Ask Dr. Dot February 2011

Free Love, Sex and Relationship advice: 


Recently I started dating this guy, 26 years old. I am a 28. When we first met, I had been going to his place as I paid him to fix my lap top. I thought that he was gay, because of his mannerisms. He acts and talks very feminine. However, he hit on me and I was surprised but flattered as he is very handsome. I flat out asked him “aren't you gay?”. He hesitantly said, “no”. Then I asked if he was bisexual and he said “not really”. I said “What? Have you ever made out with a man?” and then he told me “yes once or twice”. I don't understand this. How can one not know if they are gay or not? Making out with a man, if you're a man, is gay. He says he doesn't like to be labeled, but I need to know. How can I handle this without scaring him off? He has a HUGE fat cock, which I sucked once already (loves it!) but I am wondering, has it been in a few men's asses or has he been fucked in the ass? Will my twat be enough for this dude?

Dude looks like a lady





A new lover is sort of like a used car; it may seem new to you but you just can never tell how many or what kind people have ridden in it before you got it. I have met a few well hung men who have also pitched for both teams simply because they feel their massive cocks are too precious to be limited to one gender. They want EVERYONE to worship their gigantic rods. If he treats you well and you use protection, just enjoy him for what he is, a well endowed, open minded amusement park ride. You can't change the past, so just enjoy the present (pun intended).



I've been seeing this man for the past few months and we laugh a lot and have a great time but I feel like I am being taken advantage of sometimes. I cook, drive to him ( he lives 30 miles away) . I have to pay sometimes when we go out as he is out of work. I guess I want to prove that not all girls are after a Man's money. I spend a lot on gas and even feed his cat. How can I get out of this routine without coming across as being mean?

 Lovely Linda




If you give too much people will take too much. Be nice but stop giving. See what happens. You will find out if he still wants to come around and see you, etc. If he asks you why the sudden change, tell him "I am exhausted from making such a big effort for us". You need to know the truth. If he really wants you, he will make a bigger effort and start being more generous. Keep in mind, there is one thing you can never change and that is biology; The sperm come to the egg; not the egg to the sperm.





I'm 20 years old with an 18 year old fiancee. Young, yes, but we have a lot of love for each other. Just recently she has been shying away from sex, she said she just didn't have the urge to… She had recently been put on the depo birth control shot. Which I figured (A) Sometimes people go through dry spells, and (B) Birth control can really play a toll on females. Well on top of the whole not having sex thing, she has become more stand-offish. She will fight with me about anything, and yell at me for the simplest of things. I don't know what is going on, I don't want to believe she's being unfaithful because I trust her. She was walking to grab a screw driver just now and turned around half way through the hall to grab her phone, maybe because she knew I would go through it, or was waiting for a friend to respond, I don't know the case.I really am fighting to hold on to what I have, but it seems like every time I try to better things, they become worse. And thoughts? Tips? Advice? What should I do? I'm really lost,

Hasty Hal





You say you trust her yet she “knew” you would go through her mobile phone when it was unattended. This proves something is brewing between you two. First of all, she is only 18. She probably doesn't know her ass from her elbow yet. Her yelling at you and protecting her phone are signs that she is bored with the relationship, probably having an affair (this is pretty much expected from teen-agers). At your age (20 and 18) getting engaged may be a sweet gesture but you see now that the security you sought is quickly killing the love and passion you had. I suggest sitting her down and telling her you love her madly, still want to be romantically involved but are calling off the engagement. Tell her "why rush into things? I can see the pressure of being engaged is getting to both of us, there is no rush, we are both young, lets just love each other and forget the contract". If you don't have the balls to tell her to her face, write a nice letter to her, making sure you stress the fact you are not breaking up with her, just ridding the engagement which you feel has changed things. Stand by your decision and you will find out the truth; she will either crave you more or be relieved and move on to whatever it is that is distracting her so much. You need to know and this gesture will show you if she can live without you or not. Getting married, in my opinion, is old fashioned and unnecessary-unless immigration plays a role in it. Getting married before age 30 is just inviting chaos into your life.



I am 22 years old girl and had my first relationship with a guy who took my virginity and after few months he dumped me. I decided have another affair with a guy who made me pregnant. I am not in a good relationship and I wish to go back to my first boyfriend who too my cherry and ran. I try to find his whereabouts but only found that he's in jail and was sentenced for 15 years. I love him very much and I wish to have him back whenever he comes out of jail; am i right to go back to him? I miss him so badly and I have a 4 years old daughter I don't know if he will accept me. Help me.

Ditzy Donna





You may THINK you "love him" but loving someone who doesn't want you is retarded. People tend to romanticize about their first ever lover. The one who took their virginity sometimes stays in our hearts and minds but this does not mean they are "the one". In fact it seldom ever works out being the one. He already dumped you once. It's over. It will never work out. Not only does he not want you (you can TELL when a man wants you, he makes it very clear by calling, texting, emailing, trying to find you like the sperm tries to find the egg) but he is in JAIL. Do you really think this is the best father figure for your daughter? You need to get busy as it sounds like you have way too much free time. Would you want your daughter to spend her time chasing a criminal who doesn't even want her? I doubt it. Set a good example for your kid by working hard and only loving men who love you (and I don't just mean sex you, I mean LOVE you). You are wasting your time even thinking about this idiot. Get busy, move on and the right man will come along. Men usually don't mind when a woman has a child already, especially a cute little daughter. It shows them you are capable of pushing out a healthy kid and either gives them hope they will get one out of you too or if they don't want any of their own, they will enjoy the fact you have one and won't be bothering them for a child.




I have been dating my girlfriend for almost a year now, and we have been having serious relationship issues because every time we have sex, she gets a yeast infection. Its to the point where she resents me so much for it, that we constantly fight, argue, and refrain from sex all together. She claims its my fault and I keep giving it to her, but I don't feel any symptoms and she is the only girl I have had this problem with. I work part time and I don't have medical insurance so I haven't had the chance to see a doctor either. I really love her, and I don't want to do anything stupid like cheat on her, but more importantly I don't want to lose her over this. What can I do?

 Tortured Tommy




This happens A LOT. Tell her to make sure she cuts back on eating sugar, carbs and avoid using any soaps on her snatch. Get some yeast infection cream, like Yeast Guard or something similar. Try and give it a rest for a few days to work it's magic (if you simply have to fuck, use the creme as lubrication). She also needs to wear cotton panties (no thongs) to bed so her crotch can breath. You can both eat acidophilus tablets and lots of natural yogurt to keep your bodies bacteria in check. Try using a condom next time, perhaps that will help. Tell her MANY women get itchy/irritated pussies after sex and it's not your fault that she too much cheese on her Taco.


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Dr. Dot 

Greetings from the 20th annual Zappanale Festival

For me the Zappanale fest already started in Berlin with Project Object playing at the DOT CLUB on August 13th. It was so awesome and my buddy Joe Jackson came and stood in the audience the whole time and watched. He said he enjoyed the show, the band was good but he said, as I said, the sound could have been better. The club is HOT as FUCK and smokey too- with bad sound. NOT good. But Project Object, of course, did the best they could do and nailed it. 


My good friends Dirk and Bully came to the show too and refused to accept free tix, they wanted to support the band! Snarky, a myspace Zappa group friend of mine came all the way from Virginia to see the show (and the Zappanale too)

Dirk, Bully, Snarky McBullhorn ^

Dot at the Dot Club. I felt at home here apart from the cig smoke, cough cough, I am NO fun, innit!? I LOVE the shirt I am wearing, my friend Robin Gelberg gave it to me, I treasure it. 

Oliver (in the middle) owns a bar called the Jansen Bar in Berlin and they have Frank Zappa night the first Tuesday of each month. Ike was happy to pose with Oliver and the Jansen bar bar-tender who swears he isn’t gay (inside joke). Check it out:

 Rather bad quality but here is a video of one  ^ of my performances at the Dot Club in Berlin



Not much time to write, just posting a few pics I took last night. The Zappanale gets better each time I come, I LOVE it (“it’s a way of life” 😉



To see the blog I wrote about the last Zappanale I went to two years ago, go to:






Bruce Bickford is here at the festival, if you don’t know who he is, you must not know the Frank Zappa film “Baby Snakes”. Google him, he is a legend- or just click link below:

 Super cool dude ^


All of Jimmy Carl Black’s kids are here. Met them all and his widow is here too, will post pics asap. 


Project Object from behind 😉

 CREW SLUT at the Zappanale ^ (I knew a better quality version would turn up 🙂




And I FINALLY met the famous Paul Green. We run in the same circle, never had the pleasure until tonight- wicked fun guy..


 And it felt like MAGIC to be in between these two legends, Don Preston and Robert Martin (they just met for the first time tonight!)

Haven’t seen Don for two years, it is always a pleasure. Haven’t seen Robert since 1988! We had a LOT of catching up to do and he gave me 2 hours of fitness and advice about what to eat and what not to eat (he is a strict Vegan). He is 61 and is still ripped, you should see his abs. Check out his web site, you can see videos of him doing one legged squats, he is amazing!!



Robert’s shoes fascinated me to no end ^  I told him if they made them for women, they could paint the toe nail part red to make them sexier. ha. 

Eric Svalgard ^ and Eric Slick of Project Object



 Eric Slick and Robbie “Seahag”  ^  (Guitar for Project Object) 


Project Object fucking RULED!! I performed as “Mary” for them during Crew Slut and Wet t-shirt night. Always an honor. Ike Willis is in top form, Don kicks ass, Andre’ gets better all the time, Eric Slick on drums, wow! Robbie Seahag on bass, Eric Svalgard  the crazy blond on other keyboards and Robert Martin came out and did a few numbers like Whipping Post and NAILED IT!!! Gregg Allman would approve. 

Gotta sleep, ttyl


 ps. Here is me below as “Mary” for the Crew Slut song/performance (would love to see a video of that, it was hilarious!)


Thursday night at the Dot club and Friday night at the Zappanale I played MARY in the songs Crew Slut and Fembot in a Wet Shirt (still waiting for someone to send me some pics of that)




I was slinking around each Project Object band member during the song and in this shot ^ back to back with Robert Martin


Robert Martin again ^ and I


“Hey hey hey all you girls in these
Industrial towns
I know youre probly gettin tired
Of all the local clowns
They never give you no respect
They never treat you nice
So perhaps you oughta try
A little friendly advice
And be a crew slut
Hey, youll love it
Be a crew slut
Its a way of life
Be a crew slut
See the world
Dont make a fuss, just get on the bus
Crew slut
Add water makes its own sauce
Be a crew slut
So you dont forget, call before midnite tonite
The boys in the crew
Are just waiting for you
You never to get move around
You never go nowhere
I know yer probly gettin tired
Of all the guys out there
You always wondered what its like
To go from place to place
So, darlin, take a little ride
On the mixers face
Be a crew slut
Just follow the magic footprints
Be a crew slut
Hey, youll love it!
Be a crew slut
Its a way of life
I aint gonna squash it
And you dont need to wash it!”   FRANK ZAPPA

Back again with more pics from Saturday night at the Zappanale:

 Project Object leader ^ and his lovely lady















OMFG, Roberts hands are AMAZING!! Wish he would do my feet 🙂


It is really hard to get good in concert shots. But I get some good in person pics. You can’t capture their music in pics anyways and my camera is too crap to make any decent videos of the shows


Eric Slick (drummer genius) on stage after his performance with Project Object ^ 


SUNDAY (last night of the Zappanale) below:


Was fun hanging out with Bruce again. He told many private things about himself, it was awesome to get close to such a genius mind. He is so kind and gentle; makes you want to protect him.


Ike and I have known each other for 21 years. His mind is still sharp as a whip and his sense of humor is as amazing as his voice. LOVE HIM!



Ah, to be a fly on the wall- wait, I was there. Super Fly. ha. 

The Zappanale is 4 days/nights of Zappa fun, but everyone is SUPER tired by Sunday night. Terry looked so fucking fit, wow. He claims he is “getting fat” but I didn’t see any on him.


Zappa alumni Sandwich part 2 (or 3?) keep em coming..



 Wolfhard is the founder of the Zappanale, started it 20 years ago. Super nice guy and he is a MASSIVE Zappa freak, he doesn’t do this festival for anything else but the love he has for Frank Zappa’s music. Thomas is the president of the Arf Society (google it, I’m too tired to write about it 😉



Wolfhard is rather shy and keeps to himself, not one to ask for pics or autographs, but he did want one with Bruce. They are both amazing people. 



 When I left the festival I noticed a rowdy bar still open in Bad Doberan and went in and it was PACKED with hard core Zappa fans (Zappateers). One of them, from the UK, had this hair cut goin’ on. Ha. 


Will TRY to ad more text and pics soon.


Haven’t really wrote much about the music. Not much to say apart from you can never get enough Frank Zappa music. Some were bored with Terry Bozzio’s 90 min drum solo set but hey, he IS Terry Bozzio and well, RESPECT! One thing that REALLY gets on my tits about the Zappanale is you have to listen to the same fucking songs over and over and OVER again because it seems to be impossible to controll what each band plays so they ALL play Frank’s top ten hits (I am the slime, dirty love, etc etc.) Project Object did the BEST version EVER of Whipping Post with Bobby Martin and hello? Some Austrian Band (Sex without Nails) did it the very next night. Jesus, have some fucking respect will ya? Give it up. I hate that. I think all bands should pick their songs from a Zappanale lottery 6 months before the festival and NO ONE should be allowed to repeat a song!!

What about Truck Driver Divorce? Or Lucille has messed my Mind up? There are HUNDREDS of songs to choose from yet we have to endure the same fucking songs repeatedly (which is ok if you are drunk and stoned out of your Zappa loving mind) but I am NOT so it bothers me and the other few sober cunts there. FOR FUCK SAKE!!! I asked the powers that be (Thomas and Wolfhard) about this and they said they DO try to control it BUT the bands “do what they want once they get up on the stage”. How can they play repeats? Are they retarded? Don’t they know how many SONGS Frank Zappa actually has? pfft. 


If you want a different view of the Zappanale, keep your eye out for Andrew Greenaways web site, he will surely cover it once he is back in the UK and sober:  



Jimmy Carl Black’s lovely but very sad, widow “Moni”


Gong TORE UP the stage. They ROCK!





Gail Zappa war continues: Zappa Family Trust trying to stop Napoleon Murphy Brock tour (the torture never stops)

Update on my last blog titled "Gail Zappa loses in court today"


Firstly, the ZFT has finally lost its battle to curb Arf-Society
activities in organising the annual Zappa music and more festival in Bad
Doberan. Basically, it could not prove that it owned any rights to the name
‘Zappanale’. Therefore, the 20th festival will go ahead as planned (see
updated details here). This has not deterred the ZFT from issuing another
‘cease and desist’ letter, this time regarding the ‘Napoleon Murphy Brock
performs Zappa with the Paul Green School Of Rock All-Stars’ tour. The letter
states that “none of you possess any license, permission or authority to
publicly perform the songs of Frank Zappa”. Over 3,000 fans have now signed
the petition to try and stop this sort of nonsense – are you one of them?

I thought The Zappa's wanted to reach the younger generation with Frank's music?



Don Preston , Napoleon Murphy Brock and Dr. Dot   ^