your slip up, just say it again the next time you two are doing the dirty. Rolling
 around on top of each other is a great atmosphere for professing one's love. If she doesn't
say it back but keeps dating you and everything else is fine, it could mean she is just the
type who takes her time with that. I know people who never say it and who could blame them?
 Actions are always more important than words in a relationship.

Q.
My wife reads you religiously and I need some help, I have a great wife who loves me to no
end and I have a relationship most would be jealous of, my problem is I am a porn junkie
dating back to before I knew her, She just found a bunch of adds that I printed from Craigslist.com,
 I never act on them or call any of the girls but I do email back and forth to them and she has
seen this. I love her with all my heart, we have a very active sex life 3-4 times a week and she
is always willing to experiment with me in the bedroom, we have been married for 18 years and I
am still very much attracted to her, I just don't know why I am so curious to go back to this site.
Why?!
Junk Junkie

Some images are hard to resist ^

 

A.
Because you're a man. You didn't mention her reaction. I think looking at porn is fine; communicating
with these girls from your past is rude to your wife. How would you like her keeping in touch with
 hot men from her past, just to be "friends"? Always turn the situation around and put yourself in
the other person's shoes. Watching is fine, actively keeping in touch while married is pushing the envelope.

Q.
I want to try talking dirty to my boyfriend, as I like it when a guy talks dirty to me in bed. We have
slept together a few times already and unfortunately, he hasn't even come close to dirty talk. He is 24
 and I am 21, and he is rather shy but great in bed. How do I introduce dirty talk in bed without
coming across as, well, a pushy, dirty whore.
Dirty Dana

Speaking your mind is refreshing ….

A.
Get him to mount you, doggy style, as there is less pressure when you are not eye to eye and say
 "fuck me harder", see his reaction, if he goes with it, then toss in a few other lines
like "my pussy LOVES you in there" etc, and hopefully after a few rounds of you being vocal, he will
 know it's safe to try it as well. You may have to ask him to talk dirty to you, as some men respect
 women so much that are hesitant to blurt out "you like that you dirty bitch?" to a girl. Say it
over drinks one night that it would really turn you on if he spoke dirty to you in bed, this will
 give him a chance to tell you if he likes it or not as asking him during sex may make him feel
obligated and/or cornered if he really doesn't like it.

 

Ask Dr. Dot (the Bitch is back)


Q.
I can not sleep with another person. I don't mean sexually, I mean literally. I can not
sleep next to another person (just my cat) This has offended many women. Can this be corrected?
Lester the Loner

 

A.
Funny you mention that, as I have the same problem. I can't even sleep in the same room
as another person. You are not alone. In fact, I think it stems from being a light sleeper
and/or fear of intimacy. Face it, when you sleep next to someone, it becomes a habit. It
can make you dependent on that person when you equate them with sleep. For me it is more
intimate than sex. It could also be just not wanting to hear another person scratching,
tossing and tossing off, farting and snoring all through the night. There is nothing wrong
with you. Just explain to them sleep is a very personal thing for you, and since your mind
is so busy working on saving the world, it is hard for you to turn it off and any distraction
at all will disrupt your badly needed rest. If you are shagging your partner properly, they
shouldn't mind where, when or how you sleep, as they will be too tired to give a shit.

Q.
I hate to use condoms, my cock goes limp when I put one on. I prefer to pull out right before I
cum, by how can I convince my new girlfriend to waiver the condom rule?
Raincoat dodger


 

A.
It is not her fault if you can't stay hard enough for a condom, so it's ignorant and rude to try to
make her screw you without one so you can get your rocks off. If she prefers safe sex, respect her for
that. Now about that pull out myth….
Pre-cum, which is that clear liquid that seeps out of your dick during foreplay and intercourse
has loads of sperm in it too. There is a high chance of some sperm left in the urethra mixing with
the new precum Even before you cum which can get her pregnant. You are playing with
fire if you screw without a condom on. An expensive, dangerous fire. Only if you are in a monogamous
Relationship for a long time, where you both had time to be tested for nasty diseases, you
trust each other, AND if she is taking birth control, should you have sex without one. This "pulling
out" method is a good idea, but is about as dependable as a wet paper bag.

Q.
Me and my boyfriend have been dating for a year now and the sex was great, and
now the past 2 months my boyfriend cums in about 3 min. He used to be able to
last awhile. Why does he get off so fast?
Ms. Loveme  Longtime

 

A.
He is getting lazy and selfish.
Time to rock the boat. Make him lick you until you cum, and then he can enjoy his
3 minutes. Tell him you are getting bored with the quickies. Men like a girl who
can speak up and says what she wants, especially in bed.

< comfort zone

Q.
I am facing a dilemma I have no clue how to handle, and it’s getting
quite frustrating. This is what's going on:
I am completely in love with my girlfriend. Though we have only been together
for a year, we spend every day together, and I would love to do so for the rest
of my life. I am in no way unsure of my emotional feelings toward her, but I
have another problem.
I don't know why, but I have always been very interested in sodomy. I don't know
why, it's not a conscious decision.
She has given me head a few times, though she has only done it until I came on
two separate occasions. One time she swallowed, and the other time she didn't. I
know how other people's sex lives are often void of oral, so I don't see myself
as incredibly unfortunate, but there's one thing that tips the scales, and that
is that I frequently go down on her. It'll usually happen about 3-4 times a
week, if not more, and it’s not very rare for twice in a day.
Don't get me wrong, I love doing it, and I am very good at it, as she comes
every time. But I feel like our sex life is very one sided. I've tried talking
to her about it, but all I get are answers like, "I just don't feel like it" or
"Do we have to do it all the time for our sex life to be good?" (I don't
understand how that last one even applies though, because she's getting some
practically every night.) I don't know how to stress this point well enough to
her, without seeming like a sex hungry jerk. I also suffer from the fact that I
was in a different relationship about two years ago, and that girl gave me head
all the time, (almost nightly) and we did anal once. (That's when I got my thing
for it.)
I guess my question is what makes you enjoy giving head? I love giving her head,
and I've asked her once, maybe twice, if she liked doing so to me, and all I get
is an "I don't mind." I feel very unsatisfied, and seeing as I please her with
my tongue on an almost nightly basis, I feel she should do the same.
I do not want a "Doing it because I have to" blowing though. That sounds
horrible.
Hungry for Head


A.
First of all, stop eating her out. When she asks why you stopped, tell her "I
don't feel like it" or "do I have to in order for our sex life to be good?"
She should get the fucking message loud and clear. She is selfish and spoiled by
your eager mouth.
I really think you want anal sex because it reminds you so much of your ex who
satisfied your oral cravings, like a good girlfriend should.
Look what happened to Bill Clinton when he wasn't getting head from Hilary. Stop
giving and you will start receiving.
It is clear you are more into her, then she is into you. She is obviously into
sex, as she lets you lick her clean every night, so it just boils down to her
being selfish and just not into your cock like she should be.

ps. Maybe you and "Loveme Longtime" should get together 

Q.

If a girl swallows for you does it mean something? I mean
do women swallow on one nighters? What does it signify?

Delighted but scared

A.
It means you hit the Jack Pot. Some may scoff and label such a willing
creature to be too promiscuous; down right slutty. Then again, it takes
two to tango; two to be naughty enough to give it up on the first “date”.
 When a woman swallows you, it means she accepts you completely;
she REALLY likes you. She’s a keeper 😉
 


Feel free to send me your questions. I never use a person's real name, so fire away:

drdot@drdot.com 

x

Dr. Dot 

Ask Dr. Dot October 28 2007

Q.
I'm married to the hottest chick ever. We have two awesome young kids, a great apt.
 good jobs and are 100% faithful to each other in mind and body. However she is literally
 addicted to "mom" chat rooms, "Myspace" and the computer in general. Subsequently our
 sex life has all but disappeared.
 
Before the computer came along we had vibrant, frequent, imaginative and mutually fulfilling sex.
 
These days I'm lucky if we have sex once a month. When we do, it is under the covers, lights
off and late at night.  I come home with flowers, wine, cook diner and get the kids to sleep.
 Is she waiting for me in the bedroom in a black lacy garter belt, thigh high fishnets, half
cup bra and spiked leather collar like she used to?
  No. She is not. Instead she says, "Don't pressure me to go to bed! I'm on the computer right now!
" I am frustrated, hurt and miserable. How do I get my wife off the computer and back into the bedroom?
 
Desperate for the solution,
 
Cuckolded by the computer.

A.
Having children usually does dampen the sex life of most couples. It's not them that do it, but
the task of being parents that sadly lets sex fall low on the list of priorities. Kids should and
do come first for most mothers but this chat room shit has got to stop. I got bored just reading
about it. Thing is, if you are making a decent salary, it may be worth it to stop buying flowers
and wine and invest in a part time, trust worthy nanny to help with the mundane chores which would
 then give your wife more free time to tend to the kids, work out, buy sexy panties, etc.
You could maybe bargain with her and tell her you are willing to trade (nanny for her, more time
 and sex for you both).
You may have to write her a romantic note and tell her you are sad that she gives people she has
 never met (and will probably never meet) her undivided attention. The net is a double edged sword.
 It helps so many people but yet kills so many marriages and sex lives. You really have to speak up
 and tell her sweetly you feel neglected and miss her. If telling her nicely doesn't work, unplug
the PC and wisk her away in your arms to bed, even if she's throwing a tantrum, she has to see
 the light or lose a good man.

Q.
I was thinking about an advice column you wrote a few weeks ago about internet relationships…
 I have been involved (business & friendship) with a girl in Belgium for a long time. However,
 we grew closer & closer.  I admit to letting my dick do the thinking instead of my brain, but
 I finally came to the conclusion to break this entire thing off.
She's a married woman who has no problem cheating on her husband with me (someone she's never met in person.).
 Because of that I feel I cannot trust her. If she'll lie & cheat on someone she's been married to for
 YEARS and has a child with, why wouldn't she fuck me over too?

Am I wrong here? I will miss her friendship so I am sad. but I think I’m doing the right thing by
getting out of this shitstorm of emotions and focusing on the REAL people I can look in the eye.
It was your column that opened my eyes to the situation, and no matter how much it hurts now,
I do think it's the right thing. I just want a non bias opinion. After all, you're the doctor…

 Wide awake Wade


A.
You hit the nail on the head. Even though it’s almost normal in Europe to have affairs, the fact you
already can’t trust her is a giant red flag and what if you don’t even click when you meet? 
Use your new found free time to meet local ladies instead. All the smoke and mirrors one can hide behind
online can be very misleading and disappointing. Love never comes with insurance but that situation
sounded way too risky.

Q.
When I think about proposing to my lady I feel tears approaching; is it ok to cry in front of your woman?
I have given her 4
years of strength; if I show emotion will she think less of me?

Mr. Softie

A.
It’s normal to leak tears in such special moments, such
as proposals, the birth of your first child or when you both
cum at the same time, you know, big moments, don’t sweat it, just do it.

Q.
Is it true that if someone sucks on my boobs for a few weeks that I will produce milk?
 
Busty Britney
 
A.
Even if you’re not pregnant, when the breast are sucked on a few times a day for a few weeks,
they will make milk. The suction makes the body think there must be a baby around and it produces milk.
You would have to find someone to suck on your tits at least 3 times a day and for 20 minutes each time
in order for that to work. In the past, some women went through this to wet nurse. Certain female
aristocrats who didn't want to breast feed would hire a wet nurse (a woman to nurse their baby).
Sometimes the wet nurse had a baby of her own, but it wasn’t necessary.  Some men go nuts over
lactating breasts, so if you have the time and a willing feeder, it can be a sexy (but tedious) adventure.

 

Q.
My boyfriend says I need to learn how to give better head. It hurts my neck, so I never do it for long. It's not like I can take a class
or something. Any tips for me?

Eager Ester

A.

Make him sit on the corner of a bed. You kneel down on your knees (this will
prevent your neck form hurting).
Take his cock into your hand (your best hand, if you are left handed, use your
left hand, if you are right handed, use your right hand).
Hold his cock very firm, imagine the whole time how it feels for his cock.
Just like us girls like a big fat cock, men like a small, tight, wet, pussy.
Suck on the tip of the cock and at the same time, use your hand to hold it
tightly but move it like he is fucking a pussy, you know, stroke it , He
should only notice that you have it in your mouth, he should not see or notice
the hand much. Keep it wet so your hand slides nicely while you keep the head
of the cock in your mouth. Your mouth and hand should work together, the same
pace, the same direction, the same stroke. Ask him once, "does this feel good
baby?" and if he says yes, KEEP doing it, until he cums and when he cums,
don't miss a beat, let him cum in your mouth, and store some of cum in your
cheeks like a hamster does food, and swallow a tiny bit at a time so you dont
choke. He will be happy that you swallow his cum!
and try to look him in the eyes once in a while when you blow him, this makes
him know that you accept him, which is VERY important for a guy.
Act like you LOVE to suck his cock, that you can't get enough of blowing him
and he will go crazy over you!!
Make sure you blow him for a little bit, and say "is this how you want to cum
later? In my mouth?". Then fuck him or make him eat you, and make you cum,
THEN blow him again until he cums, he will be yours forever.

Ask Dr. Dot

Feel free to ask me anything. I always change the names, so no need to be shy…

My column, "Ask Dr. Dot"  can also be seen weekly at:

WWW.NYPRESS.COM

and   www.nyrock.com

and www.exberliner.com    

 

Q.

I was wondering why my girlfriend always gets bladder and urinary tract infections.
 Do you think she is fucking around behind my back? Is it me she is allergic to?
This happens to her like every couple of months so I just find it hard to believe.
Pessimistic Pete


A.
It’s common for women to get those. Smashing the tip of your cock into her clit
(which is
directly above the urethra) forces bacteria up into the bladder and urinary tract.
I know men do this in porn flicks, so men think it’s a smooth move, but it can
cause females many trips to the gyno. Also, hopefully she already knows that wiping
 front to back is healthier than wiping back to front (dragging all that nasty
 bacteria from the back door to the front is a recipe for trouble) ditto with
sleeping in a thong. Make sure you wash your hands with soap and hot water before
 you two do the wild thing as well. Now you know she is prone to them, help her
prevent them. If she was fucking around behind your back, she would come down with
 much worse things than a balder infection (if she was dumb enough to go bareback that is).

Q.
Last year, I was 38, and for the 1st time ever, a woman took a liking to me, and
invited me over one night.  Before this, I had never even held a female’s hand. My
life has always been so lonely.  So the first night, she totally seduced me and I
tried to resist but eventually gave in. I have never been so scared or excited in
my whole life.
This went on two weekends a month, after midnight as not to disturb her 2 children
(single Mom).
I was never happier, but lost in a magical world of confusion.  Her life changed,
 and she could no longer be with me, but my love for her was/is too overwhelming.
She seemed to be the girl I’ve always dreamed of but now she changed, pulled the
love rug straight from out under me.
I was gutted. We still chat online, as she is going through a tough time, but I
miss her and our dirty romps. 
 I have no friends to confide in, so I turned to the Internet.  I made friends,
 poured out my feelings on a forum, and a lady who was going through the same thing got
to know me and since Feb we have had chats and cyber sex on a daily basis.  We both
 lost control it feels, and she is as much in love with me, as I was with my ex-g/f.
  But she lives in another country.  She will not leave there because of family
(she is a single Mom), and I don't feel ready enough to leave here.

I still love my ex but she has no intention of a relationship.
Do I run and hide from both?  Do I move to the woman who has already proposed 3 times.
The online sex is amazing, but we started this at a time when neither of us was thinking
 clearly.  The poor lady is lost without our daily chats.  I feel for her, but if my
relationship failed so fast here, what chance does moving country really have?  We have
never even met.
 Both women are mistrustful and viciously jealous, and as much as I crave companionship,
I don’t want to hurt anyone.  What on earth have I gotten myself into? I feel totally
 out of control.  Like a small child, out of his
depth in love/life matters he has no knowledge of.  I feel like a cheat, a liar, dirty,
used, afraid and lost.

Lost in Cyber Space Sal

A.
Online romances often lead to huge disappointments. I don't know ONE happy couple that
 met online. The internet has a way of making things looks better than they really are.

With an online romance, there is no trash to take out, no grocery shopping, no monthly
 bill discussion or bad breath in the morning. No farting under the covers, no expensive
 dinners, it's JUST the foreplay part of the relationship, which is what makes it so
 appetizing. Even if you meet the person you are fondling yourself for on web cam, and
 the sex is indeed great, you will eventually go home again and maybe think "wow, that
 was amazing" but it's still, not reality! You have to live in the same area, separately
 and date for a while before you really get to know someone for real. Then, and only
then, can you build a proper relationship. Even long distance relationships are hard
as when you visit her or vice versa, one of you will have A LOT of free time as you will
 be "on vacation" but the other one still has their normal routine (work, shopping,
and housework) and they will feel overwhelmed with this visitor up their ass 24/7.
Point is, I think you should wean yourself off of your online pacifier, no matter how
 hard it is, as it is just a waste of your reality time! Use the experience you learned
from the other indecisive woman who lives near you as a way of chatting up new ladies.
Now you KNOW the game, go and use the info to your advantage.
Go out to pubs (never mention this crazy shit you have going on to new ladies fyi)
  or go take a yoga class/aerobics class and meet new women. If they ask what became of
your "ex" say “she moved away” end of story.
You are not alone; this society breeds lonely people who nurse their lonely hearts
online. It's not BAD, but it's not reality. You only live one time so get out of the house
 and meet some REAL people near you. Moving doesn't sound like a bad idea either, but
 never move for/to someone, just do it because you want to.

Q.

I am tired of failed relationships. I try everything (cooking all the time,
 dressing nice, letting them move in, buying them nice presents, doing all
the house work, etc)  to keep them around, but it never works out, what do
I have to do to keep them around?

Lady Jane

A.

NOTHING. Don't do anything you wouldn't normally do, be yourself. If they still
come and stay, it will last longer. Some people put up a false front when they
 meet someone new. This is unwise, as sooner or later the real you will come
through and the change may be a shocking let down. In fact, a woman who gives
too much makes a man feel strange and could encourage a lazy & ‘take you for
granted’ attitude. Just be yourself and sooner or later, some one will adore
the real you. Putting too much effort into things is exhausting and when you
tire, it could back fire. And as I’ve said many times before, lots of oral sex
and laughter will make anyone more desirable.