Ask Dr. Dot July 3rd 2008

Feel free to ask me anything. I always change the names, so no need to be shy..

My Fiancé says he is scared he can't have kids because his cum looks
like water. What is this caused by & is he able to have kids still? He has not had a sex drive since his ex gave his baby up for adoption. When we do have sexual intercourse he only last 5-15 mins. Not amused!

Quickie Queen

Sperm consistency always varies. Diet, exercise and frequency of sex can all dictate how thick or watery his juice will be.

Sperm is constantly being made. Even if he just shot his load, a new batch is already in the making and you never know if it will be clear, cloudy, thin or chunky style.
Semen quantity differs among individuals and can also change during different times of a man’s life. Older men usually make a milky or pearly-white spunk and if the guy doesn't empty his balls regularly, it can turn a bit yellow and get really thick like clam (OMG!) chowder. A lot of factors go into the appearance and consistency of semen, including diet and ejaculation frequency. Changing any of these can alter the way your semen looks.
A nocturnal ejaculation may have more prostate fluid in it (which is whiter and thicker),
while a daytime ejaculation may have more sperm and fluid from the seminal vesicles, which tends to be clearer and less viscous. You say he already produced a child, so I would tell him not to worry about being impotent AND you say his sperm is very watery, so if he isn't fucking you, he must be wanking a lot, when you aren't around. This may help him feel (1) Good (2) In control. Since he lost control of his child, wanking may make him feel in control of at least his cock. If he is that afraid, he should go to the Doctor and have it checked out but I think it would be a waste of time and money and make an already tense, unfortunate situation become that more tense, hence killing his sex drive even more. Just avoid talking about it and give him some sexy back rubs while wearing some hot undies. Try to have him get you off before he even attempts one of those 5 minute in and out escapades. Tsk Tsk!

Why is it I can only cum when I think about my husband having sex with his ex girlfriends? Any details he has given me race through my head and I act them out while fucking him and that is the ONLY way I can get off. I’ve never told him as I am afraid he would think I am nuts.

Am I?
Pervy Pam

Wanting to love your partners past, right down to the juicy parts is nothing to be ashamed or freaked out about.
 A lot of people have to let their mind wander while fucking to cum, as sometimes the here and now is either
too much or too little and letting your imagination take over to get yourself off is a common pastime. I think
it means you are just very into his sexuality and imagining him fucking other girls is a turn on. A few people
 I know have admitted to doing the same thing, just relax and enjoy your home made, in-house porn.

I am also a massage therapist and want your opinion. Sometimes when I massage male clients,
they do obnoxious things that make me feel very awkward. For example, some point their penis
 South when they lay on their stomachs and I massage their back and back of their legs.
I then have to look at their cock the whole time and this grosses me out. Another popular
 antic is some men lift their asses up off the table so they are almost kneeling. What the hell?
 This makes me so nervous, I am thinking of just massaging females from now on.
Miss Massage

Simply ask the client to “Please point your member North so I don’t accidentally graze it
 with my short fingernails” should frighten their cock as soon the words leave your mouth.
 If they moan about it, insist you can’t concentrate and/or cover “it” with the sheet/towel
and only work on one side at a time, keeping his jewels covered. You could be cheeky and say
“Look, it’s bad enough I have to see your balls squished onto my massage table, do us a favor
 and pack your meat up under your belly”. Humor helps in stiff situations. If they have their
 ass up in the air, it means their ass is an attention whore, so why let it down? Put one
 hand on top of your other hand and use full force when slamming his ass down onto the table.
 He will get the message loud and clear without you even speaking. If he asks, tell him it’s
the “Slam dunk method”.

For a year I have been seeing someone I have many things in common with, except I don't smoke pot
or do prescription drugs for pain and anxiety.  He always made me feel beautiful, respected and
pursued.  He always made the calls and arranged the dates.  But, he has made it clear to me he
doesn't like to be confronted or be the target of expressed anger.  Once Saturday night we went
out with his sister and her boyfriend to a music rave.  He took a walk with the boyfriend and left
 me with his sister.  When the boyfriend returned 15 minutes later he was alone.  My boyfriend
stayed in another part of the hotel watching some girl band singing and dancing by himself. He
stayed away almost an hour and I found him just because I was looking for something to do. His sister

had to set up her own band.  He came over to me buy I was livid. When he realized I was angry he froze me
out of the conversation later when the 4 of us ordered drinks at the bar. I was hurt and angry the
 rest of the night.  When our date was over he was annoyed at my anger.  He didn't call me for 2 weeks.
Then we exchanged a few emails, he called Easter and on my birthday. I couldn't see him the day he
 invited me to celebrate my birthday over a week ago, and I haven't heard from him since.  Should I
let him go? I rarely confront him, but I can't never get angry.
Fed Up Franny

As nice as he may be, this ganja smoking Peter Pan is lost in his
own little never-never land. He can’t behave anyway
he wants and forbid any backlash. He is probably the youngest
child or a spoiled only child who always got his way.
I would ignore him and move on unless you want to walk on
eggshells your whole life long (exhausting!). If you really can’t live
without this sensitive control freak, let him do all the work, all of
the contacting and planning. Trying to turn a pot head/pill popper
 into a caring, thoughtful partner is an uphill battle. He sounds about
 as useful as a cat flap in an elephant house.

Why does it burn when my boyfriend cums in me?
Burning Bush Kate


Think back. Did all of your other lover’s spunk burn you? If you have
 both been tested for STD’s and came out clean, this could be mother
natures way of saying "this guy is not the right one for you". Smell
and the way one makes you feel can really say a lot about a lover.
 “Love” should feel great, not painful and like someone used a flame
 thrower on your snatch.

On a recent night out with the girls, I fell ill and came home much earlier than I had planned
only to walk in on a horrifying scene. I am almost too embarrassed to even write it. My
husband was letting our dog lick his balls in the bathroom. I almost fainted when I saw this.
He poured chocolate sauce all over his testicles, making a huge mess on the floor and
submitted our poor dog to a crude act. I left and slept at my sisters house and instead of
being able to pour my heart out, I just can't get the courage to tell anyone but you. I am back at
home now but things are awkward between my man and I; I am hurt, angry and confused.
I feel he has cheated on me, but has he? I mean is that cheating? Is that sick enough that I should leave him?
Should he see a shrink? He claims he was just bored.
Humiliated Hannah

*NOTE: This is the kind of question that makes people think I make them up but I don’t, the world is just full of horn dogs* Sigh.
If you really love him and this is the only problem, you may want to start licking his balls so your
dog doesn't have to do it anymore.. Everyone does daft, embarrassing things and you just happened to walk in on one of his.

Not cool using animals for sexual pleasure but life goes on. Buy a rubber tablecloth and some sugar free chocolate sauce

(to avoid any yeast infections) and show him you too, can lick his chocolate covered balls.

Dr. Dot traf Eva Longoria zur Massage (Press release in Germany)

Dr. Dot traf Eva Longoria zur Massage Kategorie: Models, Menschen Von: JC Sierks Verführerische Momente an der Côte d'Azur


Echte Geniesserin: Eva Longoria Anfang der Woche präsentierte Promi-Masseurin Dr. Dot an der Côte d'Azur Eva Longoria, dem neuen Gesicht der Marke Magnum, ihre speziell entwickelte „Hot Chocolate Massage“. Als erklärte Liebhaberin von Genuss und Entspannung war Eva Longoria von der sinnlichen und wohltuenden Schokoladenmassage begeistert. Zur Präsentation der neuen Magnum Eisvariationen reiste „Desperate Housewives"-Star Eva Longoria am Montag in das Genussland Frankreich. Dort stellte sie nicht nur das verführerische Magnum Temptation vor, sondern traf auch auf die international renommierte Masseurin Dot Stein – besser bekannt als „Dr. Dot". Diese hatte eigens für die bekennende Wellness- und Schokoladenliebhaberin Eva Longoria eine besondere Schokoladenmassage entwickelt: Die „Magnum Hot Chocolate Massage". Inspiriert von den Vorlieben und der Sinnlichkeit Longorias hat die Wohlfühlspezialistin Dr. Dot die anregende Wirkung von Schokolade als Grundlage für diese exklusive Massage entdeckt. Der angenehme Duft sorgt für sinnliche Verwöhnmomente und die euphorisierende Wirkung des Kakaos tut der Seele gut. Die Haut wird seidig weich, und nach der Massage bleibt ein leichter, angenehmer Schokoladenduft zurück. Eva Longoria war begeistert. „Toll! Das möchte ich auch gern mal probieren!" Denn: Das neue Magnum Gesicht sucht nach stressigen Tagen ihren Ausgleich gern in besonderen Verwöhnmomenten. Der Hollywood-Star steht wohl wie keine andere dafür, das Leben zu genießen und sich von dessen kleinen Versuchungen verführen zu lassen. Sei es von schokoladigem Eisgenuss à la Magnum oder einer sinnlichen Massage. „Es ist enorm wichtig, im Leben die Balance zwischen Disziplin und Verführung zu finden. Man braucht von beidem etwas", erklärt die Schauspielerin.


Greetings from Rome (Eva Longoria + the Magnum Hot Chocolate Massage)

Greetings from Rome. This place is gorgeous but loud. Making lots of videos to share with you. Yesterday I was in Cannes, will explain in more detail when I get back to Berlin. Magnum Ice Cream asked me to develop a Hot Chocolate Massage for Eva Longoria my favorite Desperate Housewife (I am just assuming you know the show).

Anyways, Eva has said many times that she is a "Spa junkie" and also LOVES Magnum Chocolate Ice Cream (hopefully it will soon be available in North America too). SOooo, in order to show her a really good time and to show her how we can take both of her vices and turn them into one amazing experience, Magnum and I have been working very closely together to make that happen just for her.

Magnum taste 10 times better than anything Haggen Daas has to offer, so you can just imagine how yummy it is. Chocolate is not only yummy, it makes you happy and I feel you shouldn't put anything on  your skin you aren't willing to eat, plus the warm feeling of thick chocolate all over your body is pure bliss.


Here are a few of the pictures taken yesterday. I am editing the videos (see first one below) as well as awaiting more pictures, but this is all I have for now; this and the great memories of one of the best days I've had in a long time. EVA ROCKS!!!!!!!


Talk to you later



Demonstrating the Magnum Hot Chocolate Massage for Eva ^



Eva has a closer look (and wiff) of how amazing the Chocolate smells 


Zappa Plays Zappa tour dates (and me venting about Anti-American Berlin)

I am hanging my head in shame here as I have not blogged properly in so long. So much going on, I don't even know where to start. I am in Berlin, it's fucking freezing and everyone here still hates Americans and lets me know about it on a daily basis. I am getting pretty fucking tired of defending myself every time I leave the house. It's bad enough the Germans LOATHE American's entirely, but to hear it from the English here as well is sometimes too much to handle.

I was in an Irish pub the other night, showing a friend around and there were some English guys (from Yorkshire) at the bar and as soon as they heard my American accent they all started in on me. Asking me, as if I was a dumb American (aren't we all?)  "So, where in Canada is NYC exactly?" and "I would rather fucking DIE than go to America. They're all cunts!". Yeah yeah yeah, we fucking suck, now get over it.

I am a walking whipping post here. 99.9% of the people here HATE AMERICANS and when they meet one (me for example) they spit their verbal venom at me (I try to imagine this is aimed at George Bush and let it go in one ear and out the other) but after 18 years of this shit, I am ready to fucking snap. I am not a Patriotic Yank. I don't wear the American flag on my body or brag about being from the USA, but when people ask me where I am from, am I supposed to fucking lie? I should maybe tell them I am from Canada so they get off my ass. AND if they happen to be apathetic about where I am from, they have a go at me when I answer their next question (it's like a fucking interview every time I leave the house)  "so what do you do for a living?" MASSAGE (insert lame joke here) "oh, with happy endings?". Just fucking bite me. From now on, I'm from Toronto and I am a  waitress. End of story. Hostile? Yeah, I am, but you would be too if you got as much shit throw your way as I do being an (GOD FORBID) American.  Thanks Mr. Bush, everyone hates us now, hope you're happy. I didn't vote for the cunt, nor did anyone I know. 

Something about being a foreigner, hard to put my finger on it, lets see, it SUCKS. You have to walk on eggshells. Your accent gives you away. So just keep your mouth shut and you'll be fine. But what about in shops? Restaurants? Bars? You have to speak. I feel SO confident in NYC. Like a fish in water. The ambition, the energy, the anything-goes vibe is a constant turn on. Plus, I am from there (well, born 2 hours drive North) so NO ONE gives me shit about being American on my own turf. HUGE chip on my shoulder right now. One more person gives me hell about being a Yank, I'm gonna snap. Go postal. Can you or anyone you know relate? The song CREEP from Radio Head comes to mind.

 That and the miserable weather (FREEZING, rain, gray skies) and the fact that Jasmine left on a tour all around Europe again for the next 5 months or so, makes me want to get on the next plane back to NYC. Having lived in Europe since 1989 though, makes me also feel a tad out of place there too (I've turned into a bread snob). Going mad. Turning into an eccentric freak. The more success you have in your career the less you fit in. Losers at bars who have no or little money seem to have a million friends and lots of time to spend with them. If you work and love your work and speak about it (when asked) you get glared at as if you just told them you shit tooth paste. "EH? You like to work? I avoid those kind, as it may be contagious!". 

Friends my age are all married and/or are just having kids and have NO time. Single friends are either super rich and have no time or super poor and have NO money but lots of time. Good thing I don't mind being alone. Lately I have been really busy- had a tiny operation, no big deal.. and then helping Jasmine get ready for her trip and showing a lovely friend-

– around Berlin has all taken up so much of my time I haven't even began to answer all of the piled up emails. Another thing, if you are straight (not fucked up) in Berlin and are a foreigner, it's hard to deal with. I go into the Irish pubs of Berlin from time to time for some karaoke and see the English speaking crowds, some of which have been here as long, if not longer than myself and most of they are high and/or drunk as fuck every time I see them. Some of them have actually gone crazy. I know a couple Americans here that have turned into massive alcoholics and put heads; you can barely understand them anymore. You ask them "why?". They say it's cold here, the people are cold here. You wonder "why not go back to your country?" but many have been here so long, they would have to start all over again back "home". 


Really odd situation. Not looking to start a pity party, just telling the truth. One American man here wrote a book called the  Zoo station  years ago. Directly after it's release, he killed himself. The Spring and Summer are better; people smile. Winter is hell on earth here. They will simply NOT obey the smoking ban yet. Most places are still extremely smoky and the one's that do enforce the smoking ban, allow smoking after 11pm anyways. So I stay at home most of the time organizing massages for touring rock bands. Super fucking exciting. Party On Garth. 


On a lighter note, I am off to France early April to perform a Hot Chocolate massage on a certain someone (can't reveal their name yet). Then I will take a train over to Italy and meet Jasmine for a week of fun in the sun. Then later in April, back to NYC. I do LOVE my flat in Berlin, as it's all mine and I can do whatever the fuck I want in it whenever the fuck I want….but big deal, the folks here in Europe have already made up their minds to hate Americans, so why stay here?  So much hate here, it's insane. Lighten up people will ya?


"I care not what others think of what I do, but I care very much about what I think of what I do! That is character!" – Theodore Roosevelt

Zappa Plays Zappa tour dates ^

 Yes I support Zappa tribute bands and Zappa alumni and the Zappanale, but just to show Gail and Dweezil that I am mutual, here are their dates. All things involving Zappa music are good things.