Book me: email me at email@example.com and write “Andre/Orlando” in the subject line
Hi ! My name is André, I am from Brazil, and I have been an Amazing Massage Therapist since 2005. I always had to be on top of my game being a male therapist at all the 5 Star Mega Spas that I have worked for in Orlando Florida. I use my intuition in listening to my clients body, that’s what makes me one of the best. My passion for Massage can be best described by my desire to help others. I believe in listening to what someone’s body says during a massage. I believe in keeping myself educated in all of the latest styles of massage, like cupping, kneisio tapping, medical massage training, and stretching the body perfectly during a Barefoot Asian Fusion Massage. I have GREAT PRESSURE and unbelievable instinct on how to hurt good lol… and yet keep you very relaxed to the point you forget all the stress, and I can just make it go away for that moment. Try my massage, and see for yourself…
I love Andre's work. He is one of Germany's most respected Photographers. His wife, pictured pregnant next to Andre' on the book cover below, is also a photographer and is often there during our shoots. LOVE them.
For me the Zappanale fest already started in Berlin with Project Object playing at the DOT CLUB on August 13th. It was so awesome and my buddy Joe Jackson came and stood in the audience the whole time and watched. He said he enjoyed the show, the band was good but he said, as I said, the sound could have been better. The club is HOT as FUCK and smokey too- with bad sound. NOT good. But Project Object, of course, did the best they could do and nailed it.
My good friends Dirk and Bully came to the show too and refused to accept free tix, they wanted to support the band! Snarky, a myspace Zappa group friend of mine came all the way from Virginia to see the show (and the Zappanale too)
Dirk, Bully, Snarky McBullhorn ^
Dot at the Dot Club. I felt at home here apart from the cig smoke, cough cough, I am NO fun, innit!? I LOVE the shirt I am wearing, my friend Robin Gelberg gave it to me, I treasure it.
Oliver (in the middle) owns a bar called the Jansen Bar in Berlin and they have Frank Zappa night the first Tuesday of each month. Ike was happy to pose with Oliver and the Jansen bar bar-tender who swears he isn’t gay (inside joke). Check it out: http://www.jansenbar.de/
Rather bad quality but here is a video of one ^ of my performances at the Dot Club in Berlin
Not much time to write, just posting a few pics I took last night. The Zappanale gets better each time I come, I LOVE it (“it’s a way of life” 😉
To see the blog I wrote about the last Zappanale I went to two years ago, go to:
All of Jimmy Carl Black’s kids are here. Met them all and his widow is here too, will post pics asap.
Project Object from behind 😉
CREW SLUT at the Zappanale ^ (I knew a better quality version would turn up 🙂
And I FINALLY met the famous Paul Green. We run in the same circle, never had the pleasure until tonight- wicked fun guy..
And it felt like MAGIC to be in between these two legends, Don Preston and Robert Martin (they just met for the first time tonight!)
Haven’t seen Don for two years, it is always a pleasure. Haven’t seen Robert since 1988! We had a LOT of catching up to do and he gave me 2 hours of fitness and advice about what to eat and what not to eat (he is a strict Vegan). He is 61 and is still ripped, you should see his abs. Check out his web site, you can see videos of him doing one legged squats, he is amazing!! http://www.lookgreatnakedatanyage.com/
Robert’s shoes fascinated me to no end ^ I told him if they made them for women, they could paint the toe nail part red to make them sexier. ha.
Eric Svalgard ^ and Eric Slick of Project Object
Eric Slick and Robbie “Seahag” ^ (Guitar for Project Object)
Project Object fucking RULED!! I performed as “Mary” for them during Crew Slut and Wet t-shirt night. Always an honor. Ike Willis is in top form, Don kicks ass, Andre’ gets better all the time, Eric Slick on drums, wow! Robbie Seahag on bass, Eric Svalgard the crazy blond on other keyboards and Robert Martin came out and did a few numbers like Whipping Post and NAILED IT!!! Gregg Allman would approve.
Gotta sleep, ttyl
ps. Here is me below as “Mary” for the Crew Slut song/performance (would love to see a video of that, it was hilarious!)
Thursday night at the Dot club and Friday night at the Zappanale I played MARY in the songs Crew Slut and Fembot in a Wet Shirt (still waiting for someone to send me some pics of that)
I was slinking around each Project Object band member during the song and in this shot ^ back to back with Robert Martin
Robert Martin again ^ and I
“Hey hey hey all you girls in these
I know youre probly gettin tired
Of all the local clowns
They never give you no respect
They never treat you nice
So perhaps you oughta try
A little friendly advice
And be a crew slut
Hey, youll love it
Be a crew slut
Its a way of life
Be a crew slut
See the world
Dont make a fuss, just get on the bus
Add water makes its own sauce
Be a crew slut
So you dont forget, call before midnite tonite
The boys in the crew
Are just waiting for you
You never to get move around
You never go nowhere
I know yer probly gettin tired
Of all the guys out there
You always wondered what its like
To go from place to place
So, darlin, take a little ride
On the mixers face
Be a crew slut
Just follow the magic footprints
Be a crew slut
Hey, youll love it!
Be a crew slut
Its a way of life
I aint gonna squash it
And you dont need to wash it!” FRANK ZAPPA
Back again with more pics from Saturday night at the Zappanale:
Project Object leader ^ and his lovely lady
OMFG, Roberts hands are AMAZING!! Wish he would do my feet 🙂
It is really hard to get good in concert shots. But I get some good in person pics. You can’t capture their music in pics anyways and my camera is too crap to make any decent videos of the shows
Eric Slick (drummer genius) on stage after his performance with Project Object ^
SUNDAY (last night of the Zappanale) below:
Was fun hanging out with Bruce again. He told many private things about himself, it was awesome to get close to such a genius mind. He is so kind and gentle; makes you want to protect him.
Ike and I have known each other for 21 years. His mind is still sharp as a whip and his sense of humor is as amazing as his voice. LOVE HIM!
Ah, to be a fly on the wall- wait, I was there. Super Fly. ha.
The Zappanale is 4 days/nights of Zappa fun, but everyone is SUPER tired by Sunday night. Terry looked so fucking fit, wow. He claims he is “getting fat” but I didn’t see any on him.
Zappa alumni Sandwich part 2 (or 3?) keep em coming..
Wolfhard is the founder of the Zappanale, started it 20 years ago. Super nice guy and he is a MASSIVE Zappa freak, he doesn’t do this festival for anything else but the love he has for Frank Zappa’s music. Thomas is the president of the Arf Society (google it, I’m too tired to write about it 😉
Wolfhard is rather shy and keeps to himself, not one to ask for pics or autographs, but he did want one with Bruce. They are both amazing people.
When I left the festival I noticed a rowdy bar still open in Bad Doberan and went in and it was PACKED with hard core Zappa fans (Zappateers). One of them, from the UK, had this hair cut goin’ on. Ha.
Will TRY to ad more text and pics soon.
Haven’t really wrote much about the music. Not much to say apart from you can never get enough Frank Zappa music. Some were bored with Terry Bozzio’s 90 min drum solo set but hey, he IS Terry Bozzio and well, RESPECT! One thing that REALLY gets on my tits about the Zappanale is you have to listen to the same fucking songs over and over and OVER again because it seems to be impossible to controll what each band plays so they ALL play Frank’s top ten hits (I am the slime, dirty love, etc etc.) Project Object did the BEST version EVER of Whipping Post with Bobby Martin and hello? Some Austrian Band (Sex without Nails) did it the very next night. Jesus, have some fucking respect will ya? Give it up. I hate that. I think all bands should pick their songs from a Zappanale lottery 6 months before the festival and NO ONE should be allowed to repeat a song!!
What about Truck Driver Divorce? Or Lucille has messed my Mind up? There are HUNDREDS of songs to choose from yet we have to endure the same fucking songs repeatedly (which is ok if you are drunk and stoned out of your Zappa loving mind) but I am NOT so it bothers me and the other few sober cunts there. FOR FUCK SAKE!!! I asked the powers that be (Thomas and Wolfhard) about this and they said they DO try to control it BUT the bands “do what they want once they get up on the stage”. How can they play repeats? Are they retarded? Don’t they know how many SONGS Frank Zappa actually has? pfft.
If you want a different view of the Zappanale, keep your eye out for Andrew Greenaways web site, he will surely cover it once he is back in the UK and sober: www.idiotbastard.com
Jimmy Carl Black’s lovely but very sad, widow “Moni”
Andre' Cholmondeley here , from Project/Object, Adrian Belew Tours and more…….
I am proud to be doing some work for and with another of my all time favorite musicians/composers….I'm running Show Production for this one-night tour for none other than EDDIE JOBSON, the violinist/keyboardist. Many of you first heard Eddie's work with King Crimson or, like me, when I was 16 in a dorm room at Rutgers University, 1981…on ZAPPA IN NEW YORK….
Eddie is making his first return to the stage with his own music after almost 28 years (!!). He's been VERY busy in music — running a record company, producing, and scoring TV shows like Nash Bridges (100+ episodes), TV commercials, movies, etc. When he came off the road from the Jethro Tull Tour in 1981, he has not performed live except for a Bach Tribute with Tull in 1985, and the "Concert For Peace" and Moscow concert in Aug/Sep 2008. You may have read my blogs from those events….
Spread the word on this historic show!!! If you are ANYWHERE near NYC , do not miss this!! The opening act (Tony Levin's new band!) will also be making their US premiere (read on). With people flying in from England, Europe, South Africa, all around the USA……you have no excuse!!!
“The word ‘genius’ is bandied about a bit too freely these days, but in Jobson’s case, the term not only applies, it’s been used to describe him since his northern England childhood.” – EMMY Magazine
NEW YORK (Jan. 7, 2009) — Keyboard and electric-violin legend EDDIE JOBSON (U.K., Roxy Music, Frank Zappa, Jethro Tull) is returning in grand style from a self-imposed 27-year retirement to introduce UKZ, his new “Virtual Virtuoso” supergroup, with a world debut concert exclusive in New York City.
Anticipated by Ticket News as “one of contemporary music’s iconic performances” and attracting concertgoers from around the world, UKZ will begin and end its “One City World Tour” on Saturday, Jan. 24 at Town Hall, 123 W. 43rd St., NYC. Show time is 8 p.m. This rare concert event also will feature the U.S.debut of special guests Stick Men, featuring King Crimson’s Tony Levin and Pat Mastelotto. Tickets are $125, $95, $85 & $60 and on sale NOW through Ticketmaster at www.ticketmaster.com. For info, call the box office at 212.840.2824 or visit www.the-townhall-nyc.org.
In a state-of-the-art display of masterful musicianship that elevates the spirit of progressive music to the modern demands of younger new audiences, UKZ will be premiering compositions from its upcoming debut EP, RADIATION, set for release March 24 via Ryko Distribution. UKZ’s updated sound infuses the industrial edge and rhythmic aggression of bands from Tool to Nine Inch Nails, and it’s exemplified in the seven-minute video for the title track, which already has received over 5,000 hits in its first week on YouTube.
“New directions excite me,” says Jobson, “I decided a year-and-a-half ago that I still had more to say in the rock arena, and that the internet had allowed every aspect of that _expression to be approached in a new way. Everything with this band project has been self-produced, independent of the music-business machine.I have created a real ‘player’ band of virtuosos and I am taking it straight to the people.”
A classically trained progressive-rock icon, Jobson assembled UKZ virtually by auditioning performances on YouTube. The result is a multi-generational “dream band” of world-class improvisers from all parts of the globe whose members are: Trey Gunn (American, a 10-year veteran of King Crimson and the leading exponent of the Warr 10-string touch guitar), Aaron Lippert (Belgian, former lead singer of Expanding Man), Alex Machacek (Austrian guitar prodigy, also in TERRY BOZZIO's OUT TRIO), and Marco Minnemann (German drum sensation, in several projects including with MIKE KENEALLY), with Eddie Jobson of course hailing from England/UK..
Jobson has spent much of his time away from band activity creating music for film and television. He’s been an integral contributor to movie and TV soundtracks, and also has earned several Clio awards for his commercial compositions.
More recently, he’s been the driving force behind the Bulgarian Women’s Choir, which he began working with 13 years ago while exploring new sounds for a reunion of U.K., the influential British supergroup. Jobson also runs Globe Media Arts, a music/video production company, music publishing company, and online store, including two indie labels for advanced musicians, Globe Music and Glo Digital.
“I have spent my life looking for new musical challenges,” he says. “The latest is in taking on the challenge of creating a truly contemporary rock environment for some of the world’s best players to exhibit their craft, while maintaining some level of accessibility.So far, I am pleased with the results and I am looking forward to returning to live performance to share those results with fans from around the globe, in New York City — the capital of the world.My hope is to move things forward — at least a little bit.”
"Due to Adelaide Gail Zappa and her incessant, worldwide legal attacks on fans honoring Frank Zappa's music, and attempts to negate his request (according to the Zappa hotline, Dec 1993) to "Play My Music", the Project/Object show for Fri 21 Nov 2008, at Bill's Bar in Boston, has been cancelled.
Stand by for further details on the threatening letters. All other shows, have proceeded fantastically or are proceeding as planned, since what we do is 100% legal under US law. It's sad that lawyers are being enriched every year by this useless letter-writing campaign (all clubs also get threat letters).
FYI – The band Ugly Radio Rebellion, who you'll remember was under attack for Dec. 2007 shows, just had to cancel all their Nov 2008 shows due to a couple of clubs' unfounded fears of Adelaide Gail Zappa suing them. Bogus Pomp in Florida also recently was attacked for celebrating this music. Artists in Germany also continue to be attacked. What a waste of good money that could be used to release more Zappa music……
We are not breaking any laws and we will continue to perform Frank Zappa music for you. And maybe even a little of the music of Mozart, Stravinsky, Gustav Holst, The Seeds ('Pushing Too Hard' used in 'Sy Borg'), Yes (1984 'bamboozled' solo section), The Beatles (medley played on 1988 Zappa tour), Richard Berry (Frank quoted "Louie Louie" DOZENS of times), Herbie Hancock (riffs quoted in 'Greggery Peccary'), Culture Club ('I'll tumble for ya'), The Doors ('The End', 'Light My Fire')..and on and on and on….
I am conducting research into where and when Frank Zappa got permission to perform, record or parodize ALL of these and many, many other various artists' music. Of course sometimes he sought permission, and when RECORDED and RELEASED, he certainly paid mechanical royalties. But certainly many times he didn't.
For a guy who has a LARGE part of his art based on USING THE MATERIAL OF OTHERS, his estate is strangely, hypocritically opposed to any one else doing the same!
As you can see from the date on the backstage pass below, I have been really busy. So busy, a month has gone and I haven't blogged properly. I've felt full, like when you eat too much, but my head is the full bit; full of blogs (full of shit?), so I am up, blogging, when I should be sleeping, to get rid of all this info rolling around my mind.
Have you seen "Bruce Almighty" with Jim Carey? How the prayers build up and distract him? That's how it is if I don't write. It gets too loud and chaotic in my head.
Rather embarrassed to say, that I think the whole tonsil operation was a mistake. I thought, since the Doctors told me, they have to come out, meant, having them out would cure everything and I'd feel perfect. Seems now that instead of getting a sore throat, it just goes deeper (any infection) to the lungs. I have another lung infection (well, Berlin mostly heats with nasty COAL, so the air here is like a whore's heart; dirty, really cold and moist.
I went out Thanksgiving night (will blog about THAT asap) and have been basically in bed since. I have a lot to catch up on, so..moving right along….
Peter, the tour manager of Rod Stewart is a mate of mine, even though I haven't seen him since the Jeff Beck show. He had me come to the Max Schmeling Halle in Berlin to set up and offer massages at my first ever Rod Stewart show. I can't believe I hadn't seen him live since that night. I was waaay into Rod before I even had any pubic hair. I thought he was the sexiest mother fucker on earth, and I didn't even really have a grasp yet what sexy was. Hearing him made me tingle inside; I was a fan. I mean, I've always loved Zappa and the Beatles, but Rod and Mick Jagger, were objects of my desire…tsk tsk. Watching Rod on TV sing "do ya think I'm sexy" turned me into a horn dog, ditto with Mick singing "Start me up" on Mtv. I admit it, go ahead and laugh.
SET LIST ^
I massaged the band and several roadies as well. One, named Bruce, was about 6 foot 8 inches tall, hung out with me and watched the show after his massage. He's been on the road with Rod for years and years. Big sweet heart.
Bruce, Rod's loyal carpenter/roadie ^
One of the back up singers was 7 months pregnant, but I only noticed it towards the end of the show. I gave her a foot massage for free after the show, as a tiny gift. Rod takes really good care of his crew, band and managers. I heard it's the plushest tour one can be on, as in, one day off in between every show, which is fucking great if you are touring. The catering was the fucking bomb too. These folks got it good 😉
;Rod put on a fantastic show. It was funny as hell to see so many German men dressed up like Rod in the first few rows. Extreme fans who donned his hair color/cut and the same style of clothing too.
;Still charming and handsome after all those years..and that voice. Oooh la-la.
I didn't get a picture with Rod, sadly. He "gets bored hanging about backstage" as his manager Lars told me, so he leaves the venue the second the show is over. I was lucky enough, though, to get a signed Football (ok, soccer ball for the yanks) from him 🙂
After the show, a friend and I went to a birthday party I was invited to from my girlfriend Betty Deluxe (not pictured).
If you click HERE you can see Betty in action on stage recently, dressed in blue, dancing on stage with Mika. I have no idea why I didn't snap any shots of the birthday girl…probably because she was so surrounded by her gay friends, I couldn't get a picture of her even if I tried 😉
ANYWAYS, two of my other friends were there. Barbara Schoeneberger, who is Germany's cutest, funniest and SMARTEST TV moderator and Andre' Rival, my favorite photographer.
I just went to Youtube and searched "Barbara Schoeneberger" and was pleasantly surprised when I found a video of me on her talk show at the top of the page:
This interview took place in 2000, when she had a show called "Blondes Gift" which means "Blond poison" in German. I was wearing head to toe RUBBER. Sweating my ass off. lol. Anyways, I LOVE Barbara. She is fucking gorgeous, loves younger men, has ridiculously beautiful breasts and is smart as a fucking whip. Her show was called Blond Poison because she normally ripped her guests a second asshole. She is cheeky as, well, me. We got along perfect, so she was really nice to me; plus, why be mean when I am massaging your feet, right?
< yum yum, two's better than one
After a couple glasses of wine, well, Barbara and I get kinda friendly. Andre' Rival took this shot of us, he was in heaven.
Look how cute she is! She is not only a HUGE TV star, she sings too and is going on tour very soon. Click HERE to see her web site and hear her voice.
Andre' ^ has taken LOADS of pictures of me. I posed naked for him for his book (naked celebrities under his oak tree) which was a first for me (well, apart from the body painting thingy). He is so fucking funny, I call him the Woody Allen of Photography. He has photographed so many presidents and stars, he is probably Germany's best photographer. Love him (and his wife too). She is also a photographer and was there at the party too, but she is rather shy.
Andre', Olaf Hajek (famous illustrator) and Barbara. What great night. Berlin can be so fun sometimes. I run into people I know whenever I leave the house, guess I know more people here then I do in the US. Well, I know a lot of folks there too but they are so spread out you know?
I recently went to London to massage one of my favorite clients of all time, Simon Cowell. Let me tell you, the man does NOT count pennies. He goes ALL out and spoils everyone around him. Almost all rich people I know, are penny pinchers, tight wads, but not Simon. He is THE BIG SPENDER. He is hands down, the most generous client/star I have ever massaged. My flight, hotel, all my food, room service, etc was all paid (I never even see the bill) and there was a mercedes car with driver waiting outside for me whenever I wanted to go anywhere. Business class flight too. Simon insists on the best. He fucking RULES!
Simon fucking RULES! ^
< My hotel
I was put up in the Baglioni hotel in London, directly across from Hyde park. I was being nosy and asked the front desk how much my suite cost and they said "500 pounds per day Madam". Daaam. I am not snobby, could have stayed at a cheaper place, but hey, I won't say no. When I checked in the room wasn't ready yet (I got there at 10am). So I sat at the bar and worked on my lap top and the manager there asked me if I was there for the Who. eh? No, why? The Who were having a party in my hotel that night for their new dvd they just released. You won't believe this, but I missed the party. I massaged Simon from 10 pm to 12 midnight and when I got back, the party was over. LONDON bores the FUCK out of this night owl. WTF!!????
< Across from my hotel
I have to think of the Stones song 'Street Fighting Man'
"But what can a poor boy do Except to sing for a rock n roll band cause in sleepy london town Theres just no place for a street fighting man No.."
SLEEPY LONDON TOWN indeed! No wonder my mate Joe Jackson moved to Berlin from London. Not only is smoking banned (which I love) BUT, you can't go out after MIDNIGHT! There is NOTHING open. Ok, there are a few cheesy, and I mean CHEESY night clubs with crappy pop/techno music and people who are dying to be important, but they too close at 2 am. HOWEVER, I did find a and I mean A, as in, the ONLY restaurant that is open 24 hours a day called "Vingt-Quatre" on 325 Fulham road. I have been there a couple years ago when I was in town for Sting at Live 8. They serve everything and it's great quality. Expensive as fuck, but I don't mind. I gladly give out big bucks for good food anytime. Don't give a toss about designer clothes, jewelry or cars, but food and music, now they are important to me.
< Nice folks I met at the 24 hour place
Anyways, I didn't see much of London, as I slept all day, jogged, ate, massaged Simon, then there was nothing open after. Great. But I earned WELL and got treated like a fucking queen, AGAIN, from Simon and his assistant Ali. I am extremely grateful. Love you Simon! Anyone who talks shit about Simon, simply hasn't met him. He is a fucking gentleman; a sweet heart with a massive sense of humor.
I feel ok now, got a lot off my mind, going to the lung doctor AGAIN. I leave for NYC again in a couple weeks.."start spreadin' the news, I'm leavin' today, I want to be a part of it, New York, New York" yeah baby!
I finally found out when the 5th Wheel show will air on TV. Way back in August ( or was it September?) I filmed for HOURS and hours with the producers and other contestants of the 5th Wheel show in Manhattan.
You can read about this way back in my blog. But anyhow, if you want to see it:
It will also be aired on TV on March 1st at 1:00am, so really, if you stay up late (until 1am)