Danny and I love to make videos. I bought this game called "Anal ring toss" from the Romantic Depot and was dying to try it out, well, on someone else. Hope you like the video.
< Me, dumb ass and sleep deprived forgot to cut the music clip from "Philly Part 1" so the music goes on 3 minutes longer than the freakin' video footage. Oh well, at least it's a great song.
I told my uncle Jack that for some strange reason, I felt 'at home in Philly. He said "probably because when your Mother was young, Philly was her stomping grounds, her play ground for raising extreme amounts of hell". My Mom was born in Camden, NJ and even though I hear it's a shit hole now, it was apparently great back then.
I was asked to go to Philly to massage Mr. Simon Cowell, who is on the American Idol audition tour. I left NYC around 2am and Pooh and I got there at 3:55 am. Last time I was in that area, well, Camden, to massage Sting, it took me SIX HOURS because of traffic, so I learned one should never attempt that route in the day time, if in a hurry.
Had a wonderful sleep on the floor of my Four Seasons Hotel room floor. The bed was as soft as Hugh Hefner's balls. They need to invest in some new mattresses. I prefer the floor anyways.
I find the Philly accent so amusing. Especially the way the say "Coffee". I pretend I didn't hear them and make them repeat it over and over again. It's hilarious. It's like "Cawfee"
Danny, my 'Boken buddy, reminded me that FET my top friend from myspace lives in Philly, so we finally got to meet and make some cheeky pics & videos.
Don't let him fool you, there is Beer in that there jug ^
Fet and I had a BLAST from the moment we met. He is a good laugh and has a good heart.
I didn't know which way to point my camera, there was so much action, so many sights and things to gawk at..
People are STARVING and yet us American's still invent and drive these obscene gas guzzlers that destroy the Ozone at an alarming rate, just to show off and be "cool".
I am at a loss for words….
Doesn't that look like a beautiful day to you? LOVED it.
This is where the naughty behavior started; the statues were oh so inviting.
"Ride 'em in RAWHIDE!"
< A gift from Danny
Danny insisted I give Simon these silly collectors card, which pokes fun at him. I wasn't sure how he would act, but I love to push people's buttons, so I handed it to him and he just laughed. Simon and I chatted for a half hour before I started the massage, I guess so he could get some insight as to what I was like as a person. After a while he realized that I was extremely cheeky, very sarcastic indeed and he said "wow, and I thought I was mean. Dr. Dot you should be on my show; you would even make ME look nice"
Ahh, music to my ears. Heh heh. Yes, I am MEAN. Love it! The Grinch all year long in fact.
Anyways, Simon even posed with the silly card, as you can see below. He is so fucking cool. Some celebs are stuck up or stuck on themselves and refuse to pose and some even snicker at giving an autograph, but Simon was fine with me taking his pic and signing an autograph for me. What a sweet heart.
Danny is over the moon about this ^ fyi
You can tell he is a nice guy by his smiling eyes..
I STILL can't figure out the f*cking self timer on my camer, so I took this one with my left hand ^
I don't have a scanner here, so I had to photograph it ^ Doh!
He is for sure one of my favorite clients now. SUPER polite and generous; an English gentleman.
Typical situation here ^ All bed clothes on the floor, where I sleep, and Pooh close to my heart (I have had him over 20 years & can not sleep without him)
work, work, work, it never ends ^ and since I LOVE what I do, it doesn't feel like work.
On my way back up to NYC, one has to pass through Cherry Hill, NJ and I was speeding along, on the phone when this guy above, caught my eye. I nearly caused a major car crash by zipping over a couple lanes of traffic at full speed as not to miss the street closest to this amusing Diner. I even went up a one way street, the wrong way and pulled an illegal u-turn to get into the parking lot.
This is one of those old fashioned diners, where the people still eat in their cars. ^ I couldn't BELIEVE it. That old couple couldn't believe that I have never seen one before.
The Elvis impersonator was out there, alone, with a TINY boom box and an Elvis cd, singing away, to NO ONE. He was so sweet to perform for me and pose. I gave him a massive tip and a hug. It was around 90 degrees out that day, so he must have been sweating his great balls of fire off in that red polyester jumpsuit. Poor fella. The stuff I come across is so bizarre, I am So happy I have my camera on me at ALL times now a days. Wish I did that when I followed the Grateful Dead. That was a nonstop freak show. I was too care free to carry a camera or a cell phone or even a beeper. If it didn't fit in my back pack, it didn't come with me (and yes, Pooh was there with me too).
It was so fun to meet the photo-shop King in person (Fet). Look at the funny things he makes me ^
ps. The Elvis impersonator can be contacted at:
and/or 1-856- 665- 2249
< NOT gay
Ok I think it's best I make a few tiny blogs at this point, rather than one giant one. I had a LONG flight to NYC and luckily I sat next to a cheery lad named Bryan. He is from Wisconsin and was in Berlin visiting his girlfriend (who was an exchange student in th USA for one year). She made him a shirt, that he had on, that said "I LOVE STEFFI" with a picture of them two together. The boy is LOVE SICK.
He and I chatted the whole flight and suffered together the WHOLE flight. It's not bad enough that it's 9 hours but they took an extra hour deciding when to fucking take off. GRRRRRRRRRRRRR. We had an empty seat between us so it was ok. Poor kid had to change planes in NYC and missed his connecting flight and had to wait 6 hours for the next flight (he told me this on line). Have you ever seen the flick "planes, trains and automobiles"? You get the drift. HELL.
^ I am wearing a string thong fyi …. (Mein arsch ist 'ne slip fresser)
It doesn't take me long to get back into the swing of things. Hanging out with my gay friends, baring our asses all over the place.. Danny is starting to get into karaoke, like me. He sings Abba "Waterloo" and "Sweet Transvestite" from the Rocky Horror Picture show soundtrack and "I touch myself" by the Dyvinls (sp?). He also belts out "you ain't woman enough to steal my man".
I sang "Rehab" by Amy Winehouse, "Coshise" by Audioslave, "Hurt so good" by John Cougar and"what's love go to do with it" by Tina Turner. Things are rather slow, erm, empty in the city, but I am sure that will change after Labor Day. Then it gets packed again.
Danny and I ate at my favorite restaurant, the Yaffa Cafe (St. Marks Place). It's open 24/7 and has EVERYTHING. The cooks are outrageous and it's cheap.The gaudy, tacky surroundings keep your eyes busy throughout the meal if you get sick of looking at your dinner date. Perfect for taking pics.
Danny is in school to be a TV writer. We are already working on our first screen play too. My idea, but he will have to write it, as I haven't the time. It's a movie, well, centered around music, that's all I can tell you for now, snap.
I can't believe Danny has never posed at Times Square yet. He almost got run over, pants down and all. Anyways, I am happy to be back in the USA, NYC fucking ROCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I feel overwhelmed though, as I have to write my weekly column today and I STILL have not finished my Zappanale blog. UGH!! I have to do it within 48 hours or I will enter "self loathing" territory and won't be able to sleep. If I don't write, I feel constipated. Like posting a big blog makes me feel lighter, you know that feeling I am talking about. Like you just took the BEST dump ever. I am a blog addict. I admit it. It's 7am and the sun is shining and I am STILL UP. Back to my old sleep pattern. The sun is over rated anyways.
ps. I got a call from a VIP, so I could be going to Philly this weekend to massage them. Would LOVE to say who it is, but that would jinx it..