Preparing for a Tonsillectomy

Day 8 after surgery and it still feels like I gargled razor blades and drank lemon juice and tobasco sauce directly after.  Catherine went home 3 days ago, then I had Danny (anal ring toss) stay with me for 2 days in case I needed help. Danny and I raise too much hell; we laugh too much, so I asked him to leave me alone to suffer again. Which make me think of a list of things to warn people who are preparing to get a tonsillectomy. A check list for them; things I have learned that could maybe make things easier for someone else. 

1) Go shopping before and get baby food but NOT applesauce, as it has citric acid and burns like hell. Plums went down the best. Get soft bread, chicken soup and baby wipes. Baby wipes are helpful the first week as we are not supposed to shower, so they are good for wiping the offensive areas. Get vitamin water (I am guessing they only have those in the USA) and "Power-c" is the best one as the others have too much citric acid. You need to drink more than just water to keep up your electrolytes. Get a min chalk board or scetch pad to write on so you don't have to speak the first few days at ALL. But some Cloreseptic Throat Spray as it's s good to numb the pain, but only after like 5 days, as the first few days it's too sensitive for such a spray. Get anti-nausea tablets ahead of time, as your Doctor could be a slacker like mine and not write you a prescription. These pills help when you can't eat but need pain pills. Trust me. 

2) Avoid ice cream that is dairy based the first 3 days as it clings to the wounds and makes  a mucus and it's already difficult to sleep as it is. Pear sorbet is good as the others (strawberry or orange ) burn like HELL.

3) Tell everyone you know that you are having the operation and ask them NOT to call you for a week as speaking hurts. The dumbest thing in the world is CALLING a tonsillectomy patient after their operation. They can't speak as it hurts like HELL!!!!!!!!!! Have people text your or email you and get back to them when and if you feel like it. 

4) Find a serious friend to look after you, post OP. We all have goofy friends and serious friends. Choose the serious one to look after you as they will understand that laughing and talking is not an option and will have their head on straight and hopefully be dependable for you, like Catherine was for me.

5) After a few days, gut a piece of bread (discard crust to the birdies) and zap some chicken soup broth (mushed carrots that come in chicken soup are great too) in the microwave for 20 seconds and take it out and tear up the soft bread and let it absorb the soup. Once it is completely cooled, slowly chew it and swallow. This was the best meal I had so far since this whole thing started. It is hard to slowly chew as I am so fucking hungry my body wants to wolf it down, sigh. That reminds me, I lost 10 pounds already but am starting to feel soft in the middle, like my Pooh bear. I can't work out so I'm getting soft. ugh! Which brings me to number 6..

6) Work out as much as possible before the operation as you can't exercise for WEEKS after. Eat really healthy (well, always anyways) the last few days before the OP as you won't be eating well for ages. 

7)  Gargle with salt water every couple of hours after the surgery to help my throat heal faster, and it seemed to work real well. Just take plain old table salt, preferably the iodiized kind, mix it with warm water, and gargle with it for at least a minute every couple of hours, or as often as you possibly can. It tastes like shit, but it really does help your throat heal up faster. And be sure to drink as much water as you possibly can so that you keep yourself hydrated

8) Those Slim Fast shakes or any protein shake that you like help after a few days, as they keep you loaded with vitamins and liquid and taste great.  Like drinking a meal.

 9)Shower right before you check into the Hospital. You won't be able to wash for a few days.

10) Honey dew and  Cantaloupe melons seem to go down just fine (at day 7). I am sure they would go down earlier too. It is hard to get enough vitamin C during this whole ordeal, so this is the fruit I found to be the easiest to eat

 

Well, that's all for now, but when/if I think of something else,  I will slide it on in here asap.

 

 

 

< Schwing!

Getting your tonsils removed is absolute HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Walked into the Hospital this morning at 5:30am, as planned and the man at the front desk started speaking to me in Spanish. After he realized I don't speak Spanish, he said "oh, you speak English instead?".  That's how it is here in the USA now. They speak first to you in Spanish or ask you in Spanish,  to "push 1 for Spanish", then 2 for English. I just thought that was amusing.

I was told I had to wait until 11am until I was to go under the knife. I didn't sleep the night before, so I was up for around 24 hours. Bored and pissed off that my thirst was driving me mad. You have to stop, as I said before, by midnight the night before, so now I had to wait until 11am. Then I was given an IV (hate being pricked with needles) and wheeled down to another waiting room. Finally the Doctor walks in, surrounded by nurses and tells me "wow, you have GREAT skin". I also found that odd. This made me even more nervous, thinking, is he ok? He said he has already done 8 tonsil removals that morning. Last thing I remember was hearing "we are putting some medicine into your IV to make you relax". The anesthesiologist was great; I didn't vomit like I usually do after being put under.

 

Woke up FREEZING, like you do and by the way, why do they wake us up? I was in the deepest sleep, didn't notice any pain until I heard "are you sleep!??" from a tiny group of Latino scrubs (people who work in the operating room). I WAS sleeping, now I am awake and realize that I am in FUCKING PAIN. I told you last blog how tough I am. Guess I lied. I can barely swallow water. It KILLS to sip cold water. DYIN' HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Food is the last thing on my mind. I never want to eat again. Thank GOD I ate two pints of Haagen Daas last night before my midnight cut off point. As I can imagine it will be a few days before I can get even some sorbet down my pie hole. Speaking of my pie hole, I just photographed it, it will probably disgust you, but this is a case of misery loves company. If I have to suffer, why shouldn't you? Ow! FUCKING OW!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am a wimp, this is killing me, I just wanna fucking die!

Will update you on the agony when I get a chance. I wish people would stop telling me to eat ice cream. ANY diary products are bad for a tonsil recovery. It sticks to the throat, creates mucus and prevents healing. It's all about sorbet, Italian Ice as they call it over here. Ice Cream with out ANY milk in it. I have some jars of baby food lined up too, mashed apples, pears, etc.. Catherine, my assistant and friend will be here tomorrow to baby me (I even bought a Pooh Bear bib 馃檪

 

I wanted to film the Tonsil operation, but they were "not amused" at the idea.

Here is the ugly truth that is happening in my big abrasive mouth:


 That picture even makes me want to hurl. NASTY. 

Countdown to Tonsil Operation…

Ok, I have one hour left to eat and drink as much as possible, then after Midnight, no more food or water. Not even a drop of water. I was told to arrive at the Hospital at 6am and that I would be operated at 11am, that means 11 hours of no water, which is hell for me. I drink A LOT of water. Anyhow, regardless of all the horror stories I have read online, I am sure I will get through this operation smoothly. 

Not much keeps me down. I am a tough cookie… Today was a gorgeous day here in NYC. Blue Sky, sunshine but not hot or cold, just right. LOVE those crisp fall days.

Jasmine has been texting me in Italian. Showing off her new knowledge. Cute!

"The Squeaky Wheel gets the oil" indeed.  A lovely lady named Joanne Harris of the NY Press ( Manhattan Media) returned my call and finally said sorry for the missing checks. "They're in the mail" she said. Nice. 

So I am glued to Animal Planet and will probably stay awake until 6am; that's when I usually fall asleep anyways. When I am in the USA I miss Europe. When I am in Europe I miss the USA. If I could leave myself, I would. Being an indescisive Libra is annoying at times.

if I die during the operation, I am hoping my friends will arrange a massive rock and roll karaoke funeral. No rap or techno (apart from Eminem and Outkast ) please.

Over and out