Ask Dr. Dot…. March 2008

Feel free to ask me anything. I always change the names, so no need to be shy…

Q.
My husband turns 42 this year and he's become this insecure person.  He was never like
this very insecure, withdrawn, needy, and at times high strung. We have sex 5 times a
 week sometimes twice a day.  He brings up my first long term relationship up constantly.
 This past relationship was 23 years ago, lasted 2 years and I was only 17. I have been
 married to my Husband for 17 years and now this is coming up in conversation constantly.
 My first relationship was HELL, we hardly saw each other and all we did was fight and
 I chose to forget about it a long time ago but he keeps bringing it up because the
 fuck I was with took my virginity and my husband feels it was
 Memorable, but not for me because it was basically forced and at that age and you put
yourself in stupid situations.  I don't think there are too many women out there that say
 what a beautiful experience it was losing their virginity. I am sure there is some but
 it's not the majority.  My question is how do I get him to get past this?  Or is it
something I have to live with?  Should I let him go and maybe he can find himself a
“memorable” virgin to deflower?  I don't want him to tear me down to bits so I feel
tainted while I am married to him.  But I don't know how much more of this I can take-please
 advise!! By the way LOVE YOUR COLUMN-IT IS THE BEST!!!!!! 
Tainted Tammy

A.
The Bitch gets sex more than 5 times a week, even after 17 years of marriage
 (this must be a world record)  and yet he is still “insecure, withdrawn, needy, and
at times high strung"?
What a spoiled prick. Dogs, like Men, are on their best behavior when they want to be
fed. Keep his "bowl" half full, as in; keep him hungry for you and he may be a bit nicer
to you. Being TOO nice to men, giving them TOO much sex doesn't make them love you more,
 it can have the opposite effect, it can make them ungrateful, lazy and it can turn them
 into monsters. Sure, they all say they want sex everyday, but then there is NO
challenge and they feel they have all the power, like yours; he feels so powerful that
he picks on you about something that happened decades ago. Ask him "are you that fucking
 bored?” Tell him you are done talking about the past and it’s killing your sex drive to
 the point where you don't want to fuck him anymore let alone several times a week if he
 keeps up this bullshit.
He is probably unhappy about other things, like turning 42, and no matter how much pussy
 he gets, it won't make him happy, only he can make himself happy, so stop trying so
 hard to please him, you are only making it worse. Sometimes when people are miserable,
 they actually resent folks being too nice to them as they subconsciously feel they don't
 deserve it. In other words, he doesn't deserve all that pussy if he is being a wanker.
Good luck with that, I would tell him to be nice and drop the past or move the fuck on
 as he obviously doesn’t know how good he has it.

Q.
I have a girlfriend whom I love very much and she loves me very much. Making
love is like unbelievable; we both have a great connection and 80% of the time
we both orgasm together. Though it seems like every time she is on top of me I
can’t seem to hold an erection for more then 5 minutes. In fact when I feel my
self losing my erection, I switch positions right away. I have never ever had
this problem with other woman before. One thing I noticed is that she gets very
wet and usually cums two to three times, and literally drips gulps of fluid. Do
you think it's her fluid that is making me lose my erection? I can’t understand
this. please help me.
Wet Willy

A.
You say it didn't happen with other women, so it could be her dripping wet pussy
gets too loose/relaxed to keep your cock hard. It is a compliment that she gets so wet,
so be sure not to whine about it, just take your hand from time to time, and wipe
her pussy (ask her to lift up for a second and wipe her). Your dry (clean) hand will take
enough excess fluid away to regain some resistance which you surely loose when it
gets so slippery, hence you loose your stiffy. If your hand isn't enough, then you
should keep a clean, soft rag around to sop up her juice from time to time; mop that
baby up and keep going as a juicy girl is good thing.

Q.
My wife and moved to Berlin, Germany 6 months ago as my job has relocated me here.

(we are both from the UK). She can't
speak German and hasn't been able to find a decent job. She is extremely fit, very
good looking indeed and so I wasn't that surprised (but not happy) to find out that
she is working for an online, sexy web cam chat thingy. One of my work mates found her
and actually paid her for a chat (he claims he was just checking to make sure it wasn’t full nudity,
it’s topless). We had a giant argument about this and she doesn’t see
anything wrong with it, but I want her to quit. I feel World War 3 coming on, please
answer fast.
Nervous Nate

A.
You can’t force her to stop so try to think positive; those girls can earn loads of cash,
they never meet the men they chat with and it’s good for her ego; getting told she
looks good will boost her confidence and sex drive. Plus, she is obviously grooming
 herself well, so she will stay looking hot for you too. Women do those things for two
 reasons (1) Not enough income (2) They like to be admired and looked at. It could be worse,
 she could be stripping in a club, where men can meet her and maybe even touch her. So
count your blessings, your double income and be happy you married such a sex bomb you
lucky bastard.

Q.
 
A few years ago, my wife was attacked and
robbed in a bar she worked in. Her and the
manager were stripped and left bound and gagged
for hours until they were able to work themselves
free. She said she was "fondled slightly" by the criminal,
who she has described as "not unattractive."
She says it could have led to rape although it didn’t,
but the probability of it kept her wet!
Ever since that incident, she constantly referrers to it
during our love making. She admitted almost
from the day it happened that she was aroused by
the entire thing and masturbates while
thinking about it and she says she cums the hardest
while thinking about the ordeal while we screw.
Now she wants me to tie her up and re-create it.
I refused.  I'll talk about it, but not this.
She now calls it an "erotic encounter!"  It was a crime,
not an encounter or a fantasy. It makes me very upset.
How can something like this be arousing? I'm concerned
 that she has some type of personality disorder.
What do you think?
Disgusted Dan
 
A.
It's common for people to find a sexual way to look
at drama in order to digest and deal with it.
Had your wife been violently hurt and still wanking over it,
then perhaps she has a screw loose but if she was just stripped,
 gagged and fondled perhaps that turned her on. Imagine you were
stripped and gagged by a hot female thief? Try to put yourself
in her shoes.  If this is the only thing that makes you think
she could be nuts, I’d let it slide.
She is just a pervert in bed and lord knows there are loads of
those around.
There is no way to change her way of thinking and the more you
tell her it's sick or wrong, the more forbidden and naughty it
 will get for her. Why not tie her up once and act it out, just
to shut her up and make her fantasy finally come true.
Even people who have never been raped act it out in the bedroom
 as a fantasy.
Try it once then tell her later that you are getting bored
reliving her “encounter” and you want to play out one of your
 fantasy’s now  and don't sugar coat it either. If you can’t beat
 ‘em, join ‘em.

 

Q.
I have a perfect BF who treats me great but I have taken advantage.
 For the last few months I have been a vicious shrew to him. I said
some really cruel stuff that I didn’t mean!. He is still with me but
 the twinkle in his eye has gone, and I can sense he’s lost his
confidence. He used to be so funny and full of life. To make things
 worse, the hot bartender at our drinking hole has noticed our relationship
 sinking and she now flirts with him in her slutty clothes; last time
we were there she was really pushing it, I know she wants him. He goes there
 on his own sometimes, what can I do to stamp my mark on him again? She
 wasn’t sniffing around before when things were perfect. My eyes are starting
to water now thinking about it. I care about him and want to make it up
to him. How can I get him back to his normal self? Why did I act like that?
 Flirting with Disaster

 


A.
Don’t worry about “getting him back to his normal self”, you need to
 get back to normal. Sometimes we use our partner/lover as a whipping
 post, we forget that only our parents have to love us, anyone else
can (and will) walk away if you treat them badly. Perhaps you are drinking
 too much caffeine? Caffeine can make people very edgy and bitchy.
Think hard about your habits and routines and see if you can find any thing
 that is contributing to your bitchy behavior. Some people get too cozy when
 they are being treated well. They start to get high off of the power of
 having the upper hand in the relationship and they just take advantage,
like you were doing.
Write him an honest letter; keep it short and sweet, tell him you are embarrassed
 for being so evil and ask him if there is anything you can do to make it
 up to him. Don't go over board though; just start being sweet and grateful
 right away. Massage him, give him loads of oral and let him do most of the
talking for a while, and give him some space. When he reaches out, be there,
 be kind and if you two are meant to stay together, things will be like they
used
 to be, sparkle and all. Now about the hot vulture. Never mention her to
 him and vice versa! That would only make them gravitate towards each other.
Start giving him amazing, really long blow jobs, take your sweet old time,
and sit him naked on the corner of a bad, kneel down on a pillow, naked on
the floor in front of him, make sure there is a mirror in back of you, so
 he can see you from behind while you blow him and lick his balls,. I doubt
going to a bar would be on his mind anymore. Dress sexy around him, red dress
, cleavage, STOCKINGS.
 Start doing fun things with him, tell him the bar is starting to bore you,
 bring him bowling, out to karaoke, anything that would keep you two out of
 that bar and be fun! (try to do this transition slowly, so he doesn't think
 you are going over board).
When you see the bitch at the bar, be really nice and friendly to her and
 tip her a lot, it's harder for a girl to steal another girl’s man when she
is "friends" with her.

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