Monthly Archives: July 2008
Ask Dr. Dot July 27 2008
Feel free to ask me anything. I always change the names, so no need to be shy..
Hallo Dr. Dot. I read the ExBerliner magazine every month, and your column is the first page I
turn to. Honest. I have a quick clean question. I am a single, never married 45 year old Hispanic
male, well educated (2 degrees), not bad looking I am told, good shape (like to work out) etc.etc.
but I cannot find a date. You have heard it before I am sure. I am thinking of taking dance classes
to possibly meet interesting women. Good idea or bad idea. What kind of dancing should I learn.
I have no experience at all with any type of dancing. How should I approach this decision? Thank
You very, very much Dr. Dot.
Dance classes, along with cooking and yoga classes are excellent places to pull. Salsa lessons would
ensure you meet lots of ladies who either already have a fiery rhythm, or want one. Such classes
are usually predominantly female and you would end up a popular dance partner. It's tough finding
love in a big city but as a single male, the odds are on your side (lots of gays mean, lots of single
ladies). Make sure your breath is ALWAYS fresh and buy a fresh scent: 'Angle Men' (A-men) from Thierry Mugler
or Fahrenheit from Christian Dior, these scents make women weak in the knees.
My girlfriend only wants to shag after lunch. In the morning I wake up and
am ready for a shag before breakfast; while she's still a zombie. At night
she's "too tired". Only after lunch does she suddenly get really fucking
horny but I'm usually at work! Any tricks to turning her on in the early hours?
Morning Muffin Man
Try to take a lunch break when she calls and is horny, run home, shag her, then
go back to work with a shit eating grin on your face.
Saying 'no' to a hungry pussy is just wrong. About her being "tired" at night,
tell her "just let me do all the work honey, just lay there and let me fuck you".
Those words usually work like "open sesame".
Is it gay for a guy to pee sitting down?
Having dated a few European men, I can tell you, it’s rather popular over there.
Maybe their wives have more effective ways of threatening them if they leave the
seat up. But then again, peeing while sitting down enables you to:
– Make sure you get all your piss in the bowl
– Takes the weight off your feet
– Requires less concentration
– Getting your face ripped off by females for leaving the seat up doesn’t happen
– Gives you the option of an unplanned dump, should the need arise.
What's not to love? Why let a position define your sexuality? I say go for it,
no one is supposed to see you do your business anyways. The only disadvantage
is trying to stuff your morning stiffy down into the bowl.
My wife, god bless her, is 56 and still has her regular periods. When will
it be safe to stop fucking her with a Johnny?
You should be happy and proud that you married such a
healthy, ripe woman that still ovulates at age 56. This means she can still get
pregnant, but from the sounds of things, you two have thrown in the procreating
towel. If so, why not get snipped? Or she could have her tubes cut and tied.
You could also have her start taking birth control pills OR use the 'Persona' method.
A preventive device found in every Pharmacy (also called Clear Blue).
< Monitor Method
She would just keep close tabs with this gadget, finding out when she is most fertile (danger days).
I am surprised you two haven't tried such things yet as one of the best
parts about being married is being able to ditch the condoms for more pleasurable
forms of birth control, like the pill or IUD, Diaphragm, the ring or this monitoring
system I just mentioned. I hope you will be riding bareback again soon.
I am in a difficult relationship, well not difficult but a confusing one. At first
we were friends, mostly via the internet, and then when I moved closer to him, we
started to see each other a lot more; we have been seeing each other (fucking) for
the past 3 months. I know that he likes me and he tells me so, he tells me that if
I was closer to him I would be his girl or he would be seeing me everyday; however
when he returns home it’s a different story. He only will communicate via IM or
myspace and speaking of that I’m last on his list.
Sometimes I feel that he just doesn't want to be bothered…and considering we are friends;
I will say, hey? do you need some time alone? (instead of making me sit in front of
the damn pc while he is busy chatting with other ppl)..he just says, don’t be silly but
then…I end up sitting and waiting.
I have confronted him in a nice way of course and asked where do I stand with him?
His response was that, he is confused and unsure what he wants at the moment. I asked
him if he is keeping his options open? His response is NO. He also states that, he
wouldn't like it if I was with someone else…because he wouldn’t be with someone else.
This is just confusing again!
This is hard for me because I am so in love with him and when he is here I know he is
mine it’s when he is gone that I feel lost and confused and hopeless. I don’t want to
loose our friendship but I just don’t know where I stand with him or what he wants but
then again, neither does he.
Blinded by Love,
My advice, start seeing other people as it sounds to me like he has another, even if he
says he doesn't. It’s been said “women can fake orgasms, but men can fake whole relationships”.
If he was that into you, he would be begging you to move closer, to let him move near you,
or to at least see you more often. He would call, rather than chat with you like an online buddy.
When a man is in love and hell bent on making sure the girl is HIS, they don't behave like
the wanker you are describing. Sorry but I don’t sugar coat. He is taking advantage of you;
open your eyes and realize you are just his fuck buddy and nothing more.
Get gorgeous, get busy and stop "waiting" around for that indecisive fuck face.
Hertha BSC Berlin vs. Liverpool FC: Soccer in Germany
|^ Video I made at the match||Oh hells yeah|
My mate Julie and I bought tickets to go see Liverpool play Hertha here in Berlin at the Olympia Stadium. Last time I was there was a couple summers ago to see the Stones. I actually saw Liverpool FC play there before, think it was August 1993. So fun to watch them play. They are amazing. AND The Beatles come from Liverpool, so naturally I am going to support them. Their color is RED, so my gal pal and I wore red.
Tickets were only 25 euros ($35?), which is pretty fair. This was just a "friendly" match, nothing big at risk. Everyone was super relaxed (read:drunk) and having a great time.
|Olympia Stadium, Berlin (not taken day of game fyi)|
Our seats weren't that great, or even next to each other, but we managed to find an easy going security guard who went against the strict German rules and let us in a section that wasn't *gasp* the one on our ticket. We wanted to sit with Liverpool supporters (where the most red shirts were). As I said in my video, above, we soon found out, that just because they were wearing red and supporting Liverpool, doesn't mean they are FROM Liverpool, or even the UK. There were all East Germans, yes, I know, there is no more "East or West" officially, but mentally, it's still here. The "Ossi's hate the Wessi's" etc.. Anyways, the East Germans HATE Hertha (Berlin's Football club) so much because they are "West" that they would rather support the "Inselaffen" as they call the Brits (the Island Apes, because the UK is an island, blah blah).
Lots of players falling down and lots of "ecken" (corners?) wtf does that mean? I admit, I don't know all the football lingo and all, but it's even worse trying to figure out the football lingo in another language. I can speak and read (and write) German, but these sport terms had me confused.
We did the wave a few times. I love that. We all sang the football songs, and Julie told me as I walked up to have a slash (piss) the guys were singing "Get your tits out" but I didn't even notice because I thought it was just another football chant and blocked it out. ha ha.
These lads sat two rows in front of us and asked us to pose for pictures like 10 times. They are from East Germany too.
Julies perky tits are a bit hidden here… I guess I squashed them. Sorry Julie. Word: Underwire Bra.
A sporty sausage fest.
Julie and I were asked by at least 50 guys to pose with them for a picture. So, why not ask them to take one of us? Julie was like "wot the FUCK Dot? Why are all these people asking us for pictures??". A couple of the German guys asked me if I was 'Dr. Dot' and one said he saw me on TV, one on Big Brother (I was in the BIg Brother container for one whole day a few years ago massaging all the peeps. You can see pics at www.puredrdot.com click on LINKS and see Big Brother banner). It was actually getting embarrassing as people were trying to watch the game and there was this massive hoopla around us, omfg. I am UNDER exaggerating. Seriously. Wish Julie would put her two cents it. She is a writer too, so perhaps she will blog too. The girls seated a few rows up from us were shooting daggers at us with there eyes. Hey, get yourself a red dress. Red is THE color apparently.
Julie and I took a taxi to the game to save time, but decided to take the S-Bahn (over ground train) towards home. It was so fucking packed outside the Olympia Stadium anyways, that no taxi would ever get through. So we plowed along with the hordes of football fans (some hooligans too) and squeezed onto the train. I usually never take public transport here (used to years ago) because you can basically walk anywhere in Berlin (keeps legs slim), rollerblade or walk. PLUS, Germans fucking STARE. I mean they REALLY do not know the difference between an innocent glance and an outright 5 minute long stare. No one has ever taught them that it's kinda rude. lol. I remember dating a massive brick layer from London named Kevin years ago, like hmmm, 1993, here in Berlin. He was a weight lifter and built like a brick shit house (normally not my type, but he loved Elvis, so that won him brownie points). Anyways, I remember my fling with Kevin didn't last long because every time we went somewhere in public, like a pub or the underground train, Germans would stare at us (I was doing Madonna dopple-gaenger shows (impersonations) for money because I could not speak German yet and so I had a short white wavy bob (like her Blonde Ambition tour cut) and super thin eyebrows and he looked like a fucking wrestler. Anyways, they would stare and he was so aggressive (he told me he took steroids to get bigger muscles ) he would SCREAM at all the Germans who looked at us, which of course, brought more attention to us, and then more aggression from him towards them. Omfg. Nightmare. Anyways, Germans stare and I was dressed in red, as you can see, and had the cleavage on at full force (hey, we only live once, let them breath. Someday they will shrivel up and rot, so for now, they are out).
The guys on the train heard Julie and I talking in English (we can both speak fluent German) so the lads didn't know we could understand them at all. The train was PACKED and they were making LOUD, obnoxious comments about her skirt, her tits, my tits, my dress, etc. We just smile to each other and kept on talking. After a few stops, some seats became available and she and I sat across from one another and the hooligans sat next to us (there were loads of them). The train got a bit quiet when they sat down next to us and they kept on talking about how they would LOVE to do this and that to us. They suddenly I turned to the loudest one and in perfect German, loud enough for everyone to hear, I asked "So what was that you said awhile ago about my tits?". His jaw hit the floor. They all turned bright red (guessing they were around 20 years old). The whole train, apart from them, was laughing their asses off. Snap.
I wasn't offended or pissed, I mean, if you dress that way, you have to expect some flack (got it every day in High School when I was dating Joey Ramone, but instead of Red, I was wearing PINK every day (hate pink now, would never wear it again). Most of the time, I wear sporty clothes, but sometimes I like to vamp it up. SO bring it on, I have a massive sense of humor and a sharp tongue. What was that one of my friends called me the other night "Tornado Tongue." hmmmm. heh heh.
Well, neither Julie nor I are BVG (Berliner public transportation) savvy, so we got off at the Hauptbahnhof (main train station) and were both so famished we would have eating the South end of a North bound skunk at that point. We scarfed down some amazing German bread (Germans make the BEST fucking bread I have ever had) and then headed over to Murry's Irish Pub (used to be the Emerald Isle). My mate Steve is the cook there (he is from Dublin and is engaged to a German lady). A lot of the English speaking community of Berlin hangs here at Murry's. Hey, if you feel like just speaking English, you hang out with fellow English speakers. So we do.
|Great BOWIE shirt, no?||Sid and Nancy in Berlin? ^|
This is "Beano" and he is from Ireland and reminds me of Sid Vicious . He sings with a punk band too. The blond girl (Anne) is his German pal. All of us English mother tongue folk all see each other about town, drink at the same places and basically all know each other. Most of us all get along.
Two English regulars (guy at far left if Graham) and Steve (did his hair blond recently) and Julie. Dam I wish I could remember everyone's names. Why can't people wear name tags? heh.
Steve and I ^ My neck looks like one of the Olsen twins in this pic. sigh.
Another blog, another morning that I am STILL up at 9am. Seriously thinking of going to Thailand for Christmas and New Years. Just a random thought. I need something new; always going to the same places. Just a tad afraid of the mosquitos(sp?), American haters (will I get kid naped and decapitated live on TV? Will a hurricane wash me away? What a pussy I am turning into lately.). If you have been to Thailand, tpell me, where did you go? Where is the best place to go? Not into lady boys and shopping. Clean beaches, good hotels and mostly, where one can feel safe. Yawn, off to bed.
Liverpool and Love letters
Went to a soccer match last night (it's now 8:25 am and I am still up). Liverpool vs Hertha (Berlin's home team). The score was 0-0 so everyone went home happy; erm, drunk. I didn't drink anything as they only served beer and coke. Never drank a beer in my life, not gonna start now. I took many pictures and even made a video, but they will have to wait a few days to make it on here as I am swamped, as usual.
I found out the karaoke stripper is Swedish (karaoke bar owner Ron emailed me and told me). No wonder. Those folks LOVE to be naked. ha. The sun has made a brief appearance, so maybe we will finally get a taste of summer here. Not whining, mind you, I like it like this. If it's too hot, the men get too horny and people get cranky, or crankier I should say.
So glad Karadzic was found. Hope they fry his ass in the electric chair. All those people (over 8,000) he had killed. UGH!! Nightmare!! Anyways, the construction workers are already outside my window, making noise, so I have to try to get some sleep now. Tonight was lots of fun, will spill guts asap.
Karaoke in Berlin
| Jet Li ^
|| Jonas ^
Jet Li is in Berlin and called for a massage. I was so EXCITED… until he said it has to be a male. Sigh. So I send my assistant, Jonas (who massages me every week, so I KNOW Jet is in GREAT hands. I will be adding Jet to our list of “satisfied clients”. Yay!! I guess he feels only a man can give him super deep tissue. Ahem, he has never met me. Hands of steel that heal.
Last night I visited my friend Ron, an American cult figure here in Berlin. He is a karaoke whore to the extreme. He went so far as to open his own karaoke club (Moster Ronson’s Karaoke bar ). They have karaoke 7 nights a week (he said he LOATHES Bachelorette groups/parties with a passion fyi- they show up already pissed out of their heads (drunk) and don’t buy any drinks at all and hog the mic). Ron’s place is very bizarre. Some men wearing dresses, women wearing motorcycle gear, people arriving at 5am- I guess it never closes. Drinks are dirt cheap and finally, it’s finally smoke free, HUGE song list, I mean EVERYTHING and it’s free to get in and sing. No tourist there at all. Just freaky Berliners. Is it just me or does that guy above resemble Barney? ^
Another cool thing about Ron’s karaoke place, is you just NEVER know what’s gonna go down. Ron announced that this guy, above, in dread locks, will take off his clothes AND swing round the stripper pole for TEN EUROS. He started a collection, asking the crowd to donate, to raise the 10 Euros to have this guy get good and naked and give us a show. Naturally, the Berliners held tight to their pennies. Fuck that. I just gave him 10 Euro. Get yer kit off, I need entertainment dammit.
Something me told me this guy has done this before (his female friend sang the Kiss tune “I was made for loving you baby” during the strip. Gene would have vomited.
My friend “M” ^ and I posing for Monster Ron.
M sang some Rocky Horror Picture show (and Pulp and Bowie) tunes which drove the crowd MAD. I sang some Led Zepp, Rod Stewart and Janis (‘Cry Baby’).
Every 2nd Friday they have karaoke at Oscar Wilde’s Irish Pub on Friedrich strasse and their sound is THE BEST. Another bonus, NO SMOKING. So your hair and clothes won’t smell disgusting when you get home. HUGE song list, great sound, but LONG WAIT.
Gas prices (still higher here in Germany)
I am STILL mad that Al Gore didn't win. I voted for Al! Bush won and as you can see, America has gone down the fucking toilet since then. Everyone I know has financial problems now. It is so sad. I hope NOW America finally wakes up and sees how much of an idiot he is (who the FUCK voted for him anyways!? I do not know ONE person that voted for Bush. NOT ONE). He didn't even really WIN, it was fixed!! The whole voting circus is just a SCAM. People only listen when they get hit in their wallet I guess. I mean, I watch the news online every day and I have to laugh at how shocked America is about having to conserve. "Oh my GOD, we have to conserve! We have to walk, we have to shut the lights off, we have to recycle, we have to build smaller houses and drive smaller cars!". NO FUCKING SHIT! Welcome to REALITY. I mean, no wonder the whole world hates us so much. We waste soooooooo much energy. It's not fair to the rest of the world. Air conditioners, clothes dryers, omg, don't even get me started.
When I visit family down in Georgia, they tell me they don't recycle because it isn't available out there. Hello? The Government needs to get off their fat lazy asses and sort things out. Instead of spending more than $10,000 per SECOND on arms, they should be figuring out ways to run cars on solar energy and how to make sure EVERY town in the USA recycles. RECYCLE OR DIE. Polar bears will become extinct, floods, fires; the world is going mad because of the greenhouse effect/global warming. American's need to VOTE. Get involved, protest like they do in Europe. If I had my way, Al Gore would be president and Michael Moore would be Vice President. That is just MY dream. We all dream. That's mine.
Just want to say, America whines about gas costing $4.50 per gallon. Hello! Europe has been paying LOADS more for years already. LOADS! Right now in Berlin, a LITER (4 liters to a Gallon folks) cost 1.60 euro. 1 Euro = 1.5853 U.S. dollars. So one GALLON of gas over here cost about 6.40 EUROS! 6.40 Euros = $10.12
Ok folks? In Germany, a Gallon of gas cost $10.12. This is not new. It's always been extremely expensive, that is why they drive smaller cars here. They use less gas. Less energy. It cost even more in the UK. So please, stop whining and learn to conserve.
Joe Jackson’s Guide to Berlin
Speaking of Joe Jackson, look at this video he made about Berlin. He is so witty.
(don't be fooled by the sun in that ^ video, it's not sunny here lol)
I think he should have his own travel show. I love the way he words things. Sometimes he tells me of his travels, whilst on tour, and the way he describes things makes me feel like I am there with him, looking at what he his talking about. The smells, sights, moods of the people. Very descriptive and informative. He doesn't take any pictures though, as he "isn't a photographer". He is so modest, low key, understated, fucking cool but without trying at ALL.
It's gray, cold and moist out, again, here in Berlin. And I have to think that maybe one of my neighbors may have read my blog about no one listening to any hippie music as I woke up at 5pm (yikes) and someone was blasting Janis Joplin's Pearl album. Ha! Nice one! Love it. Perhaps I will go karaoke tonight and sing me some Janis. aaaaaaaaah. Love her.
“Mr. Blue Sky, please tell us why, you had to hide away for so long”
I feel like Joe Btfsplk lately. Not because I am dirty or scruffy, but because there is a fucking storm over my head wherever I go. While I was in NYC last time, it was cold and wet the whole time. Everyone said "This is SO weird, as it was gorgeous before you got here". While freezing in NYC, my friends in Berlin bragged about the hot weather and blue skies every day. I get to Berlin and it's fucking raining every day, gray skies and freezing. Wtf? Oh well. I guess one advantage of missing out on the sun is lack of sun damage to the skin. Many ask me how my skin stays so nice. I tell them "I never fucking see the sun". I either sleep too late, work on the computer and get out when it's already dark or wear 50 SPF sunblock if I do get out when the sun is out lol.
Anyways, I STILL haven't gotten done uploading all my France and Italy pictures. I mean, why even fucking bother now. UGH. I am so busy, my massage team is growing like MAD and my sex columns keep me busy too. Then there are my massage clients, friends, 300+ emails a day. OMG, I need a break. Leaving again next month back to NYC for a long haul. I will miss Berlin. Not sure how long I can stay away from it this time as I have really FINALLY grown to love it. Sure, there are things I don't like about it, but you will have that anywhere you go. One good thing about Berlin is there are no forest fires, floods, hurricanes, tornados, earth quakes or many shootings. ha.
Jasmine is in town, but I only saw her once. Not happy about that. I find it hard to blog if I am not happy. Why log on here and dump a bad mood on you? I just can't. There is ALWAYS someone in the world that has it worse than you do, so my motto is, if you haven't anything FUN to say, shut up.
Joe Jackson came over this week for a massage. He is probably the only star (no, I forgot, Jerry Garcia too) that I have massaged but never asked for a picture or even an autograph. At this point, Joe and I are friends, so it would just be STRANGE. He, and Jerry, are just not the type. You never even get the feeling of wanting to ask them (yes, I fucking know Jerry is long gone, I mean, when he was alive). They both have this "I am not a star, so don't act like a fan" vibe. It's really cool. Joe doesn't like the whole show biz crap anyways. He is so down to earth. He loves the Beatles and Zappa as much as I do, so we get on perfectly. Only thing we butt heads over is the smoking vs anti-smoking arguments. He smokes and hates the idea of a smoking ban. I hate smoking and smoky places and LOVE the smoking ban. ha.
Anyhow, here in Berlin I don't massage nearly as much as I do when I am in the USA. There I massage ALL the time until my fingers hurt (and that takes a long time to happen). Berlin is just so laid back and slow paced. No one gives a FUCK about earning money (OR spending any). They really do live for today. Hippie bastards. Ha ha. Just kidding . I am the ONLY cunt in my building that listens to anything even remotely "hippie". The others listen to techno shit. ew. I blast Led Zepp, Beatles and Zappa right back at them. (Frank would roll his eyes if he heard me mention his name in the same paragraph as "hippie". It is 7am and I am still awake. I have a massive sleep disorder. When you work at home, and there is no one nagging you to "come to bed" you can end up working all the time without any structure. But I actually love the fact no one tells me what to do. Freedom is one of the most important things to me.
" Give me my freedom for as long as I be.
All I ask of living is to have no chains on me.
All I ask of living is to have no chains on me,
And all I ask of dying is to go naturally.
Oh I want to go naturally.
And when I die, and when I'm gone,
There'll be one child born
In this world to carry on,
to carry on." Blood Sweat and Tears
The Keneallist : Mike Keneally on tour
It's the official live debut of what many music fans suspect could be the most exciting power trio in years– Keneally • Minnemann • Beller.
What if the word "supergroup" wasn't defined by the fame and egos of its members, but by the quality of the music they make? While Mike Keneally, Marco Minnemann and Bryan Beller dare to redefine that misused cliché, they're also happily retooling the expectations of their audience.
Mike Keneally (guitar, keyboard, vocals), Marco Minnemann (drums) and Bryan Beller (bass) may not be household names, but they need no introduction among the tens of thousands who relish intense, exploratory live performances and musicianship so advanced it that seems somehow irrelevant in the face of their near-telepathic cohesion.
The three share an addiction to musical adventure, otherworldly chops and talent (tempered by refreshing humility), and a sly sense of humor. Now it's time to tour, they've decided, because playing together is always challenging, fun and unpredictable for them– no two performances are ever alike.
Keneally • Minnemann • Beller
Sunday July 20 2008
Channel Twelve 25
172 East Main Street
El Cajon, CA 92020
Showtime: 7:00 p.m.
All ages welcome!
KMB will be shooting a live concert video at the show to promote their planned European tour in 2009!
Mike, Marco and Bryan will also be playing concerts and clinics in and around Austria's Outreach Festival in late July and early August:
Friday, July 25
Heavy Metal Miles
Franz Hackl (trumpet), Adam Holzman (keyboards), Mike Keneally (guitar), Bryan Beller (bass), Marco Minnemann (drums)
94032 Passau, Germany
Showtime 8:00 p.m.
Info: 49 (0) 851 966 68 88
Sunday, July 27
Clinics with Mike, Marco and Bryan
6130 Schwaz, Austria
9:30 a.m.-12:30 p.m. and 2:00 p.m.-5:00 p.m.
Info: 43 (0) 664 330 31 81
Friday, August 1
Raul de Souza Quartet
Mike Keneally (guitar), Marco Minnemann (drums), Bryan Beller (bass), Raoul de Souza (trombone)
94032 Passau, Germany
Showtime 8:00 p.m.
Info: 49 (0) 851 966 68 88
Saturday, August 2
Raul de Souza Quartet
Mike Keneally (guitar), Marco Minnemann (drums), Bryan Beller (bass), Raoul de Souza (trombone)
6130 Schwaz, Austria
Showtime 9:45 p.m.
Info: 43 (0) 664 330 31 81
Sunday, August 3
Franz Hackl und Lew Soloff (trumpet), Mike Keneally (guitar), Thomas Kugi (saxophone), John Clark (French horn), Gene Pritsker (guitar/rap), Dave Taylor (bass trombone), Bryan Beller (bass), John Sass (tuba), Marco Minnemann (drums), Adam Holzmann (keyboards)
6130 Schwaz, Austria
Showtime 9:00 p.m.
Info: 43 (0) 664 330 31 81
Frank Zappa’s Brother, Carl, appearing in Frank’s nephew, Stanley’s video…
Stanley Zappa just emailed this video (below) to me. Funny to see Frank’s brother Carl in there.. he looks like Frank, just bigger. I would love it if they all went on tour and played music for us all to enjoy. Carl could be the MC or whatever. You can never have enough Zappa's around.
Check out this cool interview with Carl, click HERE to read it.
And now the video:
ps. Stanley looks hot