Zappaween 2008 with Bogus Pomp (starring Ike Willis)

I have heard about ZAPPAWEEN the last couple years and never knew what it was exactly. I thought it was similar to the Zappanale but new. I skipped this past Zappanale (Frank Zappa tribute festival held every year for the past 19 years in Germany) due to a certain someone causing havoc for me. So I was itching to be around other Zappa fans and celebrate Frank and his music. I booked a flight and room and headed down to St. Petersburg, where ZAPPAWEEN is held. Robin and John (also avid Zappa freaks) met me there. I arrived a day early as they drove all the way from Atlanta (John flew to Atlanta from Chicago). I am NOT into road trips anymore (did enough of those following the Grateful Dead around for a few years back in the 80's ). 


I stayed at the Days Inn which I found online, not having a CLUE as to how that area is set up. I just wanted something close to the venue where ZAPPAWEEN takes place. Now you would think, having such an event, that happens once a year, that it would be bigger, you know, with a few Zappa tribute bands and perhaps tips on Bogus Pomps web site (they are the band that puts on ZAPPAWEEN every year) for Zappa fans who come to the area just for this event. But no. In fact, even up to show day (Nov 1st) their web site still didn't even have info on THIS YEARS Zappaween on it (I guess they are so busy they didn't get to it). I thought this event was a couple years old. But NO, it has been going on for FOURTEEN YEARS already. This surprised me as Robin, John and I were there a couple days early, HOPING to meet other Zappa fans and hang out with them, you know? BUT NO. NOTHING. 


I called a Zappa fan I know from Tampa which is rather close. I don't know him well, just an online Zappa buddy. I asked him "where do the Zappa fans meet down here?". He snapped at me "This is NOT ZAPPANALE DOT! This is ZAPPAWEEN and we don't meet up, it's just that one show and that is it!!". He was so snippy about it, Robin, John and I sat there in the cheesiest fucking bar ever with our jaws dropped at his response. Not just the tone (he continued to say "You should all be in bed, like I am, FUCKING!"). Oh, ok, whatever. So, let me get this straight. Zappa fans come from all over the world (one girl came all the way from Germany but we didn't meet her until the show started), yet no one organised a meeting point or pre-Zappaween party? Why? What the fuck. 


Let me try to explain to you how incredibly BORING St. Petersburg and Treasure Island (the actual beach area) IS. There are only THREE BARS on Treasure Island (all SUPER SMOKY) and walking into them is like walking back in time, and not a good time either. After hearing a few stories from "locals" we found out time seems to STOP when you escape to this area. No one was FROM that area, they are all from NJ, Chicago, Boston, etc, people who seemed to have ran away from the cold and their mundane busy lives. One waitress, who felt the need to tell us about all of her past husbands and addictions, was from NJ and has been there for 15 years. Her hair, clothes, make up and lingo that spat out of her pie hole were all set in that time, styled like life was 15 years ago. It reminded me of watching the Berlin wall come down November 9th, 1989 in Berlin. I watched the people come through the wall, dressed so old fashioned, as they didn't know any better. This was the same vibe. The music, hair, clothes, everything. It was so strange! We were all gob smacked. We just could NOT get over this time warp. Fucking BIZARRE.


Anyways, I still can't get over the fact, that after 14 years, there is no "where to go before and after Zappaween to meet other Zappa fans in St. Petersburg" web site or at least a tiny section on the Bogus Pomp web site "Zappaween Tips/stuff to do before/after". I guess I just am the type to see potential in things and wonder why no one else does. What harm could it do to have a pre-Zappaween party to get all excited for the show? Also, there is only ONE band at the Zappaween. One band, one show. So the whole Zappaween lasts about three hours. This would be worth the trip if you lived in the area. 

Anyways, the hotel I stayed in was frowned upon by the rental car dealer. They asked me where I was staying, I told them and they all stopped talking. They told me NOT to go out a lone at night and "it's very dangerous" in that area. DAM, you can never tell when booking online. Apart from the pubic hairs on my sheets left from last guest and half full can of coke left in fridge, it was ok. Vama, the manager (in the pictures above and below) treated me like a queen when she found out I do massages. I massaged her for free and she let me get away with everything. Front row parking, etc. The room only cost $50 a night, so I guess you can deal with some random short and curlies in your sheets ( I slept with jogging pants and long sleeved shirt on to avoid touching sheets). She even upgraded me after the first night to a suite and that was nicer. The maid was the problem. She weighed about 400 pounds, always had a cigarette in one hand and did NOT want to work. 



Vama ^ and I bonding 

I was so fucking shattered when I landed in St. Petersburg as I literally had TWO hours of sleep the "night" before. I was up until ten am, slept til noon (two full power hours) and then had to rush to airport. Rented a car and could barely drive I was so tired. On my way to hotel, I saw a Thai restaurant and stopped in to eat. It was PERFECT. "Thai Orchid" is the place to eat in St. Petersburg if you like Thai. I even brought Robin and John there the next night (I'm a creature of habit). After dinner, I was so tired I could barely see, but  instead of crashing when I got into the seedy room, I went out for a walk in the danger zone.I tucked my hair up under my hat and wore unattractive baggy clothes and headed out to stretch my legs. I was saddened to witness the poverty around me. I thought THIS is America? Sidewalks and streets haven't been repaired in years, in fact, bushes and weeds were growing out of all the cracks. 

Shop after shop, fast food joint after fast food joint were closed down, overgrown with bushes and trees. You could smell how desperate people have become in this area. The nasty hotels all along the road were housing for many family's. I could tell the people lived there, that they were not just passing through. Some places boasted "$33 per night or $150 per week" and of course they all offered an hourly rate (lots of ratty looking hookers lurking about outside of each hotel). HOWEVER, every few blocks was a brand spanking new, sparkling clean CVS or Walgreens. Oh LORD they are doing so well. Why? Because Pharmacy's will always do well, because the Government wants us all hooked on prescription drugs. The commercials never stop. I went into several of these CVS's and Walgreens on my nightly walks, mainly to buy Reese's peanut butter cups , but also because they are open 24/7 and safe. What a massive contrast: CVS every few blocks, obviously thriving, with a Walgreens directly across the street from each one, surrounded by obvious poverty. Tsk tsk. It makes me ill. 

One night after our boring fucking trek into the local bars (which turned UP the crappy music on the juke box and turned the Zappa and Hendrix we picked out down super low), Robin, John and I walked together to CVS (I think the peace pipe made us extra giddy) and we had a fucking blast in CVS. The woman behind the counter got to know me by now and I loved making her laugh out loud every night. This night, I told her I would give her $100 – or any other store employee if they could tell me the MEANING of what "CVS" actually stands for. No one in the whole freakin place knew what it meant. ROBIN DOES! How fucking random is that!! Robin KNEW!! It means "chorionic villi sampling" omfg. It's a test that is done that is done to check for birth defects. WOT???? Robin works in a woman's help center. LMFAO!!!!!! So, if you want to fuck with CVS employees, go and ask them what CVS stands for. 


 One advantage of me arriving so tired, is I went to bed at midnight and got up at TEN AM. I had time audition a new Dot Bot. Alison came to my hotel and massaged me by the pool side. On her massage table, out in the sun. It was lovely. I hired her, she is amazing. You will see her online very soon. She just massaged Jason Mraz for us yesterday. 

I did manage to get to the beach during daylight hours (beach was ten minute drive from hotel). I jogged along the beach and watched the sun set. It was breath taking. Made me want to move there, but then again, those bars, those freaky locals and that time warp effect woke me right up. If I ever go there again, I will surely stay RIGHT on the beach, which costs twice as much but the hell, you only live once. If you're gonna do it, do it right. 



 ZAPPAWEEN has an annual costume contest and ^ John dressed as Vito Paulekas (freak?) posing here with Robin in front of the State Theater. 

 I just dressed as Mary, the crew slut (or did I?) I love my Jetson Boots.   Robin and I lovin' life. 


 Jerry Outlaw's girlfriend, Deborah,  did 

a great job dressing up as Amy Winehouse



Zappa fan Dave Black  dressed "Potato headed Bobby" , posed with his cutie pie girl friend and Robin. 



Ike was the star of the show for sure. Everyone was scared he wouldn't show or whatever, like with the Zappanale (he missed the plane) but he was there, in full force and nailed it. He is a jolly soul. Smart as whip too, don't let that goofy grin fool ya. 

 "Not by the hairs of my chinny-chin-chin"

 Dan Campbell , violinist, fiddler and guitarist, was one of my favorite

parts of the show. At one point he was fiddling so fast, I swear I saw 

smoke. I couldn't help but imagining him wanking; thinking how good he

must be at it. I asked him after and he assured me he is a pro. 


 The Bassist looks like an older version of one of my ex-boyfriends, also 

a bassist. He was on fire. Seriously. 




Jerry O. and Shane Blank bending those strings ^


 A view from side stage ^

Byron Hogan, Cello player and Pat Buffo ^ (even though Pat is sporting

pig tails and a dress, he is so lumber-jack manly, he can pull it off and 

still make the ladies, including me, swoon. 

   Shane Blank , guitar prodigy, age 14, jammed with Bogus Pomp and jaws hit the floor. 



Mr. Zappaween himself, Jerry Outlaw, founder of Bogus Pomp. When I got into the gig, Jerry was on stage, changing guitar strings on his guitar. The audience was just chilling to the house music (led zeppelin, janis joplin and many other classics) while Jerry was sweating his balls off to get done in time. You can tell he has his plate full but works all year long to pull off Zappaween. To say the band was TIGHT would be a severe understatement. In fact, between Bogus Pomp and Project Object, ZPZ hasn't a snow ball's chance in hell at recreating Frank Zappa's music the way it is supposed to be played, like these two bands; with passion. REAL passion. Not just "I need to do this to pay my bills cause my own band doesn't cut the mustard" – passion. 


Dressed as the "Spider of Destiny" (google it) won the contest and won the guitar. 


Billy the Mountain came in second place I think… I found it strange they

didn't invite the costumed freaks on stage for voting. They were just called

to the front row; which was lame as no one but the band could see and judge


   This Tomb Raider babe had the men in a "petulant frenzy"


 Guest vocalist, Pat Buffo ^ impressed me greatly. His rendition of 50/50 and Zombie Wolf gave me goose bumps. The mother fucker can SING. He has his own band called Rebel Pride


Acting out "Dirty Love" (the way your mama makes that nasty poodle chew) -see the white poodle near my rump?



Ok, during the show, I received an email on my crackberry from Jerry Ford one of Jimmy (rip) Carl Black's best friends. The email came around 11pm and it said that Jimmy Carl Black had just passed away in his sleep. My reaction was LOUD, shocking and undeniable. In other words, I couldn't have hidden this emotion. Robin and John simotaneously went "WHAT? What's going on!??" The music was so loud, I couldn't hear them nor then me, so I just passed my crackberry to them to read. We all flipped out with watery eyes. What a downer. We were in between heaven (amazing Zappa tribute band) and hell (hearing of Jimmy, original Mother of Invention) passing. 

Matt Koegler , fellow Zappa freak suggested keeping that news to myself, as not to bring everyone down, but I just had to tell Ike. I mean, wouldn't all the Zappa fans want to know as soon as possible so we could all send him loving thoughts? I waited until Ike had a break and went back stage and brought him out side to tell him and show him the email. The above picture was taken a few minutes after, when Robin came outside to help console him. Perhaps the tears in my eyes prevented me from focusing my camera properly or perhaps my camera has just gone to shit. Not sure. 

   Holy FUCK! Some people have a lot of free time. Looks amazing doesn't it???

 So Ike decided he would announce Jimmy's passing when he got back on stage. He went on stage, whispered it into Jerry's ear and then Jerry broke the bad news. But instead of bringing everyone down, Jerry said it in such a way and dedicated the rest of the show to Jimmy, that everyone celebrated his life, rather than being bummed out about death. At least Jimmy wasn't suffering from the torture of the cancer any longer. RIP Jimmy, my friend. At least no one can sue him any more for playing Frank Zappa's music. Pffft!


Can you BELIEVE how amazing these pumpkins are? The carving must have taken HOURS. There were two of them at the show and they looked even better when the lights were out. They glowed. They seemed surreal. 


I am dam proud of that picture. Great colors, mood, yes!

The two love birds were alone on stage after the show, showing love and I just asked them to pose. So sweet. Poor Jerry must need a whole year to recover from all the stress and energy it takes to put on Zappaween. I think some of his friends should help out a bit more, like with the web site, and lugging the equipment in and out as I saw him doing most of the work, but maybe he likes it that way. 


 Although the actual Zappaween/Bogus Pomp SHOW was fun, I have to admit I prefer Zappanale. There are 4 days of Zappa-packed fun, with Zappa fans from all over the world (total sausage fest) and the scenery is gorgeous too. Zappaween is three hours of fun. No comparison. Fourteen years of Zappaween and still no place to hang out before the show? wtf? You know I love comparisons. So lets just say, you have two amazing lovers. Both well equipped. Both can make you cum. But one fucks you for four days, a four day fuck fest, you know the kind, were you stink of sex for days in a row. The other, comes in, makes you cum really fast and leaves. Zappaween is the quickie; Zappanale will make you sore for a few days. Both are fun. It's a matter of taste and time I guess. 

Ike and John after the show. The mood was somber again after the smoke cleared and Jimmy's name came up again. There was mad love for Jimmy at the show that night. He will never be forgotten. Such a talented sweet heart. Missed by many many fans, friends and loved ones. 


Comment from Robin:


Dec 6, 2008 9:55 PM
great florida/zappaween blog…will add a story or two soon…like how i had NO VOICE…and that DINER we went to at 3am…what a trip that was!! omg…our dr. dot massages at the pubic hair motel…with the highest *mildew* rating!!LOL! although blurry, i like the shot of ike and me sitting outside after learning that JCB had died 🙁 your previous poster is right, for such heavy news it was great to be with you and john and ike and all the fans…RIP jimmy…RIP frank… peace and music…robin

Jimmy Carl Black…Death don’t have no mercy, in this land :(

During the Bogus Pomp show tonight (last night, November 1st) I received an email from Jerry Ford (close personal friend of Jimmy Carl Black) on my blackberry with the HORRIBLE news that JCB had passed away earlier that morning (October 31st- see below). I couldn't hide my initial reaction so my friends Robin and John, fellow Zappa freaks, noticed right away and we were all freaking out. I went to the side of the stage and told Pat Buffo, special guest singer and then when Ike Willis came off for a break I told him, as I thought everyone should know right away and Ike agreed. He dedicated the rest of the show to JCB and so we all did some mourning together, along to the amazing sounds of Bogus Pomp doing Frank Zappa songs, pretty much perfectly, with all their heart and soul in it. You could feel the love in the room. To receive that information and not pass it on would have been rude.

 I will do a massive Florida blog when I get back to NYC and find some time, meanwhile, below, the message I left on JCB's myspace page and the message from JCB's close friend.





"I am gutted to hear you're gone. Hope you have fun up in Heaven jamming with Frank"   Dr. Dot


"It is my sad duty to report the news that JIMMY CARL BLACK has passed away. Jimmy left this earth around 11pm Germany (5am NYC)  time on October 31st. of cancer. Jimmy lived his life by the second, enjoying each and every bit of it , and still always had plenty to share with everyone he came in contact with. He enriched and inspired many many people's lives and opened so many artistic doors for the rest of us to walk through and reap the benefits. Although tears do run down my cheeks I know Jimmy would not want us to be sad. He has said to me many times how important his fans were to him and in his last days it was his family he was most concerned with. PLEASE visit The JCB Gift Shop at www. cafepress. com/jimmycarlblack and show your kind support to his family. A fantastic benefit concert is being planned for December 7th in California, please visit www. myspace. com/quotinprotestofboredomquotthehomegame for more up to date details. We will continue to keep you posted on the Inkanish Record Co. site as well. There is also a big benefit taking place in London on November 9th….. stay tuned for more details there too. Jimmy's son Geronimo and myself along with many of Jimmy's dear friends intend to keep Inkanish Records alive and thriving to keep Jimmy's music and high ideals alive. We also are going to do all we can to get Jimmy into the Rock & Roll Hall Of Fame where he has belonged for years! GOD BLESS JIMMY CARL BLACK AND HIS FAMILY! Jerry Ford  

“Mr. Blue Sky, please tell us why, you had to hide away for so long”

I feel like Joe Btfsplk  lately. Not because I am dirty or scruffy, but because there is a fucking storm over my head wherever I go. While I was in NYC last time, it was cold and wet the whole time. Everyone said "This is SO weird, as it was gorgeous before you got here". While freezing in NYC, my friends in Berlin bragged about the hot weather and blue skies every day. I get to Berlin and it's fucking raining every day, gray skies and freezing. Wtf? Oh well. I guess one advantage of missing out on the sun is lack of sun damage to the skin. Many ask me how my skin stays so nice. I tell them "I never fucking see the sun". I either sleep too late, work on the computer and get out when it's already dark or wear 50 SPF sunblock if I do get out when the sun is out lol.


Anyways, I STILL haven't gotten done uploading all my France and Italy pictures. I mean, why even fucking bother now. UGH. I am so busy, my massage team is growing like MAD  and my sex columns keep me busy too. Then there are my massage clients, friends, 300+ emails a day. OMG, I need a break. Leaving again next month back to NYC for a long haul. I will miss Berlin. Not sure how long I can stay away from it this time as I have really FINALLY grown to love it. Sure, there are things I don't like about it, but you will have that anywhere you go. One good thing about Berlin is there are no forest fires, floods, hurricanes, tornados, earth quakes or many shootings. ha.


Jasmine is in town, but I only saw her once. Not happy about that. I find it hard to blog if I am not happy. Why log on here and dump a bad mood on you? I just can't. There is ALWAYS someone in the world that has it worse than you do, so my motto is, if you haven't anything FUN to say, shut up.

Joe Jackson came over this week for a massage. He is probably the only star (no, I forgot, Jerry Garcia too) that I have massaged but never asked for a picture or even an autograph. At this point, Joe and I are friends, so it would just be STRANGE. He, and Jerry, are just not the type. You never even get the feeling of wanting to ask them (yes, I fucking know Jerry is long gone, I mean, when he was alive). They both have this "I am not a star, so don't act like a fan" vibe. It's really cool. Joe doesn't like the whole show biz crap anyways.  He is so down to earth. He loves the Beatles and Zappa as much as I do, so we get on perfectly. Only thing we butt heads over is the smoking vs anti-smoking arguments. He smokes and hates the idea of a smoking ban. I hate smoking and smoky places and LOVE the smoking ban. ha. 


Anyhow, here in Berlin I don't massage nearly as much as I do when I am in the USA. There I massage ALL the time until my fingers hurt (and that takes a long time to happen). Berlin is just so laid back and slow paced. No one gives a FUCK about earning money (OR spending any). They really do live for today. Hippie bastards. Ha ha. Just kidding . I am the ONLY cunt in my building that listens to anything even remotely "hippie". The others listen to techno shit. ew. I blast Led Zepp, Beatles and Zappa right back at them. (Frank would roll his eyes if he heard me mention his name in the same paragraph as "hippie". It is 7am and I am still awake. I have a massive sleep disorder. When you work at home, and there is no one nagging you to "come to bed" you can end up working all the time without any structure. But I actually love the fact no one tells me what to do. Freedom is one of the most important things to me.


" Give me my freedom for as long as I be.
All I ask of living is to have no chains on me.
All I ask of living is to have no chains on me,
And all I ask of dying is to go naturally.
Oh I want to go naturally.

And when I die, and when I'm gone,
There'll be one child born
In this world to carry on,
to carry on."
  Blood Sweat and Tears





The NY Press passes the buck

Getting ready to have my tonsil operation. They will be removed Tuesday morning, bright and early ( I will probably just stay up as I have to be there at 6am).

The fact that the NY Press dumped a few of it's writers, me and Ed Koch (former NYC mayor) included because of their new format isn't as annoying as the fact that they probably knew ahead of time, like end of July that they would be dumping my column as that is why they didn't bother to pay me for all 4 of my August columns or the first week of September's column. For all 5 weeks, my column was printed but yet they won't pay. They are passing the buck. The new editor David Blum changes his story all the time. First excuse was "it will just take longer, but you will get paid". Then it was "It is not my responsibility" then he told the New York Post reporter Keith Kelly that I was already paid and that he is "only in charge since 1 August" (DUH, that means he should pay me for August and Sept, no? WTF!??). The New York Press is simply passing the buck.



Jerry Portwood, the old editor, well, he is still there, but was demoted as now David Blum is the big cheese, claims it is the new editors responsibility. The paper simply disrespects it's writers; always has, always will. For the couple years I wrote for them, my column was ALWAYS punctual, yet my pay was always late. Always. They conveniently paid one month late and yet let me know one week before my column was dumped so you can imagine, I will never get paid. It's not the amount that bothers me, it is the principle that big corporations like Manhattan Media (which bought the paper recently ) can shit on the little people and get away with it.

The Libra in me is into justice and I can see it will take a while until Justice is served. I will keep you posted. Of course emails to David Blum and Jerry Portwood wouldn't hurt either. heh heh..

"Let it go" some say. Just let it go. Let the German guy who chased me (stalked me) and knocked me out in January get away with it, let the NY Press get away with having 5 weeks of my great sex column for free. Let everyone just go ahead and take advantage. Nice people get walked on, like a fucking rug. Karma is taking a break I see. Hope she gets back soon and kicks some serious ass. 

Jasmine is in Italy now, studying Italian. She loves it there. I will visit her in October.. she said where she is, is like the Kreuzberg of Italy. Hippies galore. Dread locks galore. Cross yer fingers she is safe over there, my little flower.





Britney Spears finally explains ^ her less than excellent performance at the MTV "music" awards last week

NY Press reader goes to bat for the dumped Dr. Dot column. Sweet :)

Doomed Dr. Dot
"I’m saddened to learn that  Dr. Dot’s sex column will no longer be running in your publication. While I understand that with new ownership comes change, I hope it will be taken into consideration by Manhattan Media that the loyal readers of the NY Press did not ask for change and certainly are not looking for a more conservative publication. Dr. Dot is…Dr. Dot and, frankly, that’s what your readers want. Sex cannot be removed from real life, and I think to remove Dr. Dot’s column will not only make the paper just another ordinary publication, it will lose you a lot of readers. New Editor-in-Chief David Blum, having previously been with the Village Voice, surely knows this to be true and knows what it takes to make a publication unique.
—Kathy Beall, flight attendant and loyal NY Press reader"


 If you want to express your self about my column to the NY Press (it won't help anyways) but you can write to: 



Click HERE to see it online. 

I am grateful for having a page in the NY Press for so long. Hoping something else in the city comes along, some paper with enough balls to host my column. My column is still alive and kicking here online and in the ExBerliner < click it


both photos by Mark Mann


Ratdog shows (Bob Weir and friends)

Yes, it's been a whole week since I saw Ratdog for the first time out of the 3 times I saw them this past week, but this is the first time I've had the time to sit down and focus on the blog. Now my column, 'Ask Dr. Dot' is due out in many different places, so I have more dead lines to meet and asses to kiss lol. Nah, just kidding, I love writing my column and I am proud to announce it now appears online at which has been goin' strong for 9 years.

They give me a lot of freedom (I am allowed to swear, yay!) compared to other US publications that run my column. So I have the rated PG version and rated R version. I don't like being tamed and having limitations, but I suppose sometimes you have to behave to reach a bigger audience with your advice/talent/what have you.

Back to Ratdog. Ratdog is fronted by the Grateful Dead's singer, Bob Weir. Now that Jerry Garcia is dead 🙁 the G.Dead still tours, but sometimes members break off and tour alone with their own solo projects. Ratdog has been going on for 12 years now (that's what the drummer, Jay, told me anyways. I first met Bobby WAY back in 1984. I asked him for an autograph, as I was overwhelmed and didn't know I would see him almost everyday for 3 years after that.

Steve Parish, the former stage manager for the Dead (who was with them for like 30 years) invited me backstage to massage his neck during the show, actually on the stage. That is how I met the Dead. My family, (hippie parents) brought me to many shows of the Dead even when I was young, so I was always curious to meet them and see if they were like I imagined.

After I graduated high school, I put all my shit into storage ( I will still dating Joey Ramone) but got sick of the same old scene. I wanted to be free and follow the dead. I stopped shaving, wearing make up and a bra and just turned “natural” you know, granola baby. Needless to say, Joey was shocked the next time he saw me, barefoot and high and 5 pounds chubbier, wearing tied dyed everything and not giving a shit about a thing except what the Dead played the night before.

I have to laugh now, as Zappa wrote a few songs making fun of people like that, exactly how I was at that period, playing my bongos in the dirt in San Fran, in between Dead tours:


Hey Punk, where you goin' with that flower in your hand?
Hey Punk, where you goin' with that flower in your hand?

Well, I'm goin' up to Frisco to join a psychedelic band.
I'm goin' up to Frisco to join a psychedelic band.

Hey Punk, where you goin' with that button on your shirt?
Hey Punk, where you goin' with that button on your shirt?

I'm goin' to the love-in to sit & play my bongos in the dirt.
Yes, I'm goin' to the love-in to sit & play my bongos in the dirt.

Hey Punk, where you goin' with that hair on your head?
Hey Punk, where you goin' with that hair on your head?

I'm goin' to the dance to get some action, then I'm goin' home to bed.
I'm goin' to the dance to get some action, then I'm goin' home to bed.

Hey Punk, where you goin' with those beads around your neck?
Hey Punk, where you goin' with those beads around your neck?

I'm goin' to the shrink so he can help me be a nervous wreck . . .”


I always wore a pin on my clothes of Frank sitting on the crapper, and so the dead heads all called me “Zappa Crappa” in stead of Dot.

There were around 3,000 of us dead-heads who were at every show, tour heads. I never asked for money from the dead for massaging them, I just wanted in to every show (back stage of course and to see every sound check and to occasionally take advantage of the catering 🙂 I mainly massaged Bill and Mickey, the two drummers, but sometimes Bobby would have a back rub and Steve Parish always had a neck rub during the show. (I made braceletes and sold tye dyes to make $$). Jerry sometimes had his forearms and hands done, but he would never take off that famous red t-shirt of his. I am getting WAY off subject here.

I heard from certain band members (Ratdog) that now that the Dead tour without Jerry, that the bass player, Phil has taken charge and he is a bit of a control freak to say the least. This lead to Bob being a bit depressed and drinking a bit too much on the last summer tour. I found out how different even the management is now when I called backstage last summer to see if anyone needed a rub down and the people working the management are absolute assholes, screaming into the phone that “Steve Parish doesn't fucking work with us anymore” and just being snotty pricks.

So much for the hippie-love vibe, that died with Jerry, let me tell ya. Loads of people had been fired to save money and well, increase the income of the remaining folks, which I suppose is only natural, it is the survival of the fittest now isn't it? It's all about the Benjamins now with the Grateful Dead, so don't forget to buy a few t-shirts when you see them so Phil and co. can relax and live the good life.

They were the top grossing touring band for like 20 years, all of their shows were sold out solid and I mean ALL. Guess they didn't save up for that rainy day, tsk tsk.

Backstage at the Starland Ballroom, last Tuesday night, I saw Bob Wier and he said “Hey Dot, long time no see” which was really nice. He seems really happy and healthy now, but yes, he is still wacky. He is hard to describe. Silly, strange, moody, sweet, mysterious but most of all fun.

His wife is about 20 years younger than he is and she looks like Shaina Twain. They have a kid or two together, I saw one backstage at the Beacon theater shows.

Anyhow, it was cool pulling into the parking lot, reminded me of the G. Dead days, everyone smoking doobies and dancing next to their car, each car blasting out a different dead tune. Most selling shit next to their car, like tye dyes, hand made jewelry and food. I was curious about the music, as I had never seen Ratdog before, just Bobby and the Midnights, his other solo project. Ratdog played mainly Dead tunes, check it out

^ I'm telling you, my camera is not the best

And keeping with Dead tradition, Bob had an oriental rug on the stage. The place was full of Dead Heads all twirling and dancing around, just like the old times. I think Bob is happier doing Ratdog than he is touring with the Dead, but they have to tour again for their 40th!! anniversary tour this summer.

I massaged the guitar player (he signed the set list above) and drummer, a hottie named Jay Lane. Hello, his wife is one lucky lady, he is super fun and extremely sexy, like an American Indian with a bit of European thrown in there. He is about 6 foot 5 inches tall and well, aaah, I am swooning still.

They invited me to massage them again the next couple nights at their hotel in NYC and then again at the Beacon Theater shows Friday and Saturday night, both were mega sold out. Loads of hippies standing outside just holding up one finger, as in “I need a miracle, just one miracle”.

My pal Steve, the tour manager goes outside at every show, when there are 3 songs left and gives out a bunch of “miracle tickets” as he calls 'em to random Dead Heads, which is so sweet of him.

Steve at work> Steve is a hard rocker, and so I hung out pretty often in his tour office listening to his favorite group, the Deftones on his computer. I am certain the hippie music is just not his thing.

I was told Bob's wife didn't want me to massage Bob. In fact, he used these very words “She would hand me my left nut”. LOL! She shot me dirty looks every time she saw me backstage. What ever snotty, get over it, if I wanted to shag Bobby, I would have done it LONG ago, before he met you.

She was just out for a few shows, bothering, I mean, visiting Bobby. No wonder most rock stars leave their ball and chain at home, no man wants to be told what he can and can not do, especially a rock star. No big woop, I had a blast hanging out with the lads, massaging them and then on the last night, going out to karaoke with a couple of them. One thing I will always remember, is telling Jay, the drummer, how it irked me that I never got to see Jerry play 'Dear Prudence' live.

I have seen the Dead over 300 times and it was always the show (Jerry solo) that I missed when he played that tune. (Also, I can't believe all those years and not one picture of them in person. You just don't ask the Dead for such a thing, it was like a religion and Jerry was the pope, you just didn't. I mean, how many pictures have YOU seen of Jerry and a fan? None. Anyhow, Jay said, “I will get Bob to play it tomorrow”. Sure enough, they played it Friday night, it was fucking incredible.

If Ratdog is heading your way, try to catch their show, it's almost like the old days, in fact, it is better than seeing the dead from 1986-1989 because when they released that song “touch of grey” and went on MTV for the first time in 1986, the secret party was over, it was laden with fake hippies selling crack and scalping tickets, it just wasn't the same anymore. Now that the smoke has cleared and they hype is over, Ratdog, even though Jerry isn't there, is a special exprerience, a secret party, so keep it low.

I just love how colorful the Dead passes were. I have to get my Ratdog passes scanned in, they have a snarling, vicious dog on them. My book 'Butt Naked and Backstage” (which isn't out yet in the US) goes into great detail about my years on Dead tours as well as every band I come across. My blogs are just quickes, someday the long version will be available for you if you want. It's a rock and roll diary, yeah baby.